Please help! Found out Cancerian man is married after falling pregnant
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by Unlucky-in-love on Thursday, August 10, 2017 and has 34 replies.
Can I please get some advice from you lovely people? I'm struggling to decide what to do with my situation. Many thanks.
Four months ago I met this 47 yr old guy on a 4-day bushwalk. He was quiet but did chat a bit. I didn't pay much notice and thought he's just another new person I met on a bush trip.
Once month after the trip, out of the blue, he friended me on Facebook and asked if I wanted to do something on the weekend. I suggested going indoor climbing, so we did. He lives only 10 mins from where I live, so it's very convenient for us to get together. Anyway, I still thought I was only going rock-climbing with a friend. He took me on a walk at a nearby river after climbing and we watched the sunset. Then all of a sudden he kissed me on my lips. That was totally unexpected! And he progressed to put his hand down my pants. I was shocked but couldn't resist. But nothing more happened as we were in the public (in a park by the river).
From then on, we've been seeing each other once or twice a week. We spent most of the time at each other's place. Just over a month later I suspected I fell pregnant and told him. He was very excited and insisted that we should keep the baby. I was feeling miserable as I never wanted to have children, let alone having one with a man I hardly know. Anyway, a few days later, he came and told me he is actually married! But his wife has been coming and going in his life because she likes to live with her family by the beach, whereas he lives two hours away in the mountains. No wonder I never suspected he was married, there was not a single sign of a female occupant in his home (She's been away again for 4 months) He told me he is sick and tired of the situation with his wife and feeling lonely. She would call him every night but refused to move back to live with him permanently. I asked if he still loves her, and he said that he still cares for her and they had a lot of history together (they've been married for 11 years).
I indicated that I had crossed the line unknowingly (I've never let myself hook up with a married man), and suggested that he and his wife have a good talk, and we'll just remain friends until he and his wife have sort things out. Few days later at my birthday party, he told me that he had "ended things" with his wife and told her not to come back. I said I don't want people calling me "husband stealer" and I certainly don't want to be someone's mistress and never be acknowledged. He then sort of unpleasantly said 'what do you want me to do? divorce her?'. But then, he pulled me back with a big kiss and I fell for him again.
The problem with this cancerian guy is not just that he's married, but also his uncommunicative nature. The past 2.5 months, our interaction are only bushwalks and sex. There is hardly any communication when we are apart. I would text him maybe a few time a week, with words like sweetheart and honey. He would only reply short text a day or two later, flicker between calling my first name and darling. He likes to drop by at my place one night during the week, chat a little bit then have sex, and then quickly disappear, without a word or a text for a few days until he wants to "get together" again. I sure do feel being exploited. But he also does sweet things to please me. When I said I don't feel right about what's happening between us, he revealed that he had packed his wife's stuff and asked her to collect them two weeks ago. (He said she was very sad and wanted to come back, but he doesn't want her back) I feel totally miserable by his inconsistent behavior towards me. And certainly don't think I should have a child with this man at the moment. I still haven't confirmed him my pregnancy, so he's still guessing. But I did promise him (before I knew about his marital status) I would tell him before "doing anything to this baby". I would hate to secretly terminate the pregnancy and lie about it, in case one day if things do work out between us it will come back to bite me.
But at the moment I have absolutely no idea what he is thinking. Is he just using me for temporary affection and sex when he feels lonely? Is he recovering from his trouble marriage and doesn't want another relationship so soon? Is he not sure about things with me (I've been showing him affection, care and support, but not overdoing it. No, I haven't said the "L" word yet). Or is he sussing/testing me out to see if I'm committed? The thing is, a couple of times I tried to break it off with him, he always pull me back with those sad sad eyes. What shall I do?
P.S. I'm also a Cancerian myself (double in Sun and Moon!)
Four months ago I met this 47 yr old guy on a 4-day bushwalk. He was quiet but did chat a bit. I didn't pay much notice and thought he's just another new person I met on a bush trip.
Once month after the trip, out of the blue, he friended me on Facebook and asked if I wanted to do something on the weekend. I suggested going indoor climbing, so we did. He lives only 10 mins from where I live, so it's very convenient for us to get together. Anyway, I still thought I was only going rock-climbing with a friend. He took me on a walk at a nearby river after climbing and we watched the sunset. Then all of a sudden he kissed me on my lips. That was totally unexpected! And he progressed to put his hand down my pants. I was shocked but couldn't resist. But nothing more happened as we were in the public (in a park by the river).
From then on, we've been seeing each other once or twice a week. We spent most of the time at each other's place. Just over a month later I suspected I fell pregnant and told him. He was very excited and insisted that we should keep the baby. I was feeling miserable as I never wanted to have children, let alone having one with a man I hardly know. Anyway, a few days later, he came and told me he is actually married! But his wife has been coming and going in his life because she likes to live with her family by the beach, whereas he lives two hours away in the mountains. No wonder I never suspected he was married, there was not a single sign of a female occupant in his home (She's been away again for 4 months) He told me he is sick and tired of the situation with his wife and feeling lonely. She would call him every night but refused to move back to live with him permanently. I asked if he still loves her, and he said that he still cares for her and they had a lot of history together (they've been married for 11 years).
