I initiate more than he does, should i stop?
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by frenchie on Tuesday, October 24, 2017 and has 23 replies.
Hello everyone,
Met a cancer guy 5 weeks ago and we have been going on dates twice a week ever since which in a large metropolitan city is quite a commitment considering how busy we both are.
He asked me out for the first date and also the second date. Then I asked him out for all of the other 8 or so dates, except one a couple of weeks ago. However he does make plans once we've set a date, like he will buy the tickets to an event or choose a nice restaurant and pay for both of us. He always enthusiastically agrees to the date, just not sure why he doesn't actually ask me out, but he does like to do things quite last minute so maybe that is why. It is the same with texting, he answers immediately but if I don't text then eventually he will send me a message but he generally hates texting which is fair enough. He said he isn't good at making plans and asking people out, not sure why.
The last time we met was on Saturday and it was the best date ever. We were going to go to a party with his friends but we ended up just spending time alone instead and we had sex for the first time and it was really special and romantic. He showed me something on his phone and I noticed that I am his top searched for person on instagram, and his friends all want to meet me. When we kiss he always has a smile on his face, and loves to touch me and hold my hand. Said he feels happy around me, I do too.
He is open to me and tells me things he says he doesn't tell other people, for example about his fears and dreams and how hurt he was by his ex gf. She basically led him on for five years and kept wanting to keep it casual, then they went on holiday this summer as friends and she booked a room with just one bed but told him after the holiday she just wanted to be friends. He told her he doesn;t want to be friends with her anymore, and they haven't spoken since but he still has her clothes that he will give back eventually.
As he was walking me to the station he said 'see you soon' and I said yes let's watch the movie we are both interested in next week and he agreed. Yesterday I texted to invite him to a party we are having this Saturday, and he didn't answer until hours later, but then apologised saying he didn't use his phone all day, but he agreed to come to the party. I would like to still see him this week though, because the party is going to be really intense with 100 people coming, and we will have a bouncer plus my brother and maybe my dad will be there too, so I'd like to tell him all of this first. Should I ask him tomorrow if he is free for the cinema that evening, or just let him initiate for once?
Btw our placements:
I am taurus, with moon in aries, venus in cancer.
He is cancer with a gemini moon, cancer venus and taurus mars.
Sun Opposition Pluto
Venus Conjunction Sun
Mars Trine Pluto
Jupiter Conjunction Mercury
Uranus Opposition Venus
Uranus Conjunction Uranus
Uranus Conjunction Neptune
Neptune Conjunction Uranus
Neptune Conjunction Neptune
Pluto Square Saturn
Pluto Sextile Neptune
Pluto Conjunction Pluto
Met a cancer guy 5 weeks ago and we have been going on dates twice a week ever since which in a large metropolitan city is quite a commitment considering how busy we both are.
He asked me out for the first date and also the second date. Then I asked him out for all of the other 8 or so dates, except one a couple of weeks ago. However he does make plans once we've set a date, like he will buy the tickets to an event or choose a nice restaurant and pay for both of us. He always enthusiastically agrees to the date, just not sure why he doesn't actually ask me out, but he does like to do things quite last minute so maybe that is why. It is the same with texting, he answers immediately but if I don't text then eventually he will send me a message but he generally hates texting which is fair enough. He said he isn't good at making plans and asking people out, not sure why.
The last time we met was on Saturday and it was the best date ever. We were going to go to a party with his friends but we ended up just spending time alone instead and we had sex for the first time and it was really special and romantic. He showed me something on his phone and I noticed that I am his top searched for person on instagram, and his friends all want to meet me. When we kiss he always has a smile on his face, and loves to touch me and hold my hand. Said he feels happy around me, I do too.
He is open to me and tells me things he says he doesn't tell other people, for example about his fears and dreams and how hurt he was by his ex gf. She basically led him on for five years and kept wanting to keep it casual, then they went on holiday this summer as friends and she booked a room with just one bed but told him after the holiday she just wanted to be friends. He told her he doesn;t want to be friends with her anymore, and they haven't spoken since but he still has her clothes that he will give back eventually.
