How would you Cancer girls handle this?...
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by shortyrock on Friday, December 1, 2006 and has 22 replies.
This is the sitch....
I have a very good Cancer friend whom I just love dearly. She met this guy at a birthday party through his cousin, and they started dating. Not too long into their dating phase, they started having sex. She thought everything was heavenly bliss and she started developing very strong feelings for the guy.
Fast forward to last week...She broached the subject of a relationship with him as she felt they were on the same page and she thought the feelings were mutual. He turns around and tells her he is not looking for a relationship @ this point in his life...come to find out he got really burned by his last relationship w/ another Cancer girl and he has been a commitment-phobe since then. He told her he only saw them as fuck buddies, basically and he never promised anything. She pushed and pushed, trying to get him to trust her, and then got really belligerent practically forcing him to commit and told him she was going to walk out. One thing I do know about this guy is he does not like ultimatums! They both have MySpace accounts and she started leaving 'fuck you' messages, 'stop feeding me bullshit' messages and derogatory graphics and images on her page for him to find. Granted, I told her I thought that was pretty immature at her age...but whatever. Point being, how would you Cancer girls handle this situation if you were in her shoes? She feels that he used her; and he shouldn't get away with it. What's sad is that she has been heartbroken in the past and she feels like this is just "one more guy to add to the growing pile of loser men"...as she terms it. Can Cancer girls be very vindictive and strike back @ someone if hurt? I guess me being a Cap I can understand this to some degree because no one fucks with my heart, but I just don't see how being so vindictive to the point of embarrassing him on a social website will benefit her. I guess I have too much pride to let a guy see how much he hurt me.
I have a very good Cancer friend whom I just love dearly. She met this guy at a birthday party through his cousin, and they started dating. Not too long into their dating phase, they started having sex. She thought everything was heavenly bliss and she started developing very strong feelings for the guy.
Fast forward to last week...She broached the subject of a relationship with him as she felt they were on the same page and she thought the feelings were mutual. He turns around and tells her he is not looking for a relationship @ this point in his life...come to find out he got really burned by his last relationship w/ another Cancer girl and he has been a commitment-phobe since then. He told her he only saw them as fuck buddies, basically and he never promised anything. She pushed and pushed, trying to get him to trust her, and then got really belligerent practically forcing him to commit and told him she was going to walk out. One thing I do know about this guy is he does not like ultimatums! They both have MySpace accounts and she started leaving 'fuck you' messages, 'stop feeding me bullshit' messages and derogatory graphics and images on her page for him to find. Granted, I told her I thought that was pretty immature at her age...but whatever. Point being, how would you Cancer girls handle this situation if you were in her shoes? She feels that he used her; and he shouldn't get away with it. What's sad is that she has been heartbroken in the past and she feels like this is just "one more guy to add to the growing pile of loser men"...as she terms it. Can Cancer girls be very vindictive and strike back @ someone if hurt? I guess me being a Cap I can understand this to some degree because no one fucks with my heart, but I just don't see how being so vindictive to the point of embarrassing him on a social website will benefit her. I guess I have too much pride to let a guy see how much he hurt me.
well, cancer girls have a really hard time with letting go, and that seems to be what is happening here. she does not want to let go of him, so she is forcing herself on him and trhrowing a fit basically which will only push him further and further away.
btw, what is his sign?
btw, what is his sign?
...and you cannot force someone to trust you. well, you can't really force someone to do anything, and besides it is not natural to force feelings upon someone... so i don't agree with what she is doing...she is only going to dig a deeper hole for herself.
He is a Libra on the Scorp cusp and has alot of water in his chart...He's also a Sag moon, which can also have something to do with his reluctance to commit.
I agree that she came on too strongly and I don't believe anyone should be forced into anything, including a commitment. She obviously got emotionally attached to him, and although I've told her already, I don't think she went about it the right way...because as you said, it is going to push him further and further away. I think she is looking like a big child in front of him who can't handle adult relationships, and is throwing a tantrum by leaving those nasty messages on her page.