I indicated that I had crossed the line unknowingly (I've never let myself hook up with a married man), and suggested that he and his wife have a good talk, and we'll just remain friends until he and his wife have sort things out. Few days later at my birthday party, he told me that he had "ended things" with his wife and told her not to come back. I said I don't want people calling me "husband stealer" and I certainly don't want to be someone's mistress and never be acknowledged. He then sort of unpleasantly said 'what do you want me to do? divorce her?'. But then, he pulled me back with a big kiss and I fell for him again.
The problem with this cancerian guy is not just that he's married, but also his uncommunicative nature. The past 2.5 months, our interaction are only bushwalks and sex. There is hardly any communication when we are apart. I would text him maybe a few time a week, with words like sweetheart and honey. He would only reply short text a day or two later, flicker between calling my first name and darling. He likes to drop by at my place one night during the week, chat a little bit then have sex, and then quickly disappear, without a word or a text for a few days until he wants to "get together" again. I sure do feel being exploited. But he also does sweet things to please me. When I said I don't feel right about what's happening between us, he revealed that he had packed his wife's stuff and asked her to collect them two weeks ago. (He said she was very sad and wanted to come back, but he doesn't want her back) I feel totally miserable by his inconsistent behavior towards me. And certainly don't think I should have a child with this man at the moment. I still haven't confirmed him my pregnancy, so he's still guessing. But I did promise him (before I knew about his marital status) I would tell him before "doing anything to this baby". I would hate to secretly terminate the pregnancy and lie about it, in case one day if things do work out between us it will come back to bite me.
But at the moment I have absolutely no idea what he is thinking. Is he just using me for temporary affection and sex when he feels lonely? Is he recovering from his trouble marriage and doesn't want another relationship so soon? Is he not sure about things with me (I've been showing him affection, care and support, but not overdoing it. No, I haven't said the "L" word yet). Or is he sussing/testing me out to see if I'm committed? The thing is, a couple of times I tried to break it off with him, he always pull me back with those sad sad eyes. What shall I do?
P.S. I'm also a Cancerian myself (double in Sun and Moon!)
Well I'm gonna say he's still in love with his wife and confused. Someone who is in love with you texts you and communicates because they miss you not because they have to or just to get something from you. Hopefully you are not pregnant so you can walk away from this;/
Posted by Arielle83Hi Arielle, of course I know I have control of the situation and I'm partly responsible for getting myself into this mess. I simply gave my heart and my body away too early to someone I don't even know that well. So I'm now dealing with the consequences. But my problem is I tend to follow my heart more than my brain. That's what I find very very hard to control, even if I'm aware of it. I'll keep telling myself everyday now that 'I don't want this baby' so hopefully I'll convince myself (and him) to terminate this pregnancy soon.
Why do you do things and the act like you had no control of the situation?
Posted by MoonbutterThanks Moonbutter.
Well I'm gonna say he's still in love with his wife and confused. Someone who is in love with you texts you and communicates because they miss you not because they have to or just to get something from you. Hopefully you are not pregnant so you can walk away from this;/
Had an ultrasound today and confirmed that I'm pregnant. It's kind of a relief to have the confirmation, so he and I can now have some solid discussion about what we want to do. I'll try and make it very clear to him what I'm expecting if he wants to keep this baby. He is a guy with a good heart, but I don't feel that he's mature enough or ready to give up he own interests for all the responsibilities of having a child. So I'll try my best first to convince him that it's not a good time to have a child now. If he insists, then we'll have to discuss more. But I have a feeling he'll get cold feet if remind him all those fun things he'll have to give up doing, and the cost of bringing up a child.
Sounds like the dude is dealing with a lot of crap right now.
Has a wife he is not seeing and packing her stuff PLUS, dealing with a Prego chick he barely knows.
My concern is why the wife lives with her folks. Something isn't right at home when this happens
Has a wife he is not seeing and packing her stuff PLUS, dealing with a Prego chick he barely knows.
My concern is why the wife lives with her folks. Something isn't right at home when this happens
"I would hate to secretly terminate the pregnancy and lie about it
in case one day if things do work out between us it will come back
to bite me."
Unbelievable. o.O
"Is he just using me for temporary affection and sex when he feels lonely?"
Yes, of course.
"What shall I do?"
Raise your kid, and take care of it, regardless of this loser.
Blows my mind that he is literally *all* you care about.
I hope this is a troll thread--
in case one day if things do work out between us it will come back
to bite me."
Unbelievable. o.O
"Is he just using me for temporary affection and sex when he feels lonely?"
Yes, of course.
"What shall I do?"
Raise your kid, and take care of it, regardless of this loser.
Blows my mind that he is literally *all* you care about.
I hope this is a troll thread--
Posted by MontgomerySame here
"I would hate to secretly terminate the pregnancy and lie about it
in case one day if things do work out between us it will come back
to bite me."
Unbelievable. o.O
"Is he just using me for temporary affection and sex when he feels lonely?"
Yes, of course.
"What shall I do?"
Raise your kid, and take care of it, regardless of this loser.
Blows my mind that he is literally *all* you care about.
