Gone,return,gone,return,sweet,mixed,bitter..oh WTH!!
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by gia on Saturday, October 17, 2015 and has 30 replies.
So I'll try this again.My cancerian ex and I were in a serious committed relationship for a year but then we brokeup on April because i broke his trust .Things were still great between us and June got even better.It was going great until his degree finals results got outin mid July and he failed 5th time.He disappeared (he did tell me he wants alone time and that he isnt running away from me ). He would check up on me every 10 days and then text me every alternate day after he got a good job in a fantastic company a month later. I study abroad so he called me and we spoke until my flight took off and he kissed me asking for my flight details as before(this was in september). I call him once a week and we have a great time on phone talking more than an hr but he never initiated the phone calls ever since mid july. We would text every 2-3 days. Its as if he makes sure that "We spoke texted yesterday so i'll wait for 2-3 days more" and then our chat abruptly dies. I once asked if he found a new love interest.He got mad and said that he's just not interested in love/relationship now.He said he's just mentally occupied with work,stock markets,games,news etc. A week later he called our relationship "impractical and foolish" by saying "i am not a guy who would behave so silly,say i love you 100 times a day,stay attached 24*7 and keep updating and remain updated.I am an emotionless robot. So i wasnt being me with you.What you see me now as is what i am". It shattered me because although i know he's a formal guy in general but when we were together (we are each others first) he said he loves the fact that he can be his complete self with me. Then 2 weeks ago he said "we do 2 types of investments in life. One is the non-trading investment and the other one is trading investment. Non trading investment are for long term. At times there are situations in life where you have to keep it aside for a while and then you retain it back again. Then you have trading investments where you come across something,you put a lot of interest,play around with it for a while and then leave it.It's temporary. So you are my long term non-trading investment". And then last week I told him that I still love him very deeply.I told him I dont expect or hope any reciprocation from him. He said "i honestly didnt expect you to say this but yeah,i take it. Lets see which way it goes.But i dont want either of us to get hurt in this situation considering how things are at present". He didnt text the entire week but i called him and we spoke.At times he makes sexual innuendos. And then 3 days ago i asked him what is it that suddenly changed him so significantly that he doesnt talk like before.IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS!! He said "i am fine.Everything is fine. It's just the work,news,stock markets,music, and at times i have to work from home too.So its the mental occupancy,not mentality change..Please dont overthink about me and waste your time".
*CONT*
He also said "Even if we were together today,the situation would have been the same in all likelihood". Its been 3 days and we didnt talk since then. I didnt initiate any more msgs of my own either.
What's your input about this situation and what do you suggest I do? THANK YOUUU!!
He also said "Even if we were together today,the situation would have been the same in all likelihood". Its been 3 days and we didnt talk since then. I didnt initiate any more msgs of my own either.
What's your input about this situation and what do you suggest I do? THANK YOUUU!!
Honestly I feel bad for you because I'm in a similar situation where I've gotten the pull and push from a crab and a very nasty one at that! Hope you get some sound advice and insight
Honestly I've dealt with this from a cancer..this is your life with him. He left 5 times over the past (almost) 2 years.
@mgmtlove I would love to get some insight on my current situation with a cancer too. I've never dated one before and it's driving me nuts!
@LibWman I'm no expert but you're free to pm me! I'll help how I can
@mgmtlove thank you! I actually posted this in the relationships and dating section. http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/relationships-astrology/he-s-being-horrible-5784156.asp
Read my post. And welcome to the club!!
whoaaa...6 replies and not one advice so far 
My advice is read my post on the same subject..there will be advice there..also..if the guy is jerking you around, and you don't like the way he treats you, end it.
I'm a Cancer and I think he does care for you, we choose our words very wisely. To call you his long term investment is not something we would say lightly. Even the simplest "I like you," we will not say unless we are sure.
