Really in-LOVE with a cancer
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by carebaby_73 on Thursday, October 6, 2005 and has 26 replies.
My girlfriend is a cancer,we have been going out for 4 years now and everytime i try to get close,she stings me with her rude sarcasm "F*ck off" she would say or i'm just your friend,dont come too close.
I cannot understand the messages she is sending me,we go out for lunch everyday (she works in the same building),We call each-other almost everyday and she shares with me her personel feelings.
She also like to come close and rub shoulders with me sometimes.I have also been to her house and met her parents.I have tried to express my feelings to her once and she freaked out.." i have no such feelings for you" she claims and it took me months to get her out of the shell.
I am really in love with this woman and am willing to do anything to understand her.I understand the emotional needs of cancerians and never raise my voice and lose my temper when she is in her irritated and pissed-off moods.
I keep her close to my heart and try to be the best gentleman that she ever met,but i keep gettting back the same results.
I pay for her meals most of the time and drive her wherever she wants to go.I listen and try to comfort her everyday..
BUT..
She never does the same for me,she shouts if i do a mistake,she NEVER pays for anything for me,heck..she even has problem remembering my birthday.I feel so depressed sometimes that i indulge myself with alcohol to forget her negitive words.I never answer her back and is always the first to aplogise,even when it's not my fault.I understand that cancerians need time to heal.
Sometimes,she goes off for 2 days and wont even answer my call.
Guys,
What have i done wrong?Does this woman really have feelings for me or is she just using my kindness.Please,i am very in-love with some of her qualities and i think i can live with her emotional outbursts.
I just want her to love and care for me.
I cannot understand the messages she is sending me,we go out for lunch everyday (she works in the same building),We call each-other almost everyday and she shares with me her personel feelings.
She also like to come close and rub shoulders with me sometimes.I have also been to her house and met her parents.I have tried to express my feelings to her once and she freaked out.." i have no such feelings for you" she claims and it took me months to get her out of the shell.
I am really in love with this woman and am willing to do anything to understand her.I understand the emotional needs of cancerians and never raise my voice and lose my temper when she is in her irritated and pissed-off moods.
I keep her close to my heart and try to be the best gentleman that she ever met,but i keep gettting back the same results.
I pay for her meals most of the time and drive her wherever she wants to go.I listen and try to comfort her everyday..
BUT..
She never does the same for me,she shouts if i do a mistake,she NEVER pays for anything for me,heck..she even has problem remembering my birthday.I feel so depressed sometimes that i indulge myself with alcohol to forget her negitive words.I never answer her back and is always the first to aplogise,even when it's not my fault.I understand that cancerians need time to heal.
Sometimes,she goes off for 2 days and wont even answer my call.
Guys,
What have i done wrong?Does this woman really have feelings for me or is she just using my kindness.Please,i am very in-love with some of her qualities and i think i can live with her emotional outbursts.
I just want her to love and care for me.
" I pay for her meals most of the time and drive her wherever she wants to go.I listen and try to comfort her everyday. "
She's not a child and she already has a father.
"I never answer her back and is always the first to aplogise,even when it's not my fault."
She already has a doormat.
Seems like she's just very uncomfortable in her life, she probably has things to deal with and she's not up for something deep yet/right now. I think it would be best if she had room to breathe and maybe grow a little. You can stay there if she enjoys torturing you like that, it's bad for both of you.
At the same time, the things i pointed out and the fact that a man would call himself carebaby make me think that you probably aren't much of a man yet. While cancer men and women must be different, i know i couldn't be with someone i don't totally respect and admire for who they are.
If you encourage us to be mean, aggressive and selfish, you're not really helping, putting up with cancers when they are being a bitch is just making things worse, you have to be able to stay away sometimes. STEP OFF!
I hope this helps a little.
She's not a child and she already has a father.
"I never answer her back and is always the first to aplogise,even when it's not my fault."
