i need serious advice with this cancer man.
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by loveandberries on Wednesday, November 7, 2018 and has 43 replies.
I’ll try to keep it brief.
So late last year, I met this cancer man and we hooked up a couple of times. Seeing that he doesn’t really put forward the interest of pursuing me and treating us as fwb, I went ahead and accepted it even though I wasn’t up for the idea. But I did admit and told him that I had started to catch feelings for him which he didn’t reply so we just moved forward. Anyways, we both lived in different cities, and he left earlier this year bc his work is on seasonal contracts. It took me months to slowly not care about him. I always had a gut feeling that he wasn’t just a fuckboy, you just somehow know with those vibes. And we didn’t speak when he was gone.
So he just came back to the city, and he reached out to me first thing when he was back. I was always under the assumption that I’m not the only one he sleeps with and that since it’s been a year we knew each other despite the break of communication when he left, I didn’t think he will reach out to me when he came back. Anyways, we were supposed to meet in a club first but I just couldn’t find him for whatever reason. We texted back and forth while I was walking around trying to find him, he said I was playing games. And even said it a few times. Feels like he was starting to be in his feelings bc he never said things like that to me. He then asked if we are hooking up that night.
Eventually, he texted he’s leaving the club and told me to come to his hotel. So ofc I went. When I showed up, we talked a little but more on the fact that he thinks I’m playing games. And when I asked him how and why, he said there are signs and refused to explain further. Not just that, he also assumed I have a man - he asked me what time do I have to return home to him. So I said I don’t have one otherwise I wouldn’t be here. He was clearly upset and in his feelings. Again, we haven’t met and spoke to each other for months now and I never posted on social media that indicated I have someone. Although at the end of the night we had sex, I couldn’t help but wonder why did he keep saying I was playing games. I’m writing in here bc, I don’t know what he wants now or what am I missing here. Something tells me he always wanted me to make the move. But when I showed a little more concern in the past, he seem to retreat. Hence after I accepted that we are clearly just fwb, I reached out a lot lesser and don’t even comment or like his posts. I even wonder if his posts was to elicit a response from me bc it was kind of obvious. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hoping for things to change between us, but I’m just wondering if I should continue being how I was in the last few months when I cared lesser. Yet I feel like me caring lesser seem to be what he meant about me playing games. Also does fwb relationship last this long? Oh and I’m a Virgo female so not sure if this matters.
So late last year, I met this cancer man and we hooked up a couple of times. Seeing that he doesn’t really put forward the interest of pursuing me and treating us as fwb, I went ahead and accepted it even though I wasn’t up for the idea. But I did admit and told him that I had started to catch feelings for him which he didn’t reply so we just moved forward. Anyways, we both lived in different cities, and he left earlier this year bc his work is on seasonal contracts. It took me months to slowly not care about him. I always had a gut feeling that he wasn’t just a fuckboy, you just somehow know with those vibes. And we didn’t speak when he was gone.
So he just came back to the city, and he reached out to me first thing when he was back. I was always under the assumption that I’m not the only one he sleeps with and that since it’s been a year we knew each other despite the break of communication when he left, I didn’t think he will reach out to me when he came back. Anyways, we were supposed to meet in a club first but I just couldn’t find him for whatever reason. We texted back and forth while I was walking around trying to find him, he said I was playing games. And even said it a few times. Feels like he was starting to be in his feelings bc he never said things like that to me. He then asked if we are hooking up that night.
Eventually, he texted he’s leaving the club and told me to come to his hotel. So ofc I went. When I showed up, we talked a little but more on the fact that he thinks I’m playing games. And when I asked him how and why, he said there are signs and refused to explain further. Not just that, he also assumed I have a man - he asked me what time do I have to return home to him. So I said I don’t have one otherwise I wouldn’t be here. He was clearly upset and in his feelings. Again, we haven’t met and spoke to each other for months now and I never posted on social media that indicated I have someone. Although at the end of the night we had sex, I couldn’t help but wonder why did he keep saying I was playing games. I’m writing in here bc, I don’t know what he wants now or what am I missing here. Something tells me he always wanted me to make the move. But when I showed a little more concern in the past, he seem to retreat. Hence after I accepted that we are clearly just fwb, I reached out a lot lesser and don’t even comment or like his posts. I even wonder if his posts was to elicit a response from me bc it was kind of obvious. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hoping for things to change between us, but I’m just wondering if I should continue being how I was in the last few months when I cared lesser. Yet I feel like me caring lesser seem to be what he meant about me playing games. Also does fwb relationship last this long? Oh and I’m a Virgo female so not sure if this matters.
Cancer males are manipulative little fuckers. Don't even react to his bs! If you wanna keep that fwb thing going avoid at all costs letting him playing his little games by making you feel bad for whatever's going on in his little mind so he can be the victim and play his game on you. That's what he's doing right now: making a fuss out of nothing to make you wonder. He didn't care the last few months, now he's back marking his territory. It's all about his ego and not about you. Be careful.
Posted by waterbearer_femthat's what i thought so too initially! but why the ego if he's back marking his territory? how does that come together? also why don't get someone else new now he's back since we haven't spoke for awhile? also he's anti-social. he's the only man, only cancer i know who i have messy vibes with. i won't list out the things he has said and done that makes me feel otherwise bc it will look like im overanalyzing everything, but in a nutshell, it's all kind of contradicting too.
Cancer males are manipulative little fuckers. Don't even react to his bs! If you wanna keep that fwb thing going avoid at all costs letting him playing his little games by making you feel bad for whatever's going on in his little mind so he can be the victim and play his game on you. That's what he's doing right now: making a fuss out of nothing to make you wonder. He didn't care the last few months, now he's back marking his territory. It's all about his ego and not about you. Be careful.
Posted by AneemA04didn't really quite understand what you meant
"meet in a club"
Then "So ofc I went."
The problem is with the "of course."
Only you know how to resolve it.
Didn't you post this already?
Posted by loveandberriesPosted by AneemA04didn't really quite understand what you meant
"meet in a club"
Then "So ofc I went."
The problem is with the "of course."
