Help! I'm dating a Cancer Man

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by sagxproblems on Thursday, December 15, 2016 and has 13 replies.
I had to write this forum since I've been up all night thinking about this and it's driving me crazy. So here it goes.... I am a Sagittarius woman and for some reason I'm ALWAYS drawn to Cancers. I work at a busy bar downtown and a group of guys starting coming in that seemed to take a liking to me because they came to see me every weekend when I was working. It was strange because at first I didn't think anything of them. It wasn't until one night I made a casual comment about how I have a habit of dating younger guys (they're a bit younger than me). The comment was in no way towards them but they looked at each other and I could hear his friend say to him "that's good to know". It was weird because it always kind of seemed like he had a crush on me, even though I wasn't interested at all. The few months after that, it was strange. We would hangout and he would never leave my side, even if his friends left. There would be times if I were working and he would disappear for a while I would text him saying "You just leave me without saying goodbye?" And 2 minutes later he pops up saying "I would never leave you". I thought it was strange because he acts like he's interested but never really texted me to begin with. He would always ask me if I made it home okay after hanging out, or ask me how I'm feeling if I wasn't feeling well but if anyone made the initial contact to get together to do something it's always me.... We did the casual friend thing for about 2 months and just recently kind of hooked up (we didn't have sex just fooled around a bit) I stayed the night and days afterwards still hadn't heard from him. I started to get the feeling of being used so I texted him to meet up for brunch but last minute got so nervous I canceled, telling him I was starting to get feelings for him and I don't do the friends with benefits thing and that maybe we shouldn't hangout for a while out of respect for our friendship and respect for my feelings since he didn't seem to be interested. He said something about how if it's a relationship I'm looking for then he can't make any promises but he's open minded and to let things happen organically. Everything else he says is super vague. And we started talking EVEN LESS after this conversation. The most I get from him is this sad deep emotional look he started giving me ever since I told him my feelings. It makes me feel like there's something he's not telling me. We still talk (if I initiate it) and he'll say sweet things sometimes but anytime I respond back with something nice and sweet, he stops responding. I really don't text him much, maybe like once a week. And the other day he came up to my bar with his sad eyes so I lightly called him out saying "you don't like talking to me much do you?" And he kind of tried starting off with an excuse but read the look on my face that I wasn't buying it and tried to catch himself with "the phone works both ways" but he knew I wasn't buying that because I do most of the texting. Then tried to catch that with "you know I was at that event last weekend" so - sick of his excuses, I redirected the conversation to ask him about how the event was, the conversation soon ended after that. And then he proceeded to stare at me for the next 2 hours even though there are plenty of other bars/clubs to go to. I even saw him and his best friend looking at me and obviously talking about me since they were kind of at a distance and looking to the side to look in order to look in my direction. 2 days later was my birthday and he texted me happy birthday at 10:30 at night but my friend seems to think it was because he was trying to see if I was drunk yet, that maybe he could get a quick hook up. Everyone's telling me to let it go that he's not that into me and if he were he'd be pursuing me which sounds right, but I've dated a lot of cancers and I think it's more complicated than that. The thing is, I've dated cancers that have acted in similar ways and actually WERE using me, and some that liked me but just needed a little push. I honestly don't think I've ever dated a Cancer that actually pursued me. It was either friends pushed us together or I pursued them without realizing it. I'm so confused!!! I don't know if I should keep trying because now I feel like I'm making a fool out of myself. I feel that it could be quite possible that he doesn't care about my feelings and could just be stinging me along based on the possibility of him thinking maybe one day I'll change my mind and eventually sleep with him. Although he does seem like a good genuine guy - he doesn't seem like the type at all, but he's young and I've had a Cancer do this to me before. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP! I'm losing sleep over this
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Sorry that this is so long. I just didn't want to miss any details
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Oh shoot! I forgot a few details. He also always buys my food and he talks to me openly about his family and gave me a tour of where he works like he's trying to invite me into his life but never talks about his feelings even if I'm the one opening up first.
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run away!
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Posted by Shellyd238
run away!
Why Shellyd? Is he "not that into me"
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Posted by TheCanBull
He basically wants you to go after him and take him in your hands.. Cancerian = feminine energy, remember that part.
I figured that. But I've done that with a Cancer before and he was just playing with me. I told my current Cancer that I was just afraid because I've been used before and it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. He didn't really say anything just said "he's listening" and was giving me these watery eyes. I think I'm confusing him, because he told me he's just trying to figure out what it is that I want and that I sounded confused lol. I'm not confused I'm just afraid of being used again. I just feel like I need to do something I just don't know how to approach the situation now - what to say - how to get this going in the direction that I want. Any suggestions?
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Work on yourself, girl. Do not want to have relationship with anyone, until you heal your wound. These cancer guys keep coming back to your life, cause you haven't learned your lessons. They are just mirrors reflecting back to you what you don'/can't accept about yourself.

