Help from the Cancerians for a lost Virgo.
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by DivineWine9 on Sunday, April 2, 2017 and has 17 replies.
Hi Cancers and others I need help in my life with a Cancer guy. I'm a Virgo we have known each other since we were five. Our families are tight and last year he lost his father, who I've loved very much. I was there for the family and him.
When we were young and me being totally naive I opened up my heart to him and told him I liked him respect him and loved him. He was silent... and didn't say much but said our song was follow me by Uncle Kracker. I admit I was being manipulative to a certain degree because I was lost and going through a lot of drama and felt that I could only turn to him. But my feelings weren't false I did love him and wanted to get to know him better. I admit I was living in a fairy tale land.
Few years down the road we both went off to med school I helped him with school and He helped me when I got sick. We both matured led our own lives but kept in touch here and there. However I still held this torch for him that some day he would at least make it a possibility to try and look at be differently. He always gives me these intense stares like he's looking into my soul.
I left and rejected a lot of guys who liked and loved me because I kept on holding out for him and it seemed at that time I was being disloyal to them when I had him in my subconscious thoughts. I feel ashamed and stupid for doing this.
Anyways last year he introduced me to his girlfriend and I wasn't surprised but it still shook me to the core. But then he said he wasn't sure about her, that he wasn't sure he wanted to settle down that he wanted to travel the world.
She is quite like him and beautiful, but I don't know if she's the one for him for some reason it doesn't fit. I know his father's last wish was for him to get married and he hated the pressure from his family to get married. But I wonder why he opened up to me about his girlfriend...it was like he wanted to see my reaction. Why does he do this to me? I know deep down he knows I love him and probably will never stop loving him and will always have a soft spot for him.
But why tell me this? It's like opening up a stitched up wound. I just want him to be happy whoever he ends up with. I love him and have cried many tears for him. And I know he must of at least thought about the perspective of us together. Should I tell him how I feel?
But I don't want to get in the way of his relationship and would never want to jeopardize it if it is sincere, I'm not that kind of person. It's hard to be vulnerable with him after spilling my feelings to him even if we're friends.
What does this lost Virgo do Cancer friends and others? Help please.
Much Love to you all!!!
When we were young and me being totally naive I opened up my heart to him and told him I liked him respect him and loved him. He was silent... and didn't say much but said our song was follow me by Uncle Kracker. I admit I was being manipulative to a certain degree because I was lost and going through a lot of drama and felt that I could only turn to him. But my feelings weren't false I did love him and wanted to get to know him better. I admit I was living in a fairy tale land.
Few years down the road we both went off to med school I helped him with school and He helped me when I got sick. We both matured led our own lives but kept in touch here and there. However I still held this torch for him that some day he would at least make it a possibility to try and look at be differently. He always gives me these intense stares like he's looking into my soul.
I left and rejected a lot of guys who liked and loved me because I kept on holding out for him and it seemed at that time I was being disloyal to them when I had him in my subconscious thoughts. I feel ashamed and stupid for doing this.
Anyways last year he introduced me to his girlfriend and I wasn't surprised but it still shook me to the core. But then he said he wasn't sure about her, that he wasn't sure he wanted to settle down that he wanted to travel the world.
She is quite like him and beautiful, but I don't know if she's the one for him for some reason it doesn't fit. I know his father's last wish was for him to get married and he hated the pressure from his family to get married. But I wonder why he opened up to me about his girlfriend...it was like he wanted to see my reaction. Why does he do this to me? I know deep down he knows I love him and probably will never stop loving him and will always have a soft spot for him.
But why tell me this? It's like opening up a stitched up wound. I just want him to be happy whoever he ends up with. I love him and have cried many tears for him. And I know he must of at least thought about the perspective of us together. Should I tell him how I feel?
But I don't want to get in the way of his relationship and would never want to jeopardize it if it is sincere, I'm not that kind of person. It's hard to be vulnerable with him after spilling my feelings to him even if we're friends.
What does this lost Virgo do Cancer friends and others? Help please.
Much Love to you all!!!
Geezus, sounds like a shitty soap opera.
Just tell him how you feel, instead of dying a little on the inside each day. Why go through life wondering.... "what if". If he really wants to be with you, he will be forced to acknowledge if not, you can finally move on with your life.
Just tell him how you feel, instead of dying a little on the inside each day. Why go through life wondering.... "what if". If he really wants to be with you, he will be forced to acknowledge if not, you can finally move on with your life.
