HOW DO YOU DUMP A CANCER?

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by scorpio978 on Friday, March 28, 2008 and has 30 replies.
i took me a while to get to this decision. i have tried and told my cancer guy several times that we need to go our separate ways but every time he keeps on calling me and texting me saying that he will never leave me alone....i guess i am not that strong and i always give in, he can chase me every day almost 20-50 texts a day and he can go on for months.....guys have you got any ideas please?
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Sure you don't want to change the topic "HOW TO DUMP A STALKER" Let me guess...when you give in does he run and act like you don't exist?
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Hi Scorpio 978,
Never had this problem with a cancer but did have it with a libra, what you have to do is the following, everytime he contacts you, ie text, phone msg, email, encounter, ignore it. DO NOT RESPOND......IF YOU RESPOND HE IS GETTING ATTENTION AND FIGURES THAT THERE IS SOME HOPE....BECAUSE WHY WOULD YOU BE GETTING UPSET WITH HIM IF YOU DIDN'T CARE....
It took awhile with my Libra....we only dated for 2 1/2 months but when I broke it off he continued to haunt me for just shy of 2 months....at first you want to be nice.....wrong strategy.....you can't be nice you have to say hey its over and I want nothing to do with you and cut all contact.....
So even though he might continue to contact you, you don't respond and slowly the fire will be exstinguished because its not getting any air.....he will eventually become bored and move on to his next victim
Hope that helps, it worked for me!
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lol@laradiva, no he used to do that, in the beginning but after i addressed the matter he changed that, he keeps in contact every day, and God forbid that i ignore him, however when i told him that i wanted a serious relationship he told me that "he would love to but he wouldn't do me justice".......and when i asked why he didn't say anything so i left it to that!!!on another occasion he said that he wasn't ready (he is 39 and he is desperate to get an extremely well paid job for more than a year now, so he can move in a big house)...i have decided i really do not want to hang around and wait to see what he decides to do or if his future plans include me!!!
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thanks cheeky14u, once i changed my number and didn't speak for 3 months, then he tracked my email down from a mutual friend and emailed me saying that why i would do that to him, why did i leave him and treated him that way and that he would never do that to me, i was feeling very weak at that point and i was missing him so we reestablished the connection...not even to this point i do not know what to think...does he care/loves/wants me or he is just being clingy???
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I wish I knew what to tell you scorpio, they are very confusing.....they want you and then when you want them they run away....perhaps its because you no longer want him he is trying to hold on....
You have been upfront with him regarding what you want so its not like he doesn't know how you feel.....he just is more concerned about how he feels and where he is in his life.....
You would think that at 39 he would be ready to settle down or make some kind of conrete plans....yes a big house is nice but so is a warm bed with someone you love?
Seems like a easy choice to me if he really loves you and wants to be with you!
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you have to be mean to us. we might act like your meanness doesn't bother us but we are sensitive way deep down inside. also, since he is a man a few blows to his ego would probably do the trick. if anything he will hide in his shell and that at least will give you an opportunity to regroup yourself.
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cansir....you are so right. I had a situation with my cancer who keeps popping up even though he tells me he's not ready to give back cuz that's what it really is. I have to sometime agree that you guys tend to be rather lazy in relationships. In any event I stop speaking to him and what happens...he calls so I learned to treat him like he doesn't count. I don''t make an effort to make time for him, I reply to his text messages when I'm ready and it drives him crazy and on top of all this he has the nerve to get mad. You know he actually will text me just to ask what i'm doing...if I say I'm home he never replies so I learned to always be busy when those nosy text messages come in... of course he gets clingy then. "What time will you be home?", "Are you home yet?"
When you throw a couple blows to his ego watch out....he'll punish you.

