NOW HE'S SHY?

My cancer and I have been friends for about 5 years but only over the past year did we cross over into a romantic situation. He made it clear that he wasn't ready for a commitment at the time but he cares a lot for me and we could possibly see it going further. Of course, that can be a red flag but we had both romance and friendship. We clicked so well. And i love him very much, so I was willing to flow with it.

Of course he played the disappearing act a couple of times when he was really stressed and going through a lot. It bothered me, but I let it go whenever he came back around. Until a couple of months ago. He disappeared on me again and actually drove past me like he didn't know me. And we had just spoke the day before LOL...Moody I get, But I'll be DAMNED!!!!

Needless to say that day I felt that he's getting a little carried away with hiding in his shell. That was just out right rude. So i made a choice that I'm not doing this with him anymore. The casual relationship isn't working so we're better off cooling it.

When I ran into him a couple of weeks later he walked over to me laughing, joking like nothing happened and I more or less gave him the cold shoulder. I spoke to him and all, but I kept it brief because my feelings were really hurt.

For about a month if we drove past each other we'll both keep driving like we didn't notice the other.

He hasn't called me and I haven't called him since, but we run into each other from time to time due to mutual friends.

A couple of weeks ago we were at a friends funeral and saw each other and I politely went to him and gave him a hug, so I guess that broke the ice a little.
Since, I've seen him maybe four times. Each time he'll walk over to me smiling and I can tell he's about to hug me but then pulls back. Then I'll reach out my arms to hug him and he'll reciprocate. And I notice that he'll keep looking at me like he wants to say something, but opts not to. Kind of how a shy kid has a crush on someone but to nervous to tell them. He normally has a pretty aggressive personality

The thing is I love him very much and despite what went wrong he'll always have a place in my heart but I can't do the selfishness.
I wonder if he's apologetic or if he just feels uncomfortable around me now?

lol I do need to yell at him but the opportunity hasn't really presented itself yet. If this subject ever comes up in the near future I'm pretty sure that's the direction that it'll go in

"He made it clear that he wasn't ready for a commitment at the time but he cares a lot for me and we could possibly see it going further. Of course, that can be a red flag "

Yes it was and still is a red flag. This happens to a lot of women, know a guy for years and expect the friendship to continue on like it was before sex and it's simply not true for a majority of women, typically sex kills the whole relationship and the friendship too. He's treating you pretty much like a guy treats a woman that he's not interested in forming a commitment with.

It's not that he was hiding in his shell, he was just not going out of his way for you because doing that would send the wrong message and would be misleading, his behavior lines up with the him not wanting a commitment, he didn't want a commitment and you knew that going into it.

So at this point, tell him that you want your friend back, sex is off the table.

That's true too. Sometimes emotions get in the way of logic but over the past year his behavior would send mix messages. When he told me in the beginning that he wasn't ready for a commitment I attempted to end it then so our friendship wouldn't suffer. But then he started pursuing me pretty heavy and being "boyfriend" like for awhile. And that cycle pretty much keep going

In the future I will totally stay away from the gray area. People say to go with the flow but I'm a believer that if a man has any desire to make a commitment to you they'll make that clear fairly early in the relationship. Otherwise they'll just drag you down in their confusion with them.

I'm honestly not sure how I feel about our friendship right now. Maybe down the line we can get back to where we once was but right now it's too soon for me.

"but over the past year his behavior would send mix messages. When he told me in the beginning that he wasn't ready for a commitment I attempted to end it then so our friendship wouldn't suffer. But then he started pursuing me pretty heavy and being "boyfriend" like for awhile. And that cycle pretty much keep going"

That's the cycle of a man with commitment issues, men that do not have commitment issues do not behave this way. Men that chase and run away are what some women call commitment shy and/or a commitmentphobe.

"People say to go with the flow but I'm a believer that if a man has any desire to make a commitment to you they'll make that clear fairly early in the relationship. Otherwise they'll just drag you down in their confusion with them."

100% truth!

Good luck!

Posted by tiki33
"but over the past year his behavior would send mix messages. When he told me in the beginning that he wasn't ready for a commitment I attempted to end it then so our friendship wouldn't suffer. But then he started pursuing me pretty heavy and being "boyfriend" like for awhile. And that cycle pretty much keep going"

That's the cycle of a man with commitment issues, men that do not have commitment issues do not behave this way. Men that chase and run away are what some women call commitment shy and/or a commitmentphobe.

"People say to go with the flow but I'm a believer that if a man has any desire to make a commitment to you they'll make that clear fairly early in the relationship. Otherwise they'll just drag you down in their confusion with them."

100% truth!

Good luck!

Thanx. Imma need it...getting to old for this nonsense