My cancer guy is being cheap. How to talk to him?

Posted by maomao
So I've been with my cancer guy for 6 months now. Generally he's really nice and sweet, mostly very attentive and thoughtful. I'm happy with him and we get along pretty well. But one thing really bothers me is that sometimes he can be cheap(?) and I don't know how to address this issue to him without offending him... becuz I know cancers are very sensitive.
I'm not a gold-digger and i have no problem paying for him sometimes, but i just don't feel like getting the same return.. He has a good job and really high pay, so I don't think it's the financial issue. Or maybe if it's becuz he's trying to buy a place? (I know he's been looking). I want to talk to him about this, but I just donno how to start up and proceed the conversation without making us uncomfortable. But I do want him to know that this bothers me and I'm trying to make this relationship work.
Any advice from sensitive cancers? Thank you!!

Posted by CluelessCancer
One time a Virgo friend called me out on my stinginess. I was like WHAT? I'm the most giving person in the world. When it comes to Family. LOL anyways afterwards i started becoming more giving.
Sometimes we don't realize it. It's innate.

Posted by kissmygrits
I don't think that has anything to do with his sign. He just didn't realize it. Next time just say "Ok I'll get this and can you get the next one?". That way you're not being a nag and you point it out without being "that chick". But I totally feel ya! People don't realize they're being bums or they're just there and glad to be on the adventure.
Not making excuses for him but if his job is crazy he might have his brain still in job mode too.

Posted by maomao
We never went on fancy dates.. maybe one movie, been talking about going on 2nd movie date, but the timing was never right. He does have a crazy work life, and I respect that, so I never asked for anything.. even the movies.
we usually just stay at his place and cook dinners or sight-seeing.. something that doesn't cost too much :p
We went on road trip once to Montreal.. which was abt 5-6 hours drive from his town
since he doesn't have a car, I drove my car.. and I filled up my own gas.. both ways. He never offered to pay once.. but he paid for the hotel.. I guess I can call that even. The meals.. if he paid this time, I would offer to pay next time. but if it's something small, a treat or a ice cream, he would sit his a $ $ down when I'm getting/paying the treat, and then he would share it.
What really triggers me this time was the morning he left to SF for biz trip...
so this past Friday he asked me if I can stay over at his place becuz he wants to see me before leaving.
and I went.. so later that night I asked him when is the cab gonna pick you up (he usually takes the cab since company covers it) and he's like.. I didn't call for one.. I have "maomao cab" I was like.. @# $ #^%
You didn't even ask me and assumed I'd give you a ride? Thankfully the airport was on my way home so I agreed to drop him off...
I can't shake the feeling is he taking advantage of me? why couldn't he take the cab cuz his company pays for it anyway... I mean I'd be more than happy to give him a ride if he asked me beforehand.. not like this...
or maybe he feels comfortable to ask me anything now??? I donno.. I don't think we're at that level yet
we're not even official, just dating exclusively..
Am I over-reacting on this? or he IS taking advantage of me?
How would I address this issue to him that it really bothers me without pissing him off or crawl back to his shell

Posted by xtina

Posted by maomao
We never went on fancy dates.. maybe one movie, been talking about going on 2nd movie date, but the timing was never right. He does have a crazy work life, and I respect that, so I never asked for anything.. even the movies.
we usually just stay at his place and cook dinners or sight-seeing.. something that doesn't cost too much :p
We went on road trip once to Montreal.. which was abt 5-6 hours drive from his town
since he doesn't have a car, I drove my car.. and I filled up my own gas.. both ways. He never offered to pay once.. but he paid for the hotel.. I guess I can call that even. The meals.. if he paid this time, I would offer to pay next time. but if it's something small, a treat or a ice cream, he would sit his a $ $ down when I'm getting/paying the treat, and then he would share it.
What really triggers me this time was the morning he left to SF for biz trip...
so this past Friday he asked me if I can stay over at his place becuz he wants to see me before leaving.
and I went.. so later that night I asked him when is the cab gonna pick you up (he usually takes the cab since company covers it) and he's like.. I didn't call for one.. I have "maomao cab" I was like.. @# $ #^%
You didn't even ask me and assumed I'd give you a ride? Thankfully the airport was on my way home so I agreed to drop him off...
I can't shake the feeling is he taking advantage of me? why couldn't he take the cab cuz his company pays for it anyway... I mean I'd be more than happy to give him a ride if he asked me beforehand.. not like this...
or maybe he feels comfortable to ask me anything now??? I donno.. I don't think we're at that level yet
we're not even official, just dating exclusively..
Am I over-reacting on this? or he IS taking advantage of me?
How would I address this issue to him that it really bothers me without pissing him off or crawl back to his shell

