How Do They Make it Seem So Real?
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by kateinkansascity on Sunday, August 19, 2007 and has 34 replies.
Because deep down inside he wants more than a friendship but the thought of commitment may make him run off. So, enjoy it while it last he will let you know that he wants a relationship with you. He also aware that he hurt you very deeply and he is just moving slow and taking his time so that he does not run himself off when you all become committed in your relationship again. Slow moving is the best way with a Cancer man.
Some typo errors sorry Kate.
If you take two steps back everytime he takes one step further, you won't have to worry about him pulling the rug from under you.
No, I wouldn't call it a dance, it's his way of being safe and not feeling rushed into a commitment.
if u dont get too close u dont get emotionally attached.....because yes, then we are vulnerable. giving someone the ability to hurt me is not something i take lightly.
but like a moth to the flame we are drawn to the closeness we fear
CJ,
Does this mean that you are drawn to the closeness that you know is not any good for you?
Does this mean that you are drawn to the closeness that you know is not any good for you?
yep 
I'm gonna be as objective with this as possible considering me and Cancers do NOT get along but...
For the Cancers I know - it seems so real because for them, it *IS* real.
They never truly get over/let go of any emotion - good or bad. So when they're in close proximity to an ex, if the warm fuzzy feelings come up they go along with them. They will be as warm, loving, affectionate, etc. as they were when they were close to you because they really *are* feeling those things.
However -
It doesn't mean they want to get back together or want to be more than friends. It means they like the warm fuzzy feelings. And what's even better for them with an "ex" is that they know them well enough to see exactly how much of the "warm and fuzzies" they can share with them before they need to pull away to protect *themselves* from the possibility of getting hurt.
Good luck to you though Kate. I don't have the patience for it.
When they go into their "shells" instead of feeling all patient and nurturing I just want to take a sharp stick and poke them to death.
I might just be a b!tch. Oh well.
For the Cancers I know - it seems so real because for them, it *IS* real.
They never truly get over/let go of any emotion - good or bad. So when they're in close proximity to an ex, if the warm fuzzy feelings come up they go along with them. They will be as warm, loving, affectionate, etc. as they were when they were close to you because they really *are* feeling those things.
However -
It doesn't mean they want to get back together or want to be more than friends. It means they like the warm fuzzy feelings. And what's even better for them with an "ex" is that they know them well enough to see exactly how much of the "warm and fuzzies" they can share with them before they need to pull away to protect *themselves* from the possibility of getting hurt.
Good luck to you though Kate. I don't have the patience for it.
When they go into their "shells" instead of feeling all patient and nurturing I just want to take a sharp stick and poke them to death.
I might just be a b!tch. Oh well.
what a hater
i dont get along with other cancers either for the most part.....just a few.
i dont get along with other cancers either for the most part.....just a few.
lol ^^
I can't argue with that.
I seriously try not to be, but every Cancer I've known just gets on my last nerve. Not that I think they're bad people, just can't interact with them without taking out a sharp stick....
I can't argue with that.
I seriously try not to be, but every Cancer I've known just gets on my last nerve. Not that I think they're bad people, just can't interact with them without taking out a sharp stick....
i have all my own emotions that i dont push off on anyone, with a pisces moon i dont have the capacity to absorb all thier garbage on top of mine and if u are too sympathetic they will dump on u every chance they get....my dad depresses the shit out of me.
not everyone is like that CJ.....
spoken like a true leo.... but yes -that has been my experience with Scorpios, it's almost as though they invite you to cross the line [whatever sort of line it may be] just so they can get indignant about it... no offense to anyone - that's just been my experience.....
i think kate you taking the situation for what it is and not stressing over it is the mature thing to do. i know you wish things were different with this guy but until he is ready to learn and change for himself all you can do is keep supporting him. also, as long as you aren't driving yourself crazy about this and keeping doing your thing who knows how it will turn out. when i broke up with my exvirgal i knew she wasn't ready to change and i couldn't do it for her. we all have our own journeys in life and i think i said it before and i truly believe that you can't help anyone who doesn't want to help themselves.
kate i never took you as whining or complaining. i think you are just trying to understand where he is coming from. but with us cancers it is hard to say. we feel so many different emotions and until we are ready to grow up and deal with them they usually control us. this is why it is so hard to pin us down because we fluctuate back and forth back and forth..but as long as you are doing what you feel is right for you then you can't go wrong :-)
Yes Kate,
I don't consider you being doormatish, whiney or complaining. I know you have been through some tough times with your Cancer friend. Yes, you are supposed to accept him as he is and trying to change him will not do either of you any good. Yes, times get hard trying to deal with other peoples feelings and their emotions. I think you know what you want from him and out of life and continue to just do you.
