Hot mess crab...please help!

I am really going to try and keep this as short as possible. Before I begin, I just have to throw this Out there-I am so ready for commitment...to the asylum.
Ok. All jokes aside, for the past 7 months, I have been on the worlds longest roller coaster ride with a cancer man, who is 13 years older than me. it began as friends, then progressed into FWB. He sees other people, as do I. We have been up front from the get go. This man is damaged-as in not over an ex wife from 9 years ago, HATES even when someone in the room says the word "marriage", labeled 'player', 'asshole' Etc. Anyways, we get along very well with a ton in common. People have warned me to not go there, but being a Leo and a risk taker, I did it anyways-but mostly bc we really do get along. We share a Very similar wicked, twisted sense of humor and that is mostly what kept me intrigued. Months went by and I never truly got attached to this man because I have been guarded from the beginning with a good understanding of him. So a couple months pass....normal routine of our fun outings. YES. Most of this involves booze. I do see him refularly sober though through my job (he's a regular customer)
Out of the blue one evening after a good time out and a few drinks, he drops the "L" bomb on me. I was taken by Surprise so It took me a while to respond with a very shaky "I love you too". I know that is mean. I just did NOT see that coming. I immediatly left the room to process what had just happened. I figured it was drunk talk so I brush it off and go back to bed. Next morning, I could tell
He Remebered it. Just his actions. later that night he called me out of the blue to simply say "there is no bad blood between us, right?" Not sure what he meant but I said no and that was the end of the conversation. He then goes MIA for a week. Total avoided work and the club we hang out at. he eventually came back around and we carelessly continue seeing each other.
Anyway, a couple months go by and I notice he took a step back and starts bringing other women around in front of me. Whatever. So I call him to come
Hang out one night and he tells me that I need to stop trying to make this a relationship. I got a bit mad because he's the one throwing the L word around so carelessly. I reminded him that in a FWB situation he does not need to "play" games to keep this going and to never do that again. That same night, he says how he's tired of basically being a man whore and is ready to settle down. Tired of "women using him". Idk wtf he means by that but this man Pretty much despises all Women-except when it comes to sex. At this point, I am ready to throw him out my window because he literally had just said a few hours ealier that he backed off of me because he sensed I wanted a relationship. I set the record straight and explained that I chose this fwb thing
With him because I knew he had commitment issues. He agrees and we continue contact.

Continued...
As time goes by, we do become closer friends. We laugh and do have a fun time. He starts opening up (even crying to me while reminiscing and showing me his family photo albums). I am a caring person so I accept this emotional behavior and comfort him. I have even taken care of him when he hurt his knee. Just really being a good friend. He needed help cleaning his house so I helped him. I have cooked for him just to give him a break because he has fed me lunch while I helping him clean. I really started seeing a totally different person. All the "player" accusations had been thrown out the window-i never minded he had his flings. I have mine too. During this time though, he makes it very clear he doesn't want a relationship. Btw-I NEVER ask he just says this stuff out of the blue. It gets sort of annoying. I have never once asked him where this was going. I just go with the flow.
So I now start to see a change in how he responds to me-calling back immediatly, texting more, talking about his life and problems (everyday stuff). It's like the whole thing took a turn when he asked me to help him clean. He never spoke that L word until this point. One night, he said it again and it again took me by surprise. I responded, because by this time, I am honestly feeling it because I felt like We did form a bond. We weren't really drinking. Just had a couple so we were not completely trashed. He also said I might be a blessing in disguise ? This time, he doesn't go MIA on me. He seems closer. We keep hanging out more often.
IM still very guarded though. I have major trust issues. I always wonder if he means it or just strings me along.
So, our last outing we both got really drunk. He poured it all out like the fountain of youth. The "I love yous" "please don't leave me" at one point he puts on his parents wedding song and wants me to slow dance, says he imagines me living there helping take care of him (not financially-cleaning and cooking Etc) i have never truly opened up to him and the liquid courage kicked in and I said how i felt. I said how I have fallen for him but it hurts because he will never commit to me only. He grabs me and makes love. This was like no sex we have ever had. Hell I have never had a man make love to me that way. I feel like I'm in a movie at this point.
So the next morning, he drops the line "since I'm not good enough, maybe we should be over" (he said it with sarcasm-mocking me if you will. I laugh and playfully say Okay then! We are done! He says "there was nothing there to be done with anyways". Takes me back home and now he's starting to pull back. At this point I am going crazy. I feel like maybe it is only the booze talking-which makes NO sense to me because I am at my most honest when I have been drinking. So I let him sulk in his shell. I didn't bother him for a few days. I call him later that week and tell him I wanna see him. He invites me over-hesitantly.