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oh cansir, thank you....i thought of that but i do not want to hurt him, i am a very considerate person and i do not want to be pushy either but when i told him that i felt that i was being used he denied it and said that it is wrong to feel that way and i behave like a spoilt child!!! i do not know how to make him understand that i do not want him to take a decision there and then but i think i deserve to know what his intentions are without hurting him with words that would lead to nothing...
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yes libradiva, that is very much like my cancer guy, he asks me what i am doing and i tell him that i am watching a movie, and then that is it!!! what is that all about...sometimes i get busy with stuff and if i do not check my phone he goes mad and keeps on sending messages? whay is that? once i got so fed up with this and told him that we need to split up and that he needs to leave me alone.....and then he replies.."why are you moody?"!!!also if he is doing his own stuff i just understand and give him space but if he wants to see me and i say that i am tired or doing something else, it is the end of the world!!!if i go out he waits and then 2 hours down the line, @11pm he suddenly wants to see me????("what time can you get to my house for?", "where are you?", "who are you with?", and 2 minutes later again "are in the cab yet?".....is this how they show you that they care or not really?
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I'm sorry, but you have to be blunt with this guy and just tell him that its over. I know it's hard, but don't respond to any of his texts. It might drive him crazy. However, you have to keep your sanity and health intact. I remember being in love with someone and she was totally honest and blunt with me that it was over. I was crazy about her and didn't want it to end, but that was the only way she could get it across to me that its over. Any little sign of hope might make him feel that he still has a chance. Man, I hate that clingy and never let it go trait, but it can be true.
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i have tried this, it didn't work!!! is this love, is this a cancer expresses/shows his feelings?
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How long have you tried it for?
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3 months and 1/2......
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ahh yes the cancer manipulation. we are masters at it and if you let us get away with it you are going to be in big trouble. one thing about us is we do things on our time. when we finally decide we want something then and there then yes we can be really big pains. one thing i learned that is very true is we teach ppl how to treat us..scorpio stand up for yourself and let him know you are not going to put up with this half-a $ $ relationship. it is time to stop thinking about his feelings and start focusing on yours. you are obviously not happy so do what is right for you..
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Time for you to get strong and just cut it off. I wish there was an easier way. Ignore him and his little text messages and manipulation. Self preservation. That is the only way to get through it.
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dear cansir, thank you for that, you are very right, i have to put my foot down!!! take it or leave it kind of thing because all of this is very confusing to me, i know he tells me he cannot stay without me but he needs to do something about it!!! last week i helped him clean his house and after that i told him that i cannot carry on like this and that i feel that we should just mind our own business, and go separate ways but then he left me alone for a couple of days and asked me what i was doing 2 days later. then yesterday he asked me if i can make his favourite food for him, and i am taking it over his house this week end, i know he expects me to stay over but i will tell him that i will not untill he tells me the "in" or "out" of this issue!!!
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stop catering to him..cleaning his house and making him food..that is why he is doing the things he is doing cause he knows you aren't serious..
i guess i must not fit the typical cancer mold then merc cause i don't chase anyone. you either want to be with me or you don't. might be due to my capricorn moon and aries rising..
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I don't get it.....if he is treating you badly why would you make anything for him.....he is 39 years old.... your not his mother....why baby him....he should be able to stand up on his own two feet and let you know what his intentions are.....and why do you treat him well when he isn't doing the same for you? aren't relationship's suppose to be a two way street....its one thing to be nice....its another thing to be a door mat
If you keep putting up with this you are only going to let him drive you crazy and he will continue to wear down your self esteem until you will not be able to function.....and you still won't know whether you are coming or going!
Its time for him to man up and let you know where you stand....its the least he can do.....and if he can't then I think you have your answer!
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"one thing i learned that is very true is we teach ppl how to treat us"
See the next time he calls I will not reject him.... and that will be tonight trust me he's not that clever. But in his mind he's in control..because I ignored him last weekend
he wouldn't talk to me at all week. Except to answer a very important business question I had to resolved.
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oh my, i have never got so many "slaps" in one go....i thought he loved me that is why i was hanging in there for so long!!!!!!