I hope this is a troll thread--
Posted by SsupermanHi Superman, yes, this man is very complicated I realised, perhaps dealing with a bit of emotional mess as well. Everything in my head told me I should not have this baby, but my heart is too soft to take the right action. But again, I'll keep telling myself everyday now to terminate this pregnancy. And yes, of course I thought (and asked) about what happened between he and his wife. If his wife still loves her husband, why would she choose to live away from him. He just said she has her own place by the beach. I must say this man is very fussy when it comes to life style choices, not easy to deal with. Super health conscious means he would not eat anything unhealthy, only fresh and unprocessed food, everything organic, no farm stuff. Very particular when it comes to movie and music choices. He's very "outdoorsie", bushwalking, paddling, mountain biking, rockclimbing, skiing, so he's always very busy doing his own things. So I wouldn't be surprised that his wife felt neglected, and probably can't deal with his fussy way of life as well. The problem is I'm also the outdoor-type and would hate to be stuck at home with kids, while he goes out to have fun with his mates.
Sounds like the dude is dealing with a lot of crap right now.
Has a wife he is not seeing and packing her stuff PLUS, dealing with a Prego chick he barely knows.
My concern is why the wife lives with her folks. Something isn't right at home when this happens
Posted by Unlucky-in-loveNot having the baby because it would cramp your style is the most selfish reason of all. DisgustingPosted by SsupermanHi Superman, yes, this man is very complicated I realised, perhaps dealing with a bit of emotional mess as well. Everything in my head told me I should not have this baby, but my heart is too soft to take the right action. But again, I'll keep telling myself everyday now to terminate this pregnancy. And yes, of course I thought (and asked) about what happened between he and his wife. If his wife is still loves her husband, why would she choose to live away from him. He just said she has her own place by the beach. I must say this man is very fussy when it comes to life style choices, not easy to deal with. Super health conscious means he would not eat anything unhealthy, only fresh and unprocessed food, everything organic, no farm stuff. Very particular when it comes to movie and music choices. He's very "outdoorsie", bushwalking, paddling, mountain biking, rockclimbing, skiing, so he's always very busy doing his own things. So I wouldn't be surprised that his wife felt neglected, and probably can't deal with his fussy way of life as well. The problem is I'm also the outdoor-type and would hate to be stuck at home with kids, while he goes out to have fun with his mates.
Sounds like the dude is dealing with a lot of crap right now.
Has a wife he is not seeing and packing her stuff PLUS, dealing with a Prego chick he barely knows.
My concern is why the wife lives with her folks. Something isn't right at home when this happensclick to expand
You do realize, don't you, that there's this thing called "adoption"? You don't have to get an abortion just because you don't want the kid.
I'm going to tell you a few harsh truths. I apologize in advance, but I really don't know how to sugarcoat them:
1. The man is 47, if he's not mature now he's not going to be.
2. He was married and had sex with a girl he met this one time. That's not love, it's lust.
3. No, he doesn't want to marry you and live happily ever after, he's not even divorced yet!! I can only assume that you were this great little fantasy that went wrong, and he doesn't know how to tell you.
The best thing I can suggest is that you stop having sex with him, and absolutely insist on getting to know him. You have a few months, and if he disappears while you're pregnant then you know to give the kid to a family that actually wants it. If he sticks by you and you have a genuine connection, then consider keeping it.
I'm all for women's rights, but it blows my mind that abortion is the only answer you can think of.
I'm going to tell you a few harsh truths. I apologize in advance, but I really don't know how to sugarcoat them:
1. The man is 47, if he's not mature now he's not going to be.
2. He was married and had sex with a girl he met this one time. That's not love, it's lust.
3. No, he doesn't want to marry you and live happily ever after, he's not even divorced yet!! I can only assume that you were this great little fantasy that went wrong, and he doesn't know how to tell you.
The best thing I can suggest is that you stop having sex with him, and absolutely insist on getting to know him. You have a few months, and if he disappears while you're pregnant then you know to give the kid to a family that actually wants it. If he sticks by you and you have a genuine connection, then consider keeping it.
I'm all for women's rights, but it blows my mind that abortion is the only answer you can think of.
Posted by Ssuperman
Sounds like the dude is dealing with a lot of crap right now.
Has a wife he is not seeing and packing her stuff PLUS, dealing with a Prego chick he barely knows.
My concern is why the wife lives with her folks. Something isn't right at home when this happens
Your lady is pretty! Good luck to you both
Posted by SsupermanNot being able to provide a healthy complete family and not having the financial ability to feed the kid on my own (on a single low income with a mortgage) mean this kid will suffer. That is also very selfish. But I would not deny that both he and I were selfish when we allowed the physical interaction without thinking the consequences. So you were right. I am selfish. But aren't we all? Why do people want children? What's the ultimate reason for people to breed even in a world like this now?Posted by Unlucky-in-loveNot having the baby because it would cramp your style is the most selfish reason of all. DisgustingPosted by SsupermanHi Superman, yes, this man is very complicated I realised, perhaps dealing with a bit of emotional mess as well. Everything in my head told me I should not have this baby, but my heart is too soft to take the right action. But again, I'll keep telling myself everyday now to terminate this pregnancy. And yes, of course I thought (and asked) about what happened between he and his wife. If his wife is still loves her husband, why would she choose to live away from him. He just said she has her own place by the beach. I must say this man is very fussy when it comes to life style choices, not easy to deal with. Super health conscious means he would not eat anything unhealthy, only fresh and unprocessed food, everything organic, no farm stuff. Very particular when it comes to movie and music choices. He's very "outdoorsie", bushwalking, paddling, mountain biking, rockclimbing, skiing, so he's always very busy doing his own things. So I wouldn't be surprised that his wife felt neglected, and probably can't deal with his fussy way of life as well. The problem is I'm also the outdoor-type and would hate to be stuck at home with kids, while he goes out to have fun with his mates.
