Ex-Cancer suspicious & jealous, now what?

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by SunMoomLioness on Saturday, July 6, 2013 and has 37 replies.
Earlier this week, I broke up with Cancer (see previous title: Dumped My Cancer Man, Now What?")
This whole week has been hard because I miss him so very much. But yesterday was the first day where I was in an upbeat cheery mood which was nice because I've cried so much this week! Feeling that positive, playful energy within myself felt soooo good!
I worked late, phone silent...etc. posted a lot to this site, etc...just doing my thang so to speak...any whoo..
By the time I got home I was exhausted, was going to rest just a bit, but ended up falling asleep instead. Woke up happy, but was soon crying and a nervous wreck because I had an insane # of angry texts and voice mails from HIM.
They first start out normal, you know...
"hey. Just calling to say hi".
And escalated to...
"what are you doing that you're too d---busy to call me back! (Sarcastically) I know, I know... It's ALL about YOU isn't?? Your a--- don't love me. I knew your love wasn't true that's we broke up!!!
Next message...
" Moved on already??? huh??? Fine. FINE!!!!"
....then next:
" It hasn't even been a f---ing WEEK!!"
And on and on it goes!
Now remind you, I broke up with him because I got tired of having MY texts and calls IGNORED by HIM!
I am so freaking hurt and angry right now. Why accuse me of such awful things and be so mean and hateful??!! He should know my heart by now!
I'm so tired of this cycle were in: Pulls me in, loves me for awhile, push back ignores me even longer, pisses me off, makes me leave, and then freaks out on me. Sad
Why does he get so jealous and suspicious AFTER the fact?? Do most cancers behave like this or do I have the only crazy one!!!???
I'm so tired of all this, my heart aches, just freakin' aches! I feel so lost, so abandoned and so wrongly judged all at the same time!!..it's making me feel physically sick to my stomach.. Sad Sad
I want to call him and blow up on his a--. But I know I won't. And I know if I don't there's more of the same coming down the road.
I'm such a freakin' mess right now! Emotions all over the place! Feel like I've been in a train wreck and I'm bracing for another oncoming train! Please help! What do I do? What to say? How to say it. Or just let sleeping dogs lie?
Officially depressed.
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Just got another text from him...
"how can you be with someone else when you're suppose to be in love with me?? How in the hell does that work?!!"
I'm literally sitting here dumb founded. I mean really? What the hell is he talking about? Who am I suppose to be with? Does he really think my love is that shallow? Is this really his view of me? I mean...WTF...is really going on???!! Where is all if this coming from??? I mean...really? You're really going to say these things to me? CRAZY!
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OMG!! Too freakin' funny. Thanks! I needed that. I was sooo spiraling downward. That sure lifted my spirits -which I REALLY needed!!' Feeling now like...forget this! Forget him!
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Girl block his number! That's is all you can do! Block block block him! I had to do the same thing to a cancer guy that I really liked because the cycle never stopped. Login to you wireless account and BLOCK his ass. Block him on FB, block his email everything. Believe me, the cycle will never end unless you do it. I got sick of the highs and lows. It wasnt good for me and it's not good for you. You'll be amazed at how relieved you feel once it's done. Do it!!!
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Posted by FieryBullette
Girl block his number! That's is all you can do! Block block block him! I had to do the same thing to a cancer guy that I really liked because the cycle never stopped. Login to you wireless account and BLOCK his ass. Block him on FB, block his email everything. Believe me, the cycle will never end unless you do it. I got sick of the highs and lows. It wasnt good for me and it's not good for you. You'll be amazed at how relieved you feel once it's done. Do it!!!


I know you're right and that's what I need to do but....I feel so stupid right now. I still love him and want to give in, but at the same time I'm tired of this merry-go-round we're on. I have managed to not respond today so far. I've been through this with him, so I know the phases we go through -just trying to ride it out.
Unfortunately we're at phase 2: he's angry and manipulative as hell. I'm regretful and just want to be back in his arms.
I'm trying to at least break my side of the cycle as it takes two to make a cycle continue. So far, I haven't responded ...not even once today. I'm trying to get to the point where I can block him. But I have to be honest, I can't seem to hit the send button on that yet! Hopefully, I'll get there. Thx!
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His latest test text: "Why haven't you responded to my texts and calls? It's unlike you. Are you ok?
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He has left so many freakin' voice messages, my voice mailbox got full! It's going to be a lonnnnnnng weekend for me. . *If* I make it through this weekend without responding back to him, I have a good chance of being able to stick to my guns this time around. *fingers crossed*
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Posted by Poisson
You're going to have to confront him and tell him to knock it the fuck off.


