HELP! Will he come back ? CANCER MAN SCORPIO WOMAN

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by wilsontft29 on Wednesday, May 15, 2013 and has 22 replies.
1 of maybe 4
Hello,
So I got reconnected with a guy I haven't seen since high school through FB. He was married 9 yrs with an 8 yr old daughter and divorced about 2 yrs ago. He then jumped right into a relationship with a 21 yr old, he is 30, and they ended up living together. Well they broke up about 4 weeks ago because she wants kids and marriage and he isn't sure if he wants that. Meanwhile the prior month they were saying I love you to each other on FB. I have been separated from my husband of 13 yrs for 6 months working towards divorce. The guy who reconnected ask to meet up and have drinks and catch up. He asked to meet up Saturday and I said sure. We started texting Thursday, Friday, and then till our date. We met up and had a great time. He even asked my GF what I thought of him while I was in the bathroom. So he asked to take me out that following Thursday for dinner. When he left I texted him thanks for coming out and he said it was his pleasure and I was awesome and he can't wait for Thursday. We talked lightly through text throughout the week but mostly at my initiation. We went on our date and had an amazing time! The only thing that bothered me was he had kinda said he doesnt want a relationship/GF right now but he was also just going with the flow so thats what i did too. We have so much in common and huge attraction. He actually stayed the night and just cuddled with me. I texted him Friday morning and thanked him again and I had a great time and he said he had an amazing time and I was a great girl. He ended up coming over that night for about 2 hours and we sat on the couch and just talked and he put my legs across his lad and rubbed my feet. He kissed me goodbye and left. The next day he was working his 24 hr shift (fire fighter) and I didn't text him at all and he didn't text me at all. He had texted me before when he was working. But he did like things on my FB that day. Sunday morning I still hadn't heard anything so I shot him a quick invite for the BBQ I was having. Kept it very generic, and an hr later he replied, "Aaaahhhhhh! I would freaking love to, but i wish u told me yesterday.... I ended up making plans, with One of my firefighter bros Sad damn it man!" And he said he would keep in touch. Well he ended up showing up that evening and he was all over me in front of everyone, even putting me in his lap like we have been dating for a few months! We went back to my place with some friends and got into a relationship discussion
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and he said his last GF was kinda a rebound. Also I want to add she likes everything I post on his FB. So he was saying he doesn't know what he wants and wants to be single for awhile, but I am thinking why in the world is he pursuing me like this. He has always been in super long relationships even in high school. So we all were pretty drunk and he asked if I wanted to go get some food. I did and we had so much fun and he said he really liked me. We came back to my place and after telling him for 30 mins I am not good at casual sex and him telling me he would never push that I end up making the move because I was drunk and had already fallen for him. That morning he tells me I should come see him at his fire station and he would come have lunch with me. We kiss passionately when he leaves. We talk a bit that morning but with my initiation. Then I had something happen with my ex and texted him because he told me if I ever needed to vent he was there because he has been through it. I asked him if I could and he said of course and then told me he was so sorry and feel free to vent to him anytime. So I said something else and I got no response. I then didn't hear from him all day. That evening I met up with a mutual friend for drinks and he invited the guy. When he showed up he looked shocked to see me. He said he was surprised but pleasantly surprised. He seem very uneasy and was acting weird. I tried to play it cool and not give him to much attention. When he left he gave me a crappy hug and I never heard from him. The next morning I sent him a generic text and he responded right away and said he hoped my day goes better than yesterday. I responded back and then heard nothing. Then about five hours later he wrote this"Yes for sure! So i have something to say, and i hope it doest upset u. I feel realy guilty about what happen when I stayed over the othernight. Your a great girl, and more of a catch than me. And id never want to make u feel like ur being used. Its just that i dont need a relationship in my life right now. And I think that both of us are the type that can easily get attached, and i realy need to be by myself for a while. So if its ok with u i dont think we should do that anymore. Id still like to hangout and be friends though. I feel realy stupid, i just think i needed to say this before it goes any furthur." I waited an hr because I felt awful and had no idea what to say so I replied, "Hey thanks for taking the time to send the text...
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I completely get where your coming from, the other night was nice but its not at all like me believe it or not. I too think being friends is what is best. Have a good rest of your day.... Don't be a stranger." I was trying to keep it like I didn't care even tho I was devastated. He then wrote"Oh I wont dont worry. Ur super cool and im glad we reconnected" I didn't respond. When I got home I decided to deactivate my FB and posted that I was because I need to do me and want to get back to when people were real and not the randomness. And I shut it down. Every guy I have met through Facebook has screwed me over and that was the last straw. My friends said it looked bad because he probably thinks it was for him. I just want to disappear for awhile. So it's been two days of no contact. He is going on a cruise with his daughter this weekend and since he said let's stay "friends" I was going to send him a friendly have a great time text cause I don't want to seem like a brat, but after reading your posts I decided not to. Please help!!!! Is this a lost cause or could I get him back?? We really were perfect for each other and I feel like he started liking me as well and got scared because he doesn't want a GF right now. Or could he still be hung up on his ex and I was a rebound? Or maybe he lived his high school fantasy? i do not normally sleep with someone so soon but we were super comfortable with eachother right off the bat. He lives right by me so I hope we don't run into each other. Also on a side note, he has also now deactivated his FB. need to clarify by making the move, he had already made advances with me like kissing and being very lovey dovey, holding me close at night, rubbing my feet, putting his arms around me in public in front of our friends, holding my hand. When I would try to pull away he would pull me back and the sex was both of us not just me. He made the decision to stay the night. He also told me he liked me and could see himself with me. It all happened so fast. And is it strange he deleted his FB and then his ex put hers to private? So my questions are........
1. Do u think he just used me for sex or did he get caught up and possibly could like me but knows he doesn't want a GF.
2. Do you think he went back to his ex by the weird FB actions?
3. Do you think he will really stay friends or was that just a cop out?
4. Will no contact have any bit of an effect in this situation?
I dont know what to do, but do know I have nev


