I think this Leo guy right here screwed things up with a really sweet Cancer woman
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by LoudLeo on Sunday, August 6, 2017 and has 41 replies.
Originally I was going to type this big huge long story about this most recent relationship I had with a Cancer woman, but I'll just give you guys the highlights and see what you have to say from there.
We started dating a few months back. Things were really great. Her teenage daughter even liked me. Again, things were great. So then, she spends a weekend at my place, and while I'm at work one day, she cleans up my messy bachelor pad. Had mixed feelings about it. Half thankful, the other half angry. Fast forward a couple days, and I start giving her the cold shoulder for a few days. Try talking to her after that few days, and nothing in response. Then in the next convo we have, she basically calls it off with us. I try to work my way back in with her, and we get into our one and only argument. She tells me she doesn't wan't an on/off hot/cold type of relationship and thinks we should just forget it all. I blow up at her and give her the "have a nice life" line out of anger.
Cancer silent mode activated.
This was about a couple months ago. Since that last convo, I've tried texting her and of course, I get nothing in return. I'd give it a break for a few days or a week or so, then back at it. Still nothing.
This woman is a great match for me, and I'm sure we'd make an awesome family with the two of us and her daughter. So I ask all of you Cancer folks, is all completely lost, or is there still a chance that she comes back? That is of course, after she's stewed on this situation for the next six months.
*joke*
We started dating a few months back. Things were really great. Her teenage daughter even liked me. Again, things were great. So then, she spends a weekend at my place, and while I'm at work one day, she cleans up my messy bachelor pad. Had mixed feelings about it. Half thankful, the other half angry. Fast forward a couple days, and I start giving her the cold shoulder for a few days. Try talking to her after that few days, and nothing in response. Then in the next convo we have, she basically calls it off with us. I try to work my way back in with her, and we get into our one and only argument. She tells me she doesn't wan't an on/off hot/cold type of relationship and thinks we should just forget it all. I blow up at her and give her the "have a nice life" line out of anger.
Cancer silent mode activated.
This was about a couple months ago. Since that last convo, I've tried texting her and of course, I get nothing in return. I'd give it a break for a few days or a week or so, then back at it. Still nothing.
This woman is a great match for me, and I'm sure we'd make an awesome family with the two of us and her daughter. So I ask all of you Cancer folks, is all completely lost, or is there still a chance that she comes back? That is of course, after she's stewed on this situation for the next six months.
*joke*
honestly that "have a nice life" line was a no no. If she said she didnt want a hot and cold relationship, that's what she means. Responding coldly to that was a mistake.
If you truly want this woman back you need to prove to her that there will not be anymore hot and cold ways. That would be hard for a Leo because you guys are little fire crackers! Not only that but you need some level of drama to keep the spark alive (I mean this with a warm heart) so you wouldn't really be able to hold this kind of promise....
If you truly want this woman back you need to prove to her that there will not be anymore hot and cold ways. That would be hard for a Leo because you guys are little fire crackers! Not only that but you need some level of drama to keep the spark alive (I mean this with a warm heart) so you wouldn't really be able to hold this kind of promise....
Her cleaning your place is her way of showing her love. You went ghost on her and then you told her to F off. You need to make more effort than a throw away text if you really want her back.
Send flower delivery to her work or home. Apologize in the card and ask for a second chance.
Send flower delivery to her work or home. Apologize in the card and ask for a second chance.
@Isabeau90 I'll admit, the "have a nice life" response was out of sheer anger and frustration, because I know Cancers are intuitive, so I figured she would pick up on me wanting back with her, and would be warm to that idea. I wasn't prepared for the response she gave, so that immediately struck a nerve with me
@CaramelizedCoffee the bed pose wasn't one specifically taken for DXP. I could've used any of the many different pics I have. I chose that one simply because it was the most recent. So if you must know, that's my only "bed pose."
@SentimentalCrabby I think she put a nail in that coffin tonight with her one and only text since that argument. I'll spare you the details and just get to the meat of what she said. "There is no future for us." Now of course she said more, but not all dirty laundry needs to be aired. So I suppose, there's my clue.
@LadyNeptune I had a strong, strong feeling about that. That's why my feelings were mixed, and not just of anger. And yeah, I tried sending her a card, flowers, chocolates, and a stuffed teddy bear to an address that she may or may not live at. Before we had our blowup, she had been talking to me about moving to the city I live in. We talked about a few different places that she was interested in, but there was one that she really, really liked. Since our blowup, she's never mentioned where she lives. I took a gamble that she got that place she really liked, and had that stuff sent there. Of course, she's never confirmed or denied that she got it, so she may have received it, and maybe someone else did.
@CaramelizedCoffee the bed pose wasn't one specifically taken for DXP. I could've used any of the many different pics I have. I chose that one simply because it was the most recent. So if you must know, that's my only "bed pose."
@SentimentalCrabby I think she put a nail in that coffin tonight with her one and only text since that argument. I'll spare you the details and just get to the meat of what she said. "There is no future for us." Now of course she said more, but not all dirty laundry needs to be aired. So I suppose, there's my clue.
@LadyNeptune I had a strong, strong feeling about that. That's why my feelings were mixed, and not just of anger. And yeah, I tried sending her a card, flowers, chocolates, and a stuffed teddy bear to an address that she may or may not live at. Before we had our blowup, she had been talking to me about moving to the city I live in. We talked about a few different places that she was interested in, but there was one that she really, really liked. Since our blowup, she's never mentioned where she lives. I took a gamble that she got that place she really liked, and had that stuff sent there. Of course, she's never confirmed or denied that she got it, so she may have received it, and maybe someone else did.
