NEED help about a cancerian guy and how he feels

I have been non stop thinking about a cancer guy who I was seeing for 2 months at the beggining of the year. He was the first guy that I had an 'emotional attachment' with after a 12yr relationship with my ex.
While we were together I felt as if I needed to experience other men and stupidly told him and was honest and open about seeing other guys, not knowing that this would hurt him. As soon as I ended things with him, I realised that I really liked him and no other guy can compare. I have apologised for being mean to him and sometimes he admits that I was horrible and other times he denies it saying I was just calling it how it was. I have told him that I do like him but he says that he sees me as just a friend (how can he say this when he was saying things to me that made me think that he really liked me? e.g. "i've become attached to you" and "i found other girls boring and unfulling until i met you"). He has kissed a girl in front of me since. I do feel as if he does like me tho, by just the way he acts around me, but he's holding back for some reason. I do really like him. How do I win him back? Do I tell him straight again about how I feel? Or do I give him space and let him come to me, although I act very nonchalant around him (because he said that we are just friends and I try to act cool, even tho inside i have very deep feelings for him) and we're running out of time as he leaves the country in Dec.

you can't win him back; you broke cardinal cancer law and rejected him, not only that but to see OTHER MEN. He will never trust you.

yeah....she should shove a knife into her own chest.......🙂

I really didn't understand what i was doing at the time. I guess i was really naive after my long term relationship, and being a sag i thought that honesty and openess was the best policy and no one would get hurt.
I have apologised to him sincerely a few times now and he acts like there was nothing to apologise for, saying that he was glad that i saw other guys cause it took the pressure off him.
The last time i spoke to him about how i feel, he said that nothing was going to happen between us and that he didn't want to have that conversation with me again, EVER (is he testing me?). About 2 months have passed and we've seen each other occassionaly with groups. He acts like he likes me subtley, like always facing me and sitting next to me etc. It kills me cause i like him so much. I'm more than willing to pour my heart out to him and tell him how i feel but I don't want to push him away by being too emotional and needy.

i agree wit angelfish thats how i feel if he do get u bak its might be only for sex

That was a big mistake, never be the same again!

That was a big mistake, never be the same again!

I agree with Leokitten-just STOP trying to convince him of your love. Period. If he cannot see you past a friend, you are doing things that make him look at your relationship as a friend.

Ok, I think i need to clarify things. I'm not trying to excuse myself because i know i was a horrible person and i have learnt my lesson and will never treat a guy like that again, but we were not in a relationship together! It was a purely sexual thing (a booty buddy) to start with, we both agreed on that at the beginning. He started to develop feelings for me and i wasn't ready for a relationship. That's why i was honest with him, so as not to lead him on. It was only after i ended things with him, because i started to think about him, that i realised what an amazing guy he is.
There have been times when we have been out and i have had the opportunity to get together with guys but i haven't done it because i have too much respect for him to do that. Meanwhile he has kissed a girl in front of me (while looking at me! I think he was trying to punish me).
When we see each other, there is tension because i really like him and i think he likes me. I know that he's afraid of getting hurt but how can i convince him that i don't want to hurt him again and i want to be with him?
I'm going on a group holiday with him in 3 weeks time. How should i act and what should i do?
P.S. Thanks for all of your advice. As harsh as it is, i know i deserve to hear it.

aaww....i was just kidding....

if you be yourself and stop tryin , he will not punish you anymore, and maybe see your pain!! , but that is as good as it gets right now, he wil chase if he see's you have given in. but you need to chill to dra him out the shell now.

if you be yourself and stop tryin , he will not punish you anymore, and maybe see your pain!! , but that is as good as it gets right now, he wil chase if he see's you have given in. but you need to chill to dra him out the shell now.

I spend a lovely day with my cancer guy all day yesterday. I hung out with him and our friends in the park, we all had dinner together and had such fun. We all got a bit tipsy so i managed to flirt a little bit 🙂 I think he was flirting back too, making lots of physical contact with me, sitting opposite me and refering to conversations we had in the past when we were together. He's so adorable!

When it came to say goodbye we hugged and half kissed each other on the lips. I was walking on air!

I'm finding it so hard to stop myself from telling him how much i like him and how i would give the world to him.

Do i just leave it now until the next time i see him, in prob 2 weeks time? So he can reflect on or access whether he likes me or not. Or do i try and contact him, or find another way of seeing him?

awww dummylove, that's awesome! I'd say wait a couple days and then give him a "casual" call....you need to wait though otherwise you're gonna seem pushy, which is a turn off for cancerians....