I know him through a mutual friend, so I see him every now and then around my way. I saw him eariler this week and asked for his side of things; not to get involved or give my two cents...but just to compare stories.
Apparently he said she became too clingy too quickly and he claimed he told her in the beginning that he wasn't ready for a relationship, which she completely denies.
FYI - She is 29; he is 31.
I agree that she came on too strongly and I don't believe anyone should be forced into anything, including a commitment. She obviously got emotionally attached to him, and although I've told her already, I don't think she went about it the right way...because as you said, it is going to push him further and further away. I think she is looking like a big child in front of him who can't handle adult relationships, and is throwing a tantrum by leaving those nasty messages on her page.
I know him through a mutual friend, so I see him every now and then around my way. I saw him eariler this week and asked for his side of things; not to get involved or give my two cents...but just to compare stories.
Apparently he said she became too clingy too quickly and he claimed he told her in the beginning that he wasn't ready for a relationship, which she completely denies.
FYI - She is 29; he is 31.
too clingy, too quickly...not a cancer!!!
I don't know how quick is too quick for him...but they were messing around for almost 7 months.
Sometimes, she can be smothering...and that's just with her friends. I think what works against her at times is that she wears her heart on her sleeve because she is so loving and she tends to pick the wrong men; men who usually end up taking advantage of her. I've tried to make her realize that not everyone is worth her love and all people react the same.
Sometimes, she can be smothering...and that's just with her friends. I think what works against her at times is that she wears her heart on her sleeve because she is so loving and she tends to pick the wrong men; men who usually end up taking advantage of her. I've tried to make her realize that not everyone is worth her love and all people react the same.
*and NOT all people react the same.
trust me, i understand b/c i am a cancer that wears her heart on her sleeve as well... and i always feel unappreciated by the guys that i date...i am currently with an aquarius and i have been with him for 2 1/2 years now, but we have definitely had our ups and downs and we have broken up twice before and gotten back together... but aqua men are very difficult and they are from a much different worls than cancer women...that's for sure. it's a tough, tough combo...but it is worth every minute of it.
So you are with an Aqua? Do you find that your love natures differ enough where they also compliment each other? Interestingly enough, my cancer friend's first love was an Aqua man. I was actually surprised to see how popular cancer and aquarius couples are on this board. I am glad to hear you are making it work! Unfortunately, they ended up breaking things off, but she has never forgotten him.
Do you feel that you have high standards that never get met in relationships?
Do you feel that you have high standards that never get met in relationships?
"Do you find that your love natures differ enough where they also compliment each other?"
-ABSOLUTELY!!!! i think we are soulmates in the sense that we have learned so much about ourselves from each other...it has been a great learning experience so far! we are soooo different in matters of the heart and with relationship issues, but we definitely do compliment each other in that way by learning from one another.
-ABSOLUTELY!!!! i think we are soulmates in the sense that we have learned so much about ourselves from each other...it has been a great learning experience so far! we are soooo different in matters of the heart and with relationship issues, but we definitely do compliment each other in that way by learning from one another.
yes, i do believe my standards are very high and i am probably almost too picky about everything in relationships...to the point of bringing unhappiness to myself...if that makes sense. i amalyze every little thing and worry about every little thing, and i never feel like i can just enjoy what is in front of me...my aqua bf believes that i enjoy fighting with him, b/c i always find something to bitch about at times, even the smallest, most stupid things...i will pick a fight with him about it. and i think it has to do with my standards being too high...i think that sometimes i have too high of expectations, and when they are not met, i am not happy.
aquas are very hard to forget...but, so are cancers 
"-ABSOLUTELY!!!! i think we are soulmates in the sense that we have learned so much about ourselves from each other...it has been a great learning experience so far! we are soooo different in matters of the heart and with relationship issues, but we definitely do compliment each other in that way by learning from one another."
