Guy ended up being no good after all.

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by jessie26 on Friday, March 25, 2016 and has 18 replies.
Im at a lost for words! I mean I am truly at a lost for words! This cancer guy I've been dating for over 7 months has been in a relationship the entire time!!! I am so hurt by this. I found out because his "ex" (the entire time, they've been dating) uploaded pics of him and her at their law school barristers ball. I called him twice to confront him and he didn't pick up then I sent a text telling him that I never wanted to hear from him again. He claims she's crazy and he just bumped into her at the barristers ball. But they took over 3 pics together. I don't understand what I did wrong. I genuinely liked this guy. Like I really felt great about us. Im just sad. Seems like every guy I like they end up screwing me over. I won't let this ruin my outlook on love. Im 26, Ive been in 3 long term relationships. Each one I was cheated on. I talked so highly of him. I thought he would be diff since he was a cancer like me. I always thought I was great at loving and romance. I love to love. He says its not what it looks like, he said instagram is not real life. But they're real pictures of him and her. He then unfollowed me on instagram and called me delusional. What did I ever do to deserve this?

NOTHING

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There's many contributing factors, including his Moon/Mars/Venus/Mercury, that can make his nature into a snake that lies through his teeth. Cancers usually ARE quiet loyal, so this is out of the ordinary for one.

You're sure based on the three pictures that this qualifies as evidence? I've ran into ex's that I've taken pictures with. But if he really isn't fighting it, or there's other obvious signs, then be done with it.

You'll get through this. Cheaters are absolute scum, and their short-sighted tunnel vision always puts them in their place at rock bottom one day. You're an awesome being who knows the meaning of trust, and I'm happy for you that you were able to rid yourself of that poison.
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You are at "a loss." Not "at a lost."

Also, DATING 7 months? Was there ever exclusivity talk? You'd think that after "dating" for that long, you two would have discussed where this relationship was going.

If it was never discussed, he was banking on that as his get out of jail free card, tbh.
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i'm very sorry to hear this I was hoping to hear more positive cancer-cancer stories in general. Sad
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Loss. thanks.

The pics were them together as a date at the barristers ball. Yes we exclusively discussed this. He told me that she is his ex and she's crazy, blah blah blah. However, if your ex is so crazy why r u at the ball with her? Why r u still talking to this girll? Thats my issue. No it hurt bc we just had a heart to heart conversation the other day and then this happens. He didn't even tell me about the barristers ball. He kept it a secret!

He's never been this mean to me. He text me "Im single and hell if taking a pic with someone is considered doing dirt then i guess social media is life to you silly ass women"

Thats not the point, the point is he told me he doesn't deal with her but you guys went as dates to the barristers ball, then he's trying to flip it around like I was wrong for believing what I saw with my own two eyes. I wish I knew how to post the pics, so someone can see that Im not delusional like he says!
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Do not make contact with him. When he does reach out. Ignore. Ignore ignore. No response.

Youll feel great of ignoring him.
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You knew he was no good from the beginning, sensed that, experienced day by day all these 7 months. I'm sorry to say, but it's your fault. You accepted him being no good to you. I won't deny he's crap, but we cannot be dealt badly without our consent.
Leave him be. Cry your heart out silently and pull yourself together. Whatever happens concerning him, take it easy and casually as if he's a stranger or some insignificant aquaintance. That s that maximum he deserves from you.
Find yourself, analyse your mistakes and smile. Remember, whoever you meet in your life, you are to be respected and invested into. It takes two to tango.
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Posted by jessie26
Loss. thanks.

The pics were them together as a date at the barristers ball. Yes we exclusively discussed this. He told me that she is his ex and she's crazy, blah blah blah. However, if your ex is so crazy why r u at the ball with her? Why r u still talking to this girll? Thats my issue. No it hurt bc we just had a heart to heart conversation the other day and then this happens. He didn't even tell me about the barristers ball. He kept it a secret!

He's never been this mean to me. He text me "Im single and hell if taking a pic with someone is considered doing dirt then i guess social media is life to you silly ass women"

Thats not the point, the point is he told me he doesn't deal with her but you guys went as dates to the barristers ball, then he's trying to flip it around like I was wrong for believing what I saw with my own two eyes. I wish I knew how to post the pics, so someone can see that Im not delusional like he says!