Only you know how to resolve it.click to expand
Just keep being available to his needs at all times for him and things will be great. Don't ruffle the waves of his emotions and try to cater more than usual.
Posted by loveandberriesYikes. Dude don't be afraid to be upfront with what you want and are looking for.
Seeing that he doesn’t really put forward the interest of pursuing me and treating us as fwb, I went ahead and accepted it even though I wasn’t up for the idea.
So many dudes out there are low key insecure. So they test the water by saying shit to get a reaction or being passive to try and read the situation.
Don't be afraid to keep it 100 and be straight up about your end goals. This could've turned out way differently. But now its gonna be an uphill battle.
Posted by LadyNeptuneI actually don't think I can do it anymore either. I've never been built for fwb relationships. I mean, it's been over a year now. How should I break it to this Cancer guy that this is a mistake and I want to move on?Posted by loveandberriesYikes. Dude don't be afraid to be upfront with what you want and are looking for.
Seeing that he doesn’t really put forward the interest of pursuing me and treating us as fwb, I went ahead and accepted it even though I wasn’t up for the idea.
So many dudes out there are low key insecure. So they test the water by saying shit to get a reaction or being passive to try and read the situation.
Don't be afraid to keep it 100 and be straight up about your end goals. This could've turned out way differently. But now its gonna be an uphill battle.click to expand
At the same time, I still have this really dumb gut feeling that I shouldn't be ending this because he probably still doesn't know what to do with me. But I feel like I deserve better than this and getting any word out of him is just hard.
Posted by LibraSupremeBut i'm getting a little tired of these messy feelings. I feel like I made a mistake by seeing him again.Posted by loveandberriesPosted by AneemA04didn't really quite understand what you meant
"meet in a club"
Then "So ofc I went."
The problem is with the "of course."
Only you know how to resolve it.
Just keep being available to his needs at all times for him and things will be great. Don't ruffle the waves of his emotions and try to cater more than usual.click to expand
In all honesty, I really do not know what to do.
Posted by loveandberriesYou've told him about your feelings he isn't reciprocating and there are probably other women too.. Cancerians tend to claim for themselves being sensitive and stuff, but most of the time it's about them and how they are feeling and not about you. Probably some kind of jealousy kicks in, that's why he wants to blame you for something he can't explain properly in the first place. This is ridiculous behavior and will make you suffer even more in the long run.Posted by waterbearer_femthat's what i thought so too initially! but why the ego if he's back marking his territory? how does that come together? also why don't get someone else new now he's back since we haven't spoke for awhile? also he's anti-social. he's the only man, only cancer i know who i have messy vibes with. i won't list out the things he has said and done that makes me feel otherwise bc it will look like im overanalyzing everything, but in a nutshell, it's all kind of contradicting too.
Cancer males are manipulative little fuckers. Don't even react to his bs! If you wanna keep that fwb thing going avoid at all costs letting him playing his little games by making you feel bad for whatever's going on in his little mind so he can be the victim and play his game on you. That's what he's doing right now: making a fuss out of nothing to make you wonder. He didn't care the last few months, now he's back marking his territory. It's all about his ego and not about you. Be careful.click to expand
Do you know if he has some heavy air placements? My ex was exactly that kind of contradicting Cancer and emotionally manipulative af.
fuk that shyte - I'd be over and out in a jack minute
Posted by loveandberriesPosted by LibraSupremeBut i'm getting a little tired of these messy feelings. I feel like I made a mistake by seeing him again.Posted by loveandberriesPosted by AneemA04didn't really quite understand what you meant
"meet in a club"
Then "So ofc I went."
The problem is with the "of course."
Only you know how to resolve it.
Just keep being available to his needs at all times for him and things will be great. Don't ruffle the waves of his emotions and try to cater more than usual.
In all honesty, I really do not know what to do.click to expand
No your just confused at the moment but you will get better. It's darkest before the dawn. Just cater and defer your happiness to him and watch your ship flourish. You 2 are FWBs so just be available and make sure you don't upset him because he's in a vulnerable space getting adjusted with work and being away from his home. Don't ruin a great ship by being selfish, so devotion and passion serving him will get you where you want to be. Good luck
Posted by waterbearer_femHonestly I do not know about astrology like that.. I just know he’s born on July 8.Posted by loveandberriesYou've told him about your feelings he isn't reciprocating and there are probably other women too.. Cancerians tend to claim for themselves being sensitive and stuff, but most of the time it's about them and how they are feeling and not about you. Probably some kind of jealousy kicks in, that's why he wants to blame you for something he can't explain properly in the first place. This is ridiculous behavior and will make you suffer even more in the long run.Posted by waterbearer_femthat's what i thought so too initially! but why the ego if he's back marking his territory? how does that come together? also why don't get someone else new now he's back since we haven't spoke for awhile? also he's anti-social. he's the only man, only cancer i know who i have messy vibes with. i won't list out the things he has said and done that makes me feel otherwise bc it will look like im overanalyzing everything, but in a nutshell, it's all kind of contradicting too.
Cancer males are manipulative little fuckers. Don't even react to his bs! If you wanna keep that fwb thing going avoid at all costs letting him playing his little games by making you feel bad for whatever's going on in his little mind so he can be the victim and play his game on you. That's what he's doing right now: making a fuss out of nothing to make you wonder. He didn't care the last few months, now he's back marking his territory. It's all about his ego and not about you. Be careful.
Do you know if he has some heavy air placements? My ex was exactly that kind of contradicting Cancer and emotionally manipulative af.click to expand
I absolutely loved the opening line ‘I’ll try to keep it brief’.
You had us all.
You had us all.
Posted by LadyNeptuneI love youPosted by loveandberriesYikes. Dude don't be afraid to be upfront with what you want and are looking for.
Seeing that he doesn’t really put forward the interest of pursuing me and treating us as fwb, I went ahead and accepted it even though I wasn’t up for the idea.
So many dudes out there are low key insecure. So they test the water by saying shit to get a reaction or being passive to try and read the situation.