Or just block his ass. Why write another chapter in a book that always has the same ending, Lioness? Those were my exact words to him when he finally got a hold of me at work.
Dont let him play on your mind and make you feel guilt. you were going through the natural grieving process and starting to heal when he interrupted all that. Protect yoursel! and there is no need to put yourself through another confrontation with him! He knows what the problem is because you've told him over and over. Time to stop talking and start doing. Block him and move on. You're a Lioness!!! You can do this!!
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Posted by Poisson
You're going to have to confront him and tell him to knock it the fuck off.


If only i could. I mean, I can but afraid I'll soon be having another post titled "ex-cancer and I back together, now what?" LOL
I think one reason why the past break ups didn't stick was because I started communicating with him too early in. Even though my mind was telling me " don't you f---ing give in!!", my heart always won that battle and before I knew what hit me, I was right back in it! I was never as strong as I thought I was or over it as much as I wanted to be.
This time round, I'm just admitting to myself that I'm not over him and don't know when I will be over him, but we need to end.
I'm trying really hard y'all. Really I am.
I didn't listen to all those freakin' voice messages he left, just deleted them. So I think I am getting closer to blocking him, but he is also being softer in his text ( ... I AM reading them ...yeah, sad I know)
Please keep supporting me here and maybe I'll make this turn around!
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Posted by FieryBullette
Posted by Poisson
You're going to have to confront him and tell him to knock it the fuck off.


Or just block his ass. Why write another chapter in a book that always has the same ending, Lioness? Those were my exact words to him when he finally got a hold of me at work.
Dont let him play on your mind and make you feel guilt. you were going through the natural grieving process and starting to heal when he interrupted all that. Protect yoursel! and there is no need to put yourself through another confrontation with him! He knows what the problem is because you've told him over and over. Time to stop talking and start doing. Block him and move on. You're a Lioness!!! You can do this!!

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FieryBullette, you make some very good points and right on point! I guess it's time to find my balls!
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I think you've always had balls and known where they were...you keep breaking up with him because deep down, you know he's not for you, and you're trying to do what you know you need to do. I'm just suggesting you make it easier on yourself. Grieve and heal without getting sucked into his drama. I know you'll do it in your own time, but take it from me, it makes sticking to your decision a whole lot easier when you don't know if when he texts/calls. Honestly? It's liberating!
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Some of you women love these psycho men.
Enjoy it while you are still alive.
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Posted by xMoonMan
Stay strong SunMoonLioness, do NOT respond to his texts or voicemail.
Leave it for at least two weeks, then send him a short text letting him know you are ok.
Leave it at that for another two weeks then let him know that you can no longer be together.
Let him know that when the time is right you can talk in person for closure but you must give him conditions regarding the personal talk.
He MUST be willing to talk in a mature and corporative way or it's no dice until he agrees to this condition.
You need to let him know you are firm in your resolve, you will have to break his "claw" and hurt him emotionally, there's no way around it.
He will eventually grow another claw!
He really lacks self esteem, this will be one of his lessons, to develop his self worth and lift himself up.
Breakups involving a strong emotional bond are tough but the situation requires some "tough love"
Hang in there, you need to do this for the both of you.


Thx cMoonMan, gives me some guidance/steps to take.
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Posted by twinklebluetoes
Block him on every single place he could contact you.
My ex only had the Venus sign, but it took him 5 months to stop texting me even though I didn't respond for the last 4 months. I couldn't block him on my damn phone and it was like a weekly bash session and it was pretty much torture. I had to hang onto every ounce of my sanity.
Just block him if your phone allows you to. You don't deserve it. Save yourself the trouble.
If he's an infant emotionally, he's going to rage and rage but it's not your fault and he's just being a big ass baby.


