How to handle this, advice please

So, I've been dating this cancer man for a couple of months now. Things have been going ok but last week he pissed me off and I sent him a text letting him know. Well, of course when I sent the text I probably hurt his feelings because he went into in shell and has now emerged 6 days later acting as if nothing happened. Typical. So here's my dilemna, while I'm still upset I'm not quite ready to give up on him yet but he has to make some changes for this to work. So now that he has emerged do I ignore him until he apologizes, do I go with the flow and bring it up later?

I should mention that this has happened before where he disappeared for 4 days after I got upset with him. When he came back that time, I decided that while he didn't say anything I'm sure he's learned his lesson. Apparently he didn't because he did the exact same thing this time. Anyway, I'm really confused on how to handle this. Any advice?

wow scorpchick,
You and another Scorp female that used or so called used to come on the boards say the same exact words, snippet and typical...hmph...

But, yeah, but don't get upset with him because you are falling into his game, just say what you have to say to him in a eventoned voice and he will pick up to you and your concerns just fine indeed. You have to be sensitive to his feelings and needs and try not to be too emotionally dependent upon him making you happy.

First thanks to everyone who has responded. I know my original post sounds angry but that's because I'd just heard from this man who I haven't spoken to in days and when I do hear from him no apology no nothing. Here's what happened, he called me early one morning and said that he was thinking about me and asked if he could come over later. I said yes but he never showed up. When I told him about it, he said that he didn't see it as standing me up but said that now that he knows how I feel, he wouldn't do it again. That's exactly what happened last Friday (or Thurs.) At around 8am he asked if he could come by, I told him that I wasn't going out and he could come over. Well, he didn't. And when I sent the text the next morning ( it was very "non threatning" ) but basically, I said that I didn't understand why this is an issue. We're talking about basic common courtesy here.

So why was I so angry earlier, because he stands me up, ignores my text and then when I hear from him acts as if nothing happened. I do not consider myself to be trying to control or change him however, like I said this is common courtesy. It seems to me that whenever we have a really good time together that's when he pulls away and I don't know how to handle this. My instincts hasn't given me the "time to flee" signal but the bottom line is this, I have already told him in a gentle way that this behavior bothers me and yet he did it again. On the other hand he is sweet, thoughtful and considerate. LOL (seiously, most days he is). I think that's what really confuses me how can you be so sweet one minute and do something so rude the next. Does it sound like he's playing games? Or does it sound like it's me. Ok, now that you have the full picture, what do you think?

Alright .. here's what I think ..

First, I would look at the unspoken .. people can "say" anything, but, it's our actions that speak the loudest. From your perspective, his actions are talking differently from his words .. yet .. are they?

It's in the early morning he calls you .. that's when he is feeling you the most and needing reassurance that you care about him. Cancer's are emotional beings .. their actions of feelings (the phone calls) are his actions. That may be hard to understand, but, that's how Cancer's work.

They need constant assuring that you want them, love them, care for them .. and so when he phones you and you are willing to nurture his feelings of being wanted .. he's satisfied, and therefore doesn't feel the need to actually show up and will therefore not see this as rude or of importance.

I'm in no way saying that this is right or wrong .. simply explaining to you why he doesn't see this as a big deal.

Second, since these phone calls to gain your affection come in the morning .. this is his time. We all have certain times of day that we need to feel safe because we feel vulnerable. So, change yourself around to bend to his time of day and make it so you two can spend early morning hours together .. yet, tell him that you can't spend time later with him because it's too painful when he doesn't show. Maybe this way, he will see that you care enough and want to be with him enough that you will comprimise yourself for him. Then eventually, he'll come to realize that he isn't bending as far as you, especially when you tell him that he can NOT come over later.

The light will go off in his head .. hopefully.

In my opinion, Cancer men move really slow. You are going to get times where he does not show up. He will say, I did not know that I was doing that, and eventually he will change. But, girl, if he is young, OMG, you are going to go through some dayum tests before you are reassured of him. And then you believe it or not, you are being emotional and letting him know it bothers you, so of course he is going to continue to do it to you. You should not let him standing you make you upset, just the next time he wants something, stand him up the next three times and I promise he will quit doing this or acting like this towards you. Actually do it for the next 8 months. Stand him up, if he wants you bad enough, he will stay around. I promise you, he will be there as long as you let him.

Sexyscorp-


Enjoyed your comments on my situa...

I've decided Scorpio girls just do it for me?


Hey, I be going round and round with a Scorp chick. Listen, there are real sparks there and I can't get too into the atrology stuff... My advice is- listen, learn and watch your tounge.

Forget all this IM, E-mail, it is a breeding ground for disaster!

I just finished WWIII with my sometimes Scorp girlfriend on the E-mail. I called "Bullshit" and invited her out for pizza and beers. Worked good, but I'm at wits end with her. We do well face to face, she is among the the finest human beings I know.

We relate well but she can be a little insensitve. I thought I was madly in love with her at one point, but I've backed down hard.

We decided to spend limited time together, we are both busy. I'm way attracted to her and hmmm, she does it for me?

However we are at defcon 4. That means two strikes! If she gets nasty again, I'll be so far gone.

She could do many things to help, but I don't feel any real emotional commitment, like a long term deal? I go visit her tomorrow?

Strike three and she is out, I move on. No doubt, I'm attached and it will hurt, but, but.

If you bring your stinger down and show some loyalty, investment in the relationship, could be good?

Hey you-- just dumb words from a dumb person??

Hi Aces,

Thanks for the insight, very helpful. I have come to realize that I have been too emotional and that I need to slow down. I think I've been too invested in this relationship which is why I get so upset when he doesn't act like I think he "should" 🙂 Anyway, it's been a great learning experience for me and since we are still "speaking" to each other maybe we still have a chance. Who am I kidding LOL!!!