I love you

OK, I am confused as to why my boyfriend said I LOVE YOU to me? I have not heard those words from him since almost a year now because he said i got all weird on him. I have been waiting for him to say it again and he did last night when he was out with his friends drunk. He wouldn't come home he said he was having fun and all of a sudden he blurt i love you to me. I'm like what? I don't know what to think why he told me in a weird way. I couldn't even say it back because it wasnt in person, for me it's very insincere to say it on the phone. I've been waiting for him to say it, there were many times when it was just him and I and he could have said it then but why when he was drunk and hanging out with coworkers/friends?

He was drunk.

They say peoples say what they mean or cant say while sober, they say while drunk.

Im guessing he meant it.

Dont expect him to say it while sober anytime soon...if you bring it up.

He meant it! I'm pretty sure about that 🙂

He feels guilty

Hi Summer

Yeah, this guy just feels guilty. I remember when I was in my 20's... that's a very hard decade because you're trying to learn about men and why they do what they do.

If this guy isn't saying he loves you because he misses you, or because he's afraid to lose you, then he is saying "I love you" because he feels guilty about something.

But don't panick, that's what he wants you to do. Men do ish for attention. He came in late and drunk to see how you will respond. He knows that he was late and drunk, so he felt guilty and gave you a sorry "I love you".

You're response should have been "yeah, you should love me". Then the next day, you should have prettied yourself up in front of him and stayed gone allllllll day. U see, he has to see that U are the prize. And if he doesn't clean up his act, you will be gone because you have other options.

Men do not respond to what they have waiting on them. So don't wait on him. They respond to loss. If he feels that he can and could lose you, then he will say I love you everyday.... in fear of losing you. He will fear that someone else will tell you what you want to hear.

So to keep him on his toes, he has to be afraid of losing his good thing... and that is YOU.

~~Capricorn Mermaid

i think he felt guilty......

a man has spoken.^

He might have been using his drunkeness to say something he was unsure of when he is sober, he might have taken the moment because he was guilty and he wanted to give you something nice or because he needed something to string you along with. I really think all of that is irrelevant...The most telling thing in your own post is that your boyfriend told you he loves you and you're CONFUSED!!! I think the fact that you aren't happy, joyful, inanimate, proud, relieved, at ease or at least indifferent....feeling any other way says a lot...a lot more than any of us could tell you. Really Summer look at what you're telling yourself. Stop trying to look for us to reassure you when you can't even reassure yourself. That's not saying that its doomed, thats just saying that you need to be honest with yourself, seperate yourself from the emotions and make a sound solid well thought decision...for your own sake.

Hi Moon Eyes

In her posting, he said he wouldn't come home. In other words she is waiting for him to come home. Then after hours of drinking... he decideds to say "I Love You" over the telephone? When he hasn't said it in almost a year. She has been literally "waiting" for him to say those 3 words for what 6 months - 10 months?? You don't think this guy has something to feel guilty about?

Come oooooon, this guy is soooo guilty! I'm not saying that he may have been out with another woman, I'm not implying any of that. But, his desire to stay out late drinking; not wanting to come home says enough.

This guy is not on his "A" game at all. And there's different reasons why men will say they love you at a certain time. I'm not saying he doesn't care about you. But have you ever heard a cat meow? They have different meow/s that all sound the same, but have different meanings. Meow, I'm hungry. Meow, I need some attention. Meow, I'm home all alone, Meow, I'm bored. So men have different "I LOVE YOUS"

I love you could mean = I'm Soooooooooooo into you
I love you could mean = I'm horny as hell
I love you could mean = I miss you
I love you could mean = I feel guilty about something that I don't want to tell you
I love you could mean = let me borrow $ 50 dollars

So when you don't have a man on his "A" game he'll start using those 3 letters to his benefit. Doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. It just means he is starting to take you for granted. So she has to start showing him that she is not the kind of woman who can be taken for granted.

i think i need not read and comment when Ijust wake up I miss things


Awwww, it's cool, Don't frown. We don't know what it could be. Maybe she will post us with an update.

Leokitten,
I have noticed alot of the younger women on the boards have to learn on their own and within life experiences. No matter how much we try to give advice, it will be a battlefield.

The best advice that we can give Summer is she will live life experiences and learn from them on her own terms so enjoy young lady.

But the sooner the lessons learned the happier we all become,right?

No, I would not exactly put it like that!

Oh yes, a man absolutely CAN tell you he loves you and not mean it at all. Without a doubt.

I've been with some very good and genuine, honest men...and I've also been with some of the most ridiculous lying bastards you can imagine. And for some screwy reason, sometimes we women want so much to hear these words FROM THE VERY MEN WHO TURN OUT TO BE F*CKERS FROM PLANET IF*CKWOMENOVER.

It's a hard series of lessons learned, but I can tell you that any time you feel like you're not being treated the way you want to be, I assure you you're right. If it feels insulting, if it feels wrong, if it feels incomplete, shady, shallow...