Sounds like the dude is dealing with a lot of crap right now.
Has a wife he is not seeing and packing her stuff PLUS, dealing with a Prego chick he barely knows.
My concern is why the wife lives with her folks. Something isn't right at home when this happensclick to expand
Posted by Aries_LuminaryThanksPosted by Ssuperman
Sounds like the dude is dealing with a lot of crap right now.
Has a wife he is not seeing and packing her stuff PLUS, dealing with a Prego chick he barely knows.
My concern is why the wife lives with her folks. Something isn't right at home when this happens
Your lady is pretty! Good luck to you bothclick to expand
Posted by Unlucky-in-loveIt's not taking responsibility for your actions.Posted by SsupermanNot being able to provide a healthy complete family and not having the financial ability to feed the kid on my own (on a single low income with a mortgage) mean this kid will suffer. That is also very selfish. But I would not deny that both he and I were selfish when we allowed the physical interaction without thinking the consequences. So you were right. I am selfish. But aren't we all? Why do people want children? What's the ultimate reason for people to breed even in a world like this now?Posted by Unlucky-in-loveNot having the baby because it would cramp your style is the most selfish reason of all. DisgustingPosted by SsupermanHi Superman, yes, this man is very complicated I realised, perhaps dealing with a bit of emotional mess as well. Everything in my head told me I should not have this baby, but my heart is too soft to take the right action. But again, I'll keep telling myself everyday now to terminate this pregnancy. And yes, of course I thought (and asked) about what happened between he and his wife. If his wife is still loves her husband, why would she choose to live away from him. He just said she has her own place by the beach. I must say this man is very fussy when it comes to life style choices, not easy to deal with. Super health conscious means he would not eat anything unhealthy, only fresh and unprocessed food, everything organic, no farm stuff. Very particular when it comes to movie and music choices. He's very "outdoorsie", bushwalking, paddling, mountain biking, rockclimbing, skiing, so he's always very busy doing his own things. So I wouldn't be surprised that his wife felt neglected, and probably can't deal with his fussy way of life as well. The problem is I'm also the outdoor-type and would hate to be stuck at home with kids, while he goes out to have fun with his mates.
Sounds like the dude is dealing with a lot of crap right now.
Has a wife he is not seeing and packing her stuff PLUS, dealing with a Prego chick he barely knows.
My concern is why the wife lives with her folks. Something isn't right at home when this happensclick to expand
Sorry about some of the people who reply to you OP, This place attracts a lot of bitter losers who spend most of their free time here year after year.
I pop in once every year or two and it's the same people giving the same snarky answers
*eye roll*
don't take it personal, they're literally miserable and long after you've moved on from this situation and are happy again, they will continue to reply to people on this website in a manner intended to bring them down to their level/make them as unhappy as they are.
That being said, I feel very much for your situation, and I'm so sorry you're going through this.
It is a terrible idea to have this baby but abortion is a difficult choice!
I was in a similar situation to you last year, although the man in question was not married he was crushing on another woman, I only realized after - who eventually realized he was into me, and made her move.
my 2 months of knowing him couldn't compete with his 2 years of being unfriended by her/crushing her/wanting her.
I was so stressed out about the situation I ended up miscarrying after deciding I would keep my child. It was devastating but a huge relief at the same time and then I felt so guilty about having felt relief and I still have a hard time coping with that guilt even today but i KNOW it was the best possible outcome.
raising a child is a lifetime commitment of epic proportion, if it is not something you plan and want very much, it is not something you should do.
Period.
Selfish is deciding to keep a child I wasn't prepared to raise properly with a man unable to give the time/attention to fatherhood. I made the selfish choice, but the choice was taken from me when the baby died.
I wish you the very best dear you seem like a lovely person and so patient with these cruel sadists.
I pop in once every year or two and it's the same people giving the same snarky answers
*eye roll*
don't take it personal, they're literally miserable and long after you've moved on from this situation and are happy again, they will continue to reply to people on this website in a manner intended to bring them down to their level/make them as unhappy as they are.
That being said, I feel very much for your situation, and I'm so sorry you're going through this.
It is a terrible idea to have this baby but abortion is a difficult choice!
I was in a similar situation to you last year, although the man in question was not married he was crushing on another woman, I only realized after - who eventually realized he was into me, and made her move.
my 2 months of knowing him couldn't compete with his 2 years of being unfriended by her/crushing her/wanting her.
I was so stressed out about the situation I ended up miscarrying after deciding I would keep my child. It was devastating but a huge relief at the same time and then I felt so guilty about having felt relief and I still have a hard time coping with that guilt even today but i KNOW it was the best possible outcome.
raising a child is a lifetime commitment of epic proportion, if it is not something you plan and want very much, it is not something you should do.
Period.
Selfish is deciding to keep a child I wasn't prepared to raise properly with a man unable to give the time/attention to fatherhood. I made the selfish choice, but the choice was taken from me when the baby died.
I wish you the very best dear you seem like a lovely person and so patient with these cruel sadists.
Posted by Miaou^when people reply without reading the threadPosted by Unlucky-in-loveSure, he's married.