Be consistent with kindness and warmth...
No more coldness. You say that you said it because Cancers are intuitive and that she would warm to it... When she was in her 'fighting for you' stage.. that may have applied but she is past that now and probably saw those words as a manipulation. Cancers detest a person who tries to manipulate them.
They feel deceived and question your intentions.
One round of gifts isn't going to cut it. A bunch of messages hounding her or begging for her back is not going to solve the issue.
What does she need help with? What are her interests? What does she do that is grand to you?
Actions speak louder than words and she knows your words are inconsistent regardless of how you feel..
Your response to her cleaning your house showed a lack of appreciation.
You should start by showing her some appreciation.
No more coldness. You say that you said it because Cancers are intuitive and that she would warm to it... When she was in her 'fighting for you' stage.. that may have applied but she is past that now and probably saw those words as a manipulation. Cancers detest a person who tries to manipulate them.
They feel deceived and question your intentions.
One round of gifts isn't going to cut it. A bunch of messages hounding her or begging for her back is not going to solve the issue.
What does she need help with? What are her interests? What does she do that is grand to you?
Actions speak louder than words and she knows your words are inconsistent regardless of how you feel..
Your response to her cleaning your house showed a lack of appreciation.
You should start by showing her some appreciation.
Based on the wording she chose to use tonight in the one text she's sent since our blowup, she doesn't want me to show her anything. Appreciation, or anything else. What I took from what she said is "I haven't responded for two months because I thought you'd respect my decision, but if you keep messaging me, I may take out a restraining order on you." (paraphrasing, of course)
I think it's safe to assume she's closed the book on this chapter of her life.
I think it's safe to assume she's closed the book on this chapter of her life.
sorry to hear that
Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Why do all leo men take bed poses?
Posted by Isabeau90She's being a manipulative baby who likes feeling hurt. Typical Cancer bs. Jfc if her feelings are THAT sensitive as not being able to get back to a normal conversation with him trying to make things right, then he dodged himself a bullet. Imagine trying to have anything constructive with that bundle of moods.
honestly that "have a nice life" line was a no no. If she said she didnt want a hot and cold relationship, that's what she means. Responding coldly to that was a mistake.
Also... you don't just clean up other people's pads without their permission. It's not "nice of her". It's intruding.
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeFrom where i stand you are not even presenting an argument let alone logic. It's all emotional nonsense: "She has boundaries". Care to dissect that deeper, based on the facts the OP has presented?Posted by enfant_terribleThe cancer moon is strong on this one and is illogical as heckPosted by Isabeau90She's being a manipulative baby who likes feeling hurt. Typical Cancer bs. Jfc if her feelings are THAT sensitive as not being able to get back to a normal conversation with him trying to make things right, then he dodged himself a bullet. Imagine trying to have anything constructive with that bundle of moods.
honestly that "have a nice life" line was a no no. If she said she didnt want a hot and cold relationship, that's what she means. Responding coldly to that was a mistake.
Also... you don't just clean up other people's pads without their permission. It's not "nice of her". It's intruding.
I didn't see moods in her at all! I saw a strong woman who knows what she wants! AND it's not the Leo.
Good for her for having boundariesclick to expand
Posted by enfant_terriblePosted by CaramelizedCoffeeFrom where i stand you are not even presenting an argument let alone logic. It's all emotional nonsense: "She has boundaries". Care to dissect that deeper, based on the facts the OP has presented?Posted by enfant_terribleThe cancer moon is strong on this one and is illogical as heckPosted by Isabeau90She's being a manipulative baby who likes feeling hurt. Typical Cancer bs. Jfc if her feelings are THAT sensitive as not being able to get back to a normal conversation with him trying to make things right, then he dodged himself a bullet. Imagine trying to have anything constructive with that bundle of moods.
honestly that "have a nice life" line was a no no. If she said she didnt want a hot and cold relationship, that's what she means. Responding coldly to that was a mistake.
Also... you don't just clean up other people's pads without their permission. It's not "nice of her". It's intruding.
I didn't see moods in her at all! I saw a strong woman who knows what she wants! AND it's not the Leo.
Good for her for having boundariesclick to expand
I understand where you are coming from although stereo typically speaking... Cancers are home bodies and cleaning his apartment was probably her way of showing him respect.
Also from the facts he presented it was clear to see that he was outright manipulative playing on her emotions like that! Even if it was to get her back...
Emotional nonsense?
because Leo's are totally know for logical, emotionless, non dramatic behaviour? note my sarcasm...
Id say she endured a lot of hot and cold fuckery before she got to the point of no return.... but thats just my opinion.
From a Leo POV, I agree w/ @enfant_terrible.
Dodged a bullet. Mr. Aqua's Cancer ex used to do that (he would tell me about it). I always thought that it was a bit presumptive to clean someone else's stuff unless it's agreed to. Seems nosey to me.
Dodged a bullet. Mr. Aqua's Cancer ex used to do that (he would tell me about it). I always thought that it was a bit presumptive to clean someone else's stuff unless it's agreed to. Seems nosey to me.
You're basing a lack of having boundaries on invading his personal space? As though you cannot tell or know of any other kind of boundary? ? alrighty then..
Posted by sultrykittydoesn't excuse OP's reaction to it...
From a Leo POV, I agree w/ @enfant_terrible.
