How do you turn down a Cancer and not hurt his ego

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by Mamma_Roz on Friday, August 18, 2006 and has 14 replies.
Background story.
Me and My scorpio just broke up this week. I am in that confused and emotionally unstable state of mind.
This cancer is a co-worker of mine and we are prety good friends. There is obvious attraction between the both of us and we have always been mildly flirty, but because we were both attached we never let it go any further than playful chatting.
The cancer just dumped his girl about a day after me and my scorp ended things.
We went to the bar drinking with a few other co-workers and ended up getting a little fisky while drunk. Now he calles me at night to ask if he can come over and drink and hang out. He keeps bringing up what a great kisser I am and tries to lead into other things.
The problem is. I am not sure a one night stand with him is the best of ideas considering we are co-workers. Also I do not see him as relationship material and that is what I really want and Our personalitys are just too different to make for any kind of lasting relationship. I'm still in pain from my break with my scorp and part of me wants to put the band-aid on by having a fling, but my head keeps telling me no.
How do I let this Cancer know that we need to keep it at the flirty level?
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if this cancer guy is so into you there may not be a gentle way to let him down. Cancers don't like to be rejected it is the worst thing in the world to them. However they also don't want to be let on. So the better of the two options would be to just let him know you don't think this would be a good idea since you guys work together
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Pick a time to have a private talk when you're both sober...
Say that the flirting was fun and made you feel great but that you're afraid that jumping into a physical relationship while you are both hurting from your own break ups may be something you'll both regret later, espcially since you work together...and if co-workers find out, it could be worse. Make sure you always say how you feel about everything. Say that the best way for you two to support each through your break ups right now is to be platonic friends.
I'd say if you do decide to hang out with him alone, do not drink, and don't hang out with him with he insists on being drunk. I'm sorry that you're hurting.....
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Wait Mamma Roz you are an Aqua right? Aqua's and Cancer's do not mix! I hate to keep raining on your parade but i think Cancer's may be too emotinal for Aqua's. Also work relationships are not good. I am a Scorpio Female and i was "involved" with an Aqua male co-worker. I am not chaotic or anything but I hate seeing him. We never even officially ended things. Well I did but...anyway. It would be an awkward situation and I would advise you to definitely think harder before you become involved.
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some good comments above, and I had one to add.
If you really want to get rid of a cancer, DO NOT FLIRT OR SHOW HIM ANY AFFECTION AT ALL. Don't even put yourself in the position.
That'll do it every time. Just ask any unaffectionate person who's ever been in a relationship with a cancer. He'll eventually lose complete romantic interest and move on to the next person that meets those needs. And you can still have your friendship with him.
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CancerLA, she'd have to be veeeeeeeery convincing for that to work, c'mon.
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Thanks for the advice.
I still can't figure it out. Mostly becuse I am still in the fragile post break up state. I miss being held in my scorpio's arms and am longing for human touch and to feel wanted and desired again. That is why i can't decide what is right. A fling may put a band-aid on my broken heart, but then again It may not and could cause me more grief.
I know the work thing makes for a big no no. Once you take it to that sexual stage there is no going back and to have to see that person day in and day out is horrible.
I guess I will try and talk to him and see if he understands. We're supposed to hang out after work. I'm hopping I can find a few more friends to come over tonight for additional security just incase I have a weak moment.
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I think she could be convincing mr.crabby,
cancers are very keen to how you physically treat them. If you aren't doing that, they'll assume you aren't interested and will leave you alone in that department.
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Ok but what if you express in GREAT detail how much you love and need a cancer after they have loved you for a long term relationship but at the same time the cancer did some crazy acusing things that were never actually happening, plus add substance abuse on the cancers behalf. I've always loved this cancer the entire time, but it got difficult when there was constant acusations about jealous issues there were never needed. Seems to me that my cancer man wants to manipulate and make me feel how he felt even though no issues really took place with me, I'm so trustworthy and its not fun when someone keeps acsusing you of stuff you would never think about.
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Beauty29;
In my own personal experience when a guy accuses you of something that you know you haven't done(and you would think they know it too) it's usually because a)it was done to them recently by someone else; b)they're doing what they're accusing you of; or c)they're trying to push you away.
Stay strong. I hope things work out for you.
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leo/virgo75 that is very true.....both sexes do that. I was recently in a relationship with someone who had the most baggage I've ever seen....and not the normal tote bag...a 7 piece samsonite set.....I was always being accused, punished (often in advance of anything happening), or suspected of doing t hings to them based off of their abusive history....its was my most draining experience to date.
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i say jus be completely honest - we appreciate honesty even if we end up losing u in the end - i'm a cancer girl and i'd rather be told the truth than to be led on
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I donnnnnnnnnnnnn't knowwwwww... those crabbies can be surprisingly persistent Tongue
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Most don't actually fear rejection. Just be rude and mean, they hate that in a woman.
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