Frustration

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by taupixie on Saturday, April 11, 2015 and has 20 replies.
I am quite frustrated with myself. So I have not initiated contact with the cancer man for 2 months now, and as expected, he doesn't as well. I still think of him day & night but I do my best to refrain from initiating anything with him. I'm not interested in other guys who come along. Sometimes I try to find out any other ways to approach him, to try to understand his intentions, but in the end I couldn't figure out anything, ended up back in square 1 & wonder why I'm doing all this... I feel like we are both just watching & stalking each other quietly but both stubbornly holding in. I could just be delusional really. Haha! Sigh... Okay, thanks for reading xD
The last of our conversations, he said he doesn't date a woman unless he wanna sleep with her, to which I offered him to sleep with me, to which, he spent a whole night staying up intellectualising all this & we ended up doing nothing. When we discussed this again a few days later, he said he didn't feel it's right & he didn't want to regret doing it after, especially me, & he didn't want me to hate him.
My question:
Is he nicely rejecting me because he doesn't like me that way & doesn't wanna lead me on
Or
Does he in fact like me too hence he is pondering/overthinking because he's afraid any misstep would spoil the dynamics we were having?
my bf is a cancerian and we have been together for a year now.We are going through a very very rough patch right now because of me which i am working on so i can tell few things from my experience with him. Cancerian males tend to mirror you. You get back what you give. He was always a close reserved shy type of a formal guy but as he saw that i am a lot open,less formal and sharing,he became the same with me. When he saw me expressing my feelings,he did the same. He'd give me diplomatic answers before but when when i expressed my emotional side to him,thats when he did the same. Basically,they always have this fear of rejection/negative reaction. So if you throw your ego at him,he'd do too.Holding onto your thick skin doesnt really always work with these men. They need ego boost. That's their way of feeling secure with you and until they feel secure,they wouldnt really open up.
I am not sure about the "not dating a woman unless you get to sleep with her" thing because my guy would say it's unclassy (or he's maybe just pretending to be an overly goodie boy Tongue ). Also remember,these men are overthinkers and moody. Their mind is a universe of questions. Also, they don't really jump in bed like that unless they are totally sure about you.So it could be that he desired some action at the heat of the moment and then realized that's not what he wants.
Since it's been 2 months of no contact,I'd suggest you call him once and see how it goes like.They really love attention at the same time hate clingy people. Be nice.Be sweet. Don't bring up serious conversations.Keep it light,funny and sweet.Get to know each other well and be affectionate. Rest of the things will just follow up from his side as you progress smile
I can feel he's a very apprehensive person & every word is a calculated thought. But I had done all that I could the 6 months before I decided to give up 2 months ago because I did not seem to get favourable response from him. Every person I sought advice from agreed I'd done all I could. If a guy is any more interested should have picked up from there & start pursuing. I had thrown out my ego. I've tried chatting him up but his responses were inconsistent & most of the times he ignored my messages. He rejected my invitation to a movie or even just hanging out. I've even blatantly told him I like him. I tried being friendly but if he doesn't respond I do not know how else to go about it. It's a very 1-way communication & it's very hard even if I persisted because I just do not understand what he wants.
Thank you for your feedback.
If you could offer any advice on any other approach I could try, I'd be willing to consider.
I wish you good luck with your cancer man too. Sorry I could not offer any advice smile
Big Grin maybe it is exactly because I'm not convinced he doesn't want any more with me... He never said anything definitive like that...
Am I hopelessly delusional? >
You are right, I should just move on Sad
No advice will work ..cancer once we fuck you good dats it you hooked. I think tauruses are the ones dat gets us. Despite the roller coaster we wanna give you many babies and yall dont mind. The reality is women are very insatiable. I blame the web ,cable and the cell phone.lol Dammmmmn u web dammmnnn uuuuuuuuu.
Posted by ReddmannScorch
No advice will work ..cancer once we fuck you good dats it you hooked. I think tauruses are the ones dat gets us. Despite the roller coaster we wanna give you many babies and yall dont mind. The reality is women are very insatiable. I blame the web ,cable and the cell phone.lol Dammmmmn u web dammmnnn uuuuuuuuu.


You're obsessed with Tauruses arent you?
Does it make sense that he stayed up all night pondering my sexual proposition if he doesn't care about me at all?
It must be these small details that tell me it's not so simple as he doesn't anything with me
ReddmannScorch, babies eh? Taurus women bring that desire out of you? What is it, lust? Or safe nest? smile
Posted by taupixie
The last of our conversations, he said he doesn't date a woman unless he wanna sleep with her, to which I offered him to sleep with me, to which, he spent a whole night staying up intellectualising all this & we ended up doing nothing. When we discussed this again a few days later, he said he didn't feel it's right & he didn't want to regret doing it after, especially me, & he didn't want me to hate him.
My question:
Is he nicely rejecting me because he doesn't like me that way & doesn't wanna lead me on
Or
Does he in fact like me too hence he is pondering/overthinking because he's afraid any misstep would spoil the dynamics we were having?