However you said you broke his trust and trust me when I tell you this, he is treading with cautious. We are an extremely loyal sign and the one thing (most of us) can't stand is breaking our trust. He's feeling you out, some days he feels more for you than others and he's taken his space to think about things. He does care for you but you be constant because if you do something he considers suspicious, a crab will have no problem just dropping you and never looking back.
I say you be casual, remain in contact but don't get too attached. He will come back slowly once he trusts you again. I think he might not say it but the trust thing is still on his mind. This is totally a guess from what I know about crabs.
However you said you broke his trust and trust me when I tell you this, he is treading with cautious. We are an extremely loyal sign and the one thing (most of us) can't stand is breaking our trust. He's feeling you out, some days he feels more for you than others and he's taken his space to think about things. He does care for you but you be constant because if you do something he considers suspicious, a crab will have no problem just dropping you and never looking back.
I say you be casual, remain in contact but don't get too attached. He will come back slowly once he trusts you again. I think he might not say it but the trust thing is still on his mind. This is totally a guess from what I know about crabs.
@CG04 so if you're saying cancers choose their words very carefully when they start cussing and calling you names they've thought about that very carefully too then? Also telling me he doesn't care? I have a whole post about my situation if you're willing to take a look...
@boxcarmirnta could I get some advice from
You too?
You too?
Whoa....my advice was this is your life with him. Been there, done that!
Posted by boxcarmirnta
My advice is read my post on the same subject..there will be advice there.
yeah i did skim over the "Lead or led" post but that was just another debate thing where people have two different opinions.
Posted by mgmtlove
Whoa....my advice was this is your life with him. Been there, done that!
it just feels strange because this has never happened when we were together. He failed twice then too and he instead shared everything deeply with me and appreciated my emotional support. In fact that would bind us closer because he would realize i have been so understanding and supportive of him. There has never been 1 day in 1.5 yrs when i didnt hear from him until he failed the 5th time in mid July.
Posted by CG04
I'm a Cancer and I think he does care for you, we choose our words very wisely. To call you his long term investment is not something we would say lightly. Even the simplest "I like you," we will not say unless we are sure.
However you said you broke his trust and trust me when I tell you this, he is treading with cautious. We are an extremely loyal sign and the one thing (most of us) can't stand is breaking our trust. He's feeling you out, some days he feels more for you than others and he's taken his space to think about things. He does care for you but you be constant because if you do something he considers suspicious, a crab will have no problem just dropping you and never looking back.
I say you be casual, remain in contact but don't get too attached. He will come back slowly once he trusts you again. I think he might not say it but the trust thing is still on his mind. This is totally a guess from what I know about crabs.
Thank you!! Yeah i agree with you that the trust thing still does linger in somewhere. But again,things instead got better in June until his results got out in mid July. When i asked him a month ago if its still about the incident(the lie),he said "this has nothing to do with you. It would have been this way even if we were in a relationship today and hadnt broken up".
but i know he doesnt always speak the truth 100% .
Although as you say you guys choose your words wisely, there are many contradictory things he has said to me. He said our relationship was impractical and foolish and just 2 weeks later he calls me his long term investment. When i told him that he's the mot inconsistent unstable guy i have ever met (he wasnt this way before. He became so after we brokeup and got much worse after his results got out). He just laughed and giggled about it. Didnt take it seriously. He said "you know what,i'll prove you wrong". I asked him to repeat what he said because the phone connection got disturbed a bit so when i asked him "what?" he said "no,nothing nothing". I broke my leg last saturday and he was checking up on me almost everyday. He stopped initiating talks ever since i told him that i still love him,last week. When i asked him if i freaked him out,he said "no,you didnt" but i am not sure if he's telling the truth
Posted by giaPosted by mgmtlove
Whoa....my advice was this is your life with him. Been there, done that!
it just feels strange because this has never happened when we were together. He failed twice then too and he instead shared everything deeply with me and appreciated my emotional support. In fact that would bind us closer because he would realize i have been so understanding and supportive of him. There has never been 1 day in 1.5 yrs when i didnt hear from him until he failed the 5th time in mid July.click to expand
What do you mean when you say he failed? He failed to contact you?