Dodged a bullet. Mr. Aqua's Cancer ex used to do that (he would tell me about it). I always thought that it was a bit presumptive to clean someone else's stuff unless it's agreed to. Seems nosey to me.
he could of talked with her about it instead of how he reacted.
Posted by CaramelizedCoffee? all jumping to OP's defense! meoowPosted by sultrykittyLeos are sounding more and more illogical by the minute
From a Leo POV, I agree w/ @enfant_terrible.
Dodged a bullet. Mr. Aqua's Cancer ex used to do that (he would tell me about it). I always thought that it was a bit presumptive to clean someone else's stuff unless it's agreed to. Seems nosey to me.click to expand
Posted by LoudLeomaybe you're being upset with her and giving her the cold shoulder didn't sit well with her - it would not have with me
Originally I was going to type this big huge long story about this most recent relationship I had with a Cancer woman, but I'll just give you guys the highlights and see what you have to say from there.
We started dating a few months back. Things were really great. Her teenage daughter even liked me. Again, things were great. So then, she spends a weekend at my place, and while I'm at work one day, she cleans up my messy bachelor pad. Had mixed feelings about it. Half thankful, the other half angry. Fast forward a couple days, and I start giving her the cold shoulder for a few days. Try talking to her after that few days, and nothing in response. Then in the next convo we have, she basically calls it off with us. I try to work my way back in with her, and we get into our one and only argument. She tells me she doesn't wan't an on/off hot/cold type of relationship and thinks we should just forget it all. I blow up at her and give her the "have a nice life" line out of anger.
Cancer silent mode activated.
This was about a couple months ago. Since that last convo, I've tried texting her and of course, I get nothing in return. I'd give it a break for a few days or a week or so, then back at it. Still nothing.
This woman is a great match for me, and I'm sure we'd make an awesome family with the two of us and her daughter. So I ask all of you Cancer folks, is all completely lost, or is there still a chance that she comes back? That is of course, after she's stewed on this situation for the next six months.
if you go cold on me and can't speak to me and tell me how you feel from an adult perspective, then why would I even want to go back to regular conversation with you after you got over whatever was sticking up your butt - she said she ain't dealing with that behavior - not sure what you don't understand there
and yes, I think you need to close the door and stop making it seem like you might just be a stalker lol - too many attempts to get her back when her answer was no some time ago
Posted by tctaPosted by LoudLeomaybe you're being upset with her and giving her the cold shoulder didn't sit well with her - it would not have with me
Originally I was going to type this big huge long story about this most recent relationship I had with a Cancer woman, but I'll just give you guys the highlights and see what you have to say from there.
We started dating a few months back. Things were really great. Her teenage daughter even liked me. Again, things were great. So then, she spends a weekend at my place, and while I'm at work one day, she cleans up my messy bachelor pad. Had mixed feelings about it. Half thankful, the other half angry. Fast forward a couple days, and I start giving her the cold shoulder for a few days. Try talking to her after that few days, and nothing in response. Then in the next convo we have, she basically calls it off with us. I try to work my way back in with her, and we get into our one and only argument. She tells me she doesn't wan't an on/off hot/cold type of relationship and thinks we should just forget it all. I blow up at her and give her the "have a nice life" line out of anger.
Cancer silent mode activated.
This was about a couple months ago. Since that last convo, I've tried texting her and of course, I get nothing in return. I'd give it a break for a few days or a week or so, then back at it. Still nothing.
This woman is a great match for me, and I'm sure we'd make an awesome family with the two of us and her daughter. So I ask all of you Cancer folks, is all completely lost, or is there still a chance that she comes back? That is of course, after she's stewed on this situation for the next six months.
if you go cold on me and can't speak to me and tell me how you feel from an adult perspective, then why would I even want to go back to regular conversation with you after you got over whatever was sticking up your butt - she said she ain't dealing with that behavior - not sure what you don't understand there
and yes, I think you need to close the door and stop making it seem like you might just be a stalker lol - too many attempts to get her back when her answer was no some time agoclick to expand
Simple, well executed and to the point! ??
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeDon't mess with my stuff. It's mine for a reasonPosted by sultrykittyLeos are sounding more and more illogical by the minute
From a Leo POV, I agree w/ @enfant_terrible.
Dodged a bullet. Mr. Aqua's Cancer ex used to do that (he would tell me about it). I always thought that it was a bit presumptive to clean someone else's stuff unless it's agreed to. Seems nosey to me.click to expand
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeWho's berating? I think it's nosey. There are reasons I'm not a fan of Leo/Cancer romances. This is one. It's one Leo's opinion.Posted by sultrykittyPosted by CaramelizedCoffeeDon't mess with my stuff. It's mine for a reasonPosted by sultrykittyLeos are sounding more and more illogical by the minute
From a Leo POV, I agree w/ @enfant_terrible.
Dodged a bullet. Mr. Aqua's Cancer ex used to do that (he would tell me about it). I always thought that it was a bit presumptive to clean someone else's stuff unless it's agreed to. Seems nosey to me.
so say that, don't berateclick to expand
Relative observation: if you take the time to notice on dating sites, certain signs appear more often than others.
Capricorn
Leo
Aquarius
Cancer
Taurus
Virgo
People like to say that the Zodiac is gibberish, but at the end of the day, it's pretty spot-on when it comes to sign compatibility. There are exceptions to everything, but it obviously exists for a reason.
Capricorn
Leo
Aquarius
Cancer
Taurus
Virgo
People like to say that the Zodiac is gibberish, but at the end of the day, it's pretty spot-on when it comes to sign compatibility. There are exceptions to everything, but it obviously exists for a reason.