This sh-- is hard when your hearts all involved wrapped up in it. still haven't blocked him yet. But haven't answered any texts, so that's a good step in the right direction, right!
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Posted by LunarMaiden
Some of you women love these psycho men.
Enjoy it while you are still alive.



Yeah, I know. Sometimes I feel so pathetic. But when the psycho touches a place deep inside of you that nobody has ever been able to get close to, you're hooked. And trying to break away is like ripping and tearing yourself away from someone that a part of your very being!
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Posted by SunMoomLioness
Posted by LunarMaiden
Some of you women love these psycho men.
Enjoy it while you are still alive.



Yeah, I know. Sometimes I feel so pathetic. But when the psycho touches a place deep inside of you that nobody has ever been able to get close to, you're hooked. And trying to break away is like ripping and tearing yourself away from someone that a part of your very being!
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Now if the pyscho is a liar, cheater or in general a loser, I have NO problem kicking his a--to the curb!
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Posted by twinklebluetoes
It's only hard because you are thinking that way. He didn't reach anywhere that you didn't let him. You have agency. You can choose not to give him power.


True. But he is there still the same. But you point is taken.
His latest text:
"I know you're mad, but happen to also know you still love me and I think you know I love you. If you wanna continue to be mad at me go right on ahead, but don't be surprise if I move on too. Then it's on YOU! "
This shook me to my core and I started crying uncontrollably for some reason.
Got that sinking pit feeling in my gut right now...how can this physically hurt, heart feeling like its going to stop beating from the pain of it all! Nobody should have to go through this. Nobody.
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Blocking...commencing....now...I can't take this pain.
It's. Just. Too. Much.
I'm tired and emotionally drained. Gotta self-preserve.
I turned off FB completely cause I know if I block just him he'll start *talking* to me by sending msgs to others on my page.
Marked his email address as spam, so it's not delivered.
Last step,..block phone...still searching...anyone out there know how to block a # on an iPhone?
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Posted by SunMoomLioness
Posted by LunarMaiden
Some of you women love these psycho men.
Enjoy it while you are still alive.



Yeah, I know. Sometimes I feel so pathetic. But when the psycho touches a place deep inside of you that nobody has ever been able to get close to, you're hooked. And trying to break away is like ripping and tearing yourself away from someone that a part of your very being!
click to expand


I don't understand this at all. Why are your feelings more important than your survival instincts?
You do realize that there are other men with less mental issues who would be willing to touch your insides?
Perhaps you should go cold turkey?
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Ok. Thanks.
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Posted by xMoonMan
Stay strong SunMoonLioness, do NOT respond to his texts or voicemail.
Leave it for at least two weeks, then send him a short text letting him know you are ok.
Leave it at that for another two weeks then let him know that you can no longer be together.
Let him know that when the time is right you can talk in person for closure but you must give him conditions regarding the personal talk.
He MUST be willing to talk in a mature and corporative way or it's no dice until he agrees to this condition.
You need to let him know you are firm in your resolve, you will have to break his "claw" and hurt him emotionally, there's no way around it.
He will eventually grow another claw!
He really lacks self esteem, this will be one of his lessons, to develop his self worth and lift himself up.
Breakups involving a strong emotional bond are tough but the situation requires some "tough love"
Hang in there, you need to do this for the both of you.


Thx xMoonMan. I intended to follow this, but I just blocked him (finally). Now the challenge will to keep him blocked, but with the pain I'm feeling in my chest right now, I don't know how long that will be, but atleast he's blocked right now. Didn't want it to be like this. Totally SUCKS!!
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Posted by SunMoomLioness
Posted by xMoonMan
Stay strong SunMoonLioness, do NOT respond to his texts or voicemail.
Leave it for at least two weeks, then send him a short text letting him know you are ok.
Leave it at that for another two weeks then let him know that you can no longer be together.
Let him know that when the time is right you can talk in person for closure but you must give him conditions regarding the personal talk.
He MUST be willing to talk in a mature and corporative way or it's no dice until he agrees to this condition.