Oh wait..just read it over. I agree with miss Gemini tho. This guy tested how I felt about him then when I tell him, that is when things changed. Just keep being supportive and light.
No I have more....@libWman sure what do you need to know?
@boxcarmirnta I've actually made a seperate post about my issue. One is in the cancer section and also posted it in relationships and dating. If you could take a look would be good to get some advice
@MissGemini @mgmtlove,so what do you suggest? It's been 5 days since we last talked.. The last talk was about me asking him what changed him so suddenly. He didnt initiate contact himself the past week. So should I msg him of my own or wait for him to? It feels really weird when we both are online at the same time yet dont talk to each other.
And at the same time I feel that no,it shouldnt be just me sending a "hi" each time ever since i told i love him still.
And at the same time I feel that no,it shouldnt be just me sending a "hi" each time ever since i told i love him still.
@gia can I just ask who initiates contact usually? Honestly and I know you didn't ask me but i think you should leave it and busy yourself with other things and let him make contact. You already told him exactly how you feel and it was quite a bold move its now down to him to handle it like a man and get back to you. He needs to be a man about it and not a child. He may have mixed feelings but either way he needs to be straight with you and only he can do that himself in time. Pushing him for an answer may make it worse and give him the upper hand as well.
Posted by LibWman
@gia can I just ask who initiates contact usually? Honestly and I know you didn't ask me but i think you should leave it and busy yourself with other things and let him make contact. You already told him exactly how you feel and it was quite a bold move its now down to him to handle it like a man and get back to you. He needs to be a man about it and not a child. He may have mixed feelings but either way he needs to be straight with you and only he can do that himself in time. Pushing him for an answer may make it worse and give him the upper hand as well.
I agree. If you push him for a response, it will 'push' him farther away. Don't wait for him just keep busy.
It's usually been him who initiates the texts. Say 6/10 times it's been him. Ever since I told him that i still love him last week,it's only been me initiating the talks but now i guess I wont.
We'll talk only if he initiates now.
We'll talk only if he initiates now.
so i was told by some of my friends today that cancerians like consistency so since I told him that I still love him,I must show it consistently.
I really don't understand this.
It's been exactly a week since we last spoke.He checks online but didnt msg me even once this entire week. Basically it has only been me initiating all the talk ever since I told him I still love him 1.5 weeks ago. It's not even that he replied anything negative.He said "i didnt expect you to say that but yeah I take it. Lets see which way it goes but dont want either of us to get hurt in this situation". I am not even sure what he meant by "but yeah, i take it". And when I asked him last week as to why doesnt he talk anymore and whats going on,he said it's due to his current frame of mind because of ongoing things in his life (work,news,markets etc). He also said "even if we were in a relationship today it would have been the same".
It just feels really weird. Since past 2-3 days I have been like "screw it.I don't care if we don't talk" but now I suddenly feel bit low thinking "is this how much I meant to him?".
I have tried to empathize with his current situation. He's a 24yrs old guy who failed the 5th(or maybe the 6th) consecutive time in his degree finals exam. He doesn't have a permanent job as it's just a yearly contract. So I understand his career isn't exactly going the way he had hoped for. I have always told him that I am there for him and he was rather grateful for my emotional support when he failed twice when we were together but this sudden disappearance is pricking me a bit.
And not to boast but he knows I have always been academically good so he used to express his insecurities at times before saying "how did i end up getting a girl like you? What did you see in me?" and even after we brokeup in April,when we got intimate in June,he said "I'd be lying if I said i dont have any feelings for you but the uncertainty of future really confuses me. You are set to have a bright future with a good job. I don't even know where I'll get a job and if I'd be able to earn as much" bla bla.
I don't yearn for a relationship right now either because I understand that this failure has most likely pricked his self esteem and hence he's not in that frame of mind but this days of disappearance is pricking.
