really need help with this Cancer man

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by teerytotsx on Tuesday, October 3, 2017 and has 68 replies.
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i'm a Virgo female, met this Cancer man about a month ago. we live in different cities, about 2 hours drive from each other and have hit it off pretty well. we met on Tinder. it's a little lengthy but i really need some advice here.


we've hung out on 3 consecutive weekends and he would be the one to come to my city and he's always here for about one night as Sunday was his only day off. we would always make time for each either over a meal or meet up on Saturday night when he gets in and just talk. he always say how much he loves the city I'm in so i was take it like he legitly likes the city im in that's why he traveled out here so much. at this point, nothing intimate yet.


i've noticed his body language to change by the second weekend we met. he would get closer to me, teased me once or twice, and when we sat next to each other at a restaurant, he would have his arm on the back of my chair, accidentally brush the side of my thigh, keep rubbing his own thighs, etc.


so just last week, we had a small argument over texting. long story short, it was because i wasn't responding to his alleged advances. then he said guess it's time to find someone else with the peace out emoji. i then realized he has been trying to get with me so i apologized for being so guarded and that i had a good reason for it (i was so heartbroken from my last relationship with a Libra man, found out he was married and shit). he didn't reply after.


the next couple of days, i was trying to say hi and all, and his replies were extremely short but like always, he responds immediately, if not within like 10 mins at most. and finally i asked him if he was still in his feelings. he got upset and defensive, and said i gave myself way too much credit and that he never was in his feelings. i then apologized again and asked if we could start over. he said we're cool, and said it again that guess it's time for him to find someone else. so i teased him and asked if he wanted some recommendations from me and he said no need bluntly. lol. so i told him i like his vibe and that again i apologize for being an asshole, and drove out to see him that very night since we won't be seeing each other the following weekend due to his work.


when he saw me, he was kind of dancing and happy to see me. we didn't speak about what happened before but spoke about something else. i ended up staying with him. i got him to cuddle with me, and he was breathing so heavily like he was extremely nervous. about a few mins later he was breathing normally. and we ended up cuddling for at least 20 mins, he didn't try to grab my butt or feel my back, but he was fidgeting a lot. and i know he was trying to meet my face and kiss me. we finally did and had sex. though it was fast, there was a lot of kissing. and he said embarrassingly, "that was fast, well it's been awhile for me". and i just smiled back at him. it was indeed short, but at that moment i realized i was truly catching feelings for him.


the next day, while he was cleaning up his room, i hugged him and he gave me a really nice deep peck on my cheek. like i could feel it was an extremely loving one. when i had to leave, we hugged again and kissed twice.


but just like before and always, he never initiates conversations with me unless he's on his way to my city. yet everytime i text him, like i said, he would reply almost immediately. he even sent me a love-kiss emoji in one of his replies. idk if i'm also overthinking, but he would post stuff that is pretty unlike him - it's like he knows i like them. basically, idk what to do with him. should i continue to say hi every day with short conversations like we always do but i don't want to come across clingy, or should i just give a couple of days' of break till he reaches out to me on his own accord, which i somehow think he prefers me to take charge. idk, i really need help with him and i like the connection we have especially when we see each other.
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He's married!
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Posted by Undine
He's married!
Lol no he isn't. He has a kid though. He and the mother of the child has a clean break but it's all about raising the child now. We never spoke about this yet either. Just wondering if i should just walk away.
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keep your guard up. Virgo last longer with cancer when they stay cautious like they do in most relationship.


You fall for them , it usually start falling apart
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Posted by coldwateryvirgo
keep your guard up. Virgo last longer with cancer when they stay cautious like they do in most relationship.