Sometimes conflicting aspects in a couple's chart is not always a bad thing because those are the relationships that usually experience the most growth from being together. Of course, it also depends on the maturity level of the two individuals involved. And who doesn't want to be in a relationship where they grow and learn from the other...those are the most rewarding, IMO.
If you have been together for 2 1/2 years and have made it work thus far, that speaks alot about how committed you both are to making it work.
I have an Aqua friend, and he is the best! I don't think we would make it long-term in a relationship...but our personalities mesh so well - we always find the stupidest things to laugh at! He can be a bit childish at times, though...maybe that's just him.
Sometimes conflicting aspects in a couple's chart is not always a bad thing because those are the relationships that usually experience the most growth from being together. Of course, it also depends on the maturity level of the two individuals involved. And who doesn't want to be in a relationship where they grow and learn from the other...those are the most rewarding, IMO.
If you have been together for 2 1/2 years and have made it work thus far, that speaks alot about how committed you both are to making it work.
I have an Aqua friend, and he is the best! I don't think we would make it long-term in a relationship...but our personalities mesh so well - we always find the stupidest things to laugh at! He can be a bit childish at times, though...maybe that's just him.
"yes, i do believe my standards are very high and i am probably almost too picky about everything in relationships...to the point of bringing unhappiness to myself...if that makes sense."
My friend is exactly the same way, which is why I asked. She finds it very hard to just be happy in a relationship, there's always something nagging @ her about the relationship - either she feels the guy doesn't show he cares for her enough, or she feels that he is hiding something...she's been pretty demanding of her boyfriends in the past when she feels things are not going the way she expects them to. Don't know if that's just her though.
"i amalyze every little thing and worry about every little thing, and i never feel like i can just enjoy what is in front of me..."
I am like this as well, I must admit. I sometimes analyze action and word guys use. My Scorp tells me that I am too analytical - he knows when he says something to me and I get this pensive look on my face, that that's exactly what I'm doing...although trust me, I have gotten alot better! I've learned that not everything is meant to be broken down into components and sometimes what he says is exactly what he means and there's not hidden meaning somewhere in there. I think insecurity plays a part in that as well. That darn insecurity!
"...my aqua bf believes that i enjoy fighting with him, b/c i always find something to bitch about at times, even the smallest, most stupid things...i will pick a fight with him about it. and i think it has to do with my standards being too high...i think that sometimes i have too high of expectations, and when they are not met, i am not happy."
Maybe you can try catching yourself when you're about to pick a fight with him over something minute...this way it will help you react less quickly. All couples argue, but sometimes fighting over the dumbest things can cause even bigger rifts. But this could be because of the way you communicate differently.
My friend is exactly the same way, which is why I asked. She finds it very hard to just be happy in a relationship, there's always something nagging @ her about the relationship - either she feels the guy doesn't show he cares for her enough, or she feels that he is hiding something...she's been pretty demanding of her boyfriends in the past when she feels things are not going the way she expects them to. Don't know if that's just her though.
"i amalyze every little thing and worry about every little thing, and i never feel like i can just enjoy what is in front of me..."
I am like this as well, I must admit. I sometimes analyze action and word guys use. My Scorp tells me that I am too analytical - he knows when he says something to me and I get this pensive look on my face, that that's exactly what I'm doing...although trust me, I have gotten alot better! I've learned that not everything is meant to be broken down into components and sometimes what he says is exactly what he means and there's not hidden meaning somewhere in there. I think insecurity plays a part in that as well. That darn insecurity!
"...my aqua bf believes that i enjoy fighting with him, b/c i always find something to bitch about at times, even the smallest, most stupid things...i will pick a fight with him about it. and i think it has to do with my standards being too high...i think that sometimes i have too high of expectations, and when they are not met, i am not happy."