The problem with this cancerian guy is not just that he's married , but also his uncommunicative nature. The past 2.5 months, our interaction are only bushwalks and sex.
He already does the "talking/communicating" with his wife....
& so.... when he wants sex or more sex well he has : you.
click to expand
*eye roll*
why bother?
Oh I know the answer to my own question.. because the chance to get in a snarky comment and or meme to hurt random OP's and amuse your friends with, is more important to you than actually giving relevant advice.
Pathetic.
Pathetic.
Posted by MiaouPosted by SwimmingHighI don't need to read the entire thread, the fact he's cheating on his wife ...its kinda evident he has communication problems. Otherwise you know - he'd leave his wife or he wouldn't have cheated.Posted by MiaouPosted by Unlucky-in-loveSure, he's married.
The problem with this cancerian guy is not just that he's married , but also his uncommunicative nature. The past 2.5 months, our interaction are only bushwalks and sex.
He already does the "talking/communicating" with his wife....
& so.... when he wants sex or more sex well he has : you.
^when people reply without reading the thread
*eye roll*
why bother?
But true, she got pregnant AFTER finding out he was married - which is truly unfortunate.click to expand
I mean, if you dont wanna have anything relevant to say than sure, you do not need to read the thread but those of us who took the time to do so, before commenting know he did leave her/ended things.
Posted by SwimmingHighNo, he didn't.Posted by MiaouPosted by SwimmingHighI don't need to read the entire thread, the fact he's cheating on his wife ...its kinda evident he has communication problems. Otherwise you know - he'd leave his wife or he wouldn't have cheated.Posted by MiaouPosted by Unlucky-in-loveSure, he's married.
The problem with this cancerian guy is not just that he's married , but also his uncommunicative nature. The past 2.5 months, our interaction are only bushwalks and sex.
He already does the "talking/communicating" with his wife....
& so.... when he wants sex or more sex well he has : you.
^when people reply without reading the thread
*eye roll*
why bother?
But true, she got pregnant AFTER finding out he was married - which is truly unfortunate.
I mean, if you dont wanna have anything relevant to say than sure, you do not need to read the thread but those of us who took the time to do so, before commenting know he did leave her/ended things.click to expand
Abort and walk! Unless you want to have your life ruined! No other option. Sorry!
Not to be harsh but also not to sugar coat. He is using you for sure. I've dealt with a cancer men and he is only using u when he feels lonely. Men can feel when ur pulling away and when u pull away she pulls away and she most likely doesn't know about u or the baby and if she knew she would be devastated. And life has taught me that what u don't want to happen will definetly eventually happen and he is very much in love with her and when she finally comes back he is going get rid of u. He is only doing with u what he wants to do with her. U r feeling the gap the hole is his heart but u need to leave him so he can deal with it alone. It is ur life and at the end of the day u r left with the ending result. I didnt want my child's father to leave and dreamed that we would be this perfect family and after when I didn't really want him I only stayed for our child and I figured he knew that so I would stay again so he wouldn't leave and create another family. Long story short he has not only moved on but is also married and started a new family. He proposed to me but I would never marry him because of all the hell he put me through and I began to resent him. So now he never bothers to see his child as a way of hurting me. So all in all what u don't want to happen will happen. He is lying to you because you provide something himself or his wife can't. He gets the communication from her and the sex and other activities from u. While still being able to have sex with her and why are they even that old and she wants to live with her parents? So again u decide how u want ur life to go. God can make good out of any situation which is called a detour to still get u where u wanna be you just have to have faith but that man will never fully love u not respect u after u being with him after knowing he's married it'll be like ur damaged goods and God is giving u a decision on the choice u r to make. And if u have standards this will not even be a second thought on what to do. I would block his number never answer the door and delete him out of my life and move on. If he did it to her he will do it to you if u plan on having a family with him and he will always think of her and feel guilty and may turn into a acholic and resent you and the child because u 2 will be the reminder of a mistake he feels that he has made. That man is not mature and is still growing and needs his ass whooped and karma will always come back to him so if you stay with him you will receive the karma as well and continue it and it could even spill over into your child's life. You don't want ur child having to live in dysfunction. I would say if u actually want a kid even though you say you don't I would keep the child because I want the kid. But not keep it if it's because of the guy or because I think it will keep him because then u will end up hurting or abusing ur child or yourself because U will resent the child especially if it looks like him and that is what u don't want and we have a lot of broken homes already that stem from this same issue and I'm tired of seeing it happen. This is ur life not his stop making permanent decisions in a temporary season. God has more for you and u don't know what God will do. If you do the right thing and cut him off now that u know he is married God will gladly send u the right one who u were meant to be with that will love u and especially the child If u decide to have it. He could be the counterfeit the one before the real thing shows up and can mess up ur chances at true love. U don't know this mans back ground and his genetics and what runs in his family so u r taking a risk a health problems u know not of. The way he is treating you now will be how he treats you forever. I know this for a fact! I was holding on to this other guy doing the sex and some what fun things with him while he was getting the communication and lovey dovey stuff from another chick and got her pregnant!!! Wtf!!! I was dead inside after that and I didn't go thru all things stuff for nothing my life is a testimony for others and when I tell u the statement is true about when a person truly show u who they r the first time u better believe them because I see u being really blind how I was. I was so blind that I said I don't care if I catch a incurable disease from him at least I will still be with him...that is madness!!!! And until this day this girl fights for him and has to confront other women for him and he still lies and cheats and she stays! Know ur worth and move the fuck on!!!!
