how horrible of an idea
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by Peanutbutter on Monday, October 15, 2012 and has 5 replies.
Is opening up to a Cancer male?
We spoke about our fears during breakfast once, and I not wanting to confess a vulnerability didn't!
I want to tell him I'm afraid of falling in love.
My parents divorced when I was a kid n I don't believe in true love n am against marriage. Will he take this lightly or not? I feel like I need to express my fears but it doesn't always work out the way I intend it to (aka fears being accepted as the person I am n goin from there) so I'm not sure whether to bring this itch up or not...
What Di you all think?
Ps. His besties gf just told me he's been asking her for advice on how to ask me to b exclusive...
Help!
We spoke about our fears during breakfast once, and I not wanting to confess a vulnerability didn't!
I want to tell him I'm afraid of falling in love.
My parents divorced when I was a kid n I don't believe in true love n am against marriage. Will he take this lightly or not? I feel like I need to express my fears but it doesn't always work out the way I intend it to (aka fears being accepted as the person I am n goin from there) so I'm not sure whether to bring this itch up or not...
What Di you all think?
Ps. His besties gf just told me he's been asking her for advice on how to ask me to b exclusive...
Help!
My parents have been happily married for 30 something years and I'm against marriage. I remember RTN saying he has reservations about marriage, so it might be a water sign thing, or a me thing or a dxp thing.
Either way, he might have an opinion about it and you won't know what is it till you talk about it.
You seem like you're taking that relationship seriously, which is why I will suggest for you to sleep on it. IF you guys commit to each other (assuming you're not a commitment-phobe), you can have that conversation later on.
At this stage, telling him that you don't believe in marriage will mean to him that you do not want to be with him and will send other very dangerous signals.
If you do want to stay in a monogamous committed relationship with this person then sleep on it for now. You will have to discuss it soon though, probably around 1-2 weeks from you two becoming exclusive. That way he will know that your issue is with marriage and not commitment.
And as far as the whole "I don't believe in true love", he seen it in your eyes and he wouldn't be taking you seriously if you couldn't love him back the way he feels he deserves to be loved, which is "true love" enough for him and everyone else.
Either way, he might have an opinion about it and you won't know what is it till you talk about it.
You seem like you're taking that relationship seriously, which is why I will suggest for you to sleep on it. IF you guys commit to each other (assuming you're not a commitment-phobe), you can have that conversation later on.
At this stage, telling him that you don't believe in marriage will mean to him that you do not want to be with him and will send other very dangerous signals.
If you do want to stay in a monogamous committed relationship with this person then sleep on it for now. You will have to discuss it soon though, probably around 1-2 weeks from you two becoming exclusive. That way he will know that your issue is with marriage and not commitment.
And as far as the whole "I don't believe in true love", he seen it in your eyes and he wouldn't be taking you seriously if you couldn't love him back the way he feels he deserves to be loved, which is "true love" enough for him and everyone else.
Yeah... I'm just afraid that if I bring up my fears he'll take them personally n get hurt. I don't want that because I do like him enough to care about his feelings... I guess I should have asked how I should go about telling him my concerns.... I just suck at words.
Posted by BommyKnocker
My parents have been happily married for 30 something years and I'm against marriage. I remember RTN saying he has reservations about marriage, so it might be a water sign thing, or a me thing or a dxp thing.
Either way, he might have an opinion about it and you won't know what is it till you talk about it.
You seem like you're taking that relationship seriously, which is why I will suggest for you to sleep on it. IF you guys commit to each other (assuming you're not a commitment-phobe), you can have that conversation later on.
I don't know if the issue is marriage or divorce.. I think it is about the dynamic of the family that set us up for our relationship "issues"
My parents were divorced.. so I thought marriage was the way to go. Nope! But I believed in healthy family dynamics.. so it was better for the whole to separate and focus on loving the kids... and liking each other instead of staying together, being miserable and scarring children with fights.
Depends on how you see it. No matter when you have the talk.. I'd start it by talking about your family history... how it made you feel.. and how it has influenced your views as an adult.
Then invite him to share his history, feeling and views.
This way you are just having a discussion about life and sharing information. No one has to "fix" anything or feel obligated to play a certain role. It's just.. sharing!
what a novel idea..
Thanks shellshocker... Youve calmed my nerves. Were doin brunch tmrw n well I'm gunna bring it up, let it out so he knows my concerns, n hopefully I can be rid of them...
I'll update you guys as soon as I can!
I'll update you guys as soon as I can!
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