Don't be afraid to keep it 100 and be straight up about your end goals. This could've turned out way differently. But now its gonna be an uphill battle.click to expand
Posted by LibraSupremeI actually thought that a fwb relationship is just really simple where if either one of us wants sex, we will just hit that person up for a bootycall. Ive had that with other people and the vibes were pristine clear. But with him, he makes it so damn messy. I know I’m over analyzing every move and I can’t help it bc now he seem to be in his feelings, calling me out that I’m playing games etc., I feel like this is where the lines are being crossed. Ofc I don’t wish to miss a good man and I will stay with him if he needs time, but worst bit is I can never get a word out of him when it’s about us. For example if he wants to see me and he’s in my city, he wouldn’t text me a wyd or wya or can we meet. He would ask “oh where can I get this done” so that I know he’s in my city and that I would initiate to meet up. I used to do that before he left, but now that the fwb is established, this is what I meant by not caring as much as I used to, he would now ask me what time I’ll be at where, which one I’m going to etc, just to push me further to initiate a meetup.Posted by loveandberriesPosted by LibraSupremeBut i'm getting a little tired of these messy feelings. I feel like I made a mistake by seeing him again.Posted by loveandberriesPosted by AneemA04didn't really quite understand what you meant
"meet in a club"
Then "So ofc I went."
The problem is with the "of course."
Only you know how to resolve it.
Just keep being available to his needs at all times for him and things will be great. Don't ruffle the waves of his emotions and try to cater more than usual.
In all honesty, I really do not know what to do.
No your just confused at the moment but you will get better. It's darkest before the dawn. Just cater and defer your happiness to him and watch your ship flourish. You 2 are FWBs so just be available and make sure you don't upset him because he's in a vulnerable space getting adjusted with work and being away from his home. Don't ruin a great ship by being selfish, so devotion and passion serving him will get you where you want to be. Good luckclick to expand
So all these seem to upset him, yet if I start to care again, I feel like on what basis is there for me to when we are just fwb?
Posted by Arielle83But all those were last year when I spoke about my feelings before he left. Now that I cared lesser seeing it is what it is, he comes telling me that I’m playing games. I don’t understand.
He just wants to smush.
He thought u were just a hookup.
You said your feelings and cancers don’t like dealing with other ppls feelings so he said you’re playing games.
So you knew what was up, but still tried to get him to keep you as more.
That’s why he said you’re playing games.
Just because you hook up, it doesn’t owe u a relationship
Posted by CoochiecoochiecooLol sorry. I really tried. After I posted it I realized it was a tad too long but didn’t know how to delete it.
I absolutely loved the opening line ‘I’ll try to keep it brief’.
You had us all.
Posted by Arielle83Also I only spoke about my feelings once last year before he left, and seeing he didn’t respond to what I said, I just ignored and went ahead with whatever he prefers us to be. I never tried to keep him, never tried to do more than I should as a fwb.
He just wants to smush.
He thought u were just a hookup.
You said your feelings and cancers don’t like dealing with other ppls feelings so he said you’re playing games.
So you knew what was up, but still tried to get him to keep you as more.
That’s why he said you’re playing games.
Just because you hook up, it doesn’t owe u a relationship
Feels like I made a mistake by sleeping with him again last week.
You're fwb and it hasn't progressed in over a year... You don't need advice. You need a new man that wants the same things you want. Either tell him you want a relationship with him, or find someone else.
Posted by Elissar18How should I break it to him that I want to end this without coming across too harsh? Or able to finally get a word out of him on this? I have never found myself speaking to a fwb about the relationship. Also I know I get kind of mean with my words when matters of the heart are spoken about.
You're fwb and it hasn't progressed in over a year... You don't need advice. You need a new man that wants the same things you want. Either tell him you want a relationship with him, or find someone else.
Posted by loveandberriesPosted by LibraSupremeI actually thought that a fwb relationship is just really simple where if either one of us wants sex, we will just hit that person up for a bootycall. Ive had that with other people and the vibes were pristine clear. But with him, he makes it so damn messy. I know I’m over analyzing every move and I can’t help it bc now he seem to be in his feelings, calling me out that I’m playing games etc., I feel like this is where the lines are being crossed. Ofc I don’t wish to miss a good man and I will stay with him if he needs time, but worst bit is I can never get a word out of him when it’s about us. For example if he wants to see me and he’s in my city, he wouldn’t text me a wyd or wya or can we meet. He would ask “oh where can I get this done” so that I know he’s in my city and that I would initiate to meet up. I used to do that before he left, but now that the fwb is established, this is what I meant by not caring as much as I used to, he would now ask me what time I’ll be at where, which one I’m going to etc, just to push me further to initiate a meetup.Posted by loveandberriesPosted by LibraSupremeBut i'm getting a little tired of these messy feelings. I feel like I made a mistake by seeing him again.Posted by loveandberriesPosted by AneemA04didn't really quite understand what you meant
"meet in a club"
Then "So ofc I went."
The problem is with the "of course."
Only you know how to resolve it.
Just keep being available to his needs at all times for him and things will be great. Don't ruffle the waves of his emotions and try to cater more than usual.
In all honesty, I really do not know what to do.
No your just confused at the moment but you will get better. It's darkest before the dawn. Just cater and defer your happiness to him and watch your ship flourish. You 2 are FWBs so just be available and make sure you don't upset him because he's in a vulnerable space getting adjusted with work and being away from his home. Don't ruin a great ship by being selfish, so devotion and passion serving him will get you where you want to be. Good luck
So all these seem to upset him, yet if I start to care again, I feel like on what basis is there for me to when we are just fwb?click to expand
Give your all to him to know you gave him your best. That will give you clarity.
Posted by loveandberriesYou can't break up with him and you're not responsible for his feelings or accountable for anything. You're not in a relationship with this person remember?Posted by Elissar18How should I break it to him that I want to end this without coming across too harsh? Or able to finally get a word out of him on this? I have never found myself speaking to a fwb about the relationship. Also I know I get kind of mean with my words when matters of the heart are spoken about.