You exclusively discussed this?

According to a post of yours three days ago, you didn't know where you stood with the guy and things were hot/cold. Based on another user's response, apparently this has been a shit show from the beginning and you CHOSE to stick around because you're a desperate child who HAS to be in a relationship at all times, which is pathetic as shit.

You should be walking, not moaning your woes about how he's a dick. You saw the signs. You chose to ignore them because you're insecure as shit.

I read "silly ass woman" and I wanted to slam his face into a wall. You should be walking. Do your moping and moaning and move on. There is more to life than this and there are better people out there than this. Why the fuck are you wasting time on a "hot cold," verbally abusive fucktard? Are you standards really THAT low? Are you really THAT desperate to keep a relationship that you will allow yourself to be treated like shit? Where the hell is your self esteem?

Re-evaluate your standards and move on. You deserve better than this garbage. His defensive nature and diverting all blame on his "crazy" ex just says he's guilty as fuck, but he knows you'll stand around and tolerate his garbage behavior because you cannot put the dick down. SEVEN months of accepting "grey area" status in dating tells him he has the green light to treat you like this.
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Posted by jessie26
Im at a lost for words! I mean I am truly at a lost for words! This cancer guy I've been dating for over 7 months has been in a relationship the entire time!!! I am so hurt by this. I found out because his "ex" (the entire time, they've been dating) uploaded pics of him and her at their law school barristers ball. I called him twice to confront him and he didn't pick up then I sent a text telling him that I never wanted to hear from him again. He claims she's crazy and he just bumped into her at the barristers ball. But they took over 3 pics together. I don't understand what I did wrong. I genuinely liked this guy. Like I really felt great about us. Im just sad. Seems like every guy I like they end up screwing me over. I won't let this ruin my outlook on love. Im 26, Ive been in 3 long term relationships. Each one I was cheated on. I talked so highly of him. I thought he would be diff since he was a cancer like me. I always thought I was great at loving and romance. I love to love. He says its not what it looks like, he said instagram is not real life. But they're real pictures of him and her. He then unfollowed me on instagram and called me delusional. What did I ever do to deserve this?

NOTHING



First of all. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm also sorry that all three guys cheated on you. This is not your fault. I am wondering though if you are perhaps attracted to the "wrong" guys. You are still young and I'm not trying to judge. I've read somewhere that women who get burned again and again might be overlooking the good guys. These good guys often get friend-zoned where they might be the best long-term partners. Would you consider any or all of these three guys "bad boy" types? Anyway, it's just something to think about going forward. Find a "nice guy" and maybe give him a few dates before you determine whether the chemistry is just not there or will never be there. Good luck.
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I'm confused how a few pics means that they never broke up.
I think you're over reacting unless I'm missing something
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Posted by rockyroadicecream
Posted by jessie26
Loss. thanks.

The pics were them together as a date at the barristers ball. Yes we exclusively discussed this. He told me that she is his ex and she's crazy, blah blah blah. However, if your ex is so crazy why r u at the ball with her? Why r u still talking to this girll? Thats my issue. No it hurt bc we just had a heart to heart conversation the other day and then this happens. He didn't even tell me about the barristers ball. He kept it a secret!

He's never been this mean to me. He text me "Im single and hell if taking a pic with someone is considered doing dirt then i guess social media is life to you silly ass women"

Thats not the point, the point is he told me he doesn't deal with her but you guys went as dates to the barristers ball, then he's trying to flip it around like I was wrong for believing what I saw with my own two eyes. I wish I knew how to post the pics, so someone can see that Im not delusional like he says!

You exclusively discussed this?

According to a post of yours three days ago, you didn't know where you stood with the guy and things were hot/cold. Based on another user's response, apparently this has been a shit show from the beginning and you CHOSE to stick around because you're a desperate child who HAS to be in a relationship at all times, which is pathetic as shit.

You should be walking, not moaning your woes about how he's a dick. You saw the signs. You chose to ignore them because you're insecure as shit.

I read "silly ass woman" and I wanted to slam his face into a wall. You should be walking. Do your moping and moaning and move on. There is more to life than this and there are better people out there than this. Why the fuck are you wasting time on a "hot cold," verbally abusive fucktard? Are you standards really THAT low? Are you really THAT desperate to keep a relationship that you will allow yourself to be treated like shit? Where the hell is your self esteem?