As he was walking me to the station he said 'see you soon' and I said yes let's watch the movie we are both interested in next week and he agreed. Yesterday I texted to invite him to a party we are having this Saturday, and he didn't answer until hours later, but then apologised saying he didn't use his phone all day, but he agreed to come to the party. I would like to still see him this week though, because the party is going to be really intense with 100 people coming, and we will have a bouncer plus my brother and maybe my dad will be there too, so I'd like to tell him all of this first. Should I ask him tomorrow if he is free for the cinema that evening, or just let him initiate for once?
Btw our placements:
I am taurus, with moon in aries, venus in cancer.
He is cancer with a gemini moon, cancer venus and taurus mars.
Sun Opposition Pluto
Venus Conjunction Sun
Mars Trine Pluto
Jupiter Conjunction Mercury
Uranus Opposition Venus
Uranus Conjunction Uranus
Uranus Conjunction Neptune
Neptune Conjunction Uranus
Neptune Conjunction Neptune
Pluto Square Saturn
Pluto Sextile Neptune
Pluto Conjunction Pluto
Everything sounds fine. Why are you overthinking?
I think he’s just a typical guy. Guys aren’t good at planning things.
I think he’s just a typical guy. Guys aren’t good at planning things.
You're fine. Stop caring whom asks whom and whom texts whom.
Ugh!! This is EXACTLY what's happening with the cancer guy I'm working on getting close to!! I'm getting frustrated putting in all the effort and not getting conversations initiated by him! Dealing with a hot and cold cancer man myself! We met about a month ago and he is very confusing. Very affectionate when we're together (especially when drinking), opened up to me in a big way! Even told me he was so happy I came over because he's been a wreck and confessed he tried to make me not like him for a few days (after he already made me like him of course, so I just ended up confused). Lots of hugs and handholding and cuddles when I visited last week. Then back to me having to initiate texting ALL THE TIME! I didn't text him all day today and plan to do the same tomorrow because he's giving me such mixed signals I don't know what to think. If he doesn't text at all tomorrow, I'm likely going to talk to him about it the next morning. Basically, "so what exactly are we doing here? Are you interested in seeing where this goes or not? Because I can't be the only one putting in effort."
I'm also a Taurus btw!!
Oh and I know he's capable of texting because we have had 2 very intense and long texting sessions over the last few weeks (but both times he had been drinking......)
Posted by TauRisserLord, when do you women stop caring about who texts who fiest. Who calls who first.
Ugh!! This is EXACTLY what's happening with the cancer guy I'm working on getting close to!! I'm getting frustrated putting in all the effort and not getting conversations initiated by him! Dealing with a hot and cold cancer man myself! We met about a month ago and he is very confusing. Very affectionate when we're together (especially when drinking), opened up to me in a big way! Even told me he was so happy I came over because he's been a wreck and confessed he tried to make me not like him for a few days (after he already made me like him of course, so I just ended up confused). Lots of hugs and handholding and cuddles when I visited last week. Then back to me having to initiate texting ALL THE TIME! I didn't text him all day today and plan to do the same tomorrow because he's giving me such mixed signals I don't know what to think. If he doesn't text at all tomorrow, I'm likely going to talk to him about it the next morning. Basically, "so what exactly are we doing here? Are you interested in seeing where this goes or not? Because I can't be the only one putting in effort."
You guys are already sabotaging yourselves by keep a score card over small stuff. And Cancers don't do games.
They can talk for 8 hours one day, 2 minutes the next, one text in a day, or sleep all day and not answer anything. But they aren't doing any stupid shit, they just don't care so much about that stuff because to them, unless they tell you otherwise, you should know.
I appreciate you saying that. I guess I'm just scared that he's not interested and not saying so. I don't know much about Cancer men. My exes were Gemini then libra. I just don't want to come across as needy or desperate I guess. I've had a lot of bad experiences in dating the last couple of months and because he's not discussing when we might get together again, it just makes me wonder what he's thinking. He is divorced with 3 kids. Don't know the back story there.
I did text him and we are going to the cinema today. But I mean doesn't it emasculate him when it's me initiating 80% of the dates? Texts I don't mind so much, we don't text that much but I prefer to see him so that isn't a big deal.