You fall for them , it usually start falling apart
Im still guarded, just wasn't sure if i should continue to initiate convos with him on the daily or i should just walk away. He seemed really egotistical and a softie at the same time. I just dont want to come across seeming clingy if he isn't feeling me the same way.
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I was in this exact situation a few weeks ago. I’m dating a cancer man as well. In the beginning he was terrible at replying to messages, it would take him hours to reply; sometimes I wouldn’t hear from him in days. At times I would give in and initiate a conversation and other times I would (painstakingly) wait for him to. I’ve learnt that you have to be super patient with cancers. I eventually brought it up with him in a subtle way (us virgos can be really blunt). As usual he took hours to reply to me and I responded with “I always thought I was terrible at responding to messages but you take it to a whole new level!”. This must’ve sparked something in him because he apologized and said work had been hectic. Since then he started replying every second! To the point that I was actually getting a little annoyed. Another thing that really keeps him on his toes is when i go out with the girls. He’ll be messaging constantly.


That’s all I’ve figured out about cancer men so far!
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Posted by Virgo89
I was in this exact situation a few weeks ago. I’m dating a cancer man as well. In the beginning he was terrible at replying to messages, it would take him hours to reply; sometimes I wouldn’t hear from him in days. At times I would give in and initiate a conversation and other times I would (painstakingly) wait for him to. I’ve learnt that you have to be super patient with cancers. I eventually brought it up with him in a subtle way (us virgos can be really blunt). As usual he took hours to reply to me and I responded with “I always thought I was terrible at responding to messages but you take it to a whole new level!”. This must’ve sparked something in him because he apologized and said work had been hectic. Since then he started replying every second! To the point that I was actually getting a little annoyed. Another thing that really keeps him on his toes is when i go out with the girls. He’ll be messaging constantly.


That’s all I’ve figured out about cancer men so far!
exactly! but idk how to bring it up in a subtle way. maybe i'll try that.


another thing is, are cancer men that clammed up that they wouldn't show their true intentions until called for?


he landed in his city yesterday after a hectic 10 day work trip and said he was going to come to my city on that very day. which, i think that's pretty crazy esp it was a hectic trip unless there was another intention. smile but bc he left his wallet at one of the hotels during the trip, he changed his mind. i told him to just come out since it was my day off too and i can spot him first (i know he's good that's why i offered) and he said he will just come out over the weekend instead and added "just to get a hair cut". i mean, he will never ever say he's coming to see me but the intention is there. so gawddamn it, why don't just admit it?? -______-
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Cancer men are notorious for not returning calls and texts if they aren't super bonded. And even after being bonded, they still are pretty bad. lol
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You can keep texting and initiating conversation with him. I'll echo the previous poster regarding bad at returning text messages. They do tend to be much less direct than Virgos and won't appreciate you coming from the front. When you wanna deal with a cancer male, even in an apology, you almost always have to come from the side. They get super defensive. It's always two steps forward and one step back with them.


Cancers are my cryptonite. Keep your guard up and stay logical about what he tells you. Draw information out of him. I admit I am super Leary because of my history with them.
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1. There is no relationship terms on the table.


2. You met him off of tinder, notorious for fuck boi's and hook ups.


3. He only texts you when he is coming to your area to meet up.


This all points to him only wanting a fwb, nothing exclusive. Did you ask him if he is looking for a relationship??


Cancers are notorious manipulators. He threw a fit cause you didn't respond right away, threatened to move onto someone else,...and you came running with apologies and your pussy.


He played you like a fiddle.
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Posted by LadyNeptune
1. There is no relationship terms on the table.


2. You met him off of tinder, notorious for fuck boi's and hook ups.


3. He only texts you when he is coming to your area to meet up.


This all points to him only wanting a fwb, nothing exclusive. Did you ask him if he is looking for a relationship??


Cancers are notorious manipulators. He threw a fit cause you didn't respond right away, threatened to move onto someone else,...and you came running with apologies and your pussy.


