Help..hurt Cancer girl.

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by cindy22 on Tuesday, May 28, 2013 and has 33 replies.
Hello. I am new to the forum and found it yesterday after trying to google and find out why my new Cancer crush hurt me. I met this guy on an online dating website. He's a 33 year old Cancer. I am a 30 year old Cancer??_i was born on July 22nd so I'm on the cusp of Cancer / Leo but consider myself more of a cancer. He was born on July 14th so I'm assuming he is a full-blown cancer (he said he was cancer all the way). Long story short, we met on the site and immediately hit it off??_ I met him last Monday so it's been exactly a week +1 day today. He was so attentive and sweet so when he asked for my phone number, I immediately gave it to him. After our initial conversation, I knew I liked this guy.. He's sweet, attentive, not afraid to show his emotions, humble, wants a family, etc..all the things I look for in a guy. We also had crazy chemistry. We had our first conversation last Wednesday and he texted me right after we got off the phone saying how much he likes me and wishes we could just focus on each other and not date other people (reminder, we have not met in person and this is like day 3 of conversing and right after our first phone convo). He then told me that he removed his pictures from his profile??_he said I didn't have to do the same but that he didn't want to be bothered with any other girl. (I checked if he had done so of course without letting him know, and he did infact remove his pictures??_sorry, I'm nosy) I haven't even met this guy in person, but I liked his direct approach and don't mind a protective / possessive person. I could sense he was telling me this so I could do the same??_I asked him if he wanted me to put my profile on hold because I could if he wanted me to. He told me I didn't have to and that he couldn't tell me what to do but if i am interested in dating other guys or talking to other people to let him know right now. I guess this is the cancerian indirect / walking sideways approach to getting things they want that you guys talk about) I ended up saying I only wanted to focus on him (without exactly telling him I would put my profile on hold) I did put it on hold anyway??_i just wanted to make this sweet sensitive boy happy in anyway i could.
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Also, when we were on the phone, he mentioned how so many girls like to have different options, etc and how he likes to only focus on getting to know one person at a time. So for the next few days and over the weekend, we sent each other pictures and love notes and talked about our past and present and fears and goals, etc. I was basically already head over heels for this guy (which doesn't happen to me often). I was walking on air. He took it pretty far saying things like "we would make a great couple, have amazing looking kids, i like you so much i don't know why, is this real, don't hurt me, i'm trusting you with my heart" etc etc. This wasn't all back to back, i'm just summing it up for the purpose of not making this post longer than it already is. I told him all the right things and basically followed his lead. I have a lot of pride and am very old-fashioned so I would never pour my heart out to a guy the way I was with him unless he is doing so first. When he wouldn't hear from me right away, he would tell me he misses me and thought I would always respond, etc etc.. I went to a small local lounge on Sunday night and sent him pictures of me before I left the house and told him i was thinking of him, etc.. we didn't text much Sunday night. He seemed distant on Monday morning (yesterday) so I asked him if something was wrong. He asked "are you going to another lounge today?" I said "no"??_ He said he didn't like how I got dressed up all sexy and didn't text him to at least let him know i was ok and that if we are going to have something serious, he wants to know i'm ok. He also mentioned that he suspected I was on a date with another guy. I apologized and told him it wouldn't happen again and i would let him know what i'm doing. he then says " you don't have to tell me everything but at least let me know you are ok" I said "ok, i will". We then made up and told eachother we cared about each other, etc etc. All was lovely again. Then 3 hours pass and I didn't hear from him which was strange as he had been reaching out to me at least every 30 minutes since we met (at least to just tell me he was thinking of me). Something told me to check the dating website (again, my cancer suspicious side) and i saw that he had put his pictures back up and was online at the moment. (i don't know when / what day exactly he had done so - wish i was able to tell cuz that would give me a lot more clarity into him / the situation)
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I also have no idea how he knew i had seen that because 2 minutes after i saw it, he text me asking me if there is any other guy i can see as my boyfriend or if i want to continue searching for the right guy. lol i was not online, did a search not logged into my account so i don't know how he knew or maybe it was sheer coincidence. I responded by saying "why don't you ask yourself the same question".. then he says "I'll delete my profile right now if you do the same" "i only want to talk to you" ,etc etc Then i say "i don't like liars".. .He says "oh, you must have seen my profile, listen i keep getting notifications and i'm trying to delete it" lol. Reminder, his pictures were now back up. Then again he says "i'll delete it right now". I go on and say "you don't have to do that for me, i'm not a little girl (my leo pride side) "If i recall correctly, you said you had already done so??_i was just following your lead".. He goes on to say "the chemistry between us is real, are you saying all this because you are mad?". I say "no I'm not mad sweetheart, i just don't feel the same anymore". He says "just like that, after you said how much you like me over and over yesterday?" I said "yes, just like that". Then he says "well i guess i'm not the only liar here".. i say "ok, guess not". Then he sends me a smiley face with a wink. wtf? lol Then I deactivated the app we were using to chat (mainly to resist the temptation to write to him again at all).. I think the smiley wink face just did it for me. So basically now he can't contact me through there (but he does have my number and can call or text) I was so hurt, more hurt than angry.. it's like why in the world would you practically profess your love to me and ask me to be exclusive with you and then you turn around and do the opposite? He had gone as far as to block me on the dating site so I couldn't see his profile should i have logged on at any point. Why do that? Sneaky! lol Did he lose interest in me from one day to the next? Maybe he was bored..and/or needed more attention than i was giving him? I know we had not even met in person and it had only been a week and maybe you guys will think i'm crazy??_but i honestly thought what we had was real and i had no interest in talking to anyone else at the moment and i thought he felt the same.
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Was i no longer his ideal girl because i went to a lounge? 5 minutes after we stopped talking, i saw he had updated his profile with like 6 more pictures ---all pictures he had sent to me. Now i don't know if that was his way of hurting me or getting revenge on me for cutting him off??_or if maybe, he just said "screw her" and moved on with his search for love? Was i too dramatic in the way i reacted? I will never ever reach out to him - i have too much pride..he messed up so i feel he should reach out to me.. i miss him. If he texts me i will talk to him.. if he does, how should i handle this? what if he doesn't?.. Should i dare text him? or will he see that as weak ..or will he love it and think i really do care? Sometimes i get so caught up with astrology.. i'm thinking "oh, he's a cancer, he'll see it as loyalty and love if i reach out to him"..but then again, i feel like i should just look at it as he's a man. men like to chase..i should be strong. What if i just spent 2 hours of my day writing this on this forum and i am not even on his mind? oh, the agony. They say if you love something, let it go??_if it comes back to you it's your forevaa. smile Should I just wait? i also read some of the forums on here where you guys say to leave them alone and they'll come running. Should i let my pride down for this cancerian dream boy? or should i just move on? I appreciate any help / insight.
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Can you summarize this in 4-5 sentences? Ain't no one gonna read that.
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all i can say is that it's all games... and u fell for it... u gave him too much power... and ur a cancer and cancers kinda power trip sometimes i know i've done it lol but just leave him alone... u havent even met and he's already playing mad games with you... not something you need.
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Posted by incandescentcancer
Can you summarize this in 4-5 sentences? Ain't no one gonna read that.


