I really care for this Cancer man...what do I do??
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by harue23 on Thursday, December 27, 2007 and has 26 replies.
I met a Cancer man (I'm an Aries) almost 5 months ago. We hit off really well. In the beginning, he told me that he had issues with being with a woman past a month. I also was his first girlfriend. Anyway...after 5 weeks, he says that he is really stressed about his job, and other things in his life. He said he noticed that he was neglecting me and thought it would be best that we break up. He said he wasn't sure that amount of time it would be before he got his stuff together so I was free to date but he wasn't going to. He said if we were meant, we will get back together.
Since then (about 3 months ago), we text each other occasionally, he comes over and stays the night sometimes, he's really interested in how my family is doing, and he's really close to the men in my family.
By me being an Aries, I have low patience. But this is the first man that has ever made me feel this way. I don't want to WAIT for him (which he told me not to do cuz it wouldn't be fair) but yet, I don't want to be with anyone else. I told him this at the beginning and he told me the same.
This is my one and only Cancer so I don't understand them yet. Help!!!!!!
Since then (about 3 months ago), we text each other occasionally, he comes over and stays the night sometimes, he's really interested in how my family is doing, and he's really close to the men in my family.
By me being an Aries, I have low patience. But this is the first man that has ever made me feel this way. I don't want to WAIT for him (which he told me not to do cuz it wouldn't be fair) but yet, I don't want to be with anyone else. I told him this at the beginning and he told me the same.
This is my one and only Cancer so I don't understand them yet. Help!!!!!!
work on your patience. First you have to decide, despite your past opinion of waiting, whether he is worth the wait or not. Once you make that decision you will know what you have to do. If he's worth the wait then you should try to come up with ways to put some patience on it and if he isnt then simply move on. The Cancer Im dealing with is a workaholic and he has this place in his mind where he wants to be with his business before he can really settle in to semiretirement (working 1 job instead of 3), I've accepted that about him because its not a bad thing (just a matter of who he is and deciding if I can deal with it). Im very impatient myself and I just remind myself of why I chose him knowing his time restraints when I start to get antsy and aggravated. And as he's come to see that I will be here despite his crazy schedule he's stepped up to move things around to be more available for me. Dedication accrues some serious interest if you're putting it in the right account!
I'm a male cancer it sounds that he really cares about you too I think you should let him know that you really care for him and that you don't want to be with any other guys but him.
I have told him that I care about him only...I have been telling him this since the beginning and I mean it. I just miss spending time with him, it's been about a month now since I last saw him. I text him like 2 weeks ago to tell him I missed him and he told me the same.
I am just scared cuz I have been hurt by alot of men before. It's not the fact of me waiting but more so me waiting and we never get back together. He did tell his mom and everyone else that there is no one after me.
At the beginning, the issue of marriage was brought up and he was considering it. I think that things just moved to fast, we never got a chance to be friends.
I want to open up to him more and tell him how I feel, but I don't want to smother him with my feelings.
I know that with cancer men, you have to show them affection and win them over. that's what i am trying to do...
I am just scared cuz I have been hurt by alot of men before. It's not the fact of me waiting but more so me waiting and we never get back together. He did tell his mom and everyone else that there is no one after me.
At the beginning, the issue of marriage was brought up and he was considering it. I think that things just moved to fast, we never got a chance to be friends.
I want to open up to him more and tell him how I feel, but I don't want to smother him with my feelings.
I know that with cancer men, you have to show them affection and win them over. that's what i am trying to do...
oh...and SweetestFatale...he's is worth it. He's very family-oriented, wants to be married and have a family by 30, wants to own his own business, looking for a career, not just a job. He was very sensitive at the beginning, he talked to me about how he felt about me, how much he wanted to be with me and everything. He liked to publicly show that he cared for me too.
I never had that. I always felt like I had to prove myself to guys but he wanted me for who I was.
I guess he's just going through a bump in the road right now.
I never had that. I always felt like I had to prove myself to guys but he wanted me for who I was.
I guess he's just going through a bump in the road right now.