He played you like a fiddle.
thanks for the last 3 replies - truly appreciative of it.


before we met up, we had conversations about future, not with us, but he would ask questions like how long do i plan to stay here, where will i move to if i leave, etc. to me, that kind of insinuates that he wasn't looking for something short or not serious. we're both actually foreigners working in another foreign country so we are away from our homes and families.


ive been hearing about cancers are known to be manipulators, but at the same time i can read into things too much. ive been told so many times too. i was dead certain that he was looking for a hookup or whatsoever initially, but bc my homegirl told me that it was obvious he is making the effort to come see me, i should just give him a chance. indeed im basically the only female he meets whenever he comes out here. it may seem silly for apologizing, but im also someone who hates animosity with others. either we clear up the air or ill keep sulking about it.


recently, he does seem to loosen up a little, still doesn't initiate conversations but when we speak, he shares a very tiny bit more about himself.


im honestly pretty clueless on how to move forward with him. either i just don't think about it and treat him as a regular friend and that that hookup was a mistake, or i completely see him as a fwb.
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and actually i've met my last ex over tinder too. libra. but bc we have a mutual friend, i felt more at ease to know someone could vouch for him. i don't talk or just meet up with anyone randomly if i don't see us to have mutual connections.
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Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by LadyNeptune
1. There is no relationship terms on the table.


2. You met him off of tinder, notorious for fuck boi's and hook ups.


3. He only texts you when he is coming to your area to meet up.


This all points to him only wanting a fwb, nothing exclusive. Did you ask him if he is looking for a relationship??


Cancers are notorious manipulators. He threw a fit cause you didn't respond right away, threatened to move onto someone else,...and you came running with apologies and your pussy.


He played you like a fiddle.
thanks for the last 3 replies - truly appreciative of it.


before we met up, we had conversations about future, not with us, but he would ask questions like how long do i plan to stay here, where will i move to if i leave, etc. to me, that kind of insinuates that he wasn't looking for something short or not serious. we're both actually foreigners working in another foreign country so we are away from our homes and families.


ive been hearing about cancers are known to be manipulators, but at the same time i can read into things too much. ive been told so many times too. i was dead certain that he was looking for a hookup or whatsoever initially, but bc my homegirl told me that it was obvious he is making the effort to come see me, i should just give him a chance. indeed im basically the only female he meets whenever he comes out here. it may seem silly for apologizing, but im also someone who hates animosity with others. either we clear up the air or ill keep sulking about it.


recently, he does seem to loosen up a little, still doesn't initiate conversations but when we speak, he shares a very tiny bit more about himself.


im honestly pretty clueless on how to move forward with him. either i just don't think about it and treat him as a regular friend and that that hookup was a mistake, or i completely see him as a fwb.
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None of that indicates he wants a relationship with you. Him 'making the effort to see you' just means he wants to see you, not that he wants to wife you up. And you said yourself that he always is super casual about it, saying he's gonna be in town for a hair cut...not saying he's coming there just for you. Your friend is telling you what you want to hear.


Asking how long you plan to stay here, etc. doesn't indicate deeper feelings either. If he's looking at you as a fwb he wants to know how much longer the pussy will be available to him.


Maybe he really does want a relationship with you. Your not going to know until you ask.


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Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by LadyNeptune
1. There is no relationship terms on the table.


2. You met him off of tinder, notorious for fuck boi's and hook ups.


3. He only texts you when he is coming to your area to meet up.


This all points to him only wanting a fwb, nothing exclusive. Did you ask him if he is looking for a relationship??


Cancers are notorious manipulators. He threw a fit cause you didn't respond right away, threatened to move onto someone else,...and you came running with apologies and your pussy.


He played you like a fiddle.
thanks for the last 3 replies - truly appreciative of it.


before we met up, we had conversations about future, not with us, but he would ask questions like how long do i plan to stay here, where will i move to if i leave, etc. to me, that kind of insinuates that he wasn't looking for something short or not serious. we're both actually foreigners working in another foreign country so we are away from our homes and families.


ive been hearing about cancers are known to be manipulators, but at the same time i can read into things too much. ive been told so many times too. i was dead certain that he was looking for a hookup or whatsoever initially, but bc my homegirl told me that it was obvious he is making the effort to come see me, i should just give him a chance. indeed im basically the only female he meets whenever he comes out here. it may seem silly for apologizing, but im also someone who hates animosity with others. either we clear up the air or ill keep sulking about it.


recently, he does seem to loosen up a little, still doesn't initiate conversations but when we speak, he shares a very tiny bit more about himself.


im honestly pretty clueless on how to move forward with him. either i just don't think about it and treat him as a regular friend and that that hookup was a mistake, or i completely see him as a fwb.
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Some of the other posters know this about me, but my two best guy friends (family more than friends) are Cancers, and my current SO is a Cancer. I also have another Cancer ex as well.