It is kind of soapy...the back and forth angst...the problem is I'm forthcoming I don't hide stuff...he's sweet as sugar at one moment and suddenly sour...ugh! He knows how to get pretty much everything out of me...I'm starting to wonder if he sees me as a backup you know how some crabs are insecure ? Thanks for the input tho ?
Posted by TeddyBearMDSometimes I think he does but he's to scared to admit or that's just me in my la la land...I got to find a real man someone who really wants be fight for me... but I think their a dying breed ?
Geezus, sounds like a shitty soap opera.
Just tell him how you feel, instead of dying a little on the inside each day. Why go through life wondering.... "what if". If he really wants to be with you, he will be forced to acknowledge if not, you can finally move on with your life.
He doesn't love you. He opened up to you because he's been your friend for several decades. Stop living in a fantasy world that is causing you pain.
Posted by DivineWine9Posted by TeddyBearMDSometimes I think he does but he's to scared to admit or that's just me in my la la land...I got to find a real man someone who really wants be fight for me... but I think their a dying breed ?
Geezus, sounds like a shitty soap opera.
Just tell him how you feel, instead of dying a little on the inside each day. Why go through life wondering.... "what if". If he really wants to be with you, he will be forced to acknowledge if not, you can finally move on with your life.
No that's not true...you said...
Posted by DivineWine9There are good guys out there, you just never gave them a chance because your in love with a fantasy.
I left and rejected a lot of guys who liked and loved me because I kept on holding out for himclick to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneLadyNeptune your got me...I think you popped my bubble I'm in this la la land about him because we are close since I've known him since I was a child...the lines have just gotten so murky. Thanks your beautifulPosted by DivineWine9Posted by TeddyBearMDSometimes I think he does but he's to scared to admit or that's just me in my la la land...I got to find a real man someone who really wants be fight for me... but I think their a dying breed ?
Geezus, sounds like a shitty soap opera.
Just tell him how you feel, instead of dying a little on the inside each day. Why go through life wondering.... "what if". If he really wants to be with you, he will be forced to acknowledge if not, you can finally move on with your life.
No that's not true...you said...Posted by DivineWine9There are good guys out there, you just never gave them a chance because your in love with a fantasy.
I left and rejected a lot of guys who liked and loved me because I kept on holding out for himclick to expand
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeAwww...we all deserve to be happy and find that someone, it's just painful when I've focused on the wrong person...I think I've started the process of letting go...I think therapy would be helpful if all else fails.
You don't deserve not to be happy. I would seek a therapist to help you disengage and detach.
This isn't fair to you.
You might have to just cut him off
You bought up an interesting point fair in what way? Is it him not being fair? Me?
Thanks you've really helped ?
Posted by DivineWine9He is being your friend. how is that unfair to you?Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeAwww...we all deserve to be happy and find that someone, it's just painful when I've focused on the wrong person...I think I've started the process of letting go...I think therapy would be helpful if all else fails.
You don't deserve not to be happy. I would seek a therapist to help you disengage and detach.
This isn't fair to you.
You might have to just cut him off
You bought up an interesting point fair in what way? Is it him not being fair? Me?
Thanks you've really helped ?click to expand
I really try not to repsond to cancer threads....but in this situation this isn't even about an ex or a guy you are involved with so i hope its okay a non Cancer responds. He is your life long friend that you are pining over. First it's not fair to yourself and it's not fair to him, your expectations have affected your friendship.
He introduced you to his girl, because he respects you, i'd imagine and wanted your thoughts on her. Espcially if he is thinking of setting down with her, you have known him almost your entire life. I dont think it was a game or a test.
Posted by justagirlOf course I don't mind if a non Cancer responds...I'm trying to understand what this has done to me as well as my other relationships with guys...Of course he wants my opinion about her, which is sweet. I don't think it's affected our relationship we are still close, but it's me that just needs to close the door on anything more than friends. Thanks non Cancer ?Posted by DivineWine9He is being your friend. how is that unfair to you?Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeAwww...we all deserve to be happy and find that someone, it's just painful when I've focused on the wrong person...I think I've started the process of letting go...I think therapy would be helpful if all else fails.
You don't deserve not to be happy. I would seek a therapist to help you disengage and detach.
This isn't fair to you.
You might have to just cut him off
You bought up an interesting point fair in what way? Is it him not being fair? Me?
Thanks you've really helped ?
I really try not to repsond to cancer threads....but in this situation this isn't even about an ex or a guy you are involved with so i hope its okay a non Cancer responds. He is your life long friend that you are pining over. First it's not fair to yourself and it's not fair to him, your expectations have affected your friendship.