"At the beginning, the issue of marriage was brought up and he was considering it."
Whoa .. red flags waving. To say that he was considering marriage, as a pondering of an issue that was brought up, sounds like you brought this to the table for him to consider.
:::Takes giant step backwards:::
"He's very family-oriented, wants to be married and have a family by 30, wants to own his own business, looking for a career, not just a job. He was very sensitive at the beginning, he talked to me about how he felt about me, how much he wanted to be with me and everything."
Fatal mistake for guys to speak of marriage and family feelings to women in the beginning of a relationship ... though, from the guys perspective, he's just talking about his goals and where he sees himself and what he wants out of life .. however, conveying these feelings to girls in the beginning is a huge mistake .. because women are too emotionally attached to men who are sensitive, and will won't normally recognize that this man is just speaking how he feels in general .. which explains why he hasn't been able to be with a woman past a month's time.
Guy talks "marriage & baby" .. woman goes ga, ga, ga ...
Whoa .. red flags waving. To say that he was considering marriage, as a pondering of an issue that was brought up, sounds like you brought this to the table for him to consider.
:::Takes giant step backwards:::
"He's very family-oriented, wants to be married and have a family by 30, wants to own his own business, looking for a career, not just a job. He was very sensitive at the beginning, he talked to me about how he felt about me, how much he wanted to be with me and everything."
Fatal mistake for guys to speak of marriage and family feelings to women in the beginning of a relationship ... though, from the guys perspective, he's just talking about his goals and where he sees himself and what he wants out of life .. however, conveying these feelings to girls in the beginning is a huge mistake .. because women are too emotionally attached to men who are sensitive, and will won't normally recognize that this man is just speaking how he feels in general .. which explains why he hasn't been able to be with a woman past a month's time.
Guy talks "marriage & baby" .. woman goes ga, ga, ga ...
I did not bring it up...we had a conversation and that's what he said he wanted out of life...
we were visiting family one day and it was brought up by them...later that day he started to ask me questions pertaining to it. he would then say "if and when we get married...blah, blah, blah.."
I never brought up the issue, I wasn't thinking anything of it until then. I know that we were moving fast at first because I felt overwhelmed but I never told him. I think he eventually got overwhelmed as well but not until later. He was very affectionate and everything and I wasn't used to that. I am not the type to push something. It's already hard for me To express how I feel because I take it as being weak.
So does this still seem like red flags? That stuff was influenced by family because it was a new and good relationship for the both of us...
we were visiting family one day and it was brought up by them...later that day he started to ask me questions pertaining to it. he would then say "if and when we get married...blah, blah, blah.."
I never brought up the issue, I wasn't thinking anything of it until then. I know that we were moving fast at first because I felt overwhelmed but I never told him. I think he eventually got overwhelmed as well but not until later. He was very affectionate and everything and I wasn't used to that. I am not the type to push something. It's already hard for me To express how I feel because I take it as being weak.
So does this still seem like red flags? That stuff was influenced by family because it was a new and good relationship for the both of us...
"So does this still seem like red flags? That stuff was influenced by family because it was a new and good relationship for the both of us..."
Yeah .. family influence would still seem like red flags. You're right, you two have moved way too fast, with what sounds like family pushing even harder.
Guys scare easy, and this is apparant with him, since he hasn't had an "official" girlfriend in the past. Perhaps, you two need to get away from family interference and go somewhere for a weekend (if you can drag him away from work), and try to be friends.
Actually, by him coming over to your house to spend nights at his convenience is probably sending him wrong signals. He can basically get away with having no commitment with you, and still getting laid. There's no reason for him to get serious if you're giving up the kitty anytime he wants it.
I'm not sure what I would do in your position .. but, I know that if my man broke up with me, I certainly wouldn't let him continue laying in my bed. It's highly likely that if you stopped sleeping with him, he would probably be forthcoming with what's going on with him.
Yeah .. family influence would still seem like red flags. You're right, you two have moved way too fast, with what sounds like family pushing even harder.