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I don't know what to do, but I do know I have never felt such an intense and quick connection as I did with him. It was instant and I know he felt it too by his actions around me. I have also never met such a cuddling caring man before, but now I know it is Cancer's nature. Any advice would be great and so sorry for the novel!
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Posted by wilsontft29
Is this a lost cause or could I get him back??



Well, you never "had" him to begin with. And do you realize that ^^^this contradicts this:
Posted by wilsontft29
He lives right by me so I hope we don't run into each other.


click to expand


You're all over the place and just reacting without thinking.... the drunken sex, your reaction at the dinner, your response to him wanting to be friends, the nonsense of deactivating your account on FB, you don??t think he could see through your status update?...Meh, it's all a little messy imo. Who wants messy? If he does decide to call it quits and not engage you, just know it's probably was because of the stuff you outlined above and not because he's a "lying assh*le"
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I was trying to not look like an idiot with my response to just being friends...How do you answer someone back when they say what he did? What a huge slap in the face to someone coming into the dating scene at 30 yrs old out of a 13 yr marriageSad I have never had anyone do that, and also he deactivated his FB too. I guees I just don't know how to date someone yet? Everyone is telling me to use no contact and if he is interested he will call me and if not then thats that. I am not used to rejection and need to be more causious I guess.
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@wilsonft29
i think you should work back on yourself again before going into the dating world. Love yourself alone again and just let it be,
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I think ur right! I am sure any guy can see right thru me and feel my desperation right off the bat no matter how hard I try. I am a true Scorpio and need to find that again. The cancer just got out of a relationship and marriage prior so I know that's why he doesn't want anything right now. He is doing what I need to be doing and I truly think things happened so fast and that's why he had to walk away, but it was probably the best thing for me. Just sad because he was really fun to be around and I knew him back in high school and wish we could stay friends but I doubt I will ever hear from him again, and I certainly don't want to look desperate texting him. Thanks for the advice!
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Cancers can be tricky, especially if they are caught up in multiple emotional connections between different relationships simultaneously.
My advice to you is that you NOT worry about him. Sounds like your instincts about him treating you like a rebound are correct, and I would try something else with your life besides obsessing over him and his absurd problems.
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Now that you said that it clicked! I was a freaking rebound;( Damn! Time to start working on me, and maybe one day he will remember me or our paths will cross. We have known each other for yrs.
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well thats alright the truth is right there. so what are you gonna do about it depends on you now? cry whine and get angry
just let it out, more like 2weeks and it will be out of your system for good. i know im a scorpio through and through lol but we are the best zodiacs that comes out way better, in fact we get better more every freaking problem we face.
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Yes I agree we get stronger and come out better each time! But we hurt deeply getting there because we have such strong passion and emotions!
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exactly we tend to put all our efforts heart soul adn emotions out when we commit and when we love thats the downside. but you also need to remember that it will be your life that is gonna be ruined if you let it get you. so the next thing is not waste your time in any man that will never be the best. afterall we can always live without men. my man himself gets upset if he starts getting dramatic, i always say that i dont need his shit if he cant straighten his own emotions he cant ask me to do it for him, with that said in mind he is reminded that he is lucky he is in my life because i opened my door to him not because i need him to complete me but to to complete him bec he needs me more. lol
you can do it, there is no going back to the past my friend, dont ever invest on the past just not worth it. Dont look at the closed door too long you may miss out the brand new door that opened for you. smile
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Thank you so much!! That was very encouraging!! And it took this experience to realize I need to pick myself up off the floor and get back to enjoying my life with or without a man!! Thanks again!
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*UPDATE*
My Cancer man contacted me last saturday after almost 3 months of no contact. Apparently he got back with his ex and it was a big mistake and ended badly. He gave me this huge apology and said he wanted to see me again and he missed me??? Really?!?! We hung out Monday night and he said he had a blast and now I havent heard from him since? Any advice or is this guy just trying to stroke his ego? Thanks.
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ok so you were the rebound, and he got back with his ex, and they broke up now he wants you?
do you want to be that girl?
that girl that comes second? you should wait for the guy that will make you his only.
and you should tell him that.
I'm sorry but it seems like you're trying to put on a front in front of him, trying to act like his actions (or lack of) don't hurt you. and if you let him treat you like crap he is going to keep treating you like crap, dear.
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Posted by wilsontft29
*UPDATE*
My Cancer man contacted me last saturday after almost 3 months of no contact. Apparently he got back with his ex and it was a big mistake and ended badly. He gave me this huge apology and said he wanted to see me again and he missed me??? Really?!?! We hung out Monday night and he said he had a blast and now I havent heard from him since? Any advice or is this guy just trying to stroke his ego? Thanks.