Thanks to everyone that gave input on this post as well, whether it was relevant or irrelevant to the topic. #BedPose
Not the most thirsty. Those six signs are the most stubborn of the twelve, so they can't make just ANY ol thing for a relationship work.
Posted by Isabeau90If they're such home bodies then they'd know better than to mess with other people's personal space. Showing him respect? More like showing him he's a pig
I understand where you are coming from although stereo typically speaking... Cancers are home bodies and cleaning his apartment was probably her way of showing him respect.
Posted by enfant_terriblePosted by Isabeau90If they're such home bodies then they'd know better than to mess with other people's personal space. Showing him respect? More like showing him he's a pig
I understand where you are coming from although stereo typically speaking... Cancers are home bodies and cleaning his apartment was probably her way of showing him respect.click to expand
Lol well when you put it that way... I guess..
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeLol ok so his reaction is a red flag, while her reaction - identical to his - is somehow more mature? Or what did you call it, "knowing her boundaries".
She said she doesn't like his hot/cold. She probably already has dealt with that in past relationships so she knows that for her that's a red flag. Also his Anger tantrums! If a person can't appreciate you cleaning up for them and instead derides you well...maybe she knows she doesn't' want to deal with that kind of person
so she's strong for knowing her boundaries and leaving it be.
We could just aswell say he knows his boundaries & doesn't need her exercising power over his personal space. Red flags indeed.
Bottom line, he tried reaching out. Her so-called boundaries = expecting guys to walk on eggshells around her. She can't take an apology and she certainly can't talk things through when shi t hits the fan.
What exactly is expected of him here? let's summorize: That he never do anything that may require an apology of him? That they never have a disagreement on anything? Come on !
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeAnd I loved when my Cancer cleaned my place. But only cuz I considered it a place in-between places so.. nothing much personal.Posted by enfant_terribleLol I loved when virgo ex cleaned my placePosted by Isabeau90If they're such home bodies then they'd know better than to mess with other people's personal space. Showing him respect? More like showing him he's a pig
I understand where you are coming from although stereo typically speaking... Cancers are home bodies and cleaning his apartment was probably her way of showing him respect.
Oink oinkclick to expand
Posted by LoudLeoI dont believe in the compatability stereotypes... they're too generalized
Relative observation: if you take the time to notice on dating sites, certain signs appear more often than others.
Capricorn
Leo
Aquarius
Cancer
Taurus
Virgo
People like to say that the Zodiac is gibberish, but at the end of the day, it's pretty spot-on when it comes to sign compatibility. There are exceptions to everything, but it obviously exists for a reason.
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeExactly! She's not into him but she's making it about something else. Typical Cancer move
SHe's probably not into him or there's more going on then a little argument
Didn't he say she said he's hot/cold
Some of us want the real thing dude
Hot/cold doesn't say I like you
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeI'd tell her I prefer she not move my junk around. She would probably mope for a day, then get over it but not really and add it to her feelz to tap into whenever she feels like resenting me.Posted by enfant_terribleAND if it was personal?
And I loved when my Cancer cleaned my place. But only cuz I considered it a place in-between places so.. nothing much personal.
What then?click to expand
Posted by enfant_terriblePosted by CaramelizedCoffeeI'd tell her I prefer she not move my junk around. She would probably mope for a day, then get over it but not really and add it to her feelz to tap into whenever she feels like resenting me.Posted by enfant_terribleAND if it was personal?
And I loved when my Cancer cleaned my place. But only cuz I considered it a place in-between places so.. nothing much personal.
What then?click to expand
? I thought you had something nice to say that time, with your first line!
Posted by Isabeau90Posted by LoudLeoI dont believe in the compatability stereotypes... they're too generalized
Relative observation: if you take the time to notice on dating sites, certain signs appear more often than others.
Capricorn
Leo
Aquarius
Cancer
Taurus
Virgo
People like to say that the Zodiac is gibberish, but at the end of the day, it's pretty spot-on when it comes to sign compatibility. There are exceptions to everything, but it obviously exists for a reason.click to expand
I take them as reference points, but not as the solar/lunar gospel. Kind of like when people describe "Type A" personalities. You get a description of tendencies, but it's not an end-all-be-all. Not every Type A is the same, as not every Cancer is the same, and so on, but the tendencies are usually consistent.
Posted by LoudLeo
Originally I was going to type this big huge long story about this most recent relationship I had with a Cancer woman, but I'll just give you guys the highlights and see what you have to say from there.
We started dating a few months back. Things were really great. Her teenage daughter even liked me. Again, things were great. So then, she spends a weekend at my place, and while I'm at work one day, she cleans up my messy bachelor pad. Had mixed feelings about it. Half thankful, the other half angry. Fast forward a couple days, and I start giving her the cold shoulder for a few days. Try talking to her after that few days, and nothing in response. Then in the next convo we have, she basically calls it off with us. I try to work my way back in with her, and we get into our one and only argument. She tells me she doesn't wan't an on/off hot/cold type of relationship and thinks we should just forget it all. I blow up at her and give her the "have a nice life" line out of anger.
Cancer silent mode activated.
This was about a couple months ago. Since that last convo, I've tried texting her and of course, I get nothing in return. I'd give it a break for a few days or a week or so, then back at it. Still nothing.
This woman is a great match for me, and I'm sure we'd make an awesome family with the two of us and her daughter. So I ask all of you Cancer folks, is all completely lost, or is there still a chance that she comes back? That is of course, after she's stewed on this situation for the next six months.