She already has a doormat.
Seems like she's just very uncomfortable in her life, she probably has things to deal with and she's not up for something deep yet/right now. I think it would be best if she had room to breathe and maybe grow a little. You can stay there if she enjoys torturing you like that, it's bad for both of you.
At the same time, the things i pointed out and the fact that a man would call himself carebaby make me think that you probably aren't much of a man yet. While cancer men and women must be different, i know i couldn't be with someone i don't totally respect and admire for who they are.
If you encourage us to be mean, aggressive and selfish, you're not really helping, putting up with cancers when they are being a bitch is just making things worse, you have to be able to stay away sometimes. STEP OFF!
I hope this helps a little.
Mr.Crabby,
Thanks very much for replying.
Yes,she is a little bit of a cry baby at this age (she is above 30)
Her personal life is a bit of a screw up,you see,he father passed away 4 years ago,i was with her all that time.She cried and was really depressed.It took her quite a while to get over it,but with some help from me,she did..
She is very close to me,but at the same time she does not want to get attached to me for some reason.
Sometimes i feel like she is downloading her anger and frustration with someone else to me and i just accept it. I am afraid to tell her to grow up in fear she might just reject me again.
You see Mr.Crabby,i have sort of invested a lot fot this woman,time,money and my deepest emotional feelings.I just cannot afford to lose her at this time.
She is attached to her family.esp to her mum (like most cancerians)
I have tried every way possible to get into her heart,but i feel like i keep getting rejected..
what do you guys reckon? should i just stay away and suffer or should i try a different approach (with your help of course)..
BTW..mu nick is just a cover up..i'm totally grown up..[
]
Thanks very much for replying.
Yes,she is a little bit of a cry baby at this age (she is above 30)
Her personal life is a bit of a screw up,you see,he father passed away 4 years ago,i was with her all that time.She cried and was really depressed.It took her quite a while to get over it,but with some help from me,she did..
She is very close to me,but at the same time she does not want to get attached to me for some reason.
Sometimes i feel like she is downloading her anger and frustration with someone else to me and i just accept it. I am afraid to tell her to grow up in fear she might just reject me again.
You see Mr.Crabby,i have sort of invested a lot fot this woman,time,money and my deepest emotional feelings.I just cannot afford to lose her at this time.
She is attached to her family.esp to her mum (like most cancerians)
I have tried every way possible to get into her heart,but i feel like i keep getting rejected..
what do you guys reckon? should i just stay away and suffer or should i try a different approach (with your help of course)..
BTW..mu nick is just a cover up..i'm totally grown up..[
]I know i wouldn't want someone who invested in me, that doesn't sound very nice. Relationships are about connecting.
Looks like she needs to be left alone and figure things out herself. Women crabs will be more helpful, so stay tuned.
Looks like she needs to be left alone and figure things out herself. Women crabs will be more helpful, so stay tuned.
I'm still here..
Nope she using u plain and simple. So jus leave her be and don't depress ur selve over someone who doesn't care for u. I have to admit i have been down dat road carebaby ,it is not worth it. Severe ties and move on,4 years of abuse,no way nooowaayyy.
I would move on too, maybe THAT would wake her up? or you might find out that she truly DIDN'T care in the first place... but you will find out!
by moving on you will get some kind of reaction from her!
She might just want a friend...BUT I think she is using you.
I say so because I have a Scorp. male friend that I am not attracted to in any way, but we hang out alot...go out to eat, movies. I have told him several times that I don't like him as bf but as a friend he is very cool. BUT
The kicker is, we go dutch, I am there for him just as much as he is there for me, etc. There is just no attraction on my part. I make sure I back off once in a while though so he won't get the wrong impression though.
Leave this chick alone I say.