I really don't understand this.
It's been exactly a week since we last spoke.He checks online but didnt msg me even once this entire week. Basically it has only been me initiating all the talk ever since I told him I still love him 1.5 weeks ago. It's not even that he replied anything negative.He said "i didnt expect you to say that but yeah I take it. Lets see which way it goes but dont want either of us to get hurt in this situation". I am not even sure what he meant by "but yeah, i take it". And when I asked him last week as to why doesnt he talk anymore and whats going on,he said it's due to his current frame of mind because of ongoing things in his life (work,news,markets etc). He also said "even if we were in a relationship today it would have been the same".
It just feels really weird. Since past 2-3 days I have been like "screw it.I don't care if we don't talk" but now I suddenly feel bit low thinking "is this how much I meant to him?".
I have tried to empathize with his current situation. He's a 24yrs old guy who failed the 5th(or maybe the 6th) consecutive time in his degree finals exam. He doesn't have a permanent job as it's just a yearly contract. So I understand his career isn't exactly going the way he had hoped for. I have always told him that I am there for him and he was rather grateful for my emotional support when he failed twice when we were together but this sudden disappearance is pricking me a bit.
And not to boast but he knows I have always been academically good so he used to express his insecurities at times before saying "how did i end up getting a girl like you? What did you see in me?" and even after we brokeup in April,when we got intimate in June,he said "I'd be lying if I said i dont have any feelings for you but the uncertainty of future really confuses me. You are set to have a bright future with a good job. I don't even know where I'll get a job and if I'd be able to earn as much" bla bla.
I don't yearn for a relationship right now either because I understand that this failure has most likely pricked his self esteem and hence he's not in that frame of mind but this days of disappearance is pricking.
I was doing fine moving on with my studies,friends and family. I almost stopped bothering whether he texts or not but then it just pricks at times . It's like, I almost feel like saying a "Hey,how have you been?" and then I am like "screw it.No need!"
I really wish it wasn't this way. All the words he told me while we were together and even after we brokeup replay on my mind and I giggle and sulk by comparing to what it is now.
Even 4 days bfore his results got out and he disappeared he had said "I just want you to know 1 thing : whatever it is that I may or maynot feel for you,always know that I really care a lot about you and always want you to be happy". He said this when my mom was sick and he was helping me search for a good doctor in my vicinity. And even in September he said "I assure you I'll always stay in touch provided you participate". Oh boy!
I really wish it wasn't this way. All the words he told me while we were together and even after we brokeup replay on my mind and I giggle and sulk by comparing to what it is now.
Even 4 days bfore his results got out and he disappeared he had said "I just want you to know 1 thing : whatever it is that I may or maynot feel for you,always know that I really care a lot about you and always want you to be happy". He said this when my mom was sick and he was helping me search for a good doctor in my vicinity. And even in September he said "I assure you I'll always stay in touch provided you participate". Oh boy!
Talk is cheap. Action speaks louder.
and I don't like the tone he said "'l take it", it shows no respect to you and make you feel like worthless.
If a man doesn't make you feel good, let him go.
and I don't like the tone he said "'l take it", it shows no respect to you and make you feel like worthless.
If a man doesn't make you feel good, let him go.
Posted by maomao
Talk is cheap. Action speaks louder.
and I don't like the tone he said "'l take it", it shows no respect to you and make you feel like worthless.
If a man doesn't make you feel good, let him go.
Or maybe because I had betrayed his trust and he questioned my love while breaking up with me? Maybe that's what he meant by "yeah I take it" ? again,I am only speculating.
I agree that you shouldn't hold on to someone who doesn't make you feel good but that's the thing with him. When he makes me feel good,he REALLY makes me feel good and other times he is gone. This isn't how he has always been. This is how he has become after his exam results got out. I am just trying to be as empathetic as I can be.
Just let him work on his issue, and you continue your life as usual.
Your time is precious and you wait for no one.
Your time is precious and you wait for no one.
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