As one Leo to another, this was a bad move on your part. She may be a good match for you, but you're not a good match for her. She's right, she deserves a man who won't run hot/cold. Also Cancer's can be very VERY feminine. You should really consider why you became slightly irritated when she cleaned your place (a gesture of love on her part).
Also if your liked this Cancer so much, why did you play games and give her the cold shoulder in the first place? What message were you trying to send by doing that? Were you trying to manipulate her into chasing you? Is that the type of woman you want? Why do you expect that she should even take you back after you blew up at her?
You took the weak position by showing your anger and then "pushing her away". You were clearly bluffing, which you then confirmed by coming back time and time again. If you're going to tell someone to "have a nice life" you should be prepared to back up those words. The reason she isn't responding to you is because you've shown your true colors. She now sees you as irate and emotionally manipulative. Actions speak louder than words and your actions have shown that you have no emotional self control.
I'm going to assume that you've blown this one out of the water, so you might as well move on to the next person. Just be sure to remember that if you're going to run hot/cold and have emotional outbursts, you're going to scare off the women who have any self respect. Women want a man who demonstrate emotional strength and stability. Yes, the hot/cold thing can work on some women, but that strategy won't work on women who have a strong sense of self esteem.
Posted by ChuckcemPosted by LoudLeo
Originally I was going to type this big huge long story about this most recent relationship I had with a Cancer woman, but I'll just give you guys the highlights and see what you have to say from there.
We started dating a few months back. Things were really great. Her teenage daughter even liked me. Again, things were great. So then, she spends a weekend at my place, and while I'm at work one day, she cleans up my messy bachelor pad. Had mixed feelings about it. Half thankful, the other half angry. Fast forward a couple days, and I start giving her the cold shoulder for a few days. Try talking to her after that few days, and nothing in response. Then in the next convo we have, she basically calls it off with us. I try to work my way back in with her, and we get into our one and only argument. She tells me she doesn't wan't an on/off hot/cold type of relationship and thinks we should just forget it all. I blow up at her and give her the "have a nice life" line out of anger.
Cancer silent mode activated.
This was about a couple months ago. Since that last convo, I've tried texting her and of course, I get nothing in return. I'd give it a break for a few days or a week or so, then back at it. Still nothing.
This woman is a great match for me, and I'm sure we'd make an awesome family with the two of us and her daughter. So I ask all of you Cancer folks, is all completely lost, or is there still a chance that she comes back? That is of course, after she's stewed on this situation for the next six months.
As one Leo to another, this was a bad move on your part. She may be a good match for you, but you're not a good match for her. She's right, she deserves a man who won't run hot/cold. Also Cancer's can be very VERY feminine. You should really consider why you became slightly irritated when she cleaned your place (a gesture of love on her part).
Also if your liked this Cancer so much, why did you play games and give her the cold shoulder in the first place? What message were you trying to send by doing that? Were you trying to manipulate her into chasing you? Is that the type of woman you want? Why do you expect that she should even take you back after you blew up at her?
You took the weak position by showing your anger and then "pushing her away". You were clearly bluffing, which you then confirmed by coming back time and time again. If you're going to tell someone to "have a nice life" you should be prepared to back up those words. The reason she isn't responding to you is because you've shown your true colors. She now sees you as irate and emotionally manipulative. Actions speak louder than words and your actions have shown that you have no emotional self control.
I'm going to assume that you've blown this one out of the water, so you might as well move on to the next person. Just be sure to remember that if you're going to run hot/cold and have emotional outbursts, you're going to scare off the women who have any self respect. Women want a man who demonstrate emotional strength and stability. Yes, the hot/cold thing can work on some women, but that strategy won't work on women who have a strong sense of self esteem.click to expand
@Chuckcem Point taken. Now let me clarify this "cold" part of the scenario that everyone keeps referring to. When I went ghost on her, I wanted to take a little time to really think about the situation and how I was going to respond to it. Was I REALLY going to be angry about it, or was I going to be appreciative for the thoughtful gesture.
Everything I just mentioned, I explained to her the next time we spoke. My guess is she still took that as abandonment, which led to her bringing up the hot/cold/up/down roller coaster thing when I tried to warm back up to her. Emotional manipulation? Hardly. There are plenty, PLENTY of game players out there from both genders that are simply out to see how much of whatever that they can get from someone else. I never have, and never will be one of those people.
When I chose to go ghost, I did so because I didn't want to go off an instinctual reaction to her cleaning my place. I stepped back, cooled off, and thought about the situation and what the appropriate reaction should be. Now in all of this, yeah, the "have a nice life" comment is what I regret. I don't regret taking a step back to really think about what just happened. I'd assume most would before they just react to a situation negatively that they might not need to.
@CaramelizedCoffee then I say that's on him. **shrugs**
Posted by LoudLeoThat's fair. My suggestion woud be to diffuse your anger next time. If you had instead simply responded eith, "Hey thanks for that, but please don't move my stuff around (or something along those lines)," that would have saved you a lot of trouble. As guys it is in our nature to take"big" problems and break them down into "small" problems. In this way the women feel loved/understod due to our emotional strength.
@Chuckcem Point taken. Now let me clarify this "cold" part of the scenario that everyone keeps referring to. When I went ghost on her, I wanted to take a little time to really think about the situation and how I was going to respond to it. Was I REALLY going to be angry about it, or was I going to be appreciative for the thoughtful gesture.