Guys scare easy, and this is apparant with him, since he hasn't had an "official" girlfriend in the past. Perhaps, you two need to get away from family interference and go somewhere for a weekend (if you can drag him away from work), and try to be friends.
Actually, by him coming over to your house to spend nights at his convenience is probably sending him wrong signals. He can basically get away with having no commitment with you, and still getting laid. There's no reason for him to get serious if you're giving up the kitty anytime he wants it.
I'm not sure what I would do in your position .. but, I know that if my man broke up with me, I certainly wouldn't let him continue laying in my bed. It's highly likely that if you stopped sleeping with him, he would probably be forthcoming with what's going on with him.
I have stopped sleeping with him...it's been over a month...
we only slept together like 2 times since we broke up...
I am not the type to do the casual sex thing. I only deal with a guy if I have serious feelings for him. Since he is out there single, he can sleep with whoever he wants cuz I'm not doin it...I think that is disgusting...
I just miss him, miss being with him. He makes me laugh and he brings out emotions in me that I never felt comfortable expressing with a man before. That's all.
I am not sitting around waiting for him to call or whatever else. I work, I have a child, I have things to do. It's just seems when I get stressed, I miss him. He tried to take care of my problems for me, so I miss him being there when I get like this.
I have noticed though that I will miss him like crazy but when I see him, it's not that serious. It's really weird!!
we only slept together like 2 times since we broke up...
I am not the type to do the casual sex thing. I only deal with a guy if I have serious feelings for him. Since he is out there single, he can sleep with whoever he wants cuz I'm not doin it...I think that is disgusting...
I just miss him, miss being with him. He makes me laugh and he brings out emotions in me that I never felt comfortable expressing with a man before. That's all.
I am not sitting around waiting for him to call or whatever else. I work, I have a child, I have things to do. It's just seems when I get stressed, I miss him. He tried to take care of my problems for me, so I miss him being there when I get like this.
I have noticed though that I will miss him like crazy but when I see him, it's not that serious. It's really weird!!
I'm through with this...that's why I have hidden everything..
thank you everyone for your responses....I'm glad that a Cancer man wrote me but I wish that I got more feedback from Cancer men...
Thanks!!!
thank you everyone for your responses....I'm glad that a Cancer man wrote me but I wish that I got more feedback from Cancer men...
Thanks!!!
I wish I could of read your posts harue before you hid your posts I hope it was not p-angle that made you do that.
"He's very family-oriented, wants to be married and have a family by 30, wants to own his own business, looking for a career, not just a job. He was very sensitive at the beginning, he talked to me about how he felt about me, how much he wanted to be with me and everything."
I'm like that but I know what my career is gonna be and I would never tell that to a girl if I was not interested in doing that with her and I would want to know if thats want she wants in life if not she is not the right girl. maybe he broke up with you because he felt that you were not spending enough time with each other and wanted to take a brake because he thought you were board and wanted him to see if you would have sex with other guys if you did it now you would 10 or 20 years down the line if you really wanted him you would have to make sure he knows it and that you don't want to be with any other guys but him
"He's very family-oriented, wants to be married and have a family by 30, wants to own his own business, looking for a career, not just a job. He was very sensitive at the beginning, he talked to me about how he felt about me, how much he wanted to be with me and everything."
I'm like that but I know what my career is gonna be and I would never tell that to a girl if I was not interested in doing that with her and I would want to know if thats want she wants in life if not she is not the right girl. maybe he broke up with you because he felt that you were not spending enough time with each other and wanted to take a brake because he thought you were board and wanted him to see if you would have sex with other guys if you did it now you would 10 or 20 years down the line if you really wanted him you would have to make sure he knows it and that you don't want to be with any other guys but him
update...
he text me today...asking about my holiday and how i have been these few weeks...
he said he wants to see me some time soon...
he text me today...asking about my holiday and how i have been these few weeks...
he said he wants to see me some time soon...
he miss's you I hope you sent you a text back saying that you miss him and want to see him too tell him you want to be with him on new years and you really have to make sure he knows how you feel about him
"He tried to take care of my problems for me, so I miss him being there when I get like this.
