how to handle this cancer man? by an Aries woman at her wits' end :)
This topic was created in the Aries and Cancer Compatibility forum by arieswoman27 on Thursday, December 3, 2015 and has 7 replies.
Hi all
first-time poster here - so yeah, I have been dealing with this man for several months now (he: Sun-Cancer, Moon-Scorpio, Rising: Virgo; me: Sun-Aries, Moon-Pisces, Rising:Cancer).
from the very beginning there was a strong mutual attraction between us; we went on many dates; we kissed and made out but nothing further. I read that cancer men like to take things slowly, well, I am a rather impatient Aries woman, so anyway, decided not to push things further. It was however, obvious that things were slowly moving towards more intimacy which we both wanted and craved for. We felt very comfortable with each other, both emotionally and physically - he helped me on various occasions, he often invited me to nice restaurants, we had a few romantic outings...life was pretty. But further intimacy was not meant to be. One fine day he started acting distant; I found myself initiating most of the contact - he would delay responding to my texts by hours - at some point, I thought enough was enough - I wrote to him saying that I was baffled at the sudden changes in his behavior, why blowing cold suddenly - in a nutshell, it was hard to read this guy's mind/motives. After that, we had a few conversations in person and he seemed to want to improve things between us initially - he agreed we needed to communicate more clearly so that one does not keep the other guessing all the time. However, some silly incident happened that same day which he blamed on "all the drama" going on between us at the time, and then he simply turned out - told me things would not work between us and it was over. I was stunned. It's been a few weeks now and I have been going through a miserable time. I miss him loads. Naturally, after he told me it was over, I tried to keep my distance from him by all means - no calls, no emails, no texts, nada....... yet we work in the same place at times it's hard not to cross paths at times. When that happens, I act polite and move out of his way as quickly as possible - must be a natural instinct to avoid getting hurt further. He seems pretty low too and lonely (does not date anyone atm, 100% sure of this one). Ok, what can be done? Is there any way to turn this situation around? I am naturally an optimist and hate the thought of giving up so easily on someone I care about.... Some genuine advice would be great, guys!
first-time poster here - so yeah, I have been dealing with this man for several months now (he: Sun-Cancer, Moon-Scorpio, Rising: Virgo; me: Sun-Aries, Moon-Pisces, Rising:Cancer).
from the very beginning there was a strong mutual attraction between us; we went on many dates; we kissed and made out but nothing further. I read that cancer men like to take things slowly, well, I am a rather impatient Aries woman, so anyway, decided not to push things further. It was however, obvious that things were slowly moving towards more intimacy which we both wanted and craved for. We felt very comfortable with each other, both emotionally and physically - he helped me on various occasions, he often invited me to nice restaurants, we had a few romantic outings...life was pretty. But further intimacy was not meant to be. One fine day he started acting distant; I found myself initiating most of the contact - he would delay responding to my texts by hours - at some point, I thought enough was enough - I wrote to him saying that I was baffled at the sudden changes in his behavior, why blowing cold suddenly - in a nutshell, it was hard to read this guy's mind/motives. After that, we had a few conversations in person and he seemed to want to improve things between us initially - he agreed we needed to communicate more clearly so that one does not keep the other guessing all the time. However, some silly incident happened that same day which he blamed on "all the drama" going on between us at the time, and then he simply turned out - told me things would not work between us and it was over. I was stunned. It's been a few weeks now and I have been going through a miserable time. I miss him loads. Naturally, after he told me it was over, I tried to keep my distance from him by all means - no calls, no emails, no texts, nada....... yet we work in the same place at times it's hard not to cross paths at times. When that happens, I act polite and move out of his way as quickly as possible - must be a natural instinct to avoid getting hurt further. He seems pretty low too and lonely (does not date anyone atm, 100% sure of this one). Ok, what can be done? Is there any way to turn this situation around? I am naturally an optimist and hate the thought of giving up so easily on someone I care about.... Some genuine advice would be great, guys!
I'm aries with a cancer man. We've been together a year and a half. The first 6 months was hell. We broke up every other week, didn't understand each other, just couldn't find peace. And he would shut down from me. But I would always give him space, then use those flames to win him back. I think you've given him enough space. I agree with Finbuff....get aggressive! Show him he's that man for you. At first he will be hesitant, but that's ok. If there was a true connection, he would try again. I can do no wrong to my cancer man. Love that man
Also, never criticize his mood swings. They know it but can't help it. Those are the most important moments when space is needed, but never disappear. When he has those day(s) I would not call, but text once a day. I spend that time planning something romantic to surprise him with when he's ready to leave his shell.
Also, never criticize his mood swings. They know it but can't help it. Those are the most important moments when space is needed, but never disappear. When he has those day(s) I would not call, but text once a day. I spend that time planning something romantic to surprise him with when he's ready to leave his shell.
You should tell him you want to talk to him and lay it out there. Then let him go back into his shell and figure it out. Don't push him for a decision. It will work out. I think he is just being pushed to make decisions and his response was to dump you.
I love Aries women, they make me feel more passionately about things. But, cancer men need time outside, you have to accept that just like he has to accept your impulsiveness. It will work, this is a great match. Both of your moons are watery, that's helpful too!