He's stroking his ego. Wanted to know that he still had it and could get you if he wanted to... which you confirmed by seeing a guy who played you and went back to his ex.
You were right about your instincts the first time with him... he hasn't changed. Did you sleep with him again?
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Posted by shellshocker
Posted by wilsontft29
*UPDATE*
My Cancer man contacted me last saturday after almost 3 months of no contact. Apparently he got back with his ex and it was a big mistake and ended badly. He gave me this huge apology and said he wanted to see me again and he missed me??? Really?!?! We hung out Monday night and he said he had a blast and now I havent heard from him since? Any advice or is this guy just trying to stroke his ego? Thanks.


He's stroking his ego. Wanted to know that he still had it and could get you if he wanted to... which you confirmed by seeing a guy who played you and went back to his ex.
You were right about your instincts the first time with him... he hasn't changed. Did you sleep with him again?
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No
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No I didnt thank goodness!!!!
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Posted by dreamingpisces
ok so you were the rebound, and he got back with his ex, and they broke up now he wants you?
do you want to be that girl?
that girl that comes second? you should wait for the guy that will make you his only.
and you should tell him that.
I'm sorry but it seems like you're trying to put on a front in front of him, trying to act like his actions (or lack of) don't hurt you. and if you let him treat you like crap he is going to keep treating you like crap, dear.


Yes, I guess I am trying to act like he is not that special, and I flat out told him I refuse to be a rebound, but I guess I am going about it wrong.
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The problem here is you want a relationship and he wants to get laid. I know this hurts to hear but when a man tells you, "I'm not ready for a relationship" yes he's being honest but he's also not including the last two words because they will hurt you "with you." Yes, it does sound like he does need time to heal. But how will you feel if you wait in the wings and he chooses a woman he just met at the coffee shop on the way to work? Happens like that all the time. I don't know anyone whose successfully waited in the wings for their turn. You gotta move on with your life and hold out for the whole enchilada.
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Posted by Este8
The problem here is you want a relationship and he wants to get laid. I know this hurts to hear but when a man tells you, "I'm not ready for a relationship" yes he's being honest but he's also not including the last two words because they will hurt you "with you." Yes, it does sound like he does need time to heal. But how will you feel if you wait in the wings and he chooses a woman he just met at the coffee shop on the way to work? Happens like that all the time. I don't know anyone whose successfully waited in the wings for their turn. You gotta move on with your life and hold out for the whole enchilada.


Ya, thats what I am going to do. I thought by him contacting me again and going on and on about what a mistake he made meant he may like me, but I am just gonna move on. Glad nothing happened between us this time.
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