Re-evaluate your standards and move on. You deserve better than this garbage. His defensive nature and diverting all blame on his "crazy" ex just says he's guilty as fuck, but he knows you'll stand around and tolerate his garbage behavior because you cannot put the dick down. SEVEN months of accepting "grey area" status in dating tells him he has the green light to treat you like this.
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they're both cancers... not surprised. Sorry, all the cancers I've known have been very crybaby-ish and manipulative.

When they're good they're great, but when they're bad...
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You exclusively discussed this?

According to a post of yours three days ago, you didn't know where you stood with the guy and things were hot/cold. Based on another user's response, apparently this has been a shit show from the beginning and you CHOSE to stick around because you're a desperate child who HAS to be in a relationship at all times, which is pathetic as shit.


Yes I discussed this with him. We both verbally told each other that we were single and we wanted to get to know one another and a relationship is a possibility. I also said in the post 3 days ago that when we were together (in the same state) we had zero issues, I didn't have to question his motives, he never showed grey areas. He treated me great but when he moved things changed. I NEVER experienced anything like this until he moved. So i was never putting up with any type of sh*t from him. He was a true gentleman. Ive been in 3 long term relationships & that makes me desperate to be in one? I don't understand that part. Thank you for your words. Im fine just hurt, it was 7 months not enough to make me depressed but hurt nonetheless.
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Posted by Arielle83
Posted by jessie26
Loss. thanks.

The pics were them together as a date at the barristers ball. Yes we exclusively discussed this. He told me that she is his ex and she's crazy, blah blah blah. However, if your ex is so crazy why r u at the ball with her? Why r u still talking to this girll? Thats my issue. No it hurt bc we just had a heart to heart conversation the other day and then this happens. He didn't even tell me about the barristers ball. He kept it a secret!

He's never been this mean to me. He text me "Im single and hell if taking a pic with someone is considered doing dirt then i guess social media is life to you silly ass women"

Thats not the point, the point is he told me he doesn't deal with her but you guys went as dates to the barristers ball, then he's trying to flip it around like I was wrong for believing what I saw with my own two eyes. I wish I knew how to post the pics, so someone can see that Im not delusional like he says!

I agree with what he said. You are letting social media dictate your relationship.

Plus you clearly have trust issues so why should he put up with that?

Maybe they bought the ball tickets together before you met. Maybe he's being civil with her cuz she's "crazy".

Are your bf's not allowed to talk to their exes?
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I want to make it very clear that I was told by him that he does not deal with her, that they do not talk. So when I saw the posts, I confronted him bc what he told me did not add up. These were pics of them together as dates. I don't have trust issues. The pictures show them clearly together after he told me they don't talk. So why is he at the barristers ball with her again?

I never let social media get into my relations. I think the posts of them showed me who I was dealing with. I considered all possibilities, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe he bought the tickets before you met?
That could be a possibility. He kept it a secret about where he was that entire weekend making it even more questionable.

Are my bf's allowed to talk to their ex's?
Sure, I NEVER told him he couldn't. This is something he expressed to me, that he is not involved with her. I would've never known anything about her until he brought her up.

Maybe he's being civil with her cuz she's crazy.
So I should put up with him having to tend to her crazy tantrums?

Thanks for your words
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Posted by Arielle83
All your Op states is that you've been dating for 7 months.
Your guy went to his law barristers ball and he saw his ex
She uploaded 3 pictures from the ball.

WHERE DOES IT STATE THAT THE ABOVE = HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP?