I love Aries women, they make me feel more passionately about things. But, cancer men need time outside, you have to accept that just like he has to accept your impulsiveness. It will work, this is a great match. Both of your moons are watery, that's helpful too!
hey guys
thanks for the great input! I very much appreciate it!
well - I get that the Aries woman-cancer man attraction is just wild. It's been ages since I felt so connected to a man and yes, despite being shy and reserved, he too acknowledged this crazy attraction between us.
You guys are saying that I should get aggressive and show him that he is the man I desire. But things are, alas, far from easy. When I asked him to meet and talk things out, he showed up and behaved as if he had already made up his mind about our relationship - his body language and behavior seemed to have changed overnight. I agree that he might have felt under pressure because I (being the impatient and impulsive woman that I am) wanted some clarity about where we stood. Anyway, I tried to explain that we could work out our communication issues but he would not budge. I pleaded with him to reconsider - something I had never done in any of my previous relationships, and by never I do mean "never". He would just listen to me staring into my eyes for minutes on end. Impossible to guess what was going through his mind....He then went on saying I was a special woman, he felt very much attracted to me but he did not understand me and things would most likely turn more dramatic in the near future. Can it be that he was either feeling insecure (he finds me beautiful and hot while he considers himself a not-too-good-looking guy; there is also an 11-year age difference between us) or afraid of more intimacy? No idea...
I am not sure that "throwing myself at him" at this point sounds like a good idea since I almost did this very thing in our last meeting and failed
anyway, ever since we last met, we ran into each other a few times- once I genuinely needed some help at work. I did not actively seek him out but I happened to run into him and then I mustered up the courage to ask him for help. To my surprise, he went out of his way to provide the help I needed- yet he did so with such a grave, serious, cold face that I concluded he might have no feelings left for me whatsoever and he would have done the same for any stranger out there. On a different occasion, he caught up with me on the street on the way to work but then he acted surprised as if he had just noticed me when I said hello. It looked like a pure coincidence and I brushed it off.
Thing is I will be away in two weeks and will return by mid-January - Should I just leave things the way they are and give him space to think or do I run the risk of losing any chance of getting him back? Before my departure I thought of giving him a card or a mini-letter with a nice message inside (just to show him that my thoughts are still with him) but I fear he may view it too sentimental or he may not accept it in the first place - so I am split about this one. Enough of ego-bashing))))))) What do you guys think?
thanks for the great input! I very much appreciate it!
well - I get that the Aries woman-cancer man attraction is just wild. It's been ages since I felt so connected to a man and yes, despite being shy and reserved, he too acknowledged this crazy attraction between us.
You guys are saying that I should get aggressive and show him that he is the man I desire. But things are, alas, far from easy. When I asked him to meet and talk things out, he showed up and behaved as if he had already made up his mind about our relationship - his body language and behavior seemed to have changed overnight. I agree that he might have felt under pressure because I (being the impatient and impulsive woman that I am) wanted some clarity about where we stood. Anyway, I tried to explain that we could work out our communication issues but he would not budge. I pleaded with him to reconsider - something I had never done in any of my previous relationships, and by never I do mean "never". He would just listen to me staring into my eyes for minutes on end. Impossible to guess what was going through his mind....He then went on saying I was a special woman, he felt very much attracted to me but he did not understand me and things would most likely turn more dramatic in the near future. Can it be that he was either feeling insecure (he finds me beautiful and hot while he considers himself a not-too-good-looking guy; there is also an 11-year age difference between us) or afraid of more intimacy? No idea...
I am not sure that "throwing myself at him" at this point sounds like a good idea since I almost did this very thing in our last meeting and failed
anyway, ever since we last met, we ran into each other a few times- once I genuinely needed some help at work. I did not actively seek him out but I happened to run into him and then I mustered up the courage to ask him for help. To my surprise, he went out of his way to provide the help I needed- yet he did so with such a grave, serious, cold face that I concluded he might have no feelings left for me whatsoever and he would have done the same for any stranger out there. On a different occasion, he caught up with me on the street on the way to work but then he acted surprised as if he had just noticed me when I said hello. It looked like a pure coincidence and I brushed it off. Thing is I will be away in two weeks and will return by mid-January - Should I just leave things the way they are and give him space to think or do I run the risk of losing any chance of getting him back? Before my departure I thought of giving him a card or a mini-letter with a nice message inside (just to show him that my thoughts are still with him) but I fear he may view it too sentimental or he may not accept it in the first place - so I am split about this one. Enough of ego-bashing
))))))) What do you guys think? Give him the card with the message before the holidays and then go away, make him yearn for you a bit. That's the best approach with cancers, it will make him think about you.
Posted by incandescentcancer
Give him the card with the message before the holidays and then go away, make him yearn for you a bit. That's the best approach with cancers, it will make him think about you.
Do you think I should suggest "staying friends" as a way to rebuild our interaction/relationship? How do cancer men view the friendship thing after a (silly) break-up?
Posted by arieswoman27Posted by incandescentcancer
Give him the card with the message before the holidays and then go away, make him yearn for you a bit. That's the best approach with cancers, it will make him think about you.
Do you think I should suggest "staying friends" as a way to rebuild our interaction/relationship? How do cancer men view the friendship thing after a (silly) break-up?click to expand
No, don't say anything like that. I am a Cancer an don't do staying friends, it's all or nothing.
When my ex told me she had a new boyfriend, I just dropped her out of my life. Never spoke to her again and never will.
Make him want you, either he has to come for you or it's over.
Lot of people don't get this, we are only gradual in initial pursuit. After that every decision is ruthless and decisive.
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