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Scorpio978, sorry to be so harsh.....he may indeed love you.....but more importantly do you love you.....I am sure you do smile so you deserve for him to treat you better and with respect
IF he can't or is unwilling then I think you have to make the decision of can I live like this and just keep hoping that he will change....or shall I move on perhaps and find the one who will show you the love and respect you deserve.....
I guess its all with what you are willing to settle for.....you can't make someone change.....they have to want to change....if he cares for you like he says then he should start walking the walking instead of talking the talk!
and you need to hold him accountable to that smile
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Scorpio978,
I can tell you how to get rid of him, IGNORE him and quit letting him whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Change your number and RUN from him everytime he comes anywhere NEAR you, yes, he will chase you and when he catches up with you backed up into a corner, still ignore him and keep walking away with silent treatment. It WILL work but YOU have to be serious.
I would not LET a man Cancer man or ANY man handle me the way your Cancer man handles you. Nope! The first time he even tries to manipulate me I will let him know I have his card.
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OH PS!
AND IF HE TRIES TO BE VINDICTIVE AND PAY YOU BACK, FIGHT WATER WITH WATER AND STING HIS ARSE!
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cheeky14u, thanks very much......i do love myself, very much so, and i will stand for what i want....i just needed some insite from you guys, let's not forget how strong emotions can be!!!!
ok, krobe03, i guess i need to really be in his face so he can see how serious i am!!!
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ok, krobe03, i guess i need to really be in his face so he can see how serious i am!!!
NO, you don't have to be mean to him, don't ever let him shut you down. NEVER! Just kill him with kindness and keep moving. He will chase and let him chase, chase, chase until he turns blue in the face but until he steps up to the plate, date other men, and let him SEE you doing it. You are not married to him and since he keeps telling you he is not looking for a commitment, show him that you will date someone else who will and put him on the back burner. If he wants you bad enough, he will show you with his "actions" instead of his words and for the record, don't listen to the sweet words of a Cancer man. It may sound like music but he is running game.
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Killing him with kindness might give him an inclination that she's still interested. Gotta be straight forward and move on with your life. Yeah...date other men and go on with your life. However, if he's still bugging her you can be straight forward without being mean. Its over man...move on already. If you don't, its restraining order time because stalking is not okay.
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I was sooo pissed at my Cancerian friend a few weeks back, I ignored him--NO txt, NO mail, NO calls...NO nothing! After 3 weeks, he called out of the blue and I told him exactly how I felt and how pissed off I was....that ended the 40 min call soon after....I'm assuming he's back in his "shell"...blahhhh....I don't let it affect me...or I try to atleast....
Keep yourself busy...go out with other guys....let HIM see that....and like Krobe said above, if he wants you, he'll come around...right now, he KNOWS that you want to "settle" down and although you've told him that you can't wait around for him, you are doing just that! You're waiting around for him and he's in control of the situation and HE doesn't want to get settled down...he's running the show on his terms. If you actually "move on", he'll see that you're serious for sure....and then if he wants you, he'll come back...otherwise, it's over!
Too bad, I've seen mostly Leo girls that can do the whole IGNORE business...it's very hard for me personally...but the rewards are great!
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Too bad, I've seen mostly Leo girls that can do the whole IGNORE business...it's very hard for me personally...but the rewards are great!
Yeap, a Leo trait for someone who betrays us or doesn't act like they want or are worthy of our love. We don't play with our loving.
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krobe03, that is exactly what i mean "We don't play with our loving", i am fed up with that. i am tired of playing games, i will meet him once more and i need to ask him what he wants and tell him that i think that the whole situation is not right and that he needs to let me go or assume responsabilities for a proper relationship.....after that i will be clear and be able to move on. i do not want to be a coward and move on without talking to him and making him realize things....hopefully this week end will change things, good or bad, i really do not mind but i will know!!!
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