Posted by SwimmingHigh
Sorry about some of the people who reply to you OP, This place attracts a lot of bitter losers who spend most of their free time here year after year.
I pop in once every year or two and it's the same people giving the same snarky answers
*eye roll*
don't take it personal, they're literally miserable and long after you've moved on from this situation and are happy again, they will continue to reply to people on this website in a manner intended to bring them down to their level/make them as unhappy as they are.
That being said, I feel very much for your situation, and I'm so sorry you're going through this.
It is a terrible idea to have this baby but abortion is a difficult choice!
I was in a similar situation to you last year, although the man in question was not married he was crushing on another woman, I only realized after - who eventually realized he was into me, and made her move.
my 2 months of knowing him couldn't compete with his 2 years of being unfriended by her/crushing her/wanting her.
I was so stressed out about the situation I ended up miscarrying after deciding I would keep my child. It was devastating but a huge relief at the same time and then I felt so guilty about having felt relief and I still have a hard time coping with that guilt even today but i KNOW it was the best possible outcome.
raising a child is a lifetime commitment of epic proportion, if it is not something you plan and want very much, it is not something you should do.
Period.
Selfish is deciding to keep a child I wasn't prepared to raise properly with a man unable to give the time/attention to fatherhood. I made the selfish choice, but the choice was taken from me when the baby died.
I wish you the very best dear you seem like a lovely person and so patient with these cruel sadists.
Thanks SwimmingHigh for the kind words. Sorry about hearing your similar past.
Life is so ridiculous sometimes that the things you swear you would never do or want, they happened. However, I believe things happened for a reason. And this time it's for me to learn the lesson not to give myself away too soon and to be more careful with men. It's a hard lesson but not the end of the world and I still have the choice to turn back. Life is about experiencing and learning and making choices, as a friend once told me. And it's true.
Hope you are well now. Don't be too harsh on yourself. Fate (try to avoid using the word God) had decided for you, it was out of your control.
Life is so ridiculous sometimes that the things you swear you would never do or want, they happened. However, I believe things happened for a reason. And this time it's for me to learn the lesson not to give myself away too soon and to be more careful with men. It's a hard lesson but not the end of the world and I still have the choice to turn back. Life is about experiencing and learning and making choices, as a friend once told me. And it's true.
Hope you are well now. Don't be too harsh on yourself. Fate (try to avoid using the word God) had decided for you, it was out of your control.
Posted by AccountzThanks Accountz. Sorry to hear about your story. I'll definitely keep your words in mind and try and stand up for myself.
Not to be harsh but also not to sugar coat. He is using you for sure. I've dealt with a cancer men and he is only using u when he feels lonely. Men can feel when ur pulling away and when u pull away she pulls away and she most likely doesn't know about u or the baby and if she knew she would be devastated. And life has taught me that what u don't want to happen will definetly eventually happen and he is very much in love with her and when she finally comes back he is going get rid of u. He is only doing with u what he wants to do with her. U r feeling the gap the hole is his heart but u need to leave him so he can deal with it alone. It is ur life and at the end of the day u r left with the ending result. I didnt want my child's father to leave and dreamed that we would be this perfect family and after when I didn't really want him I only stayed for our child and I figured he knew that so I would stay again so he wouldn't leave and create another family. Long story short he has not only moved on but is also married and started a new family. He proposed to me but I would never marry him because of all the hell he put me through and I began to resent him. So now he never bothers to see his child as a way of hurting me. So all in all what u don't want to happen will happen. He is lying to you because you provide something himself or his wife can't. He gets the communication from her and the sex and other activities from u. While still being able to have sex with her and why are they even that old and she wants to live with her parents? So again u decide how u want ur life to go. God can make good out of any situation which is called a detour to still get u where u wanna be you just have to have faith but that man will never fully love u not respect u after u being with him after knowing he's married it'll be like ur damaged goods and God is giving u a decision on the choice u r to make. And if u have standards this will not even be a second thought on what to do. I would block his number never answer the door and delete him out of my life and move on. If he did it to her he will do it to you if u plan on having a family with him and he will always think of her and feel guilty and may turn into a acholic and resent you and the child because u 2 will be the reminder of a mistake he feels that he has made. That man is not mature and is still growing and needs his ass whooped and karma will always come back to him so if you stay with him you will receive the karma as well and continue it and it could even spill over into your child's life. You don't want ur child having to live in dysfunction. I would say if u actually want a kid even though you say you don't I would keep the child because I want the kid. But not keep it if it's because of the guy or because I think it will keep him because then u will end up hurting or abusing ur child or yourself because U will resent the child especially if it looks like him and that is what u don't want and we have a lot of broken homes already that stem from this same issue and I'm tired of seeing it happen. This is ur life not his stop making permanent decisions in a temporary season. God has more for you and u don't know what God will do. If you do the right thing and cut him off now that u know he is married God will gladly send u the right one who u were meant to be with that will love u and especially the child If u decide to have it. He could be the counterfeit the one before the real thing shows up and can mess up ur chances at true love. U don't know this mans back ground and his genetics and what runs in his family so u r taking a risk a health problems u know not of. The way he is treating you now will be how he treats you forever. I know this for a fact! I was holding on to this other guy doing the sex and some what fun things with him while he was getting the communication and lovey dovey stuff from another chick and got her pregnant!!! Wtf!!! I was dead inside after that and I didn't go thru all things stuff for nothing my life is a testimony for others and when I tell u the statement is true about when a person truly show u who they r the first time u better believe them because I see u being really blind how I was. I was so blind that I said I don't care if I catch a incurable disease from him at least I will still be with him...that is madness!!!! And until this day this girl fights for him and has to confront other women for him and he still lies and cheats and she stays! Know ur worth and move the fuck on!!!!