Because of the caption and the comments from friends saying how great they look back together. It was clear as day that they were together. These weren't casual pics, these weree pics pf him staring behind her with his hands around her waist. I get that you're trying to consider all avenues here but it is what it is. He made me think he was somewhere else for the weekend but was there as her date and not to mention even sent me pics of him there. How cruel. Yeah it was just 7 months. Thank God I found out his true colors early.
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Posted by CalmCrab22
I'm confused how a few pics means that they never broke up.
I think you're over reacting unless I'm missing something


Read the above quotes form me, I think it'll clear up questions
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Posted by Piscis_Hominis
Posted by jessie26
Im at a lost for words! I mean I am truly at a lost for words! This cancer guy I've been dating for over 7 months has been in a relationship the entire time!!! I am so hurt by this. I found out because his "ex" (the entire time, they've been dating) uploaded pics of him and her at their law school barristers ball. I called him twice to confront him and he didn't pick up then I sent a text telling him that I never wanted to hear from him again. He claims she's crazy and he just bumped into her at the barristers ball. But they took over 3 pics together. I don't understand what I did wrong. I genuinely liked this guy. Like I really felt great about us. Im just sad. Seems like every guy I like they end up screwing me over. I won't let this ruin my outlook on love. Im 26, Ive been in 3 long term relationships. Each one I was cheated on. I talked so highly of him. I thought he would be diff since he was a cancer like me. I always thought I was great at loving and romance. I love to love. He says its not what it looks like, he said instagram is not real life. But they're real pictures of him and her. He then unfollowed me on instagram and called me delusional. What did I ever do to deserve this?

NOTHING



First of all. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm also sorry that all three guys cheated on you. This is not your fault. I am wondering though if you are perhaps attracted to the "wrong" guys. You are still young and I'm not trying to judge. I've read somewhere that women who get burned again and again might be overlooking the good guys. These good guys often get friend-zoned where they might be the best long-term partners. Would you consider any or all of these three guys "bad boy" types? Anyway, it's just something to think about going forward. Find a "nice guy" and maybe give him a few dates before you determine whether the chemistry is just not there or will never be there. Good luck.
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Maybe. IDK. All my ex's were great, they just ALL CHEATED. Like they ALL CHEATED. I wouldn't call them bad boys, thats actually funny, not even close to bad boys. Whatever my issue is, I don't know what it is. Should I look for an error in myself when I was the one being cheated on? Is something wrong with me that they have to cheat on me?
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Posted by Goldigold
Your young you meet someone else next Friday night. Drop him and don't look back.

Btw, 7 months isn't a long relationship, just sayin.

Yeah its not long at all, still long enough to hurt my feelings but I'll be fine for sure.
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Posted by jessie26
Posted by Piscis_Hominis
Posted by jessie26
Im at a lost for words! I mean I am truly at a lost for words! This cancer guy I've been dating for over 7 months has been in a relationship the entire time!!! I am so hurt by this. I found out because his "ex" (the entire time, they've been dating) uploaded pics of him and her at their law school barristers ball. I called him twice to confront him and he didn't pick up then I sent a text telling him that I never wanted to hear from him again. He claims she's crazy and he just bumped into her at the barristers ball. But they took over 3 pics together. I don't understand what I did wrong. I genuinely liked this guy. Like I really felt great about us. Im just sad. Seems like every guy I like they end up screwing me over. I won't let this ruin my outlook on love. Im 26, Ive been in 3 long term relationships. Each one I was cheated on. I talked so highly of him. I thought he would be diff since he was a cancer like me. I always thought I was great at loving and romance. I love to love. He says its not what it looks like, he said instagram is not real life. But they're real pictures of him and her. He then unfollowed me on instagram and called me delusional. What did I ever do to deserve this?

NOTHING



First of all. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm also sorry that all three guys cheated on you. This is not your fault. I am wondering though if you are perhaps attracted to the "wrong" guys. You are still young and I'm not trying to judge. I've read somewhere that women who get burned again and again might be overlooking the good guys. These good guys often get friend-zoned where they might be the best long-term partners. Would you consider any or all of these three guys "bad boy" types? Anyway, it's just something to think about going forward. Find a "nice guy" and maybe give him a few dates before you determine whether the chemistry is just not there or will never be there. Good luck.


Maybe. IDK. All my ex's were great, they just ALL CHEATED. Like they ALL CHEATED. I wouldn't call them bad boys, thats actually funny, not even close to bad boys. Whatever my issue is, I don't know what it is. Should I look for an error in myself when I was the one being cheated on? Is something wrong with me that they have to cheat on me?
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Like I said, you are young. It was their fault - they cheated. They might not have been "bad boys" but they still cheated which is bad. I wouldn't say it is a chronic issue for you just yet, but it is something to consider going forward. There are a lot of good men out there who won't cheat on you.
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