lmao
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lol. Sorry for the super long post. I tend to be too detailed sometimes. Thanks cancer babe. I did fall for it, big time. But why would someone waste there time trying to convince you? Why didn't he just take the casual approach with me? I never put the pressure on him.
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You're going to actually miss out on multiple people who would like to help you with that unhelpfully long post...I wasn't kidding you.
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I read most of it... cuz that's what players do.... ur just someone in the mean time... an entertainment... he could possibly saw you and thought potential but perhaps the possessivness came out and wanted to control you by saying oh well u look like ur on a date and ur looked too sexy to be out at that lounge... he may have seen you as a jump off from there and just decided to play games... now u know so dont be played. move on... u havent even met anyway... who even knows if that's who he really is u know?
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Thats true. Who knows how long he had been back on the site..it could have been all of last week! Meanwhile, i put anyone i was talking to away and only focused on him. What a fool i am! gosh, i never let a few flattering words from a guy fool me??_i don't know why i allowed him to get me all crazy. i keep looking at my phone thinking he is going to text. i need to get this guy out of my head. if he doesn't reach out and we have no contact, it should take me approximately one week to get him out of my head and then i should be back to normal.. i now recall him telling me about a girl from the dating site who was stalking him at one point - he probably did the same thing to her! i drank all day yesterday and then ate a huge fatty meal last night thinking that would fill my void. it was not pretty. ugh. Thanks again for your insight and snapping me back to reality.
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Posted by incandescentcancer
You're going to actually miss out on multiple people who would like to help you with that unhelpfully long post...I wasn't kidding you.