You're fwb and it hasn't progressed in over a year... You don't need advice. You need a new man that wants the same things you want. Either tell him you want a relationship with him, or find someone else.click to expand
You can only ask him if he can see the situation progressing to a relationship. If that's not something he wants, then you just go date other people instead of holding out for someone who doesn't want the same things. You don't even need to tell him that you're dating other people because you don't own someone you're not in anything with, your loyalty or an explanation. The same way he doesn't owe you anything. If there's no exclusive clause or relationship title, you're just a casual fling. This may sound harsh and I don't mean to offend in any way, but it doesn't even sound like you're friends with benefits, it's even less than that because there's no genuine friendship here. Just occasional booty calls. You're complicating something that is very simple.
Posted by Elissar18You’re right. I don’t owe him any explanation. I think I was feeling bad and came here to seek clarity and advice bc of what he suddenly said and reacted last week. Someone here said he might have guilt tripped me just to get a reaction out of me bc of their manipulativeness.Posted by loveandberriesYou can't break up with him and you're not responsible for his feelings or accountable for anything. You're not in a relationship with this person remember?Posted by Elissar18How should I break it to him that I want to end this without coming across too harsh? Or able to finally get a word out of him on this? I have never found myself speaking to a fwb about the relationship. Also I know I get kind of mean with my words when matters of the heart are spoken about.
You're fwb and it hasn't progressed in over a year... You don't need advice. You need a new man that wants the same things you want. Either tell him you want a relationship with him, or find someone else.
You can only ask him if he can see the situation progressing to a relationship. If that's not something he wants, then you just go date other people instead of holding out for someone who doesn't want the same things. You don't even need to tell him that you're dating other people because you don't own someone you're not in anything with, your loyalty or an explanation. The same way he doesn't owe you anything. If there's no exclusive clause or relationship title, you're just a casual fling. This may sound harsh and I don't mean to offend in any way, but it doesn't even sound like you're friends with benefits, it's even less than that because there's no genuine friendship here. Just occasional booty calls. You're complicating something that is very simple.click to expand
Everyone’s words have made me feel so much better. Indeed, if I can accept myself being an occasional bootycall, then this will be an uphill battle where I can only make myself available to his needs whenever and none of his reaction should have an effect on me. Also bc I know he’s looking for love, someone to be with - and his emotional outbursts and mood swings towards me, I took it that he’s upset with me which I thought I might have done something wrong here or overlook his intentions and feelings.
Posted by Arielle83I actually never done that to anyone and I don’t like to have bad vibes with people. Besides we have a few mutual friends so I don’t want things to be awkward in the future.
Why don’t you ghost him?
Posted by loveandberriesThen talk to him. Find out if he wants something with you or not. Otherwise you're just going to do your head in over thinking it.Posted by Elissar18You’re right. I don’t owe him any explanation. I think I was feeling bad and came here to seek clarity and advice bc of what he suddenly said and reacted last week. Someone here said he might have guilt tripped me just to get a reaction out of me bc of their manipulativeness.Posted by loveandberriesYou can't break up with him and you're not responsible for his feelings or accountable for anything. You're not in a relationship with this person remember?Posted by Elissar18How should I break it to him that I want to end this without coming across too harsh? Or able to finally get a word out of him on this? I have never found myself speaking to a fwb about the relationship. Also I know I get kind of mean with my words when matters of the heart are spoken about.
You're fwb and it hasn't progressed in over a year... You don't need advice. You need a new man that wants the same things you want. Either tell him you want a relationship with him, or find someone else.
You can only ask him if he can see the situation progressing to a relationship. If that's not something he wants, then you just go date other people instead of holding out for someone who doesn't want the same things. You don't even need to tell him that you're dating other people because you don't own someone you're not in anything with, your loyalty or an explanation. The same way he doesn't owe you anything. If there's no exclusive clause or relationship title, you're just a casual fling. This may sound harsh and I don't mean to offend in any way, but it doesn't even sound like you're friends with benefits, it's even less than that because there's no genuine friendship here. Just occasional booty calls. You're complicating something that is very simple.
Everyone’s words have made me feel so much better. Indeed, if I can accept myself being an occasional bootycall, then this will be an uphill battle where I can only make myself available to his needs whenever and none of his reaction should have an effect on me. Also bc I know he’s looking for love, someone to be with - and his emotional outbursts and mood swings towards me, I took it that he’s upset with me which I thought I might have done something wrong here or overlook his intentions and feelings.click to expand
Posted by Arielle83I think I actually kind of did that. When he hit me up last week that he’s back, I didn’t even initiate to meet bc I usually would in the past. That’s when for the first time he asked me where I was going and what time I was going to be at a certain place. The questions he asked, it’s like, he wasn’t sure if he was going to get to see me and he needed affirmation. He never does that. So when I saw him, that’s when he lashed out at me saying I was playing games. Didn’t even know what I did wrong.Posted by loveandberriesIt just means u distance yourself. Don’t need to be availablePosted by Arielle83I actually never done that to anyone and I don’t like to have bad vibes with people. Besides we have a few mutual friends so I don’t want things to be awkward in the future.
Why don’t you ghost him?click to expand
Posted by Elissar18Yeah, I just don’t know how to.. Maybe I don’t want to look like an idiot if he gets defensive again and says something else.Posted by loveandberriesThen talk to him. Find out if he wants something with you or not. Otherwise you're just going to do your head in over thinking it.Posted by Elissar18You’re right. I don’t owe him any explanation. I think I was feeling bad and came here to seek clarity and advice bc of what he suddenly said and reacted last week. Someone here said he might have guilt tripped me just to get a reaction out of me bc of their manipulativeness.Posted by loveandberriesYou can't break up with him and you're not responsible for his feelings or accountable for anything. You're not in a relationship with this person remember?Posted by Elissar18How should I break it to him that I want to end this without coming across too harsh? Or able to finally get a word out of him on this? I have never found myself speaking to a fwb about the relationship. Also I know I get kind of mean with my words when matters of the heart are spoken about.
You're fwb and it hasn't progressed in over a year... You don't need advice. You need a new man that wants the same things you want. Either tell him you want a relationship with him, or find someone else.
