Reading a Cancer

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by Galileia428 on Tuesday, July 14, 2015 and has 10 replies.
Firstly, sorry for the long message but it??s a lot to distill into one post. I have been dating a cancer (cap moon and aries rising; I??m a pisces with cancer moon and sag rising) for about 10 months now and could really use some advice as he is becoming increasingly difficult to read and often hot and cold. We started dating about a month and a half after his last relationship ended (he had been with her for around 3 or 4 years when he ended it). I think initially, he was just looking for something casual with someone, and didn't expect to find himself in a serious relationship so soon. But within a few months of dating we were completely enamored and even met each other??s families (we live in NYC but are both from the same state). He is usually so caring and attentive, going out of his way to show that he cares, but recently, he has become more and more distant, even as the relationship continues to evolve in a forward direction. We have opposing issues as a result of past experiences which hasn't helped (I have trust issues while he immediately becomes defensive whenever I call into question any behavior that raises red flags for me). Nor has the fact that he has admitted to having a dependency on alcohol which often alters his personality, though he has said he is trying to have better control over his drinking. We are also both going through a lot right now. My mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and my childhood home was nearly destroyed in a fire, while his grandmother hasn??t been doing well (she was his primary caregiver growing up as his mother left when he was a baby and his dad wasn't there as a father figure for much of his childhood) and they are now selling the house he grew up in. He is also struggling with where he is headed career wise, because he was in a band that recently broke up and doesn't have the same connection to playing music as he once did (which was something he shared with his ex as she is also a musician and they have many of the same musician friends).
He recently had a birthday on Sunday (he just turned 31 and I'm 36), and in the weeks leading up to it, when I would ask him what we should do, several times he mentioned a scavenger hunt (which he later admitted his ex had done for him). Of course I was really saddened and offended to hear that he still seemed so fixated on this, but he swore that this was no indication that he was holding me up to her as a standard or that he still wanted to be with her (he recently met up with her at my encouraging because he hadn't given her any closure after their relationship ended and I thought it would be good for the both of them). I??m not sure if he is being completely honest with me though, or the extent to which he thinks about her as I think he checks her facebook page often (every week or two). Even after planning an elaborate surprise of hiking and camping (which I planned as a roadtrip scavenger hunt with clues based on lyrics from some of his favorite songs), he seemed a little distant all weekend, and the day after we returned I noticed he checked her facebook page. I??m so confused by all of this. I don??t understand how he can tell me even as recently as a few weeks ago, that he loves me more than he??s loved anyone and make plans for a future together (we recently bought a car together and are talking about moving in together at the end of the year), while still seemingly so preoccupied with the past. He has on more than one occasion said that he feels like who he was is slipping away (mostly because he no longer has the same connection to playing music as he once did). I can certainly relate to that feeling as I??ve also always been very sentimental. I just don??t know if his feelings for me have remain unchanged and this is something temporary that I can help him through, or if perhaps I represent for him a different future than he is prepared for right now. Any advice would be really appreciated!
Ok, I realize my last posts were tl;dr..in essence, the issue is that, although things seem great with my Cancer bf (we've been dating for almost 11 months and are talking about moving in together), I notice that he often checks his ex gf's facebook profile (he ended the relationship about a month and a half before we started dating). I'm so confused. Why would he be visiting his ex's facebook page so often if he were happy in our relationship? :/
My man also just recently celebrate his birthday sunday July 19. He is now 37. and I am 36.

Gal, I think you have to show him more love. Talk to him with compassion. Be brave. Some people cannot let go their past . Give time.

Mines in love with his ex and has told me this several times, so we tried to remain friends...he dangles a carrot in front of me every once in awhile. I'm a Pisces too. Cancers live in the past and can't let go....simply ask him wtf is happening and he will prolly tell you. Then decide whether its worth it...in my case not so much...
Thanks everyone--all really good advice!! Maybe the best approach is to ask him straight out whether he has doubts about our relationship or is thinking about going back to his ex. The only problem is that when I've asked him about this in the past (the bday thing), he's denied it and said he doesn't want to be with her but looks back on his time with her "wistfully". When I bring it up again, how can I approach it with more evidence, without specifically letting on that I know how often checks her facebook profile? So lost as to what to do. Almost at the point of breaking up with him and risking what could be a great future together because I'm feeling so unappreciated and taken for granted.
Oh, we're still together. Everything seems great in fact (although he can seem a little distant at times, as can I)..We're even talking about moving in together. It's just that the fact that he often checks his ex's facebook page that raises a big red flag for me.
Reminiscing can be innocent but it can also lead to other things. especially if he's going through a rough time. Your bf may be remembering her for happier times (since he's going through so much), or he may be feeling like he got into a relationship with you too soon afterwards, or he may be totally into you and all he's doing is looking back in the past...or.... Thing is, you won't know if you don't ask. It doesn't mean he won't lie about it to spare your feelings, but ask anyway.
Not so cheeseburger, not so..
Checking the ex girlfriend fb is really Ill mannered but could be innocent reminesing. I know my crab ex hits me up every so often... To remember the past and mostly because I really remind him why we broke up lol. But as far calling out a crab to give you a concrete answer... That won't happen. You'll just push them into their shell and start the seed of him doubting you.