I have noticed though that I will miss him like crazy but when I see him, it's not that serious. It's really weird!!"
It sounds like he got you dependent upon him by taking care of these emotional needs.
You know .... he has you pining away for him, while he's out enjoying the good life. You say you're not sitting around waiting for him, and perhaps you feel like you're not .. but, you are. You're in here talking about how you don't want anybody else, and how only he can bring these feelings out in you.
It's like .. he strings your emotions along to get you to your knees over him, yet, he makes sure he remains a free and single man to play in all the fields.
You know .. a woman doesn't deserve that. I'm unclear why you, or any woman would fawn over a man isn't man enough to either leave you be to live, or step up to the plate and follow through with nurturing the emotional chaos he's created within her.
However, that's up to you .. if you want to be at an emotional players mercy .. then sobeit, it's your life. Have fun .. or should I say, have sadness.
I have noticed though that I will miss him like crazy but when I see him, it's not that serious. It's really weird!!"
It sounds like he got you dependent upon him by taking care of these emotional needs.
You know .... he has you pining away for him, while he's out enjoying the good life. You say you're not sitting around waiting for him, and perhaps you feel like you're not .. but, you are. You're in here talking about how you don't want anybody else, and how only he can bring these feelings out in you.
It's like .. he strings your emotions along to get you to your knees over him, yet, he makes sure he remains a free and single man to play in all the fields.
You know .. a woman doesn't deserve that. I'm unclear why you, or any woman would fawn over a man isn't man enough to either leave you be to live, or step up to the plate and follow through with nurturing the emotional chaos he's created within her.
However, that's up to you .. if you want to be at an emotional players mercy .. then sobeit, it's your life. Have fun .. or should I say, have sadness.
P-Angel...I didn't post these things back up here to get your response. It was put back up from someone else to view it and be taken back down.
To be honest, you seem like a very unhappy person. Like something happened to you really bad and you are very negative. Not straightforward but sour.
I don't need anyone to explain or dictate the type of person I am or what I would stand for. For you to give your opinion that far, you need to know the full situation. You cannot make a judgement like that unless you know it all. You only know what I post.
And as far as me sitting around waiting on him, I have no reason to. I have a family, I work, I go to school, I have hobbies. He is not my life, just an aspect of it. For you to say that I am sitting around waiting on him, you have to know me.
I posted this to get feedback about the cancer male and their habits, not to get a free shrink session. If you have not posted any questions or experiences but yet, sitting around passing out negativity; you might as well be smart and get paid for it. Become a therapist!
If you are so high and mighty and not "stupid" enough to go through things, then why are you on here? What are not just living your happy life instead of preying on other people's downfalls?
Maybe you are the one that needs to admit that you are just stush and bitter. And just for the record, we never had personal issues with each other. That was never the problem in the relationship or now. I just didn't understand the cancer males emotions and how they deal with things. I am a woman and a different sign, I deal with things differently. This was posted more so for the cancer men to answer.
And yeah, it's my life. At the end of the day, it's my decision. I didn't ask for you to tell me how to live it nor did I personally ask for your opinion....
Good day!!!!!
To be honest, you seem like a very unhappy person. Like something happened to you really bad and you are very negative. Not straightforward but sour.
I don't need anyone to explain or dictate the type of person I am or what I would stand for. For you to give your opinion that far, you need to know the full situation. You cannot make a judgement like that unless you know it all. You only know what I post.
And as far as me sitting around waiting on him, I have no reason to. I have a family, I work, I go to school, I have hobbies. He is not my life, just an aspect of it. For you to say that I am sitting around waiting on him, you have to know me.
I posted this to get feedback about the cancer male and their habits, not to get a free shrink session. If you have not posted any questions or experiences but yet, sitting around passing out negativity; you might as well be smart and get paid for it. Become a therapist!
If you are so high and mighty and not "stupid" enough to go through things, then why are you on here? What are not just living your happy life instead of preying on other people's downfalls?