Posted by frenchieWhy would that emasculate him?
I did text him and we are going to the cinema today. But I mean doesn't it emasculate him when it's me initiating 80% of the dates? Texts I don't mind so much, we don't text that much but I prefer to see him so that isn't a big deal.
Cancer men don't correlate whom intiates dates as undermining their manhood.
Posted by nikkistarOh thank god for that! I don't know about you frenchie but i just want to know that he's actually interested. Or do I just take his actions when we are together as a sign of that...Posted by frenchieWhy would that emasculate him?
I did text him and we are going to the cinema today. But I mean doesn't it emasculate him when it's me initiating 80% of the dates? Texts I don't mind so much, we don't text that much but I prefer to see him so that isn't a big deal.
Cancer men don't correlate whom intiates dates as undermining their manhood.click to expand
Posted by TauRisserAgain, don't focus on the negatives, but the positive. They don't hold importance in the small stuff like who texts or calls who first, who asks for dates first. They also are like any typical person, where they want to see if the person is consistent as well in their actions. It's not only girls that like to see it.Posted by nikkistarOh thank god for that! I don't know about you frenchie but i just want to know that he's actually interested. Or do I just take his actions when we are together as a sign of that...Posted by frenchieWhy would that emasculate him?
I did text him and we are going to the cinema today. But I mean doesn't it emasculate him when it's me initiating 80% of the dates? Texts I don't mind so much, we don't text that much but I prefer to see him so that isn't a big deal.
Cancer men don't correlate whom intiates dates as undermining their manhood.click to expand
I would be worried more if you are texting and they aren't answering at all for more then 2 days.
I mean I don't mind being the initiator, but would be nice for him to ask me out sometimes too no?
Saw him yesterday and it was really nice, again so affectionate him grabbing my hand and kissing me quietly in the cinema to not disturb people etc. Didn't go to his afterwards, he made a sad face when we got to my station as we were having fun talking and being goofy.
I've asked him if he's free for lunch tomorrow during our work breaks as I'll be in his area, he said depending on time then yes. He's coming to my Halloween party on Saturday. I feel like if I don't initiate a day then he won't? What if next week he doesn't ask to see me during the week, it will be so long and I'll miss him.
I'm used to Latin guys who are very direct. Like I said I don't mind initiating, but is this normal for a cancer guy? Can anyone offer me insight on anything regarding his placements? Just for curiosity and to understand him
Saw him yesterday and it was really nice, again so affectionate him grabbing my hand and kissing me quietly in the cinema to not disturb people etc. Didn't go to his afterwards, he made a sad face when we got to my station as we were having fun talking and being goofy.
I've asked him if he's free for lunch tomorrow during our work breaks as I'll be in his area, he said depending on time then yes. He's coming to my Halloween party on Saturday. I feel like if I don't initiate a day then he won't? What if next week he doesn't ask to see me during the week, it will be so long and I'll miss him.
I'm used to Latin guys who are very direct. Like I said I don't mind initiating, but is this normal for a cancer guy? Can anyone offer me insight on anything regarding his placements? Just for curiosity and to understand him
It is normal for most Cancer men. In the 2 years I have been with mine, 98% of the time, I text and call him first. If he doesn't pick up, he calls me back.
That doesn't mean I don't mean a lot to him. I just realize that's his communication habits.
That doesn't mean I don't mean a lot to him. I just realize that's his communication habits.
Ok thank you for your responses interesting nikkistar, I've never dated a cancer so I did not realise that.
Tiziani surely if it's not in his nature he'll find it tough no?
interesting nikkistar, I've never dated a cancer so I did not realise that. Tiziani surely if it's not in his nature he'll find it tough no?
yes, people are different - perhaps he's not a planner or is just the type to go along with what the woman wants and your constant offering of doing things is you setting the pace ... and he might be alright with that - even if his pace is slower - so either tell him in a fun manner that maybe he should plan a few things for you both to do because you are all out of ideas or sit back and see what he does - that way you can tell him how much you've missed him and you will both have lots to talk about when you do get together
Posted by MissGemmiThey don't tolerate games from the people they date, I never said they don't participate in their own games.