Out of those 4 Cancers, the ex was the manipulative type that you have heard about. However, they are more far and few inbetween, and the majority are just more prone to being defensive. They tend to keep to themselves, or don't allow many people into their inner circle.


If you want to end up pursuing something with this Cancer, you will need to have a huge store of patience. They take a long time to do everything. lol
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Cancer man here - I have been talking to a Virgo at work. Just to share my frustrations with her - I feel like she is often unintentionally cold, by over intellectualizing things. Cancers are often moody, and my Virgo doesn't seem to have any patience if my mood doesn't fit what she expects. If I feel isolated, then I am in trouble for not acknowledging her attention. Yeah, we are defensive, we like sex, but as far as a relationship goes, we want to see that the other person makes attempts to understand us, and well, for me, make me feel "safe" in the relationship. It is hard to make changes. =P
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Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by LadyNeptune
1. There is no relationship terms on the table.


2. You met him off of tinder, notorious for fuck boi's and hook ups.


3. He only texts you when he is coming to your area to meet up.


This all points to him only wanting a fwb, nothing exclusive. Did you ask him if he is looking for a relationship??


Cancers are notorious manipulators. He threw a fit cause you didn't respond right away, threatened to move onto someone else,...and you came running with apologies and your pussy.


He played you like a fiddle.
thanks for the last 3 replies - truly appreciative of it.


before we met up, we had conversations about future, not with us, but he would ask questions like how long do i plan to stay here, where will i move to if i leave, etc. to me, that kind of insinuates that he wasn't looking for something short or not serious. we're both actually foreigners working in another foreign country so we are away from our homes and families.


ive been hearing about cancers are known to be manipulators, but at the same time i can read into things too much. ive been told so many times too. i was dead certain that he was looking for a hookup or whatsoever initially, but bc my homegirl told me that it was obvious he is making the effort to come see me, i should just give him a chance. indeed im basically the only female he meets whenever he comes out here. it may seem silly for apologizing, but im also someone who hates animosity with others. either we clear up the air or ill keep sulking about it.


recently, he does seem to loosen up a little, still doesn't initiate conversations but when we speak, he shares a very tiny bit more about himself.


im honestly pretty clueless on how to move forward with him. either i just don't think about it and treat him as a regular friend and that that hookup was a mistake, or i completely see him as a fwb.
None of that indicates he wants a relationship with you. Him 'making the effort to see you' just means he wants to see you, not that he wants to wife you up. And you said yourself that he always is super casual about it, saying he's gonna be in town for a hair cut...not saying he's coming there just for you. Your friend is telling you what you want to hear.


Asking how long you plan to stay here, etc. doesn't indicate deeper feelings either. If he's looking at you as a fwb he wants to know how much longer the pussy will be available to him.


Maybe he really does want a relationship with you. Your not going to know until you ask.


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i guess ladyneptune is right. i should ask where this is going.


funny bit, he actually tried to initiate a conversation yesterday. it was a failed attempt, but A for effort.
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Posted by nikkistar
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by LadyNeptune
1. There is no relationship terms on the table.


2. You met him off of tinder, notorious for fuck boi's and hook ups.


3. He only texts you when he is coming to your area to meet up.


This all points to him only wanting a fwb, nothing exclusive. Did you ask him if he is looking for a relationship??


Cancers are notorious manipulators. He threw a fit cause you didn't respond right away, threatened to move onto someone else,...and you came running with apologies and your pussy.