IT IS.

Actions speak louder than words. When someone loves you they don't have to tell you and you won't have to ask, they'll show you and it'll be no doubt in your mind that person loves you.

"They say peoples say what they mean or cant say while sober, they say while drunk."

-SO TRUE!!!

"They respond to loss. If he feels that he can and could lose you, then he will say I love you everyday.... in fear of losing you. He will fear that someone else will tell you what you want to hear."

-this IS exactly how men are. you have to show your man once in a while what it is like to lose you...keep him wondering.

I agree

lol I agree with that too...

thank you bling, right as usual.

1. I learned this lesson the hard way a LONG time ago:

No matter how much you THINK its a good idea to call up your gal at 3am drunk off your ass with your buddies, she REALLY doesn't want to hear from you. Also, don't compound it by yelling into the phone, "IIIII LLOOOOOOOOVVVVEEEEEE YYYYOOOOUUUUU!!!" at the top of your lungs. 🙂

2. "They respond to loss. If he feels that he can and could lose you, then he will say I love you everyday.... in fear of losing you. He will fear that someone else will tell you what you want to hear."

-this IS exactly how men are. you have to show your man once in a while what it is like to lose you...keep him wondering.

Be careful about playing games. Perhaps I'm just jaded as all hell now a days but I don't play games with my chic and I expect her to treat me the same.

Yeah, I agree that if you play games, you'll get played in return. I think you will attract and retain that which you put out into the world. Do what feels good, do what feels right...and what is good and right, you will recieve. It never feels good to play a game, and if you're driven to play games, perhaps this person isn't bringing out the best in you. And I think your true love will bring out the best in you.

However, I also agree that it's absolutely true that immature men (boys) do only realize what they have when it's not so easy to have it. But...who wants to be with an immature man? Why even waste a moment with a man like that?

SO true about the games. I will however have to consider the "show him every once in a while what it's like to lose you"...that seems like it would keep things fresh. Nothing drastic but maybe a vacation without him.

You wouldnt see something like a vacation in that light...but I do because I wouldnt take the vacation with the premise of leaving him yearning, I would take a vacation because I need one and expect him to miss me....I dont play games. It's expert advice to not always be available and it's expert advice to take a vacation when you need one...

I didnt mention it in the same light as playing games, I mentioned it in the same paragraph. Its ok for you to over analyze what I say and start some contention if that's your thing.

Bling is a little blunt, but not in a malicious way - he analyzes things and if his analyses are wrong he can accept it.I don't think I've ever seen him say anything with the intent of causing contention.

Yes, lucky, she broke up with him.
But I have to say - the way that cancer men protect their hearts and how seriously they take love - I think telling someone they love them is probably the LAST thing they would do [if EVER] to alleviate guilt..... a typical cancer anyhow.

I understand how someone can be very protective of their heart, that's just normal for everybody to do that, i'm the same way but atleast i took a risk and let him in because to grow in a relationship you gotta take that chance. Just because i broke it off didn't mean i didn't get hurt i felt like i was more hurt than him. The fact that he couldn't let me in and he could't trust me enough to be close to him. I have not done anything for him to be that way with me so I really didn't understand and so his indifference made me doubt his true intentions and his supposedly love for me. the way he showed his feelings wasn't the way I was used to. Just the communication between us.. how do I put it... um sucks! =[

no - I think you did what was best for you. I've been saying since you started posting that you didn't sound happy...... I'm just saying I don't think he said he loved you out of guilt. Just because you love someone doesn't make them the right person for you.

Summer,

I didn't see this in the thread (if it's there I apologize) but how long were you two together?

Hi SS.. we were together for a yr and 3months.

Summer,
Sometimes men have low self esteem. I am not saying that this is your case and the situation you are in but some men in general. The man may not KNOW or REALIZE that they have low self esteem but if it is the case, he may look down on you for loving him so much when he hasn't done anything to deserve your love. The more you do for him, the more he may have secretly hold contempt for you just because you love him so much and that could have caused him to subconsciously look down on you because you GAVE him your trust before he actually earned it. Some men can just be BORED to death with you because you don't hit the excitment that they need to get their chase going.

I again are not referring to YOU in general but some men can look at some women as lifeless, dull, boring, medicore, colorless, NO EXCITEMENT and they get tired of the same ole same ole routine. The day in day out easiness of the everyday relationship could have caused him to just get emotionally lazy.

I can say you are doing a smart thing by going your own way and just letting him feel the loss of losing you. You go with the flow and DON'T try to win him back. You could make him work for your love the next time he comes around. You could be a little apathetic, busy ALL the time to even put him in your schedule and find other things to do esp with other hobbies and activities which could turn him on again and make him see how wonderful of a woman you really are. I know you are young and it hurts but life was not not meant to be too perfect or too easy.