Is this Cancer or Crazy? A sexual experience changed everything.
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by jwfirefly on Wednesday, August 15, 2018 and has 10 replies.
First time poster. Let me preface. Been single for a year after LTR. Aries woman. Haven't dated much, trying to tame my fire a bit and focus on myself. Had a slight crush on a guy where I work out. He is a trainer there. Talked to him only a few times. One day he asked me out just like that. He seemed a bit nervous but not overly. I was impressed with this forwardness so naturally said yes. We went out that night for dinner/drinks, talked all night. Amazing chemistry, he is gorgeous. Very nurturing affection, something I hadn't had in quite some time so my fiery self was eating it up. Next date a few days later, went amazing, lots of affection, nothing vulgar - just sweet, romantic and intriguing as Cancers are. We had a few more dates, day time and night time during that week - all going so well, lots of natural affection and connection. We both had come out of dark places with our exes. This was feeling like MAGIC. Everything was moving pretty fast. But i'm okay with that as a Ram and also I hadn't felt any attraction like that to anyone in a long time so I was excited. Our 5th date was on a Friday. We were so wrapped up in each other, it felt like home. We shared a lot - him about his history of cheating and why he did it, that he never wanted to be like that again (said he did it for validation). Me and my woes - really we were starting to get emotionally vulnerable. We did start a little dirty talk that night and some heavy making out in the parking lot. Seems like we were on our way to the next level. I had not had much casual sex but I wasn't opposed to it with this guy because the chemistry was so strong and I loved the way he made me feel.
Next date the following day - we went camping for the night (we're both avid hikers, outdoorsy types). First we got dressed up and went into town for a date. I cooked for him, brought tons of food for him since I know Cancers love food. We ate before we left. I wore a favorite sexy dress. The drive in was great, we talked about the future, our dreams, everything wonderful. Our night on the town was lovely accept I could tell he got a little anxious at one of the bars we went to because it was very loud. Oddly, he just started to drink like crazy and wanted to bar hop. I didn't want to but I went along with it because I know they like to take the lead. Plus, i'm an Aries and always down to party though like I said, I really didn't want to because I had other things on my mind, like some love making. We ended up drinking way too much. It was a ton of fun but I probably had about 4-5 times what my body can handle. I don't recall much actually. I know I got really loud and rowdy in the car, probably got a little demanding back at the campsite when I wanted to have sex, maybe was too forward but I recall him going along with it... and probably got a little offended when things didn't go so well (because we were so drunk). BUT, I don't recall any bad feelings, I trusted him. I don't recall him getting angry. Actually I recall him telling me - i'll take care of you in the morning. Morning came and he did wake me up with some sex but I wasn't expecting it, it wasn't sensual and it wasn't really what I wanted. I did like him close to me and showed him that. After, he rolled off me and I tried to cuddle him. IN fact I asked him if I could cuddle and he said no! Like unequivocally NO! Why have sex and not want to cuddle? What was that? I was hurt so I rolled over and fell back to sleep.
When I woke up he was totally cold to me. Making snide comments to me about little things - just totally a 180. Sure we were both hungover. I was hurt by HIM for not wanting to cuddle... yet wasn't rude to him. We went hiking, totally different man. Like he was stuck in his head, couldn't find his way, couldn't make up his mind about which direction he wanted to go, raised his voice to me a few times - just all sorts of twisted. Actually was a dickhead, and I even told him several time I didn't appreciate it but he wouldn't snap out of it. Eventually he warmed up a little, touched me a little, kissed me a little but the energy/passion wasn't there anymore. It was so strange!
He's reached out and we've talked but he's totally different. Like a wall went up. I told him we could just be friends, if that's what he wants... that doesn't seem to be what he wants. He's apologized for how he has been acting and said he wants to talk about it but in the meantime is still very short, not nearly as warm or anything. He told me a day ago he "wasn't ready for that level of intimacy and was worried he got me pregnant".. I assured him he was fine and we could back off. Still he's short with me (yet texting, just not the same). I made it clear I would be find with just being friends and that I was going t focus on my work - he could reach out if or when he wanted to. He reached out right away, but again, totally NOT the same guy from the week before. Then just yesterday he randomly started sending me dirty text messages which doesn't seem like him. Nothing nurturing coming off him now, just sort of dirty and unromantic. My raw aries side is okay with that but because it started off so romantic and nuturing (which is something I NEED) - i'm very confused and disappointed.
WHAT IS GOING ON? Is he crazy or Cancer?