Sarasa right , u got him into you again ,relax and let him work at his pace , just a little encouragement by not rejecting any attention and smiles , thats all you need to do with well chosen compliments!

Sarasa right , u got him into you again ,relax and let him work at his pace , just a little encouragement by not rejecting any attention and smiles , thats all you need to do with well chosen compliments!

No one said he didn't like her - she broke his trust.

He was drinking, your true feelings may come out when you're drinking, but remember that when he's sober this guy is likely to keep his walls firmly in place. I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you until he shows genuine interest when he HASN'T been drinking.

And in truth I really can't understand what makes you think you even deserve another chance. I'm not a cancer, but personally when someone rejects me to go see if there is anything better out there.... I don't believe they deserve me. It shouldn't require losing someone for you to realize that they're special.

Thanks guys. I know that I don't 100% got him just because of that day but it's good that he's being nice, flirting with me and that he's even responding to me.

As soon as iamacancer said that i shouldn't act cool and nonchalant around him, i really tried not to and it's working (abeit drunkenly).

angelfish, i prob don't deserve another chance after rejecting him, but after a 12yr relationship my head was kinda screwed and i didn't realise what i was doing and what a great guy he is. I thought i'd get over him in a matter of days, but 5 months on, he's still the guy i'm thinking of constantly, even though i have tried really hard not to. He's special and i want him back.

I did apologise to him before about my behaviour and it seemed like it wasn't a big deal to him, which now, after reading up on cancers means it actually was a big deal.

An update in this situation & some advice appreciated:

1) Hot + cold behaviour continued all last year.

2) I felt the reason why he acted like this was he never truly thought I genuinely liked him deep down.

3) His visa ran out in Dec so couldn't stay in the country. Before he left:
- 2 weeks before he left I told him I thought he was amazing. He said "I think u think I'm amazing, but u know when something is actually half as amazing as it really is?" I said "No, I think ur amazing". I said I'd not felt like this for anybody, he said "I don't believe u, u were in a 12 yr relationship. Ur naive". I don't think he's very confident in himself + my 2nd point.
- At his farewell party, Jeff Buckley, Last Goodbye came on the iPod, I don't know how. He touched me, told me to listen to it and said it was poignant. I??ve never heard this song before, the lyrics are heart wrenching
- A day before he left, I sent him a heartfelt email. Telling him how special he is to me, how I've not met anyone who makes me happy as he does, and I said I hope u realise what u mean to me.

4) I didn't see him for 2mths as he was travelling. Without any distraction of seeing him, no contact and some time apart, I realised I DID absolutely 100% truly adore him.

5) He was back in the country in Feb. I invited him out to the theatre, just me & him, our first ever date (a year to the date we met, I don't think he realised though). He came, we had a great time, chatting, laughing. Nothing happened between us but I was so happy. Our arms were touching all throughout the show.

6) At his farewell in Feb, we were hugging, saying goodbye. I said "I can't believe I'm not going to see you again". He said "I'm pretty sure it'll happen". I said "But ur rubbish at keeping in touch", he said "I know I'm useless, I'm terrible. But I will see you again. We'll work something out.??

That was the last time I saw him. He's travelling the world and doesn't know what his plans are. I have never told him I have strong feelings for him, I just hoped he could feel it through my actions. I was also scared of telling him in case he broke my heart.

My friends have told me no to contact him. Period. Leave it up to him, but I really want to email him and tell him how much I adore him, tell him I won't hurt him again. I want to be on his mind. I want him to want me (I know I can't make him but is there anything I can do?

Our goodbye could be taken either way. A polite, thanks but no thanks, or, him saying things will work out for us eventually. I??d like to know what you guys think.

My take on this is that a relationship with him is not feasible. He's traveling the world. He's on a personal journey of self discovery or whatever his purpose is. He's not ready to settle down in a relationship. Yes, he may care about you, think about you, want to be with you even but right now the timing is horribly disconnected and the circumstances with which you both are do not lend itself to anything consistent or stable.

I would leave it be for now and go on about your life and if he sends you an email respond but I would back off and let it be. Let him come to you...if it all.

~Yamama

Note: My comments relate to the update only I didn't read the entire thread.

Men love the chase..just remember that..

Hmmm, maybe your horrible ability to spell correctly bugs him.

Yamama and Omycancerdancer, thank you for your helpful advice.

Gemini.its.true (or technically, if you were going to be anal, it would be it's, or just don't use it at all), I didn't realise this was an English exam.