CL/Cm2
I say so because I have a Scorp. male friend that I am not attracted to in any way, but we hang out alot...go out to eat, movies. I have told him several times that I don't like him as bf but as a friend he is very cool. BUT
The kicker is, we go dutch, I am there for him just as much as he is there for me, etc. There is just no attraction on my part. I make sure I back off once in a while though so he won't get the wrong impression though.
Leave this chick alone I say.
CL/Cm2
Yeah it sounds like it's a one way street. It may hurt, but you might want to move on...
If not, then stop calling for awhile and see her reaction to that.
If not, then stop calling for awhile and see her reaction to that.
She's using you,sounds very familiar to my brothers situation and what his cancer ex-gf did to him.So no not all cancers are above using people and don't care about "feelings" and do have unvindictive reasonings behind them.You have to love yourself before you can honestly say you love someone else so do it,first off.She's a crybaby huh?Thats a game.Hmmm,okay so you'll get rejected of being taken advantage of and dealing with a psychopath sooo,big loss.If your already drinking alcohol because of it don't ya think you'd be better without it.Please excuse my scorpio like rudeness or something,yeah that's what it is it's my starsign.
She sounds like a true cookiemonster! aaah! Be distant and aloof and don't show her how you feel, don't call her for a couple of days at a time, don't be considerate, say something mean and make it sound like it was a joke but don't tell her it was one, and you say that she shares her personal feelings- that's the perfect time to be aloof or all of a sudden start talking about something else. I many times confuse cancer men for taurus-initially- b/c they seem manly like that but they aren't as solid down underneath- they can look tough but are easily hurt. They get confident when they think they've got you and may even act like they wouldn't care if you were out of their life when mad but you just stand your ground and watch them turn to putty in your hand. She's got something good with you- just make her miss it and let her realize that she won't easily find something like what she's got.
I dont think Carebaby likes our responses... I guess I'll post a positive one. I think if your relationship has carried this far, then there must be a bit of affection on her side. Or she would have told you to get lost a long time ago. You just need to stop giving so much, if you go aloof, maybe she'll see how important you are in her life. You just have to take a step back, remember, we all want something we can't have and we don't value what comes easily (even if it's a great thing). It's just human nature...
Exactly
Hmmm i see the dxp gods has been busy editing what i said,lol. Carry on,lol.
lol,yeah,I was trying to get a reaction from him,kupo.See if there is a good side to her that he'd clear up or isn't mentioning.What's your sign carebaby?just so ya know it's a discussable topic still if you want to.
Well..um,i've been trying to post here since yesterday and i keep getting an error..well,wel sill see how this post goes.
Yes,i know she uses me,i think i've heard that about a hundred times.What is keeping me with her you might ask!! Well,i think its her mixed reactions,sometimes she can be the most caring woman on earth and sometimes...a real pain.
Well,i always thought that that is the way all cancerians behave,so i could not care less..but since i joined this forum,i've got to learn that there are some who really care.Well i have 2 options:
1)Tell her i really give a damn about her and want to be with her and i back off for awhile OR
2)Give her the ultimate term..by telling her to get "LOST"
I have nothing to lose but my pride,SO what?Why be with a woman who does not give a damn about me..i'm a damn doormat
BTW..i'm a LEO..
2)
Yes,i know she uses me,i think i've heard that about a hundred times.What is keeping me with her you might ask!! Well,i think its her mixed reactions,sometimes she can be the most caring woman on earth and sometimes...a real pain.
Well,i always thought that that is the way all cancerians behave,so i could not care less..but since i joined this forum,i've got to learn that there are some who really care.Well i have 2 options:
1)Tell her i really give a damn about her and want to be with her and i back off for awhile OR
2)Give her the ultimate term..by telling her to get "LOST"
I have nothing to lose but my pride,SO what?Why be with a woman who does not give a damn about me..i'm a damn doormat
BTW..i'm a LEO..
2)
Well, leos are nicey-nicey and it can get annoying. Not all relationships have to work.
Mr.Cancer?
You mean Cancerians do not like nice people,then what kind of people do they like?