Maybe you can try catching yourself when you're about to pick a fight with him over something minute...this way it will help you react less quickly. All couples argue, but sometimes fighting over the dumbest things can cause even bigger rifts. But this could be because of the way you communicate differently.
"either she feels the guy doesn't show he cares for her enough, or she feels that he is hiding something...she's been pretty demanding of her boyfriends in the past when she feels things are not going the way she expects them to. Don't know if that's just her though."
-that is EXACTLY how i am...and i hate it! i am the most secure person in the world when i am single, but when i am in a committed relationship i become so insecure, it is sick...and i don't know why.
and like her, i can be very demanding with my aqua when things aren't going the way i expect them to...and i think this is part of why he broke up with me the last time...he felt he could never make me happy no matter how hard he tried. so, basically he gave up even though his feelings for me were still there. but, logically he knew that it wouldn't work b/c i wasn't happy...so he left with no explanation. and then came back to me b/c his heart had taken over and his emotions won out over his logic.
-that is EXACTLY how i am...and i hate it! i am the most secure person in the world when i am single, but when i am in a committed relationship i become so insecure, it is sick...and i don't know why.
and like her, i can be very demanding with my aqua when things aren't going the way i expect them to...and i think this is part of why he broke up with me the last time...he felt he could never make me happy no matter how hard he tried. so, basically he gave up even though his feelings for me were still there. but, logically he knew that it wouldn't work b/c i wasn't happy...so he left with no explanation. and then came back to me b/c his heart had taken over and his emotions won out over his logic.
"that is EXACTLY how i am...and i hate it! i am the most secure person in the world when i am single, but when i am in a committed relationship i become so insecure, it is sick...and i don't know why."
Maybe because a relationship brings with it a whole new set of insecurities that one otherwise doesn't have when single...for example when you're single, you don't have to worry if your mate is cheating on you. A person who's deeply insecure will take that further and will reflect it upon themselves and wonder if their good enough for their mate, when in reality it's not about them.
My friend made her Aqua ex get a cell phone (when every1 was weening off of the beeper phase and into the cell phone phase) and he did, lol! Her main reason for wanting him to get a cell was because she could, what I call, "harrass" him @ all hours of the night, lol! She didn't trust him for some reason...and as far as we know he truly loved her and didn't cheat on her. Now she looks back on it, and realizes her suspicions were unfounded because he never gave her any reason to think he was with other women. There were two times that I can remember a group of us went out for girls' night, and I recall her getting a bit twisted with liquor and she showed up at his apartment unnanounced because she thought he was sleeping with other women. I'm sure part of this can be blamed on the liquor, but I think a big part had to do wither her insecurities in the relationship. Eventually, it was stuff like this that he couldn't handle and he broke things off with her. Can you relate to any of that?
Maybe because a relationship brings with it a whole new set of insecurities that one otherwise doesn't have when single...for example when you're single, you don't have to worry if your mate is cheating on you. A person who's deeply insecure will take that further and will reflect it upon themselves and wonder if their good enough for their mate, when in reality it's not about them.
My friend made her Aqua ex get a cell phone (when every1 was weening off of the beeper phase and into the cell phone phase) and he did, lol! Her main reason for wanting him to get a cell was because she could, what I call, "harrass" him @ all hours of the night, lol! She didn't trust him for some reason...and as far as we know he truly loved her and didn't cheat on her. Now she looks back on it, and realizes her suspicions were unfounded because he never gave her any reason to think he was with other women. There were two times that I can remember a group of us went out for girls' night, and I recall her getting a bit twisted with liquor and she showed up at his apartment unnanounced because she thought he was sleeping with other women. I'm sure part of this can be blamed on the liquor, but I think a big part had to do wither her insecurities in the relationship. Eventually, it was stuff like this that he couldn't handle and he broke things off with her. Can you relate to any of that?
"and like her, i can be very demanding with my aqua when things aren't going the way i expect them to"
I know it's easier said than done, but how about not setting yourself up for any expectations...and going more with the flow. I know it can't be easy!