He introduced you to his girl, because he respects you, i'd imagine and wanted your thoughts on her. Espcially if he is thinking of setting down with her, you have known him almost your entire life. I dont think it was a game or a test.click to expand
It just goes to show, Men and Women CANNOT be friends. People think thats a silly statement, but you see why I say this?
Someone always catches feelings in the end.
Someone always catches feelings in the end.
Posted by TeddyBearMDI don't believe that I have close guy friends who have a steady relationship and it has never been more than platonic. So it's just on how define your boundaries and make them clear. What smashed the close relationship was because there was no clear boundaries before us...it's been a messy and there is so much more soapy operatic relationship going on...but it's too hard to put into words. I've made my mistakes I will admit but it goes both sides. And yes we are still friends regardless
It just goes to show, Men and Women CANNOT be friends. People think thats a silly statement, but you see why I say this?
Someone always catches feelings in the end.
Posted by TeddyBearMDI don't believe that I have close guy friends who have a steady relationship and it has never been more than platonic. So it's just on how define your boundaries and make them clear. What smashed the close relationship was because there was no clear boundaries before us...it's been a messy and there is so much more soapy operatic relationship going on...but it's too hard to put into words. I've made my mistakes I will admit but it goes both sides. And yes we are still friends regardless
It just goes to show, Men and Women CANNOT be friends. People think thats a silly statement, but you see why I say this?
Someone always catches feelings in the end.
Look woman. You gotta be straight forward with him. Either friend zone each other forever, or start being in a relationship. Try making the first move. Maybe he is just scared of losing you if he makes the first move and it doesn't work out. So yes, make your move, if it works, well n good.. Else be friends. First move could be giving him a passionate kiss on his lips or just telling him you like him more than as a friend. Whatever your choice is.
Posted by LegendI see you...yes the game of peek a boo has gotten tiring...it's all been done and said in the past...I will always have a soft spot for him, he knows that, I know. We are friends and it's probably all it's going to be. Did my heart feel like it was ripped out of my body and stumped on, yes. But all I want is for him to be happy in his life...and to start moving on.
Look woman. You gotta be straight forward with him. Either friend zone each other forever, or start being in a relationship. Try making the first move. Maybe he is just scared of losing you if he makes the first move and it doesn't work out. So yes, make your move, if it works, well n good.. Else be friends. First move could be giving him a passionate kiss on his lips or just telling him you like him more than as a friend. Whatever your choice is.
So does the passionate kiss work with Cancers in general just curious? You guys shy away easily, not like we Virgos don't...Smh
Posted by Fun4LifeThanks your input was helpful...I get it, taking the risk is better than regretting you never did. I just don't know how to bring it up all again. Hey well you remember I told you I loved you years ago...I still do. Awkward. Maybe a letter would be better.
Several relationships with Virgo's, and both were very close to being perfect - as in married. (Cancer)
The one I just grew tired of, and didn't like how my peers/friends reacted to her. Not intellectually challenging enough.
The other one made me feel insecure as she wasn't very open with her feelings. Felt like I was chasing something that was unattainable and illusive. I finally had to give it up, and it was very hard with her. Still wonder at times if I made a mistake.
If you want to be sure and have no regrets, I'd suggest taking a chance and letting him know how you feel.
You might be surprised, and he might be too! Of course you risk hurting yourself, but what 's worse, risking the hurt, or spending the rest of your like wondering what might have been? Tough decision
How do we Virgos make you feel insecure? I'm sorry that happened. Most Virgos want to tend to the needs of the ones they love...at least I think we do, maybe the approach is all wrong. Thanks for the input though I guess I'll make the dive as long as I don't sink.
Posted by DivineWine9So, you basically friendzoned guys immediately. If you didn't do that, it would be more, I guaranteed. And if your "male friends" with wives suddenly caught you alone and with a few drinks in them, I bet you guys would be more than "platonic". Either that, or the guys are grossly unattractive.Posted by TeddyBearMDI don't believe that I have close guy friends who have a steady relationship and it has never been more than platonic. So it's just on how define your boundaries and make them clear. What smashed the close relationship was because there was no clear boundaries before us...it's been a messy and there is so much more soapy operatic relationship going on...but it's too hard to put into words. I've made my mistakes I will admit but it goes both sides. And yes we are still friends regardless
It just goes to show, Men and Women CANNOT be friends. People think thats a silly statement, but you see why I say this?
Someone always catches feelings in the end.click to expand
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