If a person get's angry and shouts cancerians run and hide in their shell,never to come-out..and i also know they HATE ego,rude and people who are messed up in their heads..
Now you are tellin me they hate nice people as well? I give up..
You mean Cancerians do not like nice people,then what kind of people do they like?
If a person get's angry and shouts cancerians run and hide in their shell,never to come-out..and i also know they HATE ego,rude and people who are messed up in their heads..
Now you are tellin me they hate nice people as well? I give up..
Hello..
It's me again..
Look,i know that you cancerians have a key to unlock your hearts to someone that you really like,i also know that you keep a lot of secrets.To tell you the truth,i really want to be with this woman,get married to her if possible.Both of us are already over 30 and seriously,i dont have the time to play mind-games with her.this is not a joke,i really need your help crabbies...If you do not wish to post in this forum,please PM me.
The rest of you may call me a loser,i dont really care,my heart is only for this woman.She is family orientated (just what i want from a woman).I dont care about the rest.Please crabbies,can you please help me out?
It's me again..
Look,i know that you cancerians have a key to unlock your hearts to someone that you really like,i also know that you keep a lot of secrets.To tell you the truth,i really want to be with this woman,get married to her if possible.Both of us are already over 30 and seriously,i dont have the time to play mind-games with her.this is not a joke,i really need your help crabbies...If you do not wish to post in this forum,please PM me.
The rest of you may call me a loser,i dont really care,my heart is only for this woman.She is family orientated (just what i want from a woman).I dont care about the rest.Please crabbies,can you please help me out?
CancerBuddy,
I know there is more to a cancer than an astrological reading.Although my cancer lady may be a big pain,but there are some points about her that i cannot find in any woman i meet.
1st
he cares for children
2 :- She cares about her family and will never abandon me in any situation (if arises)
3he cares deeply about things around her..old books,shoes etc..she will never throw them away..(well unless she really has to)
4he saves for a rainy day,never to buy something which can kill her budget
The way she walks,never in a stright line ( a bit clumsy)..just like a cancer
Her eyes and her face..somethin that i will never forget about this moon-child..
Nag-Nag-Nag..always tellin me to wear my seatbelt when i drive,save my money..etc..
Her downside (as many of you would have already known) kills me sometimes..
I know there is more to a cancer than an astrological reading.Although my cancer lady may be a big pain,but there are some points about her that i cannot find in any woman i meet.
1st
he cares for children2 :- She cares about her family and will never abandon me in any situation (if arises)
3
he cares deeply about things around her..old books,shoes etc..she will never throw them away..(well unless she really has to)4
he saves for a rainy day,never to buy something which can kill her budgetThe way she walks,never in a stright line ( a bit clumsy)..just like a cancer
Her eyes and her face..somethin that i will never forget about this moon-child..
Nag-Nag-Nag..always tellin me to wear my seatbelt when i drive,save my money..etc..
Her downside (as many of you would have already known) kills me sometimes..
Da point is ...does she care for U. Does she know u want her hand in marriage. WHEN u reach 40 and u still with her with dat abuse and usage den u will see for urself,if she wants u by then alot of oppurtunities will pass u by. HAve u told her how sweet she walks etc etc, and one thing though don't be doin da same ting over and over and over again,it can bore anyone.
What i know is despite us givin u advice on how to deal with da situation u will still take s****t. Dat is what i call blind faith, whipeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddd(whoopa!!)and bro u tryin too hard. Jus try daydreaming and being distant from her a while, hmmm unless she has a man already. Have u asked her yet?
Carebaby..
You have been in this relationship for 4 years and gained nothing?thats BAD man.What if one fine day she dumps you,what are you gonna do?gobble up more alcohol?jump down from a building?
I only give a girl max 6 months to decide if she wants to be with me,yes,cancerians are a bit tricky and you would have to change your approch a bit just to be with her.Its a love/hate relationship.What you see is what you get,dont like it,get lost.