Thx xMoonMan. I intended to follow this, but I just blocked him (finally). Now the challenge will to keep him blocked, but with the pain I'm feeling in my chest right now, I don't know how long that will be, but atleast he's blocked right now. Didn't want it to be like this. Totally SUCKS!!
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XMoonMan, do you think I should still follow the above even though he is blocked? I don't want him completely out of my life forever, but not sure when to make contact and to what extent. Thank you.
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Thank goodness you've blocked him. That's why I meant earlier when I said to block him now, it would've saved you all the pain you felt after you got that message. I would not check in with him AT ALL. It will only interrupt your healing. Remember ANY contact = pain. You're protected from any new pain from him now. Time to relax and let yourself heal! Don't worry about him or his stupid messages, checking in with him in a week, blah blah. He'll just take it as a signal to begin the cycle again. Cut him off. Done.
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Posted by FieryBullette
Thank goodness you've blocked him. That's why I meant earlier when I said to block him now, it would've saved you all the pain you felt after you got that message. I would not check in with him AT ALL. It will only interrupt your healing. Remember ANY contact = pain. You're protected from any new pain from him now. Time to relax and let yourself heal! Don't worry about him or his stupid messages, checking in with him in a week, blah blah. He'll just take it as a signal to begin the cycle again. Cut him off. Done.


I know you're right. I blocked him, but it was in no way easy...was shaking all over as I was doing it, but I DID IT!!! But still feel like I have a very long road ahead of me. I'll just have to take this one step at a time.
We were very close friends before dating, so feel like I'm losing out twice over. Maybe waaaay down the road, we'll be able to be friends again?
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8 yrs :
- Friends "only" for 5 yrs,
- then dated for 3 yrs.
When I first met him, he had already been divorced 5 yrs and at the very early stages of a break up with then gf of 2 yrs and I was married 15yrs+ miserable but loyal wife.
3 yrs after we met, I filed for divorce.
2 yrs after my divorce, we started dating.
We both always supported one another, even if we disagree with the decision. There was an immense amount of trust and genuine concern we had for one another.
Although he had a couple FWB relationships while we were friends only, my trust had been so broken from my marriage, I preferred to go it alone during that time.
So he was my first after a 18+yrs of marriage.
With both his ex-wife and ex-gfs ( the ones before and after his marriage all cheating on him), and my ex-hubby cheating on me, we were very tentative in getting together.
When both of us finally could get up enough courage to date each other, it was so worth it. When together , I don't know... It was like we created our own little safe haven bubble. My family loved him (always hated my ex-h), his mom adored me and I really connected with his son and got along with his ex-wife.
The first 6 months were great! Then he began poking and prodding about marriage and in my view, I hadn't been divorced that long and frankly wasn't sure if I could get married again. I assured him i was committed to us, but IBD if I'm going to get pressured into marriage again ( been there done that! )
Things started getting off kilter after that. I think his fears kicked in and he started pulling back. My fears then kicked in, and I would try to end it. I don't think neither of planned to get in it as deep as we ended up and it likely scared us and so the year and a half of turmoil began.
Since I knew how he was, I would give him space and time, but eventually became more and more resentful because I felt like he could do without me and was showing indifference when I discussed it with him as if I wouldn't go anywhere.
If you're my everything, I expect to be your everything . So I would end it, and that's when our cycle of break up and make up began.
I never wanted to lose my friend I found in all this. Had I known that was going to be the cost, I would have never agreed to start dating him.
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Well... no wonder. Sorry but if the guy wanted to marry you, you said no... then you broke up with him whenever he retreated to protect his heart...
what the hell did you expect?
I'm married to a water sign, met him during my divorce. I said I would never get married again. He wanted to get married because he is a traditional kind of man when in love... just like a Cancer.
I married him despite my vow to never marry again. Not a big ego wedding, either. Just us and the official... and the love fest increased. If I had hesitated, or stalled or put my fears/insecurities before him and commitment, he would have been back and forth in and out, too. Water sign men need the stability of commitment or they can't be fully in it.
If you can't give him that, fair enough let it go. But don't be all sobbing and expecting sympathy because you fuck around with this guys heart. How many times have you broken up with him? How can he believe you will stay... if you keep leaving?
It is on YOU, he's right you know. Commit or fuck off. Drama, drama, drama... and you're already making flirty eyes and setting up a fall back guy with the Scorpio at your work.
whatever
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I should say some water men. If he wanted that... then things started going floppy after that was not ging to happen, you have that kind of cancer guy.
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Posted by shellshocker

what the hell did you expect?