He played you like a fiddle.
thanks for the last 3 replies - truly appreciative of it.


before we met up, we had conversations about future, not with us, but he would ask questions like how long do i plan to stay here, where will i move to if i leave, etc. to me, that kind of insinuates that he wasn't looking for something short or not serious. we're both actually foreigners working in another foreign country so we are away from our homes and families.


ive been hearing about cancers are known to be manipulators, but at the same time i can read into things too much. ive been told so many times too. i was dead certain that he was looking for a hookup or whatsoever initially, but bc my homegirl told me that it was obvious he is making the effort to come see me, i should just give him a chance. indeed im basically the only female he meets whenever he comes out here. it may seem silly for apologizing, but im also someone who hates animosity with others. either we clear up the air or ill keep sulking about it.


recently, he does seem to loosen up a little, still doesn't initiate conversations but when we speak, he shares a very tiny bit more about himself.


im honestly pretty clueless on how to move forward with him. either i just don't think about it and treat him as a regular friend and that that hookup was a mistake, or i completely see him as a fwb.
Some of the other posters know this about me, but my two best guy friends (family more than friends) are Cancers, and my current SO is a Cancer. I also have another Cancer ex as well.


Out of those 4 Cancers, the ex was the manipulative type that you have heard about. However, they are more far and few inbetween, and the majority are just more prone to being defensive. They tend to keep to themselves, or don't allow many people into their inner circle.


If you want to end up pursuing something with this Cancer, you will need to have a huge store of patience. They take a long time to do everything. lol
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i still don't know about the manipulating part, i still haven't seen that side of this guy. i mean, ive met a cancer man once. he's super chatty and we became good friends right after we first met.


i agree they seem to only let certain people into their lives. his good friend who he's been working with for a long time is leaving town for two months, and now he's just reaching out to me.
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Posted by CanerJason
Cancer man here - I have been talking to a Virgo at work. Just to share my frustrations with her - I feel like she is often unintentionally cold, by over intellectualizing things. Cancers are often moody, and my Virgo doesn't seem to have any patience if my mood doesn't fit what she expects. If I feel isolated, then I am in trouble for not acknowledging her attention. Yeah, we are defensive, we like sex, but as far as a relationship goes, we want to see that the other person makes attempts to understand us, and well, for me, make me feel "safe" in the relationship. It is hard to make changes. =P
So what do you expect your Virgo to do if she doesn’t respond the way you hope she does? What sort of attempts do you wish to see?


Honestly I would love to text this cancer guy everyday, now that he even pointed out that he’s in his city alone since his friend left but I just don’t want to come across clingy. I tried to send him something funny today that I shared with my friends as well and everyone was dying laughing but he didn’t say anything at all the whole day.

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I’d say he’s a fuck boy.

If you want something serious, keep looking
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would love to just see her express her honest emotions / feelings about me. I feel like she is holding them back. I feel like I am the one to risk everything by admitting feelings for her.


Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by CanerJason
Cancer man here - I have been talking to a Virgo at work. Just to share my frustrations with her - I feel like she is often unintentionally cold, by over intellectualizing things. Cancers are often moody, and my Virgo doesn't seem to have any patience if my mood doesn't fit what she expects. If I feel isolated, then I am in trouble for not acknowledging her attention. Yeah, we are defensive, we like sex, but as far as a relationship goes, we want to see that the other person makes attempts to understand us, and well, for me, make me feel "safe" in the relationship. It is hard to make changes. =P
So what do you expect your Virgo to do if she doesn’t respond the way you hope she does? What sort of attempts do you wish to see?


Honestly I would love to text this cancer guy everyday, now that he even pointed out that he’s in his city alone since his friend left but I just don’t want to come across clingy. I tried to send him something funny today that I shared with my friends as well and everyone was dying laughing but he didn’t say anything at all the whole day.

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Posted by CanerJason
Honestly, I would love to just see her express her honest emotions / feelings about me. I feel like she is holding them back. I feel like I am the one to risk everything by admitting feelings for her.


Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by CanerJason
Cancer man here - I have been talking to a Virgo at work. Just to share my frustrations with her - I feel like she is often unintentionally cold, by over intellectualizing things. Cancers are often moody, and my Virgo doesn't seem to have any patience if my mood doesn't fit what she expects. If I feel isolated, then I am in trouble for not acknowledging her attention. Yeah, we are defensive, we like sex, but as far as a relationship goes, we want to see that the other person makes attempts to understand us, and well, for me, make me feel "safe" in the relationship. It is hard to make changes. =P
So what do you expect your Virgo to do if she doesn’t respond the way you hope she does? What sort of attempts do you wish to see?


Honestly I would love to text this cancer guy everyday, now that he even pointed out that he’s in his city alone since his friend left but I just don’t want to come across clingy. I tried to send him something funny today that I shared with my friends as well and everyone was dying laughing but he didn’t say anything at all the whole day.


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So we saw each other just this weekend but we didn’t hook up or anything. We just hugged when we see each other and when we part.


I felt so odd and decided to take canerjason’s advice and texted him last night about how I feel and asked where is this going, and that if at the end of the day we were merely enjoying each other’s presence and I should forget about last time we hooked up then just tell me so I won’t embarrass myself in any future situation. It was a long text but, he didn’t reply at all. Did I scare him away?
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And even if he’s truly a f*** boy, I don’t see how someone would painstakingly take the car 2.5 hours, gets in only at 2 am in the morning and came right away to see me at my apartment and chill without th me without trying to sleep with me, then barely sleeps and wakes up early to see me again in the morning and leaves in 5 hours. It sounds like a lot of effort and work to put in for a booty call. I’m really clueless on how to deal with him. I’ve dated and met enough men in my life but this one is the hardest to work with.
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Cancer's are not really big on texting and calling...especially cancer men. Unless they're feeling insecure they will blow up your phone lol. Give him space...texting everyday is not giving h time to miss you. One text a week is enough...stop reaching out to him. Let HIM call you. You're coming off as desperate and needy. And that is a turn off for Cancer guys. It doesn't matter what sign you're dating. NEVER be vulnerable and give it all up in the first 6 months. They don't like to be rushed into anything...
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I made the mistake of asking what "we were" but not in that context.... I made a lengthy email that was written from my heart... I even cried during writing it.. And he didn't even respond lmao.... They keep their emotions bottled up.. They don't express emotions with words..but with action.
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Posted by PrincessT
I made the mistake of asking what "we were" but not in that context.... I made a lengthy email that was written from my heart... I even cried during writing it.. And he didn't even respond lmao.... They keep their emotions bottled up.. They don't express emotions with words..but with action.
and how did it work out eventually? he never replied to my text about me expressing my emotions but i definitely let insecurity speak on its own. i just don't want to be stringed along and find out im an idiot at the end of the day. also, i was so hurt from my last relationship that i just want to move on as soon as i can. it's been about 3 days since my text to him and yea he still hasn't replied. we didn't talk either.


yea i can already tell they're not big in calling and texting. well we don't used to talk everyday, just exchange a few texts every 2 days or so. i think i jumped into it cos he was showing all these signs of interest and i really just want to know where this is going. and i did tell him im too old and not interested to be doing casual hookup or fwb. and that if i should forget about the last time we slept together and just merely enjoy each other's presence, then tell me so i won't embarrass myself in the future. i basically just wanted to set the record straight that im not for him if he's looking for something casual.


and yea, i think im going to leave it as it is. till he texts me.
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Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by PrincessT
I made the mistake of asking what "we were" but not in that context.... I made a lengthy email that was written from my heart... I even cried during writing it.. And he didn't even respond lmao.... They keep their emotions bottled up.. They don't express emotions with words..but with action.
and how did it work out eventually? he never replied to my text about me expressing my emotions but i definitely let insecurity speak on its own. i just don't want to be stringed along and find out im an idiot at the end of the day. also, i was so hurt from my last relationship that i just want to move on as soon as i can. it's been about 3 days since my text to him and yea he still hasn't replied. we didn't talk either.


yea i can already tell they're not big in calling and texting. well we don't used to talk everyday, just exchange a few texts every 2 days or so. i think i jumped into it cos he was showing all these signs of interest and i really just want to know where this is going. and i did tell him im too old and not interested to be doing casual hookup or fwb. and that if i should forget about the last time we slept together and just merely enjoy each other's presence, then tell me so i won't embarrass myself in the future. i basically just wanted to set the record straight that im not for him if he's looking for something casual.


and yea, i think im going to leave it as it is. till he texts me.
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Big hugs to you my dear!