You can only ask him if he can see the situation progressing to a relationship. If that's not something he wants, then you just go date other people instead of holding out for someone who doesn't want the same things. You don't even need to tell him that you're dating other people because you don't own someone you're not in anything with, your loyalty or an explanation. The same way he doesn't owe you anything. If there's no exclusive clause or relationship title, you're just a casual fling. This may sound harsh and I don't mean to offend in any way, but it doesn't even sound like you're friends with benefits, it's even less than that because there's no genuine friendship here. Just occasional booty calls. You're complicating something that is very simple.
Everyone’s words have made me feel so much better. Indeed, if I can accept myself being an occasional bootycall, then this will be an uphill battle where I can only make myself available to his needs whenever and none of his reaction should have an effect on me. Also bc I know he’s looking for love, someone to be with - and his emotional outbursts and mood swings towards me, I took it that he’s upset with me which I thought I might have done something wrong here or overlook his intentions and feelings.click to expand
Posted by WolfhaleeI do feel so too. I walked past the spot he was at twice and never saw him. Then he lashed out at me at night.Posted by loveandberries
I’ll try to keep it brief.
So late last year, I met this cancer man and we hooked up a couple of times. Seeing that he doesn’t really put forward the interest of pursuing me and treating us as fwb, I went ahead and accepted it even though I wasn’t up for the idea. But I did admit and told him that I had started to catch feelings for him which he didn’t reply so we just moved forward. Anyways, we both lived in different cities, and he left earlier this year bc his work is on seasonal contracts. It took me months to slowly not care about him. I always had a gut feeling that he wasn’t just a fuckboy, you just somehow know with those vibes. And we didn’t speak when he was gone.
So he just came back to the city, and he reached out to me first thing when he was back. I was always under the assumption that I’m not the only one he sleeps with and that since it’s been a year we knew each other despite the break of communication when he left, I didn’t think he will reach out to me when he came back. Anyways, we were supposed to meet in a club first but I just couldn’t find him for whatever reason. We texted back and forth while I was walking around trying to find him, he said I was playing games. And even said it a few times. Feels like he was starting to be in his feelings bc he never said things like that to me. He then asked if we are hooking up that night.
Eventually, he texted he’s leaving the club and told me to come to his hotel. So ofc I went. When I showed up, we talked a little but more on the fact that he thinks I’m playing games. And when I asked him how and why, he said there are signs and refused to explain further. Not just that, he also assumed I have a man - he asked me what time do I have to return home to him. So I said I don’t have one otherwise I wouldn’t be here. He was clearly upset and in his feelings. Again, we haven’t met and spoke to each other for months now and I never posted on social media that indicated I have someone. Although at the end of the night we had sex, I couldn’t help but wonder why did he keep saying I was playing games. I’m writing in here bc, I don’t know what he wants now or what am I missing here. Something tells me he always wanted me to make the move. But when I showed a little more concern in the past, he seem to retreat. Hence after I accepted that we are clearly just fwb, I reached out a lot lesser and don’t even comment or like his posts. I even wonder if his posts was to elicit a response from me bc it was kind of obvious. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hoping for things to change between us, but I’m just wondering if I should continue being how I was in the last few months when I cared lesser. Yet I feel like me caring lesser seem to be what he meant about me playing games. Also does fwb relationship last this long? Oh and I’m a Virgo female so not sure if this matters.
Truthfully by the sounds of it, it seemed like he was bullshitting in the club and projecting his bullshit on you... Cancers are manipulative and overly emotional for me.click to expand
Posted by loveandberriesJust say I like you and I would like to get to know you more. Are you interested in trying out a relationship and seeing where it goes. If he says no, or tells you that he is not interested, say ok that's fair enough and leave it at that. Don't complicate it or argue it just accept it and move onPosted by Elissar18Yeah, I just don’t know how to.. Maybe I don’t want to look like an idiot if he gets defensive again and says something else.Posted by loveandberriesThen talk to him. Find out if he wants something with you or not. Otherwise you're just going to do your head in over thinking it.Posted by Elissar18You’re right. I don’t owe him any explanation. I think I was feeling bad and came here to seek clarity and advice bc of what he suddenly said and reacted last week. Someone here said he might have guilt tripped me just to get a reaction out of me bc of their manipulativeness.Posted by loveandberriesYou can't break up with him and you're not responsible for his feelings or accountable for anything. You're not in a relationship with this person remember?Posted by Elissar18How should I break it to him that I want to end this without coming across too harsh? Or able to finally get a word out of him on this? I have never found myself speaking to a fwb about the relationship. Also I know I get kind of mean with my words when matters of the heart are spoken about.
You're fwb and it hasn't progressed in over a year... You don't need advice. You need a new man that wants the same things you want. Either tell him you want a relationship with him, or find someone else.
You can only ask him if he can see the situation progressing to a relationship. If that's not something he wants, then you just go date other people instead of holding out for someone who doesn't want the same things. You don't even need to tell him that you're dating other people because you don't own someone you're not in anything with, your loyalty or an explanation. The same way he doesn't owe you anything. If there's no exclusive clause or relationship title, you're just a casual fling. This may sound harsh and I don't mean to offend in any way, but it doesn't even sound like you're friends with benefits, it's even less than that because there's no genuine friendship here. Just occasional booty calls. You're complicating something that is very simple.
Everyone’s words have made me feel so much better. Indeed, if I can accept myself being an occasional bootycall, then this will be an uphill battle where I can only make myself available to his needs whenever and none of his reaction should have an effect on me. Also bc I know he’s looking for love, someone to be with - and his emotional outbursts and mood swings towards me, I took it that he’s upset with me which I thought I might have done something wrong here or overlook his intentions and feelings.click to expand
Posted by Elissar18Ok I understand better now. Thanks a lot for your advice.Posted by loveandberriesJust say I like you and I would like to get to know you more. Are you interested in trying out a relationship and seeing where it goes. If he says no, or tells you that he is not interested, say ok that's fair enough and leave it at that. Don't complicate it or argue it just accept it and move onPosted by Elissar18Yeah, I just don’t know how to.. Maybe I don’t want to look like an idiot if he gets defensive again and says something else.Posted by loveandberriesThen talk to him. Find out if he wants something with you or not. Otherwise you're just going to do your head in over thinking it.Posted by Elissar18You’re right. I don’t owe him any explanation. I think I was feeling bad and came here to seek clarity and advice bc of what he suddenly said and reacted last week. Someone here said he might have guilt tripped me just to get a reaction out of me bc of their manipulativeness.Posted by loveandberriesYou can't break up with him and you're not responsible for his feelings or accountable for anything. You're not in a relationship with this person remember?Posted by Elissar18How should I break it to him that I want to end this without coming across too harsh? Or able to finally get a word out of him on this? I have never found myself speaking to a fwb about the relationship. Also I know I get kind of mean with my words when matters of the heart are spoken about.