I expected nothing less than what I was giving and nothing more that what he expected from others in the past!
He never asked me to marry him, but was exploring the idea of it and testing to see where I stood. And we were ok up to a year after that.
I understood his pulling back. The problem I had, was he didn't want me to leave either. I was perfectly happy to stay with him and hoped that he would be patient with me and wait for me to get to that point.
I understood that he had been divorced for awhile by then and so he was ready for marriage. Shouldn't he had understood why I wasn't ready?
He CERTAINLY wasn't ready for marriage two years after his divorce which is why one if his ex-gf dropped him. I was not asking for anything different.
I hadn't been divorced long and certainly was not going to jump into another marriage so quickly. I also didn't mention before, that my marriage that ended was one that I agreed to because HE wanted it. The biggest mistake I ever made!!! I certainly wasn't going to make that mistake again! And he very well knew the history of that!
My problem was if you're going to push back then fine. I understood that. But don't just keep me around because you don't want to let me go, but at the same time stay distant and act indifferent.
I was still there with him, so obviously I wanted to be with him. My not being ready for marriage had nothing to do with my love for him. I expected nothing less!!
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whatever... "He didn't want me to leave, either. He kept me around." No one can 'keep' you, hun. You are not weak and powerless... though you sure like to pretend you are
Fixed sign: Everything has been fine and going my way for a year. Yay!
Cardinal sign: I'm getting anxious... it's been a year. How long does it go like this for? I like to keep things moving and establish stability. I'm going to pull back
Fixed sign: I understand why he's pulling back.. but I'm not budging. He should be more understanding. I'm going to dump him.
Cardinal: Why is she breaking up with me? I knew it... she's going to leave me and I can't fully invest. But I love her. I'm freaking out!
Fixed: Oh he loves me so much he won't let me go! So dramatic and intoxicating! Let's see if I can get him to give me what I want without me giving him what he wants. He should understand how I feel
continue cycle...
Ya.. keep him blocked and enjoy the Scorpio. But I doubt you will. You're already anticipating when to contact him again... and keep your ring of drama alive.
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That's not how it was.
People evolve and don't always fit exactly into the mold of their signs and life is not a straight line.
OH, If ONLY everything had been going my way for a year! LOL.
When I say everything was fine, I mean we were working through it, openly discussing things, talking it out, and reassuring one another.
So, if I understand you right, he should be able to pull back and ignore phone calls, texts, letters, all attempts to get with him but throw a fit when I try to leave???
And your advice is that I should have eased his anxiety by marrying him anyway and repeat the same mistake I already made???
And I certainly wasn't thinking.."He loves me so much..." How can you be apart from someone you supposedly loved for so long?!! That didn't make sense to me. It was tearing my heart apart that he was acting so indifferent.
And yes, you are right, it was my love for him that made me try again and again even though clearly his actions didn't add up to what he said.
I would think any self-respecting girl would at some point say to herself..."now wait minute, why am I spending weekend after weekend, month after month alone and in pain? Why I am I begging and pleading for this guy to spend time with me, no?"
Thank you for your input.
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Why are you spending so much time trying to debate my opinion, Lioness? There's two sides to a story and I'm just looking at what your CANCER may have been feeling... because your are on the CANCER forum after all. But you just seem to want a support group.
Plus... you contradict yourself a lot. You say all his ex-girlfriends (before and after his marriage) cheated on him... but then say one of them dropped him because he didn't want to marry her?
Then you have another thread on here about a Scorpio who makes you "scared" because he looks at you... but you like the attention and might be subconsciously drawing him in.
I'm just going by what you've posted about.
Breaking up is a good idea... but I just don't think you're the suffering, emotionally helpless woman you're painting yourself out to be.

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Posted by shellshocker
Why are you spending so much time trying to debate my opinion, Lioness? There's two sides to a story and I'm just looking at what your CANCER may have been feeling... because your are on the CANCER forum after all. But you just seem to want a support group.
Plus... you contradict yourself a lot. You say all his ex-girlfriends (before and after his marriage) cheated on him... but then say one of them dropped him because he didn't want to marry her?
Then you have another thread on here about a Scorpio who makes you "scared" because he looks at you... but you like the attention and might be subconsciously drawing him in.
I'm just going by what you've posted about.
Breaking up is a good idea... but I just don't think you're the suffering, emotionally helpless woman you're painting yourself out to be.