I don't consider you being doormatish, whiney or complaining. I know you have been through some tough times with your Cancer friend. Yes, you are supposed to accept him as he is and trying to change him will not do either of you any good. Yes, times get hard trying to deal with other peoples feelings and their emotions. I think you know what you want from him and out of life and continue to just do you.
OH Leokitten,
You are so loveable. You have got to love leokitten! Got to love her!
You are so loveable. You have got to love leokitten! Got to love her!
Kate - I understand what you are saying - my best friend is a scorp and feels the same about detaching emotionally...the only caution I urge is that cancers can't do that...if you feel that he is drawing on those past emotions then maybe it would be good to step back for HIS sake.... whether you will let him cross the line or not - he may be thinking that's what's going on, and in the end if he gets crushed then he may take the situation the same way he did with his ex you say he can't get over. You really have to be gentle with a cancers emotions and if you care about him then it would be prudent to consider what is good for him as well under your current circumstances. If he were as detached as you I'm sure hanging out as friends would be no problem - but for him it may be a much bigger problem than he is letting on.
ha ha ....you should meet my ex....he would say he was evolved and no one understands the depths of his empotions....I know the depths of his emoetions...they're as deep as whatever hole he's plowing at the moment.......
"Yes, I know it was just for that evening and that in the daylight, nothing has changed, but I am curious how cancer guys can do this, shift gears from almost nonchalant in a relationship, just friends, etc, and then treat you and act just like they did when they were most in love with you, how do they do this, my cancer friends?"
lol, you want the answer now?
It's .. Male 101
Chapter 1, paragraph 1 ... when a male suddenly, out of nowhere, starts treating an old girlfriend with flirtatious gestures, and making her feel all lovey dovey .. he's horny and looking to get laid.
Chapter 1, parapraph 2 ... in the morning, he'll be emotionally distant because he's not looking for a committment .. just arse.
lol, you want the answer now?
It's .. Male 101
Chapter 1, paragraph 1 ... when a male suddenly, out of nowhere, starts treating an old girlfriend with flirtatious gestures, and making her feel all lovey dovey .. he's horny and looking to get laid.
Chapter 1, parapraph 2 ... in the morning, he'll be emotionally distant because he's not looking for a committment .. just arse.
He has to make it sound good, convincing .. if he's to score.
Question: How old are you?
Question: How old are you?
"Gee, I dunno, moon. As far as I know, it's the Pisces whose emotions and degree of evolution cannot be fathomed. In fact, they are on a whole other level than the other 11 signs, who must be evolved in order to understand any part of their profoundness. You see, they were *born* evolved. Just ask around on the Pisces board. It's true!"
The initial tear in the thread ... emotions left uncheck and ....
The initial tear in the thread ... emotions left uncheck and ....
a stinger will start waving directionless.
In fact, it might even wave on the Cancer board.
In fact, it might even wave on the Cancer board.
Dayum Leokitten, you are so loveable. MEOW!
I'm curious how people can hang out with old friends, have a great time and at the end of this great time, misconstrue this wonderful time as having deeper feelings?
Kate, why exactly would you think that a man wouldn't be able to resist you and so friendly affection on his part must be putting moves on.
In your original post, you didn't "say" that he did or said anything to you about loving you again .. you say, it was very reminiscent .. which means it reminded you, or suggested .. that isn't action of any kind, Kate. That is what was in your head ONLY.
As for actions on his part: "We had a great time, laughed our heads off, watched the game, went to his place and watched baseball, and had an exceptional evening together"
How long have you been scorned over this man and being deluded about his intentions?
In your original post, you didn't "say" that he did or said anything to you about loving you again .. you say, it was very reminiscent .. which means it reminded you, or suggested .. that isn't action of any kind, Kate. That is what was in your head ONLY.