Posted by Unlucky-in-loveHow old r u? & u will I'm sure u r a grown woman u don't have to explain anything. If he wants kids let his wife give them to him. I promise you if u stay it will only get worst.Posted by AccountzThanks Accountz. Sorry to hear about your story. I'll definitely keep your words in mind and try and stand up for myself.
Not to be harsh but also not to sugar coat. He is using you for sure. I've dealt with a cancer men and he is only using u when he feels lonely. Men can feel when ur pulling away and when u pull away she pulls away and she most likely doesn't know about u or the baby and if she knew she would be devastated. And life has taught me that what u don't want to happen will definetly eventually happen and he is very much in love with her and when she finally comes back he is going get rid of u. He is only doing with u what he wants to do with her. U r feeling the gap the hole is his heart but u need to leave him so he can deal with it alone. It is ur life and at the end of the day u r left with the ending result. I didnt want my child's father to leave and dreamed that we would be this perfect family and after when I didn't really want him I only stayed for our child and I figured he knew that so I would stay again so he wouldn't leave and create another family. Long story short he has not only moved on but is also married and started a new family. He proposed to me but I would never marry him because of all the hell he put me through and I began to resent him. So now he never bothers to see his child as a way of hurting me. So all in all what u don't want to happen will happen. He is lying to you because you provide something himself or his wife can't. He gets the communication from her and the sex and other activities from u. While still being able to have sex with her and why are they even that old and she wants to live with her parents? So again u decide how u want ur life to go. God can make good out of any situation which is called a detour to still get u where u wanna be you just have to have faith but that man will never fully love u not respect u after u being with him after knowing he's married it'll be like ur damaged goods and God is giving u a decision on the choice u r to make. And if u have standards this will not even be a second thought on what to do. I would block his number never answer the door and delete him out of my life and move on. If he did it to her he will do it to you if u plan on having a family with him and he will always think of her and feel guilty and may turn into a acholic and resent you and the child because u 2 will be the reminder of a mistake he feels that he has made. That man is not mature and is still growing and needs his ass whooped and karma will always come back to him so if you stay with him you will receive the karma as well and continue it and it could even spill over into your child's life. You don't want ur child having to live in dysfunction. I would say if u actually want a kid even though you say you don't I would keep the child because I want the kid. But not keep it if it's because of the guy or because I think it will keep him because then u will end up hurting or abusing ur child or yourself because U will resent the child especially if it looks like him and that is what u don't want and we have a lot of broken homes already that stem from this same issue and I'm tired of seeing it happen. This is ur life not his stop making permanent decisions in a temporary season. God has more for you and u don't know what God will do. If you do the right thing and cut him off now that u know he is married God will gladly send u the right one who u were meant to be with that will love u and especially the child If u decide to have it. He could be the counterfeit the one before the real thing shows up and can mess up ur chances at true love. U don't know this mans back ground and his genetics and what runs in his family so u r taking a risk a health problems u know not of. The way he is treating you now will be how he treats you forever. I know this for a fact! I was holding on to this other guy doing the sex and some what fun things with him while he was getting the communication and lovey dovey stuff from another chick and got her pregnant!!! Wtf!!! I was dead inside after that and I didn't go thru all things stuff for nothing my life is a testimony for others and when I tell u the statement is true about when a person truly show u who they r the first time u better believe them because I see u being really blind how I was. I was so blind that I said I don't care if I catch a incurable disease from him at least I will still be with him...that is madness!!!! And until this day this girl fights for him and has to confront other women for him and he still lies and cheats and she stays! Know ur worth and move the fuck on!!!!click to expand
It sounds like you want to stay but if you do just don't resent the child or abuse it. Children are a gift from God and u better look at that child as if God himself wrapped that baby and put it under a tree. My child was a blessing & opened up different avenues and God also used her to talk to me & bring much happiness. You have to make sure u have a strong support system to raise the child. Don't feel bad or pity urself of the situation just use it to make yourself stronger and live with it remember no child asked to be here we are all cocreators and we as women have the power and the gift to create and bring forth life which is so amazing. Some people wish they can have children and can't so ur blessed there. Only people that don't want kids are either broke or selfish in my opinion and kids cost a lot so ppl connect that with being broke. Child support is what has every man lip turned up and if you don't have all of his information it could be a bit harder to even do that. & if u can give urself and ur precious time to a man that ain't worth a penny under a coke machine then u can certainly give it to a child who truly loves you. My child had slowed me down and the way U describe something seems like u may have a Venus in Aries bcuz I do and life for me was taking everything by force but it's always a lost like that. Finding love in all the wrong places If u didn't get it from your parents. Equating sex and minuscule quality time with love and that's not love. Love starts at an intellectual understanding bcuz if he's 47 or whatever now his dick is almost out of time and will no longer be working anymore and he knows this so the sex will be out and u will too and depending on his wife u don't know if she may stay after finding out just out of spite. & u don't want them treating ur child bad or worrying at work if ur baby is ok. Mine asked could my child spend the night just so she could see his new house and tried to say that she had her own room but was really sharing a room with the other woman's daughter. And treating my daughter bad allowing her kids to hit my child and mistreat her. My child is an only child and would do anything to have friends and kids to play with but not so. Every since then he has not asked her to come over or picked her up. I didn't bring it up because my child wasn't hurt physically or mentally but I could see it for what it was and knew she could never go back even if he begged. So I'm blessed now so no sorry for me Ive went thru it and am no longer in it and now on the other side of things and it has made me nothing but stronger. And my needs and wants are takin care of. God blessed me to have a successful pregnancy despite the difficulties. I own my own sports car. I'm now working on owning my own home and business. I'm happy, successful, and free and all because God is with me.