@nikkistar: 'cancers don't do games'
Uhmmmmm....
Yes 'they' do. Skilled in giving off vibes in a very indirect way, to keep themselves clean from blame. Walking sideways. Very calculated in how they act and they know exactly what kind of reaction they can expect. When someone doesn't react the way 'they' have calculated it, THAT'S when you peak their interest. That's when they know that the one they are dealing with is different because this person is strong enough to see through it and don't put up with it. That's when a cancer respects you, when you put a stop to their games and testing. The one who is upfront and just tells them to stop with the BS and hit the road.
If they sense you are passively agressively allow or reject their game playing 'they' will walk all over you, toss you aside or play with you. You will know because thats when they will call you when lonely, in their feels because of an ex, dumped or need something from you.
You need to stand your ground and have some self respect. Yes I love your company, but no I love myself too much then to deal with your inconsistency. You will see that a cancer will put you on a pedestal if you stop their wishy washy and to others seemingly gameplaying behaviour.
L2Read
He is not a planner, online he said he doesn't feel the need to be in daily contact with whoever he is dating. But it's been 5 weeks, he is always on his phone as well. Yesterday in the cinema he texted his friends the movie we were watching. He said he talks to people he cares about everyday, so his mum and his closest friends. But still, all texts come from me, and they are short and simple and to the point. But he makes me happy, i like seeing him twice a week or more. Just scared of getting hurt!
Posted by frenchieYou're not in his inner circle yet. That's why.
He is not a planner, online he said he doesn't feel the need to be in daily contact with whoever he is dating. But it's been 5 weeks, he is always on his phone as well. Yesterday in the cinema he texted his friends the movie we were watching. He said he talks to people he cares about everyday, so his mum and his closest friends. But still, all texts come from me, and they are short and simple and to the point. But he makes me happy, i like seeing him twice a week or more. Just scared of getting hurt!
Posted by tizianiSAYS THE TAURUSPosted by frenchieThe way I look at it, if he likes your company enough he will at the very least listen and take it on board, if not do more of what you want. But anything is better than waiting for someone to guess, right? My 2 cents for what little it's worth.
Ok thank you for your responses
Tiziani surely if it's not in his nature he'll find it tough no?click to expand
Signed,
LibraLucy
Maybe i should just see how it goes for a few more weeks, considering it is still only 5 weeks no? I mean I am happy with him, with our dates, I feel he does like me. It is just the space in between even if I'm busy I can feel the silence aaaaaa, I just love those good night texts 😌
Update on situation:
We had amazing sex, at the party my friend met him and said it seems he thinks I'm amazing and different.
Actually we were just being really goofy and he said he is in love with me (!!!).
On Sunday he asked me what I was up to if we should do something, I had a family event in the afternoon but he invited me for breakfast which was nice.
We have been texting, even him initiating too, but should I ask him if he wants to see me? Is this just something I'm going to have to do? It's a bit deflating to always be initiating the dates...
We had amazing sex, at the party my friend met him and said it seems he thinks I'm amazing and different.
Actually we were just being really goofy and he said he is in love with me (!!!).
On Sunday he asked me what I was up to if we should do something, I had a family event in the afternoon but he invited me for breakfast which was nice.
We have been texting, even him initiating too, but should I ask him if he wants to see me? Is this just something I'm going to have to do? It's a bit deflating to always be initiating the dates...
Posted by frenchieQuit worrying about whom initiates conversations, or asking for dates. You are doing 100% fine in the circumstance. If you continue to over analyze these small things, it will cause animosity, as you are keep score, so to speak. You are already moving forward in this relationship just fine as you are.
Update on situation:
We had amazing sex, at the party my friend met him and said it seems he thinks I'm amazing and different.
Actually we were just being really goofy and he said he is in love with me (!!!).
On Sunday he asked me what I was up to if we should do something, I had a family event in the afternoon but he invited me for breakfast which was nice.
We have been texting, even him initiating too, but should I ask him if he wants to see me? Is this just something I'm going to have to do? It's a bit deflating to always be initiating the dates...
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This whole distant thing seems common, so how would he show he just not that in to you?
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