My bf insecurities has really hurt us
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by Patsyanne on Thursday, September 19, 2013 and has 12 replies.
Hi guys I'm new here and in need of serious advice.
I've unintentionally made some horrible mistakes and my cancer guy doesn't trust me.
I've always had a hard time letting guys down so when an ex i haven't seen or heard since H.S. 14 years ago ( that now lives in another state) decided to message me on FB asking me out I ignored it at first but he sent the mesg again a few days later so I replied with: Hi, nice to see that your doing well after all these years I Am currently seeing someone I'll keep you posted if it doesn't work out. I had no interest in this guy I just wanted to let him down easy with no hard feeling I never thought my bf would snoop through my personal info and find it.
There's also another ex that has been sending me Good Morning texts for the past 5 years (long before I started dating my cancer bf) I ignore them half the time because they do get kinda annoying, when I do reply it's out of guilt for ignoring him.
My bf snooped through my phone and found out about it and was very upset. He has been treating me differently and he says he doesn't trust me. All I do is go to work and come home to him that's all I've ever done i don't party or anything like that. I feel our relationship deteriorating .....I just wish he would not have looked through my things. Please help!!!
I've unintentionally made some horrible mistakes and my cancer guy doesn't trust me.
I've always had a hard time letting guys down so when an ex i haven't seen or heard since H.S. 14 years ago ( that now lives in another state) decided to message me on FB asking me out I ignored it at first but he sent the mesg again a few days later so I replied with: Hi, nice to see that your doing well after all these years I Am currently seeing someone I'll keep you posted if it doesn't work out. I had no interest in this guy I just wanted to let him down easy with no hard feeling I never thought my bf would snoop through my personal info and find it.
There's also another ex that has been sending me Good Morning texts for the past 5 years (long before I started dating my cancer bf) I ignore them half the time because they do get kinda annoying, when I do reply it's out of guilt for ignoring him.
My bf snooped through my phone and found out about it and was very upset. He has been treating me differently and he says he doesn't trust me. All I do is go to work and come home to him that's all I've ever done i don't party or anything like that. I feel our relationship deteriorating .....I just wish he would not have looked through my things. Please help!!!
I would just like to add, the guy that sends the good morning texts is an OTR truck driver I haven't seen or spoke to him in a long time he's in a different state practically everyday...I think his loneliness causes him to text me.
I didn't mean any harm..I just wish he wouldn't have snooped. My heart is broken because our relationship is so bad now
...I'm so sorry. I guess I deserve whatever happens to me. Thanks guys.
I have to agree that comment about "if it doesnt work out" Maybe subconsciously you have trouble letting people down because you want a back up plan.
I would def watch you very very closely if you said this....
The snooping part, I believe a convo with a known friend can be taken wrong BUT convo with exes and people you should NOT be conversing with is grounds for trust issues. I hate breaks but. At this point I woulnd be suprised if he asked for 1.
Just dont try to make the snooping a bigger issue.
Its not what he did thats the problem its what he found.....
Dont argue just try to reasure you didnt have any other intentions....
If hes worth it You will keep trying.
I would def watch you very very closely if you said this....
The snooping part, I believe a convo with a known friend can be taken wrong BUT convo with exes and people you should NOT be conversing with is grounds for trust issues. I hate breaks but. At this point I woulnd be suprised if he asked for 1.
Just dont try to make the snooping a bigger issue.
Its not what he did thats the problem its what he found.....
Dont argue just try to reasure you didnt have any other intentions....
If hes worth it You will keep trying.
I know it may seem like it but I really wasn't keeping options open with that guy, I'm in Texas he's in Boston. I wish I could just go back to that day and not replied to the message.
Posted by Patsyanne
I know it may seem like it but I really wasn't keeping options open with that guy, I'm in Texas he's in Boston. I wish I could just go back to that day and not replied to the message.
Yeah, unfortunately there is no rewind button in life.
Here is a suggestion, why don't you do the mature thing and go apologize to your BF and admit you made a mistake.
I don't see anything wrong with what you said personally. But hey I don't have many water palcements nor do I understand water people really. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a plan B. I bet he has one you just don't know about it.
You feel bad so apologize like IC said..but um I would need to know why you are going through my butter.
You should probably take the advice of the Water people around here.
The whole relationship sounds like it's built on quicksand.
There is an old wives tale..."when you go looking for trouble...you will most certainly find it." So I feel like he got what he had coming.
We would be two non speaking mofos walking around there ...he mad about the texts and messages and I am mad that you are an insecure little sneak...
You feel bad so apologize like IC said..but um I would need to know why you are going through my butter.
You should probably take the advice of the Water people around here.
The whole relationship sounds like it's built on quicksand.
There is an old wives tale..."when you go looking for trouble...you will most certainly find it." So I feel like he got what he had coming.
We would be two non speaking mofos walking around there ...he mad about the texts and messages and I am mad that you are an insecure little sneak...
Posted by Nala13
The whole relationship sounds like it's built on quicksand.
There is an old wives tale..."when you go looking for trouble...you will most certainly find it." So I feel like he got what he had coming.
We would be two non speaking mofos walking around there ...he mad about the texts and messages and I am mad that you are an insecure little sneak...
I see why you say you don't get water people. He didn't check the phone because he was a insecure, he did it because he sensed she was up to no good. I am not excusing his behaviour of checking her phone behind her back, that's just plain wrong. But he didn't do it because he is naturally insecure, he did because she gave him reason to and he sensed it. That's what water people do....
To nala13, I do know that he check up on his ex from time to time via email but I found that out by accident
Posted by incandescentcancerPosted by Nala13
.
behind her back, that's just plain wrong. But he didn't do it because he is naturally insecure, he did because she gave him reason to and he sensed it. That's what water people do....click to expand
Two wrongs don't make a right IC.
We can justify his behavior but not her's. That seems hardly fair.
You say he sensed it..maybe he did or maybe he is paranoid. Albeit it turned out that she was doing something that perhaps could give him pause but come on ...checkin phones and FB inboxes. Naw be better than that.
To: Seraph, Thanks for taking the time to give such a fair and detailed reponse I appreciate it and I agree with you 100% I need to learn how to let guys down without feeling guilty.
Things are not good in my relationship, I've apologized to him many times he said he forgave me but I've noticed him being real Snappy with me ever since (about everything) it's just not the same anymore. No one is perfect.
Things are not good in my relationship, I've apologized to him many times he said he forgave me but I've noticed him being real Snappy with me ever since (about everything) it's just not the same anymore. No one is perfect.
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