Everything I just mentioned, I explained to her the next time we spoke. My guess is she still took that as abandonment, which led to her bringing up the hot/cold/up/down roller coaster thing when I tried to warm back up to her. Emotional manipulation? Hardly. There are plenty, PLENTY of game players out there from both genders that are simply out to see how much of whatever that they can get from someone else. I never have, and never will be one of those people.
When I chose to go ghost, I did so because I didn't want to go off an instinctual reaction to her cleaning my place. I stepped back, cooled off, and thought about the situation and what the appropriate reaction should be. Now in all of this, yeah, the "have a nice life" comment is what I regret. I don't regret taking a step back to really think about what just happened. I'd assume most would before they just react to a situation negatively that they might not need to.
Women tend to pick up on emotional responses a lot faster than guys. My guess is when you took a step back to reevaluate your feelings, it contradicted your normal pattern/routine which confused the Cancer woman. She intuitively picked up that something was wrong. Since she's probably emotionally sensitive, she blew the scenario out of proportion bit. That was your opportunity to lighten things up. Instead when you joined her at her emotional level, you entered into an argument that left her feeling unheard, unloved, and rejected.
Posted by Chuckcem@Chuckcem fair assessment. Fair assessment indeed.Posted by LoudLeoThat's fair. My suggestion woud be to diffuse your anger next time. If you had instead simply responded eith, "Hey thanks for that, but please don't move my stuff around (or something along those lines)," that would have saved you a lot of trouble. As guys it is in our nature to take"big" problems and break them down into "small" problems. In this way the women feel loved/understod due to our emotional strength.
@Chuckcem Point taken. Now let me clarify this "cold" part of the scenario that everyone keeps referring to. When I went ghost on her, I wanted to take a little time to really think about the situation and how I was going to respond to it. Was I REALLY going to be angry about it, or was I going to be appreciative for the thoughtful gesture.
Everything I just mentioned, I explained to her the next time we spoke. My guess is she still took that as abandonment, which led to her bringing up the hot/cold/up/down roller coaster thing when I tried to warm back up to her. Emotional manipulation? Hardly. There are plenty, PLENTY of game players out there from both genders that are simply out to see how much of whatever that they can get from someone else. I never have, and never will be one of those people.
When I chose to go ghost, I did so because I didn't want to go off an instinctual reaction to her cleaning my place. I stepped back, cooled off, and thought about the situation and what the appropriate reaction should be. Now in all of this, yeah, the "have a nice life" comment is what I regret. I don't regret taking a step back to really think about what just happened. I'd assume most would before they just react to a situation negatively that they might not need to.
Women tend to pick up on emotional responses a lot faster than guys. My guess is when you took a step back to reevaluate your feelings, it contradicted your normal pattern/routine which confused the Cancer woman. She intuitively picked up that something was wrong. Since she's probably emotionally sensitive, she blew the scenario out of proportion bit. That was your opportunity to lighten things up. Instead when you joined her at her emotional level, you entered into an argument that left her feeling unheard, unloved, and rejected.click to expand
Posted by LoudLeoYes this is pretty much what I assumed happened and not actual ghosting. I do this too when I need time to reflect and find an appropriate way to react.
Now let me clarify this "cold" part of the scenario that everyone keeps referring to. When I went ghost on her, I wanted to take a little time to really think about the situation and how I was going to respond to it. Was I REALLY going to be angry about it, or was I going to be appreciative for the thoughtful gesture.
Everything I just mentioned, I explained to her the next time we spoke. My guess is she still took that as abandonment,
I mean how schizo would it be if he skipped the inner conflict and pretended everything was fine the first few days only to shift gear and come to the conclusion that he's actually not cool with it and then unload it on her?
Back to my initial point, dude tried explaining this to her and that it wasn't ghosting, and despite that she chose the emotional route. She'd rather feel hurt bc Cancers love to feel wronged. Sorry she's the one with the issue. I rest my case.
If she had any intrest in him to begin with this would not have been such an issue. At all.
Posted by enfant_terrible@enfant_terrible I appreciate you having my back in this situation, but trust me, I'm not without blame here, and it's a little more complicated than that. She has a teenage daughter that doesn't have the greatest relationship with her father. As a matter of fact, her father acts like she doesn't exist. So when Miss Cancer and I started dating, the daughter grew a bit fond of me. I'd guess when I went ghost on her, she wasn't just thinking about herself. She wanted to protect her daughter from any emotional harm on top of what her father is putting her through.Posted by LoudLeoYes this is pretty much what I assumed happened and not actual ghosting. I do this too when I need time to reflect and find an appropriate way to react.
Now let me clarify this "cold" part of the scenario that everyone keeps referring to. When I went ghost on her, I wanted to take a little time to really think about the situation and how I was going to respond to it. Was I REALLY going to be angry about it, or was I going to be appreciative for the thoughtful gesture.
Everything I just mentioned, I explained to her the next time we spoke. My guess is she still took that as abandonment,
I mean how schizo would it be if he skipped the inner conflict and pretended everything was fine the first few days only to shift gear and come to the conclusion that he's actually not cool with it and then unload it on her?
Back to my initial point, dude tried explaining this to her and that it wasn't ghosting, and despite that she chose the emotional route. She'd rather feel hurt bc Cancers love to feel wronged. Sorry she's the one with the issue. I rest my case.
If she had any intrest in him to begin with this would not have been such an issue. At all.click to expand
Posted by LoudLeoLoudLeo regarding the cleaning the house episode you've made a couple of mistakes that are truly unacceptable for a cancer. Do correct me if I misunderstood something.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by LoudLeo
Originally I was going to type this big huge long story about this most recent relationship I had with a Cancer woman, but I'll just give you guys the highlights and see what you have to say from there.