If you want to be a baby's mother then look what this one had to do. To me I found it very funny but it was the wrong time but the petty level can get this high. They say u have to serve the father child support papers and looks like he probably kept dodging the child support people or them so she went to his church. Where I live I didn't have to but the ppl probably couldn't find him but she did.
Anyway, a few days later, he came and told me he is actually married!
For the 10,000 time that's why I go to Spokeo.com AND FB to find out their status. Hell, I even went as far as paying $ 28.00 to dig deeper into a guy's arrests on public files and found out "something BAD about him". I ran so fast it made HIS head spin!
cyber hugs!
Love,
Eva
PS: I investigated the Taurean (John) I am talking to; both on Spokeo.com and FB; for the latter I found out he's friends of a friend of mine (Lucinda); she's getting married in December and I IMd her to send me an invitation. Guess John and I will be "dates" at her wedding
Who knows? Maybe by then he'll be my "boyfriend".
For the 10,000 time that's why I go to Spokeo.com AND FB to find out their status. Hell, I even went as far as paying $ 28.00 to dig deeper into a guy's arrests on public files and found out "something BAD about him". I ran so fast it made HIS head spin!
cyber hugs! Love,
Eva
PS: I investigated the Taurean (John) I am talking to; both on Spokeo.com and FB; for the latter I found out he's friends of a friend of mine (Lucinda); she's getting married in December and I IMd her to send me an invitation. Guess John and I will be "dates" at her wedding
Who knows? Maybe by then he'll be my "boyfriend".
The reason his communication sucks and he only comes over to hit it and then bounce is because HE IS MARRIED. His wife isn't in another state, that is just the LIE he told you.
Don't be naive.
Don't be naive.
cancer women are not mistresses....you're an imposter.
Thanks everyone for the comments. The lastest update is that I had miscarried the baby at 5 weeks. I believe the stress played a role in it. It was a very easy, painless miscarriage that just happened naturally. I've come to realise that this whole ordeal happened for many good reasons. The main one is for me to learn about this selfish man and his lie at a very early stage of our encounter, so I don't end up finding out further down the road and getting badly heartbroken. I had also realised my own mistake.
Yesterday, I had returned all his stuff including the gifts he gave me and ended things with him. His sad wife, on the other hand, had gone back and stayed with him for the weekend despite knowing that he had cheated on her. I hope one day she'll realise that no man (especially this scum she's married to) is worth trading away her self-respect.
Yesterday, I had returned all his stuff including the gifts he gave me and ended things with him. His sad wife, on the other hand, had gone back and stayed with him for the weekend despite knowing that he had cheated on her. I hope one day she'll realise that no man (especially this scum she's married to) is worth trading away her self-respect.
im struggling to get past i never wanted children
thats not exactly something you change overnight - yes you are being SELFISH
what happens if you raise this kid as a single mother and the stress has you telling the kid they were a mistake or something ?
that is really very selfish to bring a child into the world in those circumstances
then on top of it you have a guy who doesnt even care enough to text you every day little alone call
and cancers are NOT like that
thats not exactly something you change overnight - yes you are being SELFISH
what happens if you raise this kid as a single mother and the stress has you telling the kid they were a mistake or something ?
that is really very selfish to bring a child into the world in those circumstances
then on top of it you have a guy who doesnt even care enough to text you every day little alone call
and cancers are NOT like that
oh im sorry i hadnt read all the posts i didnt realize there were pages
im sorry for your loss still a hard thing to go through
but nature obviously decided what was best i guess only way to look at it really i hope you arent in too much emotional pain
im sorry for your loss still a hard thing to go through
but nature obviously decided what was best i guess only way to look at it really i hope you arent in too much emotional pain
Posted by ChrisxKodakFALSE and a DXP member can SECOND the motion. (Ms. Crocodile)Posted by EvatheDivaStalkers never prosper
Anyway, a few days later, he came and told me he is actually married!
For the 10,000 time that's why I go to Spokeo.com AND FB to find out their status. Hell, I even went as far as paying $ 28.00 to dig deeper into a guy's arrests on public files and found out "something BAD about him". I ran so fast it made HIS head spin!
Love,
Eva
PS: I investigated the Taurean (John) I am talking to; both on Spokeo.com and FB; for the latter I found out he's friends of a friend of mine (Lucinda); she's getting married in December and I IMd her to send me an invitation. Guess John and I will be "dates" at her weddingclick to expand
cyber hugs! Love,
Eva
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