LAST ONE
This night I just said Ef it and asked him if he means what he says or if it's just the booze or if he's stringing me along. He got really Upset and just started yelling ? I was just asking. I said no harm we all say stupid things when we are drinking. All he would say is "no I am not stringing you along" and then asked me to leave. He was legit mad at me for asking him how he felt. I really didn't see a problem. So back to that effing shell he went. I let him alone
When he's sulking. last night, I texted asking what he was up to. He explained in detail. I just let him know I was at the club having a drink. 10 minutes later he blows through that door like he had
To have spead into town lol. He has one drink, talks a little, denies my request to come over and leaves. I am seriously hurt so I just followed him outside and tried to give him a hug. He pulls away and leaves. I know this is long and I know it's boring but I am like WTF just happened. This whole thing was not
Supposed to go this way. I never imagined I would have fallen for this guy but I did. I'm wondering what the deal is? Why so confusing? People say he's stringing me along but that's a lot of effort to string someone along in my opinion...I feel like he does have feelings. But another part tells me this is all a part of the "game" and this has happened to many women. i see him quite a bit so I don't see where he could put THIS much effort into more than one woman. So I am just asking for opinions. I know these men take ages to open up and I am ok with that. I don't need commitment right now. But my feelings are invested now and I kind of
Want to keep it up. At the same time I am terrified of getting hurt. He told me he's afraid I will hurt him. He also has told me I am very guarded and anti-relationship-but I don't talk about that. He does. SOOO. I just accidentally fell in love and my fwb backfired on me and now I feel like I am fit
For a straight jacket. Please. Cancer guys. I need your opinion. Do you think this guy is sincere and just highly guarded or am I another victim of the game?

He's telling the truth. They hate it when you doubt them. Cancers just are a hot mess...

lioness,

I think fears interfere with his feelings towards you. His past might hurt him deeply.
All you have to do is avoid asking a lot. Of course we, as woman we have to ask sometimes but in your case avoid it at all cost.
Let him fall in love with you. Don't force the issue. Once he can see you as long term partner then you will know, but for now show him compassion instead of throwing hurts
at him by saying hey I have to remind you that we are just blah blah.

My cancer man at this time behaving like your man. The good news is that we don't see each other daily. There are times we miss to chat 1-3 days max. But when he get back
it's a full force conversation with all love and affection. I avoid questioning him when he asked did you doubt my love? I always respond no. short and firm. No need to explain.

Stay calm and check your emotions as well as how you deal with your man. Cancers are very sensitive.

Goodluck
M

Thanks for the replies. I tried to give as much info as possible but it's just too hard to explain this all. I don't tell him I despise relationships. I have said plenty of times that SOMEDAY I want one. I hate rejection just as much as the crabs do so I have a funny way with expressing myself. I do stay aloof but I do it so I don't scare him off. Deep down, I would snatch him up in a heartbeat and keep him to myself lol. I told him that actually, and he smiled. I thought he would go all cray on me. I find myself saying "can I say something with out you acting all crazy" because he's just so sensitive. The biggest issue is his lifestyle I think. I have been with your typical "player". It DOESNT feel that way. But he does have this "gf". I wouldn't wven call it that. They are never together. They have known each other for years. He wants her to settle down with him but she won't. She still has a close relationship with her ex husband and that kills him. A mutual friend told me he would never leave her entirely for anyone else but I don't see where there is any connection. They don't even live together. On the other hand, a close relative of his says he just wants loved and even she doesn't understand why he likes her so much and agrees that it's just a fwb thing and there is nothing there. So I don't want to waste my time if I may never get commitment from him. I do know I have done more for him in his personal life that any of these other gals. He adores his mother and compares women against his parents. I am the only fit. But he is bothered by my age and he has teen age kids. I have met his oldest and we get along. But his other two he was keeping me from ? His middle child added me on FB recently so I asked him why and he said he told her about me. I feel like he's slowly introducing me into his life. But I just don't know. I am upset with myself for all of this because I don't like games. I am straight foward and there is nothing straight forward about this relationship or whatever you want to call it. I can be patient but not forever. I try desperately to understand him

I'd be worried about the "gf" ? If he actually does want her...well he might just be waiting to see if she ever will and keeping you hangin on...

I think that at times but after years and all the "outsiders" views of it saying "most effed up relationship". I was in his situation. I was with someone for 10 years who I kept breaking it off with and getting back with. It was basically a security blanket. When someone came along I had no problem ditching him. When that didn't work, we got back together. That is so shady and wrong, I know. Please dont judge. We have all done something we don't like to admit that's why I feel this might work. Hell if I know anymore. I'm just gonna get drunk and go with it because my life can't get any worse! Lmao

I left the guy for good though. With no back up plan. I guess I'm finally growing up? Lol. Advice. LEO AND LEO do NOT work

I hear that....

Posted by lioness1288
I left the guy for good though. With no back up plan. I guess I'm finally growing up? Lol. Advice. LEO AND LEO do NOT work

two of the same usually does not work out. each one needs what the other doesn't have...

--Jack

Posted by CancerRedhead
this is as short as possible? this is the absolute definition of an unhealthy relationship...

-hannah

Well, I guess I am a hot mess too. Sorry that I offended you with the length of my story. Thanks for the insight though 🙂