I'm thinking that my friend became very demanding when a relationship didn't unfold with the Libra guy, and this was something she expected because there were times she told me she fantasized about them being together.
I know it's easier said than done, but how about not setting yourself up for any expectations...and going more with the flow. I know it can't be easy!
I'm thinking that my friend became very demanding when a relationship didn't unfold with the Libra guy, and this was something she expected because there were times she told me she fantasized about them being together.
"....he felt he could never make me happy no matter how hard he tried."
Do you feel that this has been the case with every relationship you've had?
Do you feel that this has been the case with every relationship you've had?
with my aqua, i used to wait for the weekend to come and in my head i had the idea that we were going to hang out all weekend together...but i would never ask him to do something, i just expected that we would hang out. so, when he would call and tell me he was going out with the guys on a friday night, i would get upset and start a fight with him over the phone b/c i thought we were going to hang out.
when i look back on those actions now, i can't believe how silly i was to do that to him...and he put up with that a lot!!! now when he calls and says he is going to hang out with the guys, i am ok with it...sometimes, i still get upset b/c i would like to see him but i certainly don't start a fight about it.
but, that is just one example of how my expectations (plans i make in my head) have ruined things between us...
and yes, i used to do drive by's past his house because i would put negative thoughts in my head about what he "could" be doing...
and every time i drove by, his truck was in the driveway...and it was the only car in the driveway...so it was always my insecurities getting the worst of me.
and i have no reason to think anything negative like that with him, b/c he has always been very honest with me...
when i look back on those actions now, i can't believe how silly i was to do that to him...and he put up with that a lot!!! now when he calls and says he is going to hang out with the guys, i am ok with it...sometimes, i still get upset b/c i would like to see him but i certainly don't start a fight about it.
but, that is just one example of how my expectations (plans i make in my head) have ruined things between us...
and yes, i used to do drive by's past his house because i would put negative thoughts in my head about what he "could" be doing...
and every time i drove by, his truck was in the driveway...and it was the only car in the driveway...so it was always my insecurities getting the worst of me.
and i have no reason to think anything negative like that with him, b/c he has always been very honest with me...
"....he felt he could never make me happy no matter how hard he tried."
"Do you feel that this has been the case with every relationship you've had?"
-yes, i am like that in every relationship...so i know it is me.
my aqua does everything to cater to me and to please me, make me happy... but there are still times where i am unhappy...
"Do you feel that this has been the case with every relationship you've had?"
-yes, i am like that in every relationship...so i know it is me.
my aqua does everything to cater to me and to please me, make me happy... but there are still times where i am unhappy...
You sound much like my friend; she still faces this issue with her current partnerships...I can see how this can be frustrating for your partner; and someone that doesn't know this about you can easily be flustered if they don't know how best to handle it. It's good that your aware of how you are in relationships...otherwise that would cause even more frustration for you.
My friend's ex just couldn't deal with her inquisitions, and always accusing him of stuff he wasn't doing...go figure, now I hear he is a big time player and won't commit!
My friend's ex just couldn't deal with her inquisitions, and always accusing him of stuff he wasn't doing...go figure, now I hear he is a big time player and won't commit!
"yes, i am like that in every relationship...so i know it is me.
my aqua does everything to cater to me and to please me, make me happy... but there are still times where i am unhappy..."
This has to do with you then....but you are aware of this, so that's good. I don't think my friend realizes at times how she is...she needs more self-awareness. Sometimes she truly believes her actions are warranted (suspicions, demanding, jealousy) and in the end she ends up pushing them away.
my aqua does everything to cater to me and to please me, make me happy... but there are still times where i am unhappy..."
This has to do with you then....but you are aware of this, so that's good. I don't think my friend realizes at times how she is...she needs more self-awareness. Sometimes she truly believes her actions are warranted (suspicions, demanding, jealousy) and in the end she ends up pushing them away.
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