Seriously, be with yourself, heal and develop unconditional love for yourself and then to guys.

When you manage to have different perspective towards life, that is what you will get back from the world.

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Run before it's too late. Cancers are a trap.

P.S. Cancers don't chase when dating.
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Posted by mariannlittlebe
Work on yourself, girl. Do not want to have relationship with anyone, until you heal your wound. These cancer guys keep coming back to your life, cause you haven't learned your lessons. They are just mirrors reflecting back to you what you don'/can't accept about yourself.

Seriously, be with yourself, heal and develop unconditional love for yourself and then to guys.

When you manage to have different perspective towards life, that is what you will get back from the world.

I understand. I've been told this a lot and I'm working on it - there's just something pulling me towards him. I feel like if I turn my back I could be missing out on something really great. I don't think he's the type of guy to use me but it's like I said it's bringing out these past memories of pain and it's something I need to get past. I feel like I need to go through this to get past it and he's actually helping me.
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Posted by Secret
Run before it's too late. Cancers are a trap.

P.S. Cancers don't chase when dating.
Please elaborate Secret. Why do I run "before it's too late" and why are Cancers a trap?

Thank you for letting me know that Cancer's don't chase when dating - that's really helpful smile
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No, you just think that he is helping. No one can help you to heal but only yourself. Speaking from the same experience trust me on this. He's got his issues, he might have more lessons to learn than you have. Observe the whole thing and accept and leave wishing him the best to overcome his stuff. That's it.

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I'm not a Cancer so maybe my advice won't be useful to you. However, my boyfriend and best friends pretty much all are. What I've noticed is they are kind and cordial to everyone. They'll have casual sex and the other person may not even realize that's what it was. They flutter along more lightly than you'd ever expect from such an emotional sign. However, once they trust someone, see something they view as special or innately feel comfortable, their behavior is consistent, unwavering and very clear. I believe Cancer is often described as this emotional pool craving family and relationships above all else. When in fact Cancer is the strongest water sign in my opinion, knows what it wants and it actually very no bullshit and the opposite of shallow on a very deep level.
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Posted by TheCanBull
Posted by sagxproblems
Posted by TheCanBull
He basically wants you to go after him and take him in your hands.. Cancerian = feminine energy, remember that part.
I figured that. But I've done that with a Cancer before and he was just playing with me. I told my current Cancer that I was just afraid because I've been used before and it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. He didn't really say anything just said "he's listening" and was giving me these watery eyes. I think I'm confusing him, because he told me he's just trying to figure out what it is that I want and that I sounded confused lol. I'm not confused I'm just afraid of being used again. I just feel like I need to do something I just don't know how to approach the situation now - what to say - how to get this going in the direction that I want. Any suggestions?
I don't think he's confused, he is just not chasing you or taking big steps, he's careful with you, and is perhaps wanting you to take the first move.

hmmmm. I don't know. I tried meeting up with him last night and I just feel like I'm bothering him.... even though I hardly ever text him or try to hangout. He just seems annoyed by me. I think I'm just going to give up. I'm starting to feel like a fool and a pest

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