women.... :/ :p
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hey hey! not fair. ok here is the breakdown: Met a cancner man online, (i'm a cancer girl) he swept me off my feet with his charming words for a week??_wanted us to be exclusive - asked me to take down my online profile cuz he had done the same) Turns out I found out yesterday that he turned his profile on again at some point and was logged in.. he must have sensed that i knew because he text me saying he would delete his profile if i would do the same so we could focus on each other. i cut him off , i was so hurt??_
i wrote this post just looking for clarity as to why he would waste his time trying to convince me he was all about me and trying so desperately to get me to be exclusive with him. Do guys really play those games still in their 30's? i never put any pressure on him - he led the way. i miss him and want to know should i reach out to him or leave him alone. or wait.
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I think the problem is being swept off your feet in the first place!
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Hi Mr. Crabby??_can you elaborate? What do you mean by that?
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am i a hopeless romantic and a fool for falling so fast?
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yes..... but cancers can move on quickly too... u may be hurt and confused for a min but we tend to pick up our pieces and build really quickly
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That is true??_I've bounced back plenty of times in the past. & since he is a Cancer also, I'm sure he is doing the same. Thanks again Cancerbabe..
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Thank you Blackindian! He straight up lied about being done with the site. lol. & there I was getting dressed up beautifully at home to take pictures for him, dancing and prancing around at home like i didn't have a care in the world.. meanwhile, he was probably chattin it up with another girl from the site.
Question for you since you are a Cancer male??_ Why do you think he would try to gas me up and make me take down my page when he wasn't serious about it? Is it a control thing with Cancer males?
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Posted by cindy22
hey hey! not fair. ok here is the breakdown: Met a cancner man online, (i'm a cancer girl) he swept me off my feet with his charming words for a week??_wanted us to be exclusive - asked me to take down my online profile cuz he had done the same) Turns out I found out yesterday that he turned his profile on again at some point and was logged in.. he must have sensed that i knew because he text me saying he would delete his profile if i would do the same so we could focus on each other. i cut him off , i was so hurt??_
i wrote this post just looking for clarity as to why he would waste his time trying to convince me he was all about me and trying so desperately to get me to be exclusive with him. Do guys really play those games still in their 30's? i never put any pressure on him - he led the way. i miss him and want to know should i reach out to him or leave him alone. or wait.


Phew wasn't that easier Winking.
Listen this sort of thing is not about Cancers or guys in such a generalized fashion. Each person is different and you will get the screwers alongwith the good ones. Just roll with the punches and move on to someone who isn't trying to be a dick. There are plenty of nice people out there so stop getting hung up on this and quite frankly it's too early in the game for you to be forgiving him, taking him back etc. People display bad behaviour purely to see how far they can go and get away with it.
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lol.. that was a lot easier actually.. I just wanted to give you guys the whole picture. But yea, it doesn't look like he is going to call or text. I'm at work and i've checked his profile a number of times today and yea, he's logged in moving' on without me. This is why I'm so careful with my heart but i thought a fellow cancer would not hurt me.. ah well, the true man of my dreams would definitely have reached out to me by now. So i guess he wasn't the one.
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You can always depend on great advice in the cancer forums smile
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this is true.... the cancers give more responses on this side... i had a dillema with a sag but only just got a few replies
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Posted by Jynja
Posted by cindy22
hey hey! not fair. ok here is the breakdown: Met a cancner man online, (i'm a cancer girl) he swept me off my feet with his charming words for a week??_wanted us to be exclusive - asked me to take down my online profile cuz he had done the same) Turns out I found out yesterday that he turned his profile on again at some point and was logged in.. he must have sensed that i knew because he text me saying he would delete his profile if i would do the same so we could focus on each other. i cut him off , i was so hurt??_
i wrote this post just looking for clarity as to why he would waste his time trying to convince me he was all about me and trying so desperately to get me to be exclusive with him. Do guys really play those games still in their 30's? i never put any pressure on him - he led the way. i miss him and want to know should i reach out to him or leave him alone. or wait.