You're fwb and it hasn't progressed in over a year... You don't need advice. You need a new man that wants the same things you want. Either tell him you want a relationship with him, or find someone else.
You can only ask him if he can see the situation progressing to a relationship. If that's not something he wants, then you just go date other people instead of holding out for someone who doesn't want the same things. You don't even need to tell him that you're dating other people because you don't own someone you're not in anything with, your loyalty or an explanation. The same way he doesn't owe you anything. If there's no exclusive clause or relationship title, you're just a casual fling. This may sound harsh and I don't mean to offend in any way, but it doesn't even sound like you're friends with benefits, it's even less than that because there's no genuine friendship here. Just occasional booty calls. You're complicating something that is very simple.
Everyone’s words have made me feel so much better. Indeed, if I can accept myself being an occasional bootycall, then this will be an uphill battle where I can only make myself available to his needs whenever and none of his reaction should have an effect on me. Also bc I know he’s looking for love, someone to be with - and his emotional outbursts and mood swings towards me, I took it that he’s upset with me which I thought I might have done something wrong here or overlook his intentions and feelings.click to expand
The one thing that really frustrates me with him is, he never comes out right out to ask me questions and chooses to assume. Like he asked me last time out of nowhere “what time do you have to go back to your man”
I never once said or indicated over social media that I have a man. He always ask questions in a way to get answers out of me or what he wants. I really hate that.
Are all cancer men like that? Lol. I have another cancer male friend and he doesn’t even behave like he does.
I never once said or indicated over social media that I have a man. He always ask questions in a way to get answers out of me or what he wants. I really hate that.
Are all cancer men like that? Lol. I have another cancer male friend and he doesn’t even behave like he does.
Posted by WolfhaleeI admit there were enough dealbreakers to walk away from him, probably since the last time he left, so i dont have to keep overthinking. But everytime I thought I was good, like I'm trying to keep it neutral with him just like I would with anyone who I can clearly see from the beginning it was no more than a hookup, he would just come to me with this overwhelming and confusing behavior. Someone said women are not made to be fwb bc they're emotional, so why do I feel like I'm the one who got this but not him? So i wonder who's the one playing games here. Or is this really how a cancer man is?Posted by loveandberriesPosted by WolfhaleeI do feel so too. I walked past the spot he was at twice and never saw him. Then he lashed out at me at night.Posted by loveandberries
I’ll try to keep it brief.
So late last year, I met this cancer man and we hooked up a couple of times. Seeing that he doesn’t really put forward the interest of pursuing me and treating us as fwb, I went ahead and accepted it even though I wasn’t up for the idea. But I did admit and told him that I had started to catch feelings for him which he didn’t reply so we just moved forward. Anyways, we both lived in different cities, and he left earlier this year bc his work is on seasonal contracts. It took me months to slowly not care about him. I always had a gut feeling that he wasn’t just a fuckboy, you just somehow know with those vibes. And we didn’t speak when he was gone.
So he just came back to the city, and he reached out to me first thing when he was back. I was always under the assumption that I’m not the only one he sleeps with and that since it’s been a year we knew each other despite the break of communication when he left, I didn’t think he will reach out to me when he came back. Anyways, we were supposed to meet in a club first but I just couldn’t find him for whatever reason. We texted back and forth while I was walking around trying to find him, he said I was playing games. And even said it a few times. Feels like he was starting to be in his feelings bc he never said things like that to me. He then asked if we are hooking up that night.
Eventually, he texted he’s leaving the club and told me to come to his hotel. So ofc I went. When I showed up, we talked a little but more on the fact that he thinks I’m playing games. And when I asked him how and why, he said there are signs and refused to explain further. Not just that, he also assumed I have a man - he asked me what time do I have to return home to him. So I said I don’t have one otherwise I wouldn’t be here. He was clearly upset and in his feelings. Again, we haven’t met and spoke to each other for months now and I never posted on social media that indicated I have someone. Although at the end of the night we had sex, I couldn’t help but wonder why did he keep saying I was playing games. I’m writing in here bc, I don’t know what he wants now or what am I missing here. Something tells me he always wanted me to make the move. But when I showed a little more concern in the past, he seem to retreat. Hence after I accepted that we are clearly just fwb, I reached out a lot lesser and don’t even comment or like his posts. I even wonder if his posts was to elicit a response from me bc it was kind of obvious. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hoping for things to change between us, but I’m just wondering if I should continue being how I was in the last few months when I cared lesser. Yet I feel like me caring lesser seem to be what he meant about me playing games. Also does fwb relationship last this long? Oh and I’m a Virgo female so not sure if this matters.
Truthfully by the sounds of it, it seemed like he was bullshitting in the club and projecting his bullshit on you... Cancers are manipulative and overly emotional for me.
Yea I would be the one lashing out on him, I've been doing some studying on fwb being that I've been in them types of situations seems like they feel they can treat you any type of way because you're not their girlfriend. Don't allow it though...
That whole club scene would've been the end for me...click to expand
And when he admitted once that he is anti-social, I felt it. Because it was likewise for me. I constantly had to push myself out of comfort zone due to the nature of my work. And he over there thinks i am the most unloyal bitch on earth. I felt offended whenever he thinks like that, regardless friends or not.