We started dating a few months back. Things were really great. Her teenage daughter even liked me. Again, things were great. So then, she spends a weekend at my place, and while I'm at work one day, she cleans up my messy bachelor pad. Had mixed feelings about it. Half thankful, the other half angry. Fast forward a couple days, and I start giving her the cold shoulder for a few days. Try talking to her after that few days, and nothing in response. Then in the next convo we have, she basically calls it off with us. I try to work my way back in with her, and we get into our one and only argument. She tells me she doesn't wan't an on/off hot/cold type of relationship and thinks we should just forget it all. I blow up at her and give her the "have a nice life" line out of anger.
Cancer silent mode activated.
This was about a couple months ago. Since that last convo, I've tried texting her and of course, I get nothing in return. I'd give it a break for a few days or a week or so, then back at it. Still nothing.
This woman is a great match for me, and I'm sure we'd make an awesome family with the two of us and her daughter. So I ask all of you Cancer folks, is all completely lost, or is there still a chance that she comes back? That is of course, after she's stewed on this situation for the next six months.
As one Leo to another, this was a bad move on your part. She may be a good match for you, but you're not a good match for her. She's right, she deserves a man who won't run hot/cold. Also Cancer's can be very VERY feminine. You should really consider why you became slightly irritated when she cleaned your place (a gesture of love on her part).
Also if your liked this Cancer so much, why did you play games and give her the cold shoulder in the first place? What message were you trying to send by doing that? Were you trying to manipulate her into chasing you? Is that the type of woman you want? Why do you expect that she should even take you back after you blew up at her?
You took the weak position by showing your anger and then "pushing her away". You were clearly bluffing, which you then confirmed by coming back time and time again. If you're going to tell someone to "have a nice life" you should be prepared to back up those words. The reason she isn't responding to you is because you've shown your true colors. She now sees you as irate and emotionally manipulative. Actions speak louder than words and your actions have shown that you have no emotional self control.
I'm going to assume that you've blown this one out of the water, so you might as well move on to the next person. Just be sure to remember that if you're going to run hot/cold and have emotional outbursts, you're going to scare off the women who have any self respect. Women want a man who demonstrate emotional strength and stability. Yes, the hot/cold thing can work on some women, but that strategy won't work on women who have a strong sense of self esteem.
@Chuckcem Point taken. Now let me clarify this "cold" part of the scenario that everyone keeps referring to. When I went ghost on her, I wanted to take a little time to really think about the situation and how I was going to respond to it. Was I REALLY going to be angry about it, or was I going to be appreciative for the thoughtful gesture.
Everything I just mentioned, I explained to her the next time we spoke. My guess is she still took that as abandonment, which led to her bringing up the hot/cold/up/down roller coaster thing when I tried to warm back up to her. Emotional manipulation? Hardly. There are plenty, PLENTY of game players out there from both genders that are simply out to see how much of whatever that they can get from someone else. I never have, and never will be one of those people.
When I chose to go ghost, I did so because I didn't want to go off an instinctual reaction to her cleaning my place. I stepped back, cooled off, and thought about the situation and what the appropriate reaction should be. Now in all of this, yeah, the "have a nice life" comment is what I regret. I don't regret taking a step back to really think about what just happened. I'd assume most would before they just react to a situation negatively that they might not need to.click to expand
- Lack of intimacy. If you don't show me your raw emotions when we are getting so intimate I will assume that you aren't ready for it. That you aren't comfortable so close to me. Perhaps that you don't love me.
- Immaturity. You shouldn't need a few days to process this episode. You can take an hour and that's it. If you can't handle something as little as this quickly, what if when there are bigger problems? Is he going to be cold or disappear for a month if he has a fight with my daughter? That's what I would be thinking in her place. Life is a big journey and full with problems. She needs stability, not someone that inflates small problems into big ones. You acted like a twenty year old something bachelor.
- Lack of appreciation. Yes she should have let you know about what she was doing. But you missed the big picture. She was showing that she was ready to build a home with you. For someone like her with a daughter to show that is a massive thing. A really good one. And you get upset because she messed your stuff?
All of the above are deal breakers for a cancer. And if after this you go and said things like you said, I would be gone. She doesn't want to just have fun with you. She wants/wanted to build a family with you. And you showed things that don't work with that. Cancers are really good at reading emotions. Perhaps overthinking them. But we take the smallest thing and see through you and she didn't like what she saw. As much of an insignificant episode it is, it showed a lot about you. It doesn't mean she is lost (she probably isn't if she was ready to move on), but you have to understand the true root of what went wrong and ignore your ego. Flowers, fancy words, nothing will matter if you don't understand what really went wrong with the way you acted.
Posted by carrazeda@carrazeda while I initially snarled at your reply because the tone of your words resemble that of a scolding parent, you make valid points.Posted by LoudLeoLoudLeo regarding the cleaning the house episode you've made a couple of mistakes that are truly unacceptable for a cancer. Do correct me if I misunderstood something.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by LoudLeo
Originally I was going to type this big huge long story about this most recent relationship I had with a Cancer woman, but I'll just give you guys the highlights and see what you have to say from there.
