My Cancer Ex asks for help.
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by stellastar on Tuesday, May 14, 2013 and has 6 replies.
Hi,
I could really do with some help. My ex of 3 months who decided that he didn't want to be with me after he moved south.
He text me a couple of weeks go telling me that he had been signed of work with depression and anxiety, even though I hadn't spoken to him for nearly three months I rang him up because I was really concerned about him and asked if he wanted me to come and see him, I would have done the 4 hr journey if he had wanted me too, he said: "no" and I left it at that I told him if he needed me just to let me know, anyway I didn't hear from him again for another 3 weeks, where, on the weekend he text telling me he was home and how would I feel about meeting?
The meeting was as I expected and he spoke a lot about how much he missed me, and how ill he was feeling, he also informed me that he was seeing someone where he was living, but that it wasn't serious he just didn't want to be alone. (I don't like the idea that he is using someone) anyway apart from all of that I can see that he is really unwell at the moment, which is hurting me a lot to see. However, since Sunday after we kind of got a plan together for him regarding work and going to the crisis team at A&E, I text on Monday morning saying that if he wanted to see me just let me know if not that was fine. He text in the evening saying he didn't think it was a good idea and that his head was f
$ ??d. I said OK, but if he wanted to see me any time I was there for him.
I want to support him at this difficult time, he came to me and then backs away, I understand he is struggling and I don't want to push him too much, but I'm worried he is going to do something silly.
Any advice is appricated.
I could really do with some help. My ex of 3 months who decided that he didn't want to be with me after he moved south.
He text me a couple of weeks go telling me that he had been signed of work with depression and anxiety, even though I hadn't spoken to him for nearly three months I rang him up because I was really concerned about him and asked if he wanted me to come and see him, I would have done the 4 hr journey if he had wanted me too, he said: "no" and I left it at that I told him if he needed me just to let me know, anyway I didn't hear from him again for another 3 weeks, where, on the weekend he text telling me he was home and how would I feel about meeting?
The meeting was as I expected and he spoke a lot about how much he missed me, and how ill he was feeling, he also informed me that he was seeing someone where he was living, but that it wasn't serious he just didn't want to be alone. (I don't like the idea that he is using someone) anyway apart from all of that I can see that he is really unwell at the moment, which is hurting me a lot to see. However, since Sunday after we kind of got a plan together for him regarding work and going to the crisis team at A&E, I text on Monday morning saying that if he wanted to see me just let me know if not that was fine. He text in the evening saying he didn't think it was a good idea and that his head was f
$ ??d. I said OK, but if he wanted to see me any time I was there for him.I want to support him at this difficult time, he came to me and then backs away, I understand he is struggling and I don't want to push him too much, but I'm worried he is going to do something silly.
Any advice is appricated.
All the support and advice I've offered is under the friends term. but he just pushed me away. 
He's not going to do anything silly, he was dumped so he ran into your arms. It takes anywhere from 3 months to 6 months for the sparkle of a new relationship to run dull.
Here you come with your cape on ready to save him from his depressing self so now he's all better again because you gave him love and confidence, a rejected male need to know he's still desirable, you gave him that, so now off he goes into her arms.
Here you come with your cape on ready to save him from his depressing self so now he's all better again because you gave him love and confidence, a rejected male need to know he's still desirable, you gave him that, so now off he goes into her arms.
tiki33, i don't think i made it all that clear. he broke up with me in feb after a 2 year relationship.
he has been seeing this other girl for 3 weeks(so he told me)as far as i am aware he is still with her. but he hasn't returned to his home yet and is still here staying at his parents, but he has told me he might go back. there is so much more to this i.e he hates his new job, he's not made many friends and i think he misses his home.
he has been seeing this other girl for 3 weeks(so he told me)as far as i am aware he is still with her. but he hasn't returned to his home yet and is still here staying at his parents, but he has told me he might go back. there is so much more to this i.e he hates his new job, he's not made many friends and i think he misses his home.
Posted by stellastar
tiki33, i don't think i made it all that clear. he broke up with me in feb after a 2 year relationship.
he has been seeing this other girl for 3 weeks(so he told me)as far as i am aware he is still with her. but he hasn't returned to his home yet and is still here staying at his parents, but he has told me he might go back. there is so much more to this i.e he hates his new job, he's not made many friends and i think he misses his home.
Why are you being the fallback girl? He have to MISS you in order to dump the other girl and come back to you. This guy is playing on your emotions because as long as you sit there and allow him to use you as some one he can fall back on he'll never get the feeling of loss into his heart and he need to KNOW he lost you from his own poor decisions in order to come back to you for real.
Let his new girl kiss his boo boo's, you go live your life, go date, go do something that make you completely happy and at peace and post them all on Facebook for him to see what he's missing so he will want to come back with passion and desire for you instead of using you as his psychiatrist.
You deserve more than being his mama/psychiatrist after 2 years. Might be painful for you to let him go but if you want him back you must let him go. Men understand LOSS more than compassion. Compassion elicits smothering and mothering feelings. Loss elicits passion and desire.
Do you want him back? If you do you won't get him back doing what you're doing. Let him miss home, be busy with your life, be slightly unavailable so he can feel he's missing out on not having you so he willtake his ass back home and do right by you.
+1 Sugarfoot
If a woman put a man on a pedestal he has no choice but to LOOK DOWN at her. This whole feeling adored and loved and looked up to thing goes both ways. What I see so many women doing is putting a man on a pedestal to keep him, to get him back, to make him not want to go.
Let his ass go because that's the only thing he understands when a break up happens, he understands LOSS, all that other crap some women do, being his friend, being friendly, being concerned, being 100% available is UNATTRACTIVE behavior b/c it makes her appear undesirable as if she can't get another but him so she has no choice but to be available to him.
All that begging on the low being concerned, all up in his miserable business is just a waste of energy because no amount of displaying how much he's needed will help her situation when he's made up his mind to dump her but of course he can miss what he had but doesn't mean he will come back, just means he's keeping one foot in the door just in case the new chick doesn't work out.
Tell him your busy, give him 3 to 5 minutes each call and you will see what you truly want to see and know. I have a gut suspicion he is not unhappy, he's just keeping one foot in the door to keep you around just in case the girl he's really into leaves him. He need safety & comfort in knowing someone will adore him if things don't work out with her.
If a woman put a man on a pedestal he has no choice but to LOOK DOWN at her. This whole feeling adored and loved and looked up to thing goes both ways. What I see so many women doing is putting a man on a pedestal to keep him, to get him back, to make him not want to go.
Let his ass go because that's the only thing he understands when a break up happens, he understands LOSS, all that other crap some women do, being his friend, being friendly, being concerned, being 100% available is UNATTRACTIVE behavior b/c it makes her appear undesirable as if she can't get another but him so she has no choice but to be available to him.
All that begging on the low being concerned, all up in his miserable business is just a waste of energy because no amount of displaying how much he's needed will help her situation when he's made up his mind to dump her but of course he can miss what he had but doesn't mean he will come back, just means he's keeping one foot in the door just in case the new chick doesn't work out.
Tell him your busy, give him 3 to 5 minutes each call and you will see what you truly want to see and know. I have a gut suspicion he is not unhappy, he's just keeping one foot in the door to keep you around just in case the girl he's really into leaves him. He need safety & comfort in knowing someone will adore him if things don't work out with her.
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