Posted by WolfhaleeRight, he would used to do all these little things out of the blue like check in on me occasionally, song dedication (wtf lol), and what not - really fucking playing with my feelings. After he left, I managed to toughen up and put him at the back of my mind. I do agree I have to leave him be, or call him out and ask where this is going. Guess he's just been so used to me making myself easy for him and I have to admit I shouldn't have seen him again.Posted by loveandberriesPosted by WolfhaleeI admit there were enough dealbreakers to walk away from him, probably since the last time he left, so i dont have to keep overthinking. But everytime I thought I was good, like I'm trying to keep it neutral with him just like I would with anyone who I can clearly see from the beginning it was no more than a hookup, he would just come to me with this overwhelming and confusing behavior. Someone said women are not made to be fwb bc they're emotional, so why do I feel like I'm the one who got this but not him? So i wonder who's the one playing games here. Or is this really how a cancer man is?Posted by loveandberriesPosted by WolfhaleeI do feel so too. I walked past the spot he was at twice and never saw him. Then he lashed out at me at night.Posted by loveandberries
I’ll try to keep it brief.
So late last year, I met this cancer man and we hooked up a couple of times. Seeing that he doesn’t really put forward the interest of pursuing me and treating us as fwb, I went ahead and accepted it even though I wasn’t up for the idea. But I did admit and told him that I had started to catch feelings for him which he didn’t reply so we just moved forward. Anyways, we both lived in different cities, and he left earlier this year bc his work is on seasonal contracts. It took me months to slowly not care about him. I always had a gut feeling that he wasn’t just a fuckboy, you just somehow know with those vibes. And we didn’t speak when he was gone.
So he just came back to the city, and he reached out to me first thing when he was back. I was always under the assumption that I’m not the only one he sleeps with and that since it’s been a year we knew each other despite the break of communication when he left, I didn’t think he will reach out to me when he came back. Anyways, we were supposed to meet in a club first but I just couldn’t find him for whatever reason. We texted back and forth while I was walking around trying to find him, he said I was playing games. And even said it a few times. Feels like he was starting to be in his feelings bc he never said things like that to me. He then asked if we are hooking up that night.
Eventually, he texted he’s leaving the club and told me to come to his hotel. So ofc I went. When I showed up, we talked a little but more on the fact that he thinks I’m playing games. And when I asked him how and why, he said there are signs and refused to explain further. Not just that, he also assumed I have a man - he asked me what time do I have to return home to him. So I said I don’t have one otherwise I wouldn’t be here. He was clearly upset and in his feelings. Again, we haven’t met and spoke to each other for months now and I never posted on social media that indicated I have someone. Although at the end of the night we had sex, I couldn’t help but wonder why did he keep saying I was playing games. I’m writing in here bc, I don’t know what he wants now or what am I missing here. Something tells me he always wanted me to make the move. But when I showed a little more concern in the past, he seem to retreat. Hence after I accepted that we are clearly just fwb, I reached out a lot lesser and don’t even comment or like his posts. I even wonder if his posts was to elicit a response from me bc it was kind of obvious. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hoping for things to change between us, but I’m just wondering if I should continue being how I was in the last few months when I cared lesser. Yet I feel like me caring lesser seem to be what he meant about me playing games. Also does fwb relationship last this long? Oh and I’m a Virgo female so not sure if this matters.
Truthfully by the sounds of it, it seemed like he was bullshitting in the club and projecting his bullshit on you... Cancers are manipulative and overly emotional for me.
Yea I would be the one lashing out on him, I've been doing some studying on fwb being that I've been in them types of situations seems like they feel they can treat you any type of way because you're not their girlfriend. Don't allow it though...
That whole club scene would've been the end for me...
And when he admitted once that he is anti-social, I felt it. Because it was likewise for me. I constantly had to push myself out of comfort zone due to the nature of my work. And he over there thinks i am the most unloyal bitch on earth. I felt offended whenever he thinks like that, regardless friends or not.
With the whole women are emotional we are but my thing is if it's just about sex why not just leave it as sex. Once a man starts telling you he misses you or starts acting like y'all are more than fwb that's when females emotions kick in... I like to know where I stand with people, if you just telling me you miss me to get sex.. Like just say you want sex don't even say you miss me lol. That's playing with my feelings.. People afraid to communicate anything makes the situation more than it needs to be..
and yes the red flags be right in our face but we tend to hope for the best out the situation which is human nature so don't be so hard on yourself about it. Hopefully you decide what's best for you I can only advise you but it sounds best that you leave him be. Idk I feel like after a certain amount of bullshit I just refuse to put up with anymore it's hard but not worth your youth and mental health...click to expand
I appreciate the advice.
Posted by HeartofTopazzYeah, either I walk away completely or just call him out. I definitely made myself easy for him all this while.
Cancer men are great with extremes.. Not much else in between. There are exceptions but I’m not seeing any here.
Most of the time, they have already made up their mind about you. It will be obvious if they want you or not. Don’t sign up for FWB if you can’t handle it.
loveandberries---
He's mindf**king you.
It's the pull/push method.
He wants a subservient FWB that will keep his ego intact.
You pull closer, he retreats.
You pull away, his ego is bruised.
When you're not checking for an egotistical man, he will automatically assume that you're checking for someone else.
This is probably why he was under the impression you had a man.
For the next FWB hookup,
Just let him go 'downtown.'
Don't even bother to reciprocate the favor.
Enjoy the tongue massage, ponder on how you're going to call it 'quits.'
Orgasm.
Put your clothes on....
And wave goodbye....Permanently.
At least get back your self respect and integrity.
He's mindf**king you.
It's the pull/push method.
He wants a subservient FWB that will keep his ego intact.
You pull closer, he retreats.
You pull away, his ego is bruised.
When you're not checking for an egotistical man, he will automatically assume that you're checking for someone else.
This is probably why he was under the impression you had a man.
For the next FWB hookup,
Just let him go 'downtown.'
Don't even bother to reciprocate the favor.
Enjoy the tongue massage, ponder on how you're going to call it 'quits.'
Orgasm.
Put your clothes on....
And wave goodbye....Permanently.
At least get back your self respect and integrity.
