He caught feelings

My heart aches as I type...my Cancer friend (male) of two years has expressed to me his desire to want to be more than just friends. I am not at a place in my life where I am wanting a relationship. He knew this when the intimacy began 8 months ago in our friendship, so why now?

What we have is beautiful and I do not want it to change. We do act as a couple when we are together, but there is always that goofiness that creeps in that lets you know that we are still friends. I love when we have passionate sex, and afterwards throw on clothes and go have coffee, hair messy and all not giving a damn. I love when we can make playful jokes at one another and then sneak a few kisses in between. We do not see each other on a daily basis, because I could not deal with someone underneath me 24/7 and that time apart, I enjoy. Yet, we are not on the same page anymore...or if we ever were.

I feel very confused. As sad as I am, I am also mad at him. Mad that he put me in a position to possibly losing him. The mad emotion makes me feel guilty and selfish. Aw, how do I tell this man I like what we have and am not ready? It's not him, it's me. I don't want a boyfriend, just the friend part. I feel pressured even though he has not given me any ultimatum. He has caused so much fear in me within the last day...I'm scared to lose his friendship, his laughter, his wit, his sexiness, his good sex...

How do I tell this Cancer man how I feel without hurting him? I've heard the stories of these signs crawling into their shells when hurt by someone and not coming out for a long time. Throughout my two years of knowing him he's never done that to me, so I don't even know what to expect if it even happens.

This man was waiting in the wings and you put the wind beneath his wings by having sex with him. Maybe I'm just too old fashioned but Cancers tend to be that way. I can't understand the appeal of having sex with someone you don't love. For me it feels like mutual masturbation only it's using that person when you know they have feelings and you don't. If you're "not ready" after knowing him for years and having sex then you don't feel enough for him to make it work and need to stop having sex. Probably would be best to end all contact. Once us water signs hook into a person it's tough as nails to let go. Cancers are really bad at letting go. That's why you gotta be the strong one. You will break his heart. There is no easy way to deliver the news. And yes, it will hurt like hell but holding off is just delaying the inevitable. Sorry but you can't be friends after having sex unless you're both on the same page. And you're not.

I am aware that my friendship is not of the norm. That is why I have taken such a strong liking to how things are, or were. He is more than just a warm body in my bed. I have shared my secrets, laughter, pain, moments, desires, and dreams with this man. Before our relationship elevated to an intimate level he knew I had no interest in a relationship with anyone and he expressed the same. I had been in a four year commitment with a lover that brought me to exhaustion after the break up. After that point in my life I did not want to put the time, energy, and emotion into another relationship for a while. However, I cannot help the strong physical chemistry I have with this man. I am a hormonal creature and as easy as it is to stigmatize my relationship with him as a booty call, it's not. I do care for him.

We have communicated since I created this thread. He told me he does not want an answer from me right away and asked me to let it all sink in and think about it. I did...but only for a short time until he smiled at me with his blue eyes and we ended up being intimate. He's addicting.

You're right, Eula, it is easy to stimatize a woman for having a sexual rela w/a man and not want the commitment. I'm sorry if my comments came off as judgemental, and they probably did. Thing is, while I sympathize with wanting the sex and genuinely caring about the man, taking things to a sexual place changes the relationship. And when you're not on the same page, somebody get hurts. Good luck tho.