No point in putting in false hopes and hoping she will change for you,she will never change,never in this lifetime.
I have asked some cancerians over here on how to approch her,maybe your whole approch is wrong,maybe your are trying and behaving too much as JUST a friend.I would just have to see what is our friendly cancerians reply before putting in an effort on her.I know she is moody ,sensitive and sarcastic,but at the same time there is also a special attraction which i cannot explain.
She can change her caring attitide in to hate in a matter of minutes,I have dated many girls before and this girl my friend is the most mind-boggling female that i have ever met.
Change my friend,if you are gonna keep up this attitude,you will never get to get any woman in your life.Most important,say "NO".Stand up for yourself.Make sure she does not take you for granted.Being nice does not mean that you need to sell your soul
Cancerian woman do not like men who do not have any self-respect and self-confidence.
When i name myself "niceguy"in this forum does not mean i am..right??
You have been in this relationship for 4 years and gained nothing?thats BAD man.What if one fine day she dumps you,what are you gonna do?gobble up more alcohol?jump down from a building?
I only give a girl max 6 months to decide if she wants to be with me,yes,cancerians are a bit tricky and you would have to change your approch a bit just to be with her.Its a love/hate relationship.What you see is what you get,dont like it,get lost.
No point in putting in false hopes and hoping she will change for you,she will never change,never in this lifetime.
I have asked some cancerians over here on how to approch her,maybe your whole approch is wrong,maybe your are trying and behaving too much as JUST a friend.I would just have to see what is our friendly cancerians reply before putting in an effort on her.I know she is moody ,sensitive and sarcastic,but at the same time there is also a special attraction which i cannot explain.
She can change her caring attitide in to hate in a matter of minutes,I have dated many girls before and this girl my friend is the most mind-boggling female that i have ever met.
Change my friend,if you are gonna keep up this attitude,you will never get to get any woman in your life.Most important,say "NO".Stand up for yourself.Make sure she does not take you for granted.Being nice does not mean that you need to sell your soul
Cancerian woman do not like men who do not have any self-respect and self-confidence.
When i name myself "niceguy"in this forum does not mean i am..right??
I am totally agree with ?niceguy?..
What you need to do is to starting from yourself?! you are too available for this lady, being nice doesn?t mean being doormat..!
Paying for food, driving around, being available when she needs you and offering your services and so on is not being nice. It is suffocating!
Some people appreciate your efforts?. Some not and some may running from you just because of the way you do things. perhaps the way you doing things pushing her to feel as she have to be appreciative and owe you something?!
Don?t do it man? not in this way
As ?niceguys? says, stand for yourself sometimes.. you don?t have to shout or be mean to her just stand back for a while and let her find you from her own senses.
And stop blaming her that she is not acting the way you like, she will change, if you change your attitude just give her a space she needed.
What you need to do is to starting from yourself?! you are too available for this lady, being nice doesn?t mean being doormat..!
Paying for food, driving around, being available when she needs you and offering your services and so on is not being nice. It is suffocating!
Some people appreciate your efforts?. Some not and some may running from you just because of the way you do things. perhaps the way you doing things pushing her to feel as she have to be appreciative and owe you something?!
Don?t do it man? not in this way
As ?niceguys? says, stand for yourself sometimes.. you don?t have to shout or be mean to her just stand back for a while and let her find you from her own senses.
And stop blaming her that she is not acting the way you like, she will change, if you change your attitude just give her a space she needed.
Carebaby,are you alive out there???If you want to be with her your going to have to put your foot down in some way to get it.Playing roulette is sometimes needed even when we are in risk of loss.You've already got four years with her so it's not like she's going to be easily adjested to your not helping her and being around honestly speaking anyways she may say different though still.Ya know some people would prefer to save face rather than show vulnerablity.Choose something and keep us posted.Good luck.
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