As for actions on his part: "We had a great time, laughed our heads off, watched the game, went to his place and watched baseball, and had an exceptional evening together"
How long have you been scorned over this man and being deluded about his intentions?
Hi Kate,
I know you have been on here for a longtime talking about this cancer guy. My view on the matter is that you care about this cancer man and you enjoy the time spent together therefore you are not completely letting him go. You are standoffish because you know he is not fully capable of meeting your needs. That is totally understandable. I know you wish in your heart that things could change. That's the most messed up thing about cancer men. They always seem to have so many great things about them but, yet so many bad. But, you have to ask yourself if the good out weights the bad. In your case I don't think it does. So why not keep a close friendship and enjoy the good in him. You don't have to be attached to someone to enjoy spending time with them.
I will tell you this. I was told by a cancer man that they always go back to their X's because they can. All of his X's will take him back as he put it. He must not be such a bad guy if all his X's will take him back... hmmm Guess he can revert back to his previous self simply because he can. It's called mood swings...
I know you have been on here for a longtime talking about this cancer guy. My view on the matter is that you care about this cancer man and you enjoy the time spent together therefore you are not completely letting him go. You are standoffish because you know he is not fully capable of meeting your needs. That is totally understandable. I know you wish in your heart that things could change. That's the most messed up thing about cancer men. They always seem to have so many great things about them but, yet so many bad. But, you have to ask yourself if the good out weights the bad. In your case I don't think it does. So why not keep a close friendship and enjoy the good in him. You don't have to be attached to someone to enjoy spending time with them.
I will tell you this. I was told by a cancer man that they always go back to their X's because they can. All of his X's will take him back as he put it. He must not be such a bad guy if all his X's will take him back... hmmm Guess he can revert back to his previous self simply because he can. It's called mood swings...
"I was told by a cancer man that they always go back to their X's because they can."
That's scary, honeygirl ... it doesn't sound very sincere, rather, convenient in the moment. So, in this mind-set .. does that mean that when something better comes along .. he will dump her?
Afterall, when the new relationship goes wrong .. he can always go back because he can .. and he must be worth it, if they take him back.
How can that kind of man be worth it? I just couldn't imagine ..
"Honey, do you care about me."
"No, I'm just here because you took me back."
That's scary, honeygirl ... it doesn't sound very sincere, rather, convenient in the moment. So, in this mind-set .. does that mean that when something better comes along .. he will dump her?
Afterall, when the new relationship goes wrong .. he can always go back because he can .. and he must be worth it, if they take him back.
How can that kind of man be worth it? I just couldn't imagine ..
"Honey, do you care about me."
"No, I'm just here because you took me back."
"an exceptional evening together that was very reminiscent of when we were together and most deeply in love.
Yes, I know it was just for that evening and that in the daylight, nothing has changed, but I am curious how cancer guys can do this, shift gears from almost nonchalant in a relationship, just friends, etc, and then treat you and act just like they did when they were most in love with you ...."
lol ......
"there are those of us who have emotionally evolved in such a manner that we can simply have it both ways, enjoy the relationsip but not cling to the past.
Have a little faith and trust in a person truly knowing themself, their capacity and ability to see the world clearly, not according to the norm."
You are about as unaware of yourself as a person can get, Kate, for you talk out of both sides of your mouth and are clueless to it.
To say you have evolved past this and don't cling to it, then to put energy into thinking about how much he acted like he did in the past, so much that you would start a thread about it ... is a complete contridiction .. and not of words, so much, rather, feelings.
leokitten sees this very clearly, for what it is in reality.
Yes, I know it was just for that evening and that in the daylight, nothing has changed, but I am curious how cancer guys can do this, shift gears from almost nonchalant in a relationship, just friends, etc, and then treat you and act just like they did when they were most in love with you ...."
lol ......
"there are those of us who have emotionally evolved in such a manner that we can simply have it both ways, enjoy the relationsip but not cling to the past.
Have a little faith and trust in a person truly knowing themself, their capacity and ability to see the world clearly, not according to the norm."
You are about as unaware of yourself as a person can get, Kate, for you talk out of both sides of your mouth and are clueless to it.