Next date the following day - we went camping for the night (we're both avid hikers, outdoorsy types). First we got dressed up and went into town for a date. I cooked for him, brought tons of food for him since I know Cancers love food. We ate before we left. I wore a favorite sexy dress. The drive in was great, we talked about the future, our dreams, everything wonderful. Our night on the town was lovely accept I could tell he got a little anxious at one of the bars we went to because it was very loud. Oddly, he just started to drink like crazy and wanted to bar hop. I didn't want to but I went along with it because I know they like to take the lead. Plus, i'm an Aries and always down to party though like I said, I really didn't want to because I had other things on my mind, like some love making. We ended up drinking way too much. It was a ton of fun but I probably had about 4-5 times what my body can handle. I don't recall much actually. I know I got really loud and rowdy in the car, probably got a little demanding back at the campsite when I wanted to have sex, maybe was too forward but I recall him going along with it... and probably got a little offended when things didn't go so well (because we were so drunk). BUT, I don't recall any bad feelings, I trusted him. I don't recall him getting angry. Actually I recall him telling me - i'll take care of you in the morning. Morning came and he did wake me up with some sex but I wasn't expecting it, it wasn't sensual and it wasn't really what I wanted. I did like him close to me and showed him that. After, he rolled off me and I tried to cuddle him. IN fact I asked him if I could cuddle and he said no! Like unequivocally NO! Why have sex and not want to cuddle? What was that? I was hurt so I rolled over and fell back to sleep.
When I woke up he was totally cold to me. Making snide comments to me about little things - just totally a 180. Sure we were both hungover. I was hurt by HIM for not wanting to cuddle... yet wasn't rude to him. We went hiking, totally different man. Like he was stuck in his head, couldn't find his way, couldn't make up his mind about which direction he wanted to go, raised his voice to me a few times - just all sorts of twisted. Actually was a dickhead, and I even told him several time I didn't appreciate it but he wouldn't snap out of it. Eventually he warmed up a little, touched me a little, kissed me a little but the energy/passion wasn't there anymore. It was so strange!
He's reached out and we've talked but he's totally different. Like a wall went up. I told him we could just be friends, if that's what he wants... that doesn't seem to be what he wants. He's apologized for how he has been acting and said he wants to talk about it but in the meantime is still very short, not nearly as warm or anything. He told me a day ago he "wasn't ready for that level of intimacy and was worried he got me pregnant".. I assured him he was fine and we could back off. Still he's short with me (yet texting, just not the same). I made it clear I would be find with just being friends and that I was going t focus on my work - he could reach out if or when he wanted to. He reached out right away, but again, totally NOT the same guy from the week before. Then just yesterday he randomly started sending me dirty text messages which doesn't seem like him. Nothing nurturing coming off him now, just sort of dirty and unromantic. My raw aries side is okay with that but because it started off so romantic and nuturing (which is something I NEED) - i'm very confused and disappointed.
WHAT IS GOING ON? Is he crazy or Cancer?
He doesn't actually know what he wants. He got farther than he expected to with you and now that he got it he's disinterested. Sorry, but it's the same for Cancer women and in my experience they can be really cold and dismissive after they've got all they felt they needed from you and you weren't their main objective, or worse they were just 'going with the flow' to see what happened or how they felt about you. Or you didn't match an impossible ideal expectation they had of you. Unfortunately that game is a delicate balancing act where they don't even know what they don't like until they've decided on it in the moment, when it's partly their fault for bringing it out when it otherwise wouldn't have happened. Find someone whose emotions and head are more secure. That statement marks the lowest common denominator of Cancers, and I'm not saying they're all like this, but a lot of the men are, as well as some of the women. They will leave you wondering what you possibly could have done wrong to offend them or make them change, when in reality it has everything to do with them, from the beginning. So don't let yourself get hung up on this guy, and don't take any BS from him. The more developed Cancers don't fuck around with peoples emotions and blow hot/cold like that, and no one deserves to be treated like that! Tell him straight up that he's being a MF'r and move on, I say.
Help me to understand this.....
You're inquiring about a man who gave you 'flop' sex, rolled over, showed you indifference, and is back to sending you 'dirty texts?'
Is this correct?
What is your question, actually?
Consider this constructive criticism, know who you are, and know what you want.
If you want a friendship? Leave it as a friendship with no romantic intentions. He's clearly not looking for anything more.
If you want a hookup...it's relatively simple, let him go 'downtown'...keep his 'flop useless' penis in his pants, and let him compensate with his tongue. This would be the ONLY way he would get a second chance from me.
If you want a relationship, tell him.
But remaining in 'limbo' by allowing him to navigate the entire setup (which is EXACTLY what you're doing) while you choose to remain a potential 'c&mbucket' will not serve you well.
Good Luck!