Maybe you are the one that needs to admit that you are just stush and bitter. And just for the record, we never had personal issues with each other. That was never the problem in the relationship or now. I just didn't understand the cancer males emotions and how they deal with things. I am a woman and a different sign, I deal with things differently. This was posted more so for the cancer men to answer.
And yeah, it's my life. At the end of the day, it's my decision. I didn't ask for you to tell me how to live it nor did I personally ask for your opinion....
Good day!!!!!
You must be an Aries ... you talk like one.
Anytime Aries women act like this is when they realize they've fucked up and so vent out thier anger onto another person.
Hold your head high as you walk away .. and just pretend you saw the light for yourself ... he'll never know.
You're welcome !
Anytime Aries women act like this is when they realize they've fucked up and so vent out thier anger onto another person.
Hold your head high as you walk away .. and just pretend you saw the light for yourself ... he'll never know.
You're welcome !
Fatal mistake for guys to speak of marriage and family feelings to women in the beginning of a relationship ... though, from the guys perspective, he's just talking about his goals and where he sees himself and what he wants out of life .. however, conveying these feelings to girls in the beginning is a huge mistake .. because women are too emotionally attached to men who are sensitive, and will won't normally recognize that this man is just speaking how he feels in general ..
This is true, I learned this the hard way.
This is true, I learned this the hard way.
Me too, Sweetie .. fell head first .. along with it went all heart, reason and sensibility ::sighs:: ... if we could only have the same forsight as we do hindsight, life would be bliss.
That one line in a Seger song, always makes me think about how wonderful life would be: Wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then.
That one line in a Seger song, always makes me think about how wonderful life would be: Wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then.
hey let's not point the finger at aries now! everyone speaks for themselves not just aries!
Could We PLEASE get some Cancer males in here to Save the day?
huh?lol IT is I captain vegetable with my carrot and my celery ..... why da hell u wanna speak about marriage so early in a realtionship if there was one in da first place. Build on one,learn to trust one another learn each others faults and build up each other. Cancer men do care about a person especially more so if u are worth it.
There's a difference between wanting control and actually having it.
H: "You cannot make a judgement like that unless you know it all. You only know what I post."
H: "He tried to take care of my problems for me, so I miss him being there when I get like this. I have noticed though that I will miss him like crazy but when I see him, it's not that serious. It's really weird!!"
P: "It sounds like he got you dependent upon him by taking care of these emotional needs."
It is fully comprehended that Aries strives to have control .. however, to desire of it and actually having it, aren't the same thing.
Control can only be achieved over self .....
To get it (control) in case .. one has to acknowledge within the self, that it desires emotions to be taken care of during times of distress because the self doesn't have control over these emotions = dependence.
For, the self actually acknowledged that once the other person is present to take care of these emotional needs, these desires dissapate and are no longer a burden = emotional dependence.
H: "He tried to take care of my problems for me, so I miss him being there when I get like this. I have noticed though that I will miss him like crazy but when I see him, it's not that serious. It's really weird!!"
P: "It sounds like he got you dependent upon him by taking care of these emotional needs."
It is fully comprehended that Aries strives to have control .. however, to desire of it and actually having it, aren't the same thing.
Control can only be achieved over self .....
To get it (control) in case .. one has to acknowledge within the self, that it desires emotions to be taken care of during times of distress because the self doesn't have control over these emotions = dependence.
For, the self actually acknowledged that once the other person is present to take care of these emotional needs, these desires dissapate and are no longer a burden = emotional dependence.
You could have control and desire more.
...Wow All this over Cans and Aries??? Bottome Line is that opposites attract and both sides are clueless what to do in this situation.. To all cancers- just relax and wait.. To all aries: just relax and....relax..
I really dig aries women, I really do, all Cans need a challenge but one who will be understanding at the same time. Peas..
I really dig aries women, I really do, all Cans need a challenge but one who will be understanding at the same time. Peas..To all cancers- just relax and wait..
To all aries: just relax and....relax..
**giggles**
To all aries: just relax and....relax..
**giggles**
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