To say you have evolved past this and don't cling to it, then to put energy into thinking about how much he acted like he did in the past, so much that you would start a thread about it ... is a complete contridiction .. and not of words, so much, rather, feelings.
leokitten sees this very clearly, for what it is in reality.
Age is irrelevant, life experiences are irrelevant ... for I knew when I was 11 years old, maybe even earlier, that when our actions and words don't match how we behave, that it means we are blinded to the truth about ourselves.
To find personal growth, it's really important to understand why we do the things we do .... such as, if you and this man are having just a fun "friendship" time hanging out, then this is just what it is and nothing more .. yet, you view it as it was ... clinging to past. He is who he is now, not who he was then .. just as you are who you are now, not who you were then.
Now, if during this "friendship" time that was suppose to be just that, ended with a night of doing each other in the sack, when in the morning, you both just walked away .. again, this doesn't mean "love" in any way .. just sex.
From your testimony, it doesn't sound like he did or said anything to suggest that he has this "loving" feeling for you .. what is suggested is that you cannot understand how he did this .. the "this" meaning, how he made you feel like you used to feel about your partnership with him, when there was one .. and the truth of the matter is ..
He didn't make you feel this way .. you make yourself feel this way. We are responsible for our own feelings ..
So, in this theory, when you get angry .. is it someone else's fault?
When you feel depressed, do you look for another person to whom made you feel down and out?
If he was just being a friend, and it was YOU who was the only person having these thoughts and/or feelings and he wasn't reciprocating it, then it's you being deluded.
You can take offense if you want, out of defense for yourself, however, if you really want to evolve, then perhaps it would be prudent to stop and take notice. What is the goal?
To actually evolve? Or just make yourself think so?
Now, if during this "friendship" time that was suppose to be just that, ended with a night of doing each other in the sack, when in the morning, you both just walked away .. again, this doesn't mean "love" in any way .. just sex.
From your testimony, it doesn't sound like he did or said anything to suggest that he has this "loving" feeling for you .. what is suggested is that you cannot understand how he did this .. the "this" meaning, how he made you feel like you used to feel about your partnership with him, when there was one .. and the truth of the matter is ..
He didn't make you feel this way .. you make yourself feel this way. We are responsible for our own feelings ..
So, in this theory, when you get angry .. is it someone else's fault?
When you feel depressed, do you look for another person to whom made you feel down and out?
If he was just being a friend, and it was YOU who was the only person having these thoughts and/or feelings and he wasn't reciprocating it, then it's you being deluded.
You can take offense if you want, out of defense for yourself, however, if you really want to evolve, then perhaps it would be prudent to stop and take notice. What is the goal?
To actually evolve? Or just make yourself think so?
I was told by a cancer man that they always go back to their X's because they can."
That's scary, honeygirl ... it doesn't sound very sincere, rather, convenient in the moment. So, in this mind-set .. does that mean that when something better comes along .. he will dump her?
Afterall, when the new relationship goes wrong .. he can always go back because he can .. and he must be worth it, if they take him back.
How can that kind of man be worth it? I just couldn't imagine ..
"Honey, do you care about me."
"No, I'm just here because you took me back."
I believe in his situation yes it is simply of convenience... Cancers don't like to be lonely... So if no one else is around, why not? He must feel more comfortable being with his X's because he doesn't have to try or doesn't have to get to know a new person. He doesn't have to fear rejection!!! I believe he might try to work it out but those old ghosts/skeletons in the closet come back to haunt him...
That's scary, honeygirl ... it doesn't sound very sincere, rather, convenient in the moment. So, in this mind-set .. does that mean that when something better comes along .. he will dump her?
Afterall, when the new relationship goes wrong .. he can always go back because he can .. and he must be worth it, if they take him back.
How can that kind of man be worth it? I just couldn't imagine ..
"Honey, do you care about me."
"No, I'm just here because you took me back."
I believe in his situation yes it is simply of convenience... Cancers don't like to be lonely... So if no one else is around, why not? He must feel more comfortable being with his X's because he doesn't have to try or doesn't have to get to know a new person. He doesn't have to fear rejection!!! I believe he might try to work it out but those old ghosts/skeletons in the closet come back to haunt him...
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