If it wasn't for the people on this cancer thread encouraging me to stay the course, I likely would be back with ex-cancer by now. It feels like a weight has been lifted even though I still hurt. Don't know about helpless, but I certainly felt emotionally drained.
Also no contradiction. I've just not given you the order of events, so I can see how you can think it is a contradiction. _??? Each event is not exclusive of another.
I do hope ex-cancer and I will at least be able to friends again. I already miss him. Only time and space will determine that.
I guess for me all of this is a mute point since clearly I am moving on. I hope you can understand that.
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Posted by SunMoomLioness
Posted by shellshocker
Why are you spending so much time trying to debate my opinion, Lioness? There's two sides to a story and I'm just looking at what your CANCER may have been feeling... because your are on the CANCER forum after all. But you just seem to want a support group.
Plus... you contradict yourself a lot. You say all his ex-girlfriends (before and after his marriage) cheated on him... but then say one of them dropped him because he didn't want to marry her?
Then you have another thread on here about a Scorpio who makes you "scared" because he looks at you... but you like the attention and might be subconsciously drawing him in.
I'm just going by what you've posted about.
Breaking up is a good idea... but I just don't think you're the suffering, emotionally helpless woman you're painting yourself out to be.




If it wasn't for the people on this cancer thread encouraging me to stay the course, I likely would be back with ex-cancer by now. It feels like a weight has been lifted even though I still hurt. Don't know about helpless, but I certainly felt emotionally drained.
Also no contradiction. I've just not given you the order of events, so I can see how you can think it is a contradiction. _??? Each event is not exclusive of another.
I do hope ex-cancer and I will at least be able to friends again. I already miss him. Only time and space will determine that.
I guess for me all of this is a mute point since clearly I am moving on. I hope you can understand that.
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I understand that you're full of shit. What I don't understand... is why you care so much that I think it
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Hold up. Time out, don??t let shellshocker talk to you like that. Shells you need to chill the fuc out. How are you popping off and being rude about somebody ELSES situation. I mean damn, if you can??t give your opinion politely, then you need to keep scrolling. Dxp Users like you are the reason less people share insight or come on here anymore. Dont nobody got time for that mess. Shoot if all cancer men try to get their point across like you do then I think all women should run. She??s an adult not your damn child. Lioness I??ll email my opinion too you. My story may help you out if you still need it.
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Posted by pinklibra
Hold up. Time out, don??t let shellshocker talk to you like that. Shells you need to chill the fuc out. How are you popping off and being rude about somebody ELSES situation. I mean damn, if you can??t give your opinion politely, then you need to keep scrolling. Dxp Users like you are the reason less people share insight or come on here anymore. Dont nobody got time for that mess. Shoot if all cancer men try to get their point across like you do then I think all women should run. She??s an adult not your damn child. Lioness I??ll email my opinion too you. My story may help you out if you still need it.


You're sweet pinklibra. People have their views or opinions, and I don't always agree with them. I just try to explain my position as clear and respectful as possible. How they respond is up to them. I'm sure even I miss a step and can be rude at times. _??_ Sometimes you gotta know what you know and move on, ya know? _??
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Posted by pinklibra
Hold up. Time out, don??t let shellshocker talk to you like that. Shells you need to chill the fuc out. How are you popping off and being rude about somebody ELSES situation. I mean damn, if you can??t give your opinion politely, then you need to keep scrolling. Dxp Users like you are the reason less people share insight or come on here anymore. Dont nobody got time for that mess. Shoot if all cancer men try to get their point across like you do then I think all women should run. She??s an adult not your damn child. Lioness I??ll email my opinion too you. My story may help you out if you still need it.


Oh, feel free to share your story. I'm always open to whatever life lessons I can learn! _??_
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Oh since she's a female then maybe she's on her period...but still. And i'll be inboxing you soon OP but i'm at work so I have to do it on my break Winking
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