Did you ask why he had put his profile back up? If you can sneak peek to see if he still has it up, it might help you to know if he's moving on and so you must too, or reach out to him.
It's possible he got tired of being exclusive but was afraid of loneliness or something so he clandestinely re-opened his profile to look for someone else while having you hanging around at the same time.
Sadly, maturity has no maturing age so.
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Jynja, you just re-opened my hopes??_ lol .. i was also thinking that maybe he got lonely or was bored or something??_ I mean, i've talked to multiple people at once online myself, even if i'm liking someone. What hurt me was how he lied saying he closed it and then opened it back up behind my back. He went as far as to block my profile to prevent his from popping up incase i logged in. I also started thinking that perhaps i over-reacted and should have allowed him to explain. I unfortunately didn't ask him why he re-opened it. He made a comment saying that he kept getting notifications and was trying to figure out how to close it. lol. meanwhile, his pictures were back up. So he was straight lying. i was too hurt that i didn't even give him time to explain (plus, i already knew he was gong to take the dishonest route).. I cut him off while he was frantically trying to explain himself.
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Posted by Cancerbabe
this is true.... the cancers give more responses on this side... i had a dillema with a sag but only just got a few replies


Yea, on the cancer boards they seem to be more concerned with helping people.
You seek help here & you WILL find it lol
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Posted by cindy22
Posted by Jynja
Posted by cindy22
hey hey! not fair. ok here is the breakdown: Met a cancner man online, (i'm a cancer girl) he swept me off my feet with his charming words for a week??_wanted us to be exclusive - asked me to take down my online profile cuz he had done the same) Turns out I found out yesterday that he turned his profile on again at some point and was logged in.. he must have sensed that i knew because he text me saying he would delete his profile if i would do the same so we could focus on each other. i cut him off , i was so hurt??_
i wrote this post just looking for clarity as to why he would waste his time trying to convince me he was all about me and trying so desperately to get me to be exclusive with him. Do guys really play those games still in their 30's? i never put any pressure on him - he led the way. i miss him and want to know should i reach out to him or leave him alone. or wait.


Did you ask why he had put his profile back up? If you can sneak peek to see if he still has it up, it might help you to know if he's moving on and so you must too, or reach out to him.
It's possible he got tired of being exclusive but was afraid of loneliness or something so he clandestinely re-opened his profile to look for someone else while having you hanging around at the same time.
Sadly, maturity has no maturing age so.


& Funny you say sneak peek - that's all iv'e been doing since yesterday is peeking. 5 minutes after i broke it off with him, he had a new set of pictures uploaded. He originally had 2 and he now had the full 8 allowed on one profile - all of which were pictures he texted to me during our honeymoon phase lol. I thought at that point he was seeking revenge on me for breaking it off (knowing i would see his profile again) Or maybe he just doesn't care at all and immediately moved on..like screw her. lol I'd rather he be seeking revenge than to not even care at all. oh the agony.
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Posted by Rapunzel
Posted by Cancerbabe
this is true.... the cancers give more responses on this side... i had a dillema with a sag but only just got a few replies