You wouldn't want him to give you a bouquet of roses or take you on a fancy date because you pleaded/begged/ guilt trip/ or forced him too would you?

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Posted by xtina

Posted by maomao
We never went on fancy dates.. maybe one movie, been talking about going on 2nd movie date, but the timing was never right. He does have a crazy work life, and I respect that, so I never asked for anything.. even the movies.
we usually just stay at his place and cook dinners or sight-seeing.. something that doesn't cost too much :p
We went on road trip once to Montreal.. which was abt 5-6 hours drive from his town
since he doesn't have a car, I drove my car.. and I filled up my own gas.. both ways. He never offered to pay once.. but he paid for the hotel.. I guess I can call that even. The meals.. if he paid this time, I would offer to pay next time. but if it's something small, a treat or a ice cream, he would sit his a $ $ down when I'm getting/paying the treat, and then he would share it.
What really triggers me this time was the morning he left to SF for biz trip...
so this past Friday he asked me if I can stay over at his place becuz he wants to see me before leaving.
and I went.. so later that night I asked him when is the cab gonna pick you up (he usually takes the cab since company covers it) and he's like.. I didn't call for one.. I have "maomao cab" I was like.. @# $ #^%
You didn't even ask me and assumed I'd give you a ride? Thankfully the airport was on my way home so I agreed to drop him off...
I can't shake the feeling is he taking advantage of me? why couldn't he take the cab cuz his company pays for it anyway... I mean I'd be more than happy to give him a ride if he asked me beforehand.. not like this...
or maybe he feels comfortable to ask me anything now??? I donno.. I don't think we're at that level yet
we're not even official, just dating exclusively..
Am I over-reacting on this? or he IS taking advantage of me?
How would I address this issue to him that it really bothers me without pissing him off or crawl back to his shell

If it's about being taken advantage take responsibility and don't let him. People can only take advantage of people that let them. You need to be firm on that. Second, if it's a date a money spending issue what does it matter what you spend or where you go as long as you two are together? Especially if this is the way he is. You wouldn't want him to give you a bouquet of roses or take you on a fancy date because you

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Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by maomao
sorry I guess the previous comment didn't work..
-------------------------------------------------
I do appreciate the time being with him, that's why I never nag/beg/complain abt anything.. I just go with the flow
I guess you are right.. I am too soft on him and left him take advantage of me at some point
I just can't say no to him because I'm afraid I might hurt his feelings
or maybe I'm being overly cautious since all I read about cancers are their fragile sensitive souls... which I like, and I'm really trying my best to protect it. Because I'm a sag and I know I can be blunt sometimes..AHHHH!
So let me rephrase.. "How do I say No to him without hurting his feeling?"
I tread lightly only because I know he's a typical Cancer, if he was a fire sign, I would have told him straight up No from day one. :p

Fragile Sensitive souls my AZZ. If you have a problem with something you EXPRESS it. True in a respectful manner, but just cause you think someone is sensitive doesn't entail you shouldn't communicate things.
look the more you hold on to this the more you will later EXPLODE and possibly just leave!
Talk. It's good for the soul. Cancers' aren't WEAK, we can handle a gad damn discussion!

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