Posted by TaurusBull1977It makes a lot of sense but why the need to do so much just to feed his ego? Besides we’ve known each other or rather in this context slept with each other over a year now and he could easily find someone new when he return this time instead of doing so much?
loveandberries---
He's mindf**king you.
It's the pull/push method.
He wants a subservient FWB that will keep his ego intact.
You pull closer, he retreats.
You pull away, his ego is bruised.
When you're not checking for an egotistical man, he will automatically assume that you're checking for someone else.
This is probably why he was under the impression you had a man.
For the next FWB hookup,
Just let him go 'downtown.'
Don't even bother to reciprocate the favor.
Enjoy the tongue massage, ponder on how you're going to call it 'quits.'
Orgasm.
Put your clothes on....
And wave goodbye....Permanently.
At least get back your self respect and integrity.
I’m not asking this much bc I’m hoping for something more, but I just don’t understand what he wants. One minute he wants my attention by doing all these little things and asking all these questions, next minute he acts like an ass. Like I said I have other fwb/fuck buddies before but it was strictly that and without speaking about it I would just know it is what it is. And then he gets all upset with me first thing for no reason when I haven’t seen him for months. I don’t even get a chance to say anything more bc time is always short when we’re together.
Also aren’t cancer men known to be loyal? He has a 4 year old girl, not married but I’m pretty certain things rekindled with the mother recently before he came back. Things were bad between them when I met him. Feels like I’m even lower than a fwb at this point.
Lovenandberries,
You're overanalyzing at this point.
If he reconciled with the mother of his child, it's irrelevant at this point.
You're a FWB, assume the position, and let his shrink sort out his personal problems.
He's intuitive.
Don't assume he doesn't see your Virgo's need to 'always try and fix things/people.'
Your nurturing capablilities is what fuels his ego.
It's like getting the attention from a significant other without soldifying the relationship with that person.
Stop giving a F^ck.
He's not your man.
Enjy the last session with him.
Keep it sweet.
Keep it selfish.
...And make it quick!
You're overanalyzing at this point.
If he reconciled with the mother of his child, it's irrelevant at this point.
You're a FWB, assume the position, and let his shrink sort out his personal problems.
He's intuitive.
Don't assume he doesn't see your Virgo's need to 'always try and fix things/people.'
Your nurturing capablilities is what fuels his ego.
It's like getting the attention from a significant other without soldifying the relationship with that person.
Stop giving a F^ck.
He's not your man.
Enjy the last session with him.
Keep it sweet.
Keep it selfish.
...And make it quick!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ x 7373773728818287201
Don't feed the behavior. If you want somethindmg serious, don't put out. We Cancers can be manipulative, and we can read people so well. If he can get you when he wants you, there's so little to chase after. I'm sorry for being so blunt. But that's the other side of us that is kinda true. Don't be so available, that gets to our heads.
Posted by NMNRActually I told him I’m leaving my city at the end of this month and he asked where am I going so I said most likely back home. And I don’t know what damn fate it is but, I’ve just got a job offer in the city he lives in. I’m deliberating to tell him or not. Maybe I shouldn’t worry about him being upset if I don’t hit him up when I move there or think that I’m trying to move out there to be closer to him which is not it. But, I guess i shouldn’t even give a fuck about whatever he thinks. I’m pretty tired of these dumb games he’s playing. It’s been over a year we knew each other and we always act like brand new and shit whenever we see each other.
Don't feed the behavior. If you want somethindmg serious, don't put out. We Cancers can be manipulative, and we can read people so well. If he can get you when he wants you, there's so little to chase after. I'm sorry for being so blunt. But that's the other side of us that is kinda true. Don't be so available, that gets to our heads.
Forgot to mention that I told him that when I last saw him. And not that I deliberately did so.
Posted by Black-MambaI agree. We’re both in our 30’s and he’s always hiding about his feels or whatsoever. Maybe cancer men are indeed manipulative. There will always be something about him that will attract me but I am indeed tired of all these. Can’t even converse like normal friends at times. And keeps checking on my professional website. For example right now I’m in his city regarding the job offer I got and I can’t even tell him like a normal friend that I’m here.Posted by loveandberriesGames are for losers. I wouldn't even deal with him if i were you.Posted by NMNRActually I told him I’m leaving my city at the end of this month and he asked where am I going so I said most likely back home. And I don’t know what damn fate it is but, I’ve just got a job offer in the city he lives in. I’m deliberating to tell him or not. Maybe I shouldn’t worry about him being upset if I don’t hit him up when I move there or think that I’m trying to move out there to be closer to him which is not it. But, I guess i shouldn’t even give a fuck about whatever he thinks. I’m pretty tired of these dumb games he’s playing. It’s been over a year we knew each other and we always act like brand new and shit whenever we see each other.
Don't feed the behavior. If you want somethindmg serious, don't put out. We Cancers can be manipulative, and we can read people so well. If he can get you when he wants you, there's so little to chase after. I'm sorry for being so blunt. But that's the other side of us that is kinda true. Don't be so available, that gets to our heads.click to expand
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Just wanted to put that out there! :D
Ok bye!!
@ubuntu888
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i am catching up a deadline
so busy!
bear with me. thank you! :)
@firebunny
Joined: Dec 21, 2011 · Topics: 1686 · Posts: 16295
Is there a chance she'll slay another Virgo?
@firebunny
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like there's always something wrong with his grin?
@firebunny
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:-(
@firebunny
Joined: Dec 21, 2011 · Topics: 1686 · Posts: 16295
Coz I find taurus and scorpios pretty much the same - annoying!
:-(
@firebunny
Joined: Dec 21, 2011 · Topics: 1686 · Posts: 16295
which sign doesn't clean his feet?
@firebunny
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Do you have this?
And what signs usually have this?
@firebunny
Joined: Dec 21, 2011 · Topics: 1686 · Posts: 16295
So I had some what of the talk with my cappy. My cancer self tried to manipulate the conversation without asking the exact questions. Yes am afriaf to ask but i try to communicate. From everything all i heard is he trust me and cares more than I think he
@fullmoongirl
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Now bow down to us.
:P
@firebunny
Joined: Dec 21, 2011 · Topics: 1686 · Posts: 16295