We started dating a few months back. Things were really great. Her teenage daughter even liked me. Again, things were great. So then, she spends a weekend at my place, and while I'm at work one day, she cleans up my messy bachelor pad. Had mixed feelings about it. Half thankful, the other half angry. Fast forward a couple days, and I start giving her the cold shoulder for a few days. Try talking to her after that few days, and nothing in response. Then in the next convo we have, she basically calls it off with us. I try to work my way back in with her, and we get into our one and only argument. She tells me she doesn't wan't an on/off hot/cold type of relationship and thinks we should just forget it all. I blow up at her and give her the "have a nice life" line out of anger.
Cancer silent mode activated.
This was about a couple months ago. Since that last convo, I've tried texting her and of course, I get nothing in return. I'd give it a break for a few days or a week or so, then back at it. Still nothing.
This woman is a great match for me, and I'm sure we'd make an awesome family with the two of us and her daughter. So I ask all of you Cancer folks, is all completely lost, or is there still a chance that she comes back? That is of course, after she's stewed on this situation for the next six months.
As one Leo to another, this was a bad move on your part. She may be a good match for you, but you're not a good match for her. She's right, she deserves a man who won't run hot/cold. Also Cancer's can be very VERY feminine. You should really consider why you became slightly irritated when she cleaned your place (a gesture of love on her part).
Also if your liked this Cancer so much, why did you play games and give her the cold shoulder in the first place? What message were you trying to send by doing that? Were you trying to manipulate her into chasing you? Is that the type of woman you want? Why do you expect that she should even take you back after you blew up at her?
You took the weak position by showing your anger and then "pushing her away". You were clearly bluffing, which you then confirmed by coming back time and time again. If you're going to tell someone to "have a nice life" you should be prepared to back up those words. The reason she isn't responding to you is because you've shown your true colors. She now sees you as irate and emotionally manipulative. Actions speak louder than words and your actions have shown that you have no emotional self control.
I'm going to assume that you've blown this one out of the water, so you might as well move on to the next person. Just be sure to remember that if you're going to run hot/cold and have emotional outbursts, you're going to scare off the women who have any self respect. Women want a man who demonstrate emotional strength and stability. Yes, the hot/cold thing can work on some women, but that strategy won't work on women who have a strong sense of self esteem.
@Chuckcem Point taken. Now let me clarify this "cold" part of the scenario that everyone keeps referring to. When I went ghost on her, I wanted to take a little time to really think about the situation and how I was going to respond to it. Was I REALLY going to be angry about it, or was I going to be appreciative for the thoughtful gesture.
Everything I just mentioned, I explained to her the next time we spoke. My guess is she still took that as abandonment, which led to her bringing up the hot/cold/up/down roller coaster thing when I tried to warm back up to her. Emotional manipulation? Hardly. There are plenty, PLENTY of game players out there from both genders that are simply out to see how much of whatever that they can get from someone else. I never have, and never will be one of those people.
When I chose to go ghost, I did so because I didn't want to go off an instinctual reaction to her cleaning my place. I stepped back, cooled off, and thought about the situation and what the appropriate reaction should be. Now in all of this, yeah, the "have a nice life" comment is what I regret. I don't regret taking a step back to really think about what just happened. I'd assume most would before they just react to a situation negatively that they might not need to.
- Lack of intimacy. If you don't show me your raw emotions when we are getting so intimate I will assume that you aren't ready for it. That you aren't comfortable so close to me. Perhaps that you don't love me.
- Immaturity. You shouldn't need a few days to process this episode. You can take an hour and that's it. If you can't handle something as little as this quickly, what if when there are bigger problems? Is he going to be cold or disappear for a month if he has a fight with my daughter? That's what I would be thinking in her place. Life is a big journey and full with problems. She needs stability, not someone that inflates small problems into big ones. You acted like a twenty year old something bachelor.
- Lack of appreciation. Yes she should have let you know about what she was doing. But you missed the big picture. She was showing that she was ready to build a home with you. For someone like her with a daughter to show that is a massive thing. A really good one. And you get upset because she messed your stuff?
All of the above are deal breakers for a cancer. And if after this you go and said things like you said, I would be gone. She doesn't want to just have fun with you. She wants/wanted to build a family with you. And you showed things that don't work with that. Cancers are really good at reading emotions. Perhaps overthinking them. But we take the smallest thing and see through you and she didn't like what she saw. As much of an insignificant episode it is, it showed a lot about you. It doesn't mean she is lost (she probably isn't if she was ready to move on), but you have to understand the true root of what went wrong and ignore your ego. Flowers, fancy words, nothing will matter if you don't understand what really went wrong with the way you acted.click to expand
No cancer will put up with a guy pushing you away, creating drama, being ungrateful etc
I'd say she was at the limit at that last one and you got banished permanently
We know there are guys out there who don't act like that are kind and appreciative like our friends' partners our male friends etc so why would we put up with bad behaviour from you when we know that's not something that has to be dealt with
Fire and water generally don't mix well but Leo's seem to be a bit childish or something when it comes to fights (hard to put in words) which makes it worse than a Sag etc
She will become more and more annoyed the more you try to reach out more than likely - it's like too little too late in our heads - you should have appreciated what you had when you had it and we then go for a more earthy energy next most likely
I'd say she was at the limit at that last one and you got banished permanently
We know there are guys out there who don't act like that are kind and appreciative like our friends' partners our male friends etc so why would we put up with bad behaviour from you when we know that's not something that has to be dealt with
Fire and water generally don't mix well but Leo's seem to be a bit childish or something when it comes to fights (hard to put in words) which makes it worse than a Sag etc
She will become more and more annoyed the more you try to reach out more than likely - it's like too little too late in our heads - you should have appreciated what you had when you had it and we then go for a more earthy energy next most likely
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