Loving a cancer....

Madly in love with a cancer...just over a year now. So in love that it hurts sometimes. We were dating up until April when I told him (for the third time) we should break up.He can really drive me crazy... The minute I blurted out the stupid words I regreted it,as I did the previous 2 times...but this time he was angry with me. So now we are supposed to have a relationship that only involves sex (my idea lol). Why lose that when it's goooood! Only thing is that I still love him so much...and I have no idea what's going on in his head! (as always lol again).I have made mistakes by pushing him to open up...I now know that doesn't work...Sometimes he seems to still be in love with me,he even gets jealous! But then he says that we're not together...it's just sex. Please help me someone! I can't let go of him!

Posted by moongirljj
Noooo don't do it, Cancer men wont respect a woman who gives up sex without love.

Back off from him for a few days and give him some time in his shell, it seems if they truly love you they really do come out eventually. Mine just has 🙂

Hey! That's great! So good to hear. NOw about me...you're probably right although I did text him a few days ago saying that I wouldn't be sleeping with him if I had no feelings for him... Didn't reply, as always...I'm seeing him this Friday...I'll just let him come to me instead of the other way round...Let's see what happens...

Posted by moongirljj
I just worry you're making it too easy for him, he is getting the sex and affection without having to make anything official so where is the motivation for him to actually sort himself out and give you what you need. Can't help but worry you will actually end up pushing him away with this approach. If I were you I'd still be open and loving with him, but busy yourself with your friends and your own stuff for a few days, dont be quite as forth coming and let him miss you a little, bet if you do that he'll be calling you his girlfriend again by the weekend.

Saying that I'm guessing your a sag so maybe a more fun loving and less traditional or commited relationship suits you better than it suits me.

I will take your advice! He hangs out in the same places I do so I know I'll be seeing him but I'll just keep it "friendly".And I am a sag but strangely enough I do like traditional relationships (go figure..)You've been really helpful and spirit-lifting!!!

Posted by moongirljj
You're welcome sweetie, its important to be true to yourself though. I think you guys need to address (once you sort things) why these break ups keep happening and what you can do to prevent them in the future. You say he dumps you, does he give you a reason why?

It's funny that you can give advise but not listen to it yourself!!!

Meh. You made your bed...

How can you come on this website seeking advice and then think you have healthy enough relationship skills to give it?

Posted by moongirljj
Also PR Princess, please learn to spell before you go holier than thou on me, I told her in that exact segment you quoted to be true to herself. Which is exactly what everyone here should do. No one can follow EVERYBODY'S advice, thats why each person needs to decide what is right for them. Your attitude is not very enlightened.

Really don't know what spelling has to do with being a hypocrite.

Posted by AiryBri
How can you come on this website seeking advice and then think you have healthy enough relationship skills to give it?

My point exactly. 🙂

Posted by moongirljj
Oh sorry just re-read and its you doing the breaking up, ah thats different, in that case you need to prove you love him. Why did you do it? in a moment of anger?

Yes...in a moment of anger! It's so difficult for me to cope with such an introverted person. Perhaps subconsciously it was my way of getting some reaction out of him...don't know.
Now in answer to all the other comments towards you I want to say that taking advice and giving it are two different things. One does not exclude the other! Especially when you are under emotional pressure...you know what the right thing to do is but somehow you don't always function...too many feelings clouding your thoughts.Even pros give advice while at the same time they can't handle their prblems. So hey people don't be too quick to judge someone who's only trying to be helpful...

Posted by Claire
There is no qualification for giving advice. I don't think there is any criteria a person has to meet to be able to give good advice either. Plus, the decisions ultimately rest on the person seeking it anyway!

I thought advice was about opinions, moral viewpoints and feelings towards decisions?? It's not really based on fact as much as some people think. What might be good for one person could be the complete opposite for another.

I agree! In the end it's up to us!

Posted by moongirljj
ps: If you want to get a reaction out of him, imo talk about how you really feel, when I have done this with my Cancer I see real emotion in him, like he will express his love with so much sincerity and even sometimes with tears in his eyes! to see such a masculine guy become that way is really kinda touching.

How true! We've had moments like that and when I look back, I get all sentimental and wish I hadn't messed up with my impatience and insecurity!
And how are you doing?

I have no problem with you giving advice when you are in a clear healthy mindset, regardless if you have had reasonable relationship problems in the past. In fact, after you have learned from those problems, you can give better avice. However, you are currently in the middle of a relationship mess, and are emotionally unstable, which means you (imo) aren't healthy enough mentally, at this time, to be giving advice.

I mean you said "mine just came out of his shell!" you're just here validating your choice to stay with your cancer by attempting to get someone else to do the same, and she is gun-ho about it because she is using you to validate herself as well. It isn't healthy decision making.

As far as you are concerned, sag, I dunno how compatibile you are with a Cancer. I used to make jokes about how I would break up with him and just go get another guy to do whatever sometimes, with my cancer. I never really thought about it but the other day he came out and told me it was really hurtful to him, so now I avoid it like the plague.