regardless of the reason...you are alone and treated badly...
i fell into the same trap not long ago. the bottom point is...love or not, what really matters is the way i am treated and ignoring, overanalising me and our story,etc...is not the way i want to be treated...
and by the way...your dynamic has already been affected. no matter if he comes back all loving and so...you'll always wonder/worry if/that he'll pooooofffff again...not a healthy way to live your life.
that's why i call cancers self-sabotaging people...
Hey thank you both! I really appreciate your feedback & what you said are really true. I am not getting what I want & that is not how this should be. I probably knew that subconsciously that's why I did step back. And to have this pointed out to me to really be clear about it all I guess I needed it.
I just simply have to let it go...
Posted by taupixie
Hey thank you both! I really appreciate your feedback & what you said are really true. I am not getting what I want & that is not how this should be. I probably knew that subconsciously that's why I did step back. And to have this pointed out to me to really be clear about it all I guess I needed it.
I just simply have to let it go...


don't tell yourself "i have to let it go"...your mind will perceive it as if you lost sth. ask yourself if it is fair to you to be left wondering, with no answers. you'll see a shift in your perception of the situation and your true self will merge and reject all this bullshit by itself...
good luck to you.
I am not a shy & cautious Cancer, so I certainly don't represent all Cancers, plus I'm not a man, but if I were behaving the way this man is it would be because I cared about you as a person & a friend & didn't want to hurt you, but didn't want to lead you on when I was not interested in you in the same way as you were in me.
Posted by thinktoomuch
Posted by mz
Posted by taupixie
Hey thank you both! I really appreciate your feedback & what you said are really true. I am not getting what I want & that is not how this should be. I probably knew that subconsciously that's why I did step back. And to have this pointed out to me to really be clear about it all I guess I needed it.
I just simply have to let it go...


don't tell yourself "i have to let it go"...your mind will perceive it as if you lost sth. ask yourself if it is fair to you to be left wondering, with no answers. you'll see a shift in your perception of the situation and your true self will merge and reject all this bullshit by itself...
good luck to you.


But he DID answer!! Stop making him the bad guy. Otherwise good advice.
click to expand


you are right...he DID answer. but let's focus on helping the OP get out of this spiral...
Posted by taupixie
Does it make sense that he stayed up all night pondering my sexual proposition if he doesn't care about me at all?
It must be these small details that tell me it's not so simple as he doesn't anything with me
ReddmannScorch, babies eh? Taurus women bring that desire out of you? What is it, lust? Or safe nest? smile



me lustful...... lol. nahhhhh i'm a gentleman. tauruses are ummmm quite open sexually among other signs but they do get us. they willing to encourage you obtain your goals and sometimes i like spoiling yall.
Tauruses never let go. Especially when they love hard.Do u love him...if he aint showing interest or see u as a friend u got friendzoned.
i am really impressed by how true and accurate all your feedback has been on my situation, that i felt really understood and empathised with. i am really grateful for your support.
i agree i shouldn't be telling myself about letting go. i have to work with what the reality presented and be reasonable about it. i know this myself because many years ago i have been caught up in the same circumstance of trying to move on. with the clarity that all of you have given me, i have to learn to accept the truth of the situation. it's just that it'll be hard, and i may lapse every now and then. have i mentioned, i do hate this obstinacy in me sometimes.
Posted by taupixie
i am really impressed by how true and accurate all your feedback has been on my situation, that i felt really understood and empathised with. i am really grateful for your support.
i agree i shouldn't be telling myself about letting go. i have to work with what the reality presented and be reasonable about it. i know this myself because many years ago i have been caught up in the same circumstance of trying to move on. with the clarity that all of you have given me, i have to learn to accept the truth of the situation. it's just that it'll be hard, and i may lapse every now and then. have i mentioned, i do hate this obstinacy in me sometimes.


it's natural to lapse now and then...just when it happens do something not to stay "there"...i usually go out...either for coffee with friends or just to the neighbourhood shop to buy...whatever...or i watch a film online...books don't work...i get lost in my thoughts after a page or two...
travelling works miracles...
you'll be fine...believe it or not...everybody went on a rough path at a point or another...they just don't want to remeber or admit it... smile
I will try, but it is so hard because it is so easy to check on him, when I see him "online" or check his page on fb. I have the urge to delete him if it could just give me the peace of mind from him but I'm not sure if it'll help & if I'll regret or it backfires.
Is it a Taurus thing not letting go? I credit it to 2 fixed signs on my personal planets. I don't love easily, partly because I'm also not easily open to new people & if I don't get instant connection I easily 'switch off', so when I like some1, I do it with a sense of finality.
It really took me a long time the last time... Ohh well Sad
Can I just mention cancer man has 3 fixed signs on the personal planets of his chart... Whatever he's holding onto, I bet it's even harder for him