You're inquiring about a man who gave you 'flop' sex, rolled over, showed you indifference, and is back to sending you 'dirty texts?'
Is this correct?
What is your question, actually?
Consider this constructive criticism, know who you are, and know what you want.
If you want a friendship? Leave it as a friendship with no romantic intentions. He's clearly not looking for anything more.
If you want a hookup...it's relatively simple, let him go 'downtown'...keep his 'flop useless' penis in his pants, and let him compensate with his tongue. This would be the ONLY way he would get a second chance from me.
If you want a relationship, tell him.
But remaining in 'limbo' by allowing him to navigate the entire setup (which is EXACTLY what you're doing) while you choose to remain a potential 'c&mbucket' will not serve you well.
Good Luck!
.....Oh, and please hold your liquor.
He was enjoying the romantic connection, you kinda pulled the rug underneath his feet when you jumped him. I'm guessing he's a Madonna/Hoe kinda guy and you cheapened that whole 'romantic' image he had of you.. or something along those lines. So now you're basically just basic to him
So many stories about trainers getting that client poosey.
Posted by enfant_terribleIt makes sense a lot!
He was enjoying the romantic connection, you kinda pulled the rug underneath his feet when you jumped him. I'm guessing he's a Madonna/Hoe kinda guy and you cheapened that whole 'romantic' image he had of you.. or something along those lines. So now you're basically just basic to him
So are you saying she can’t reinstate her wonderful self in his eyes? Ever?
As an introverted cancer, myself, I don't really relate to much of this post. But I do know that for us, sex can be a very complex matter. We always want sex to be this magical and special thing. So when things move fast or we give in to our intoxicated desires in the heat of the moment. We can have a lot of anxiety and disgust with ourselves, that we let our guard down so quickly. Then can associate that feeling with our sexual partner. Which can make us want to disconnect emotionally from that person. For trust for us has to be built and proven over the span of a decent amount of time and is usually almost impossible to do that over a few romantic nights together. But also if we know that someone will give into our seductions, we'll use them just for emotionally disconnected sexual interactions (which means no cuddling and no pillow talk). We don't do this to be selfish and uncaring. We assume the feeling is mutual.
The best way to get out of this is just to disconnect completely, and let them know you can't do this with them, if you do not want this. If you want to keep this person in your life or even just understand what happened, reach out to him from a vulnerable place. We do not respond well to aggression, it'll make us bring out our claws (snippy and short responses) or retreat back into our shell, which makes us come off as cold. Cancer's nature is to be empathic and nurturing, even with people we dislike the most, if they're coming from a genuine and soft place. (This does not mean overly emotional and pointing out their flaws and what they're doing wrong, try something like "when ____ happened, it made me feel like ____")
The best way to get out of this is just to disconnect completely, and let them know you can't do this with them, if you do not want this. If you want to keep this person in your life or even just understand what happened, reach out to him from a vulnerable place. We do not respond well to aggression, it'll make us bring out our claws (snippy and short responses) or retreat back into our shell, which makes us come off as cold. Cancer's nature is to be empathic and nurturing, even with people we dislike the most, if they're coming from a genuine and soft place. (This does not mean overly emotional and pointing out their flaws and what they're doing wrong, try something like "when ____ happened, it made me feel like ____")
Posted by TaurusBull1977I love you. You remind me of Rockyroad.
Help me to understand this.....
You're inquiring about a man who gave you 'flop' sex, rolled over, showed you indifference, and is back to sending you 'dirty texts?'
Is this correct?
What is your question, actually?
Consider this constructive criticism, know who you are, and know what you want.
If you want a friendship? Leave it as a friendship with no romantic intentions. He's clearly not looking for anything more.
If you want a hookup...it's relatively simple, let him go 'downtown'...keep his 'flop useless' penis in his pants, and let him compensate with his tongue. This would be the ONLY way he would get a second chance from me.
If you want a relationship, tell him.
But remaining in 'limbo' by allowing him to navigate the entire setup (which is EXACTLY what you're doing) while you choose to remain a potential 'c&mbucket' will not serve you well.
Good Luck!
Posted by enfant_terribleThe madonna/hoe complex is prevalent with most Cancer dudes. In fact, I don't recall ever meeting a single cancer who didn't have this. They are the types to sleep with a woman too quickly and then judge her for being easy and resort to slut shaming. She's now a basic easy hoe. Self-righteous assholes they usually are.
He was enjoying the romantic connection, you kinda pulled the rug underneath his feet when you jumped him. I'm guessing he's a Madonna/Hoe kinda guy and you cheapened that whole 'romantic' image he had of you.. or something along those lines. So now you're basically just basic to him
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