If he has told you three times in the past that it really hurts him you just say "let's break-up" SERIOUSLY, you are not only not listening to him (which shows some incompatibility) but also shows that he has opened upto you about it, and you just hurt him more deeply later on when he did. You are not close enough emotionally to him, either.

Just my two cents, cancer might not be for you.

Yes I have "rejected" him three times but it was only after feeling rejected myself by him. Let me tell you all a few more details about how things happened. I'm not saying that my actions wil be justified but perhaps understood...
I live about an hours drive away from where he is (which happens to be my home town).Spending my weekends there was how I met him.So I only got to see him once a week... His never calling me was the first thing I had to learn to accept and that took some time. Then at weekends I would have to wait for him to finish work late at night,around 1.30am. I would wait for him at our favourite bar where we had met. I would really miss him all week so come weekend I couldn't wait to get my arms around him.When he would come he would show how much he missed me too.But I still had to wait for him to have his beer and relax a bit after work.I was very tired at the time from work so waiting till 3 or 4 in the morning would frustrate me. I had told him how I felt and asked him if he could make an exception, when I was there,to go home a bit earlier than what he was used to.Didn't happen. So that's when I would get angry, want to leave and feel disappointed.It was like he didn't want to make an effort,like I didn't matter that much to him.Like his daily routine was more important.So, although in some ways he showed love and affection,he would stick to his "thing" and at the same time want me there with him.And I would stay...and wait for him.One night or morning I should say,after waiting for hours on end,he said he was too tired and it was late and that he wanted to go home alone.That's when I blew my top.I rang him later to tell him it's over, didn't get any sleep that night...Got up the next day, went to his place,puffy eyes and all... We didn't say a word just hugged and cried,both of us.All three "break ups" were for similar reasons...but my reactions were childish.I deeply love him and I know I have hurt him.He has hurt me too though. We're supposed to not be together now but last night when I saw him he said he was very tempted to take me home with him...but didn't.Why does he say things like that? He doesn't want to get back together again but he's not making it easy for me to let go of him. I had had a few drinks and when I went home called him 13 bloody times without him answering! And now I feel like an ass again! I'm thinking of asking him to meet up and just talk...but not sure.

He said last night that there were moments he wanted to be with me and others not. He's probably lost his trust in me, I know he thinks I will hurt him again.

Hello, i am a Cappy woman, and i know some Cancer people both men and weomen, and people with Cancer ascendant too. btw what is your man's ascendant and moon?

I think you already got some valuabel advice on this thread by moongirljj. Please use them well!

My point of view:
The Cancer - Capricorn axis in the zodiac (they are opposite signs, you know) is about trust and repsonsibility, and about taking care of ourselves and eahc other. It is all about feeling safe in a relationship. Love and trust can only develope that way.

I think almost all Cancer people will cling to the other person if she/he wants to leave the relationsip. This is the basic instinct of the animal, Cnacer too. So just because he is sometimes jelous or doesn't want you to leave him it doesn't equal love.

I also think that Cancer man will not trust a woman in the long run who wants to have sex even without the relationship. I think no matter what they say, Cancer men generally like purity in a woman, and correctness. The kind of backbone what made a women fight for love, but not in an agressive way. Cancers are great fighters!!! (Probablyone of the best in the whole zodiac) but they doN't like agressive behaviour and hate if people overhelm or push them too much! Always take care of this. Never force them to say anything.

I know Sagi likes to communicate, but Cancer won't be always open for that. I also know you meant good when you wanted to sleep with him even wihtout being in a relationship! Probably as a Sagi, you thought that why souldn't we do this if it is so good, right? Why shouldn't we just be happy? Sagi is very optimistic, like adventure, and probably this is a side what makes him (if not uneasy) but not completely gives him to feel safe.

Inescurity is not a problem, since Cancer (Cappy too) is sometimes insecure. But please be open about it. Tell him, (NO DRAMA!), but simply say it out loud. Show him the sincerity in your heart, because this is the only way you can build a relationship based on trust.

Hope i could help a bit. Good luck! 🙂

Hi FlorasSecret! I just got back from having a coffee with "my" cancer...had a nice talk with him.I told him that talking is something I need to do...He said that he usually thinks about "things' at night but when he wakes up the next day he just locks it all up in the back of his head. I said that I had been working on understanding the introvert side of him,which is something he takes for granted I should do, and that all I wanted was for him to be understnding towards me as well.I said I needed time and his patience too. "Yes but how much time did you need" was his answer.Too many issues I said, needed lots of time! lol We are very different, we both know that. But if we both tried perhaps it would work out.Am I too optimistic? He knows that I love him and that it's not just for the sex. I clearly told him a few days ago, so we decided to stop doing that too, as I would get too emotional. Most men can have sex and not be emotionally attached (some women I suppose too)but can a sensitive cancer do that too? Perhaps I misinterpret things he does in such a way that suits me...? Ah! I'm seeing him tonight.

Well,talking on Friday seems to have helped us both! We spent a wonderful weekend together.

Posted by moongirljj
So glad things are going well!! just keep showing him how much you care.

I'm back to working on things with "my" cancer too 😉

I threw in the towel and fought for him! it seems to be working slowly.

Good for you!!! Nothing wrong with fighting for your happiness!