Yea, on the cancer boards they seem to be more concerned with helping people.
You seek help here & you WILL find it lol
click to expand


well perhaps i should summarize my post cuz mine is longer than hers lol
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Posted by BlackIndian22
Well it doesn't matter now, just move on. There's no excuse for his behavior, end of story. I don't like online dating. It's a waste of time. Just meet people in person the old fashion way. You can still talk to him if you want. But don't go crying if he doesn't act right. I wouldn't have hopes for him. But hey, it's on you


Thank you for your kind words Blackindian. smile I'm going to be strong and not write to him. However, I'm not going to lie - if he reaches out to me, i may just respond. Big Grin I still have some hope that he is the cancer man of my dreams. I'll keep you guys posted this week if he reaches out. If he doesn't reach out by Friday, he's as good as dead to me.
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Posted by pisceanpisces
I agree with inc...cancer move on. (but I know it is hard and just so easy to say!) Option one: BE STRONG! Option two: BE STRONGER.
If he goes back to you somehow, give him a hard time. (as hard as you have got) If you want a revenge: tease him, please him and... at the end: say a gentle NO Big Grin


Love this. lol Thank you??_oh how i would love the opportunity to have him meet me in person and fall for me and then tease him and scare him a little!
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Posted by Cancerbabe
Posted by Rapunzel
Posted by Cancerbabe
this is true.... the cancers give more responses on this side... i had a dillema with a sag but only just got a few replies


Yea, on the cancer boards they seem to be more concerned with helping people.
You seek help here & you WILL find it lol


well perhaps i should summarize my post cuz mine is longer than hers lol
click to expand


Haha Yea summarizing will definitely do you some good lol
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Hey guys. I just wanted to say thanks for the insight today.. I really needed it. You were all very straightforward and gave me the reality kick in the behind that i needed...as well as some laughs thrown in the mix. After venting on here earlier and after 2 pints of Haggen Daz a few minutes ago, I'm feeling a lil more warm and cozy here on my couch than i did yesterday. lol Still no word from cancerboy. Next time i meet a cancer, i'll make sure he is born in the first decan. pffft.
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phone reading, one thing leading onto another, not realizing it was a long story lol. I want to give some insight to clarify your situation as the vision seems clouded due to his actions.
Posted by cindy22
He seemed distant on Monday morning (yesterday) so I asked him if something was wrong. He asked "are you going to another lounge today?" I said "no"??_ He said he didn't like how I got dressed up all sexy and didn't text him to at least let him know i was ok and that if we are going to have something serious, he wants to know i'm ok. He also mentioned that he suspected I was on a date with another guy.


Which led to receiving the perception you were not taking him exclusively as he thought you would, which began his games by posting pictures online.
Posted by cindy22
Then 3 hours pass and I didn't hear from him which was strange as he had been reaching out to me at least every 30 minutes since we met (at least to just tell me he was thinking of me). Something told me to check the dating website (again, my cancer suspicious side) and i saw that he had put his pictures back up and was online at the moment. (i don't know when / what day exactly he had done so - wish i was able to tell cuz that would give me a lot more clarity into him / the situation)


And now leading the conclusion you picked up on:
Posted by cindy22
Was i no longer his ideal girl because i went to a lounge? 5 minutes after we stopped talking, i saw he had updated his profile with like 6 more pictures ---all pictures he had sent to me. Now i don't know if that was his way of hurting me or getting revenge on me for cutting him off??_or if maybe, he just said "screw her" and moved on with his search for love?

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It sounds like revenge but also looking for his ideal lady at the same time. I also think he might come back too... and the only concern I have for you is if he does come back, will he start playing games after what he perceived from all of this. Incandescent has a point.....
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Posted by incandescentcancer
quite frankly it's too early in the game for you to be forgiving him, taking him back etc. People display bad behaviour purely to see how far they can go and get away with it.


And it all starts with...
Posted by mr.crabby
the problem is being swept off your feet in the first place!


And the only way to know if he's playing games when he comes back to you is...
Posted by sky1
If you got a friend ask her to add/message him on dating site if he plays the same old games then hes the fuck retarded
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Double phew. Sorry I edited quote phrases. *disappears*
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