I have just done something similar to my cancer man. Long story short, I have asked him if we are dating exclusively. I know I may sound like I am rushing him into it. But Iike you, I want to set the record straight that im not for him if he's looking for something casual too. After all these while that we are dating and being intimate with one another. I guess I deserve the right to know if I am the only one he is seeing/ intimate with at this moment. I don't think that's too much to ask for.


And, he hasnt responded for 2 days. I will give him the time he needs to reply and for the rest I will just leave it to fate and god's will. Good luck to you too!


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Posted by ariesgirl88
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by PrincessT
I made the mistake of asking what "we were" but not in that context.... I made a lengthy email that was written from my heart... I even cried during writing it.. And he didn't even respond lmao.... They keep their emotions bottled up.. They don't express emotions with words..but with action.
and how did it work out eventually? he never replied to my text about me expressing my emotions but i definitely let insecurity speak on its own. i just don't want to be stringed along and find out im an idiot at the end of the day. also, i was so hurt from my last relationship that i just want to move on as soon as i can. it's been about 3 days since my text to him and yea he still hasn't replied. we didn't talk either.


yea i can already tell they're not big in calling and texting. well we don't used to talk everyday, just exchange a few texts every 2 days or so. i think i jumped into it cos he was showing all these signs of interest and i really just want to know where this is going. and i did tell him im too old and not interested to be doing casual hookup or fwb. and that if i should forget about the last time we slept together and just merely enjoy each other's presence, then tell me so i won't embarrass myself in the future. i basically just wanted to set the record straight that im not for him if he's looking for something casual.


and yea, i think im going to leave it as it is. till he texts me.


Big hugs to you my dear!


I have just done something similar to my cancer man. Long story short, I have asked him if we are dating exclusively. I know I may sound like I am rushing him into it. But Iike you, I want to set the record straight that im not for him if he's looking for something casual too. After all these while that we are dating and being intimate with one another. I guess I deserve the right to know if I am the only one he is seeing/ intimate with at this moment. I don't think that's too much to ask for.


And, he hasnt responded for 2 days. I will give him the time he needs to reply and for the rest I will just leave it to fate and god's will. Good luck to you too!


click to expand
well it's been like 5 days since my last "fateful" text to him about me trying to set the record straight lol. he didn't reach out to me and neither did i. though he posted something on social media extremely out of the blue in between, and i was like ghosted in the last couple of days too bc of work. feels like he was asking for attention but.. i could be wrong.


i wasn't sure to reach out to him or not but something tells me to just drop a hi and ask if he will be coming to my city again tomorrow since it's the weekend again. so i did. and all he replied was a "yes". which... is a little cold and unlike of him bc he would usually write in a more polite manner like, "yes i am", or something. anyways, granted he was probably busy when he replied. so i replied something short and said "will love to see you if you have time!". so i guess we will see if he will reply or will say anything to it... he always does but i just don't know about now anymore. he seemed pretty uncomfortable, but i could be wrong. but if we do get to meet which i do hope bc i miss him, i plan to move past that text message i sent and pretend that nothing happened.


does anyone have similar experience as me? if so, how did you speak to your cancer man again after a situation like this?
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i've also forgotten to mention that, he would usually tell me on his own accord that he's coming to my city but this time i had to ask him.. maybe im overanalyzing, idk.


ugh he's the only person i met in life that im most aggravated and confused about! lol.
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Posted by teerytotsx
i've also forgotten to mention that, he would usually tell me on his own accord that he's coming to my city but this time i had to ask him.. maybe im overanalyzing, idk.


ugh he's the only person i met in life that im most aggravated and confused about! lol.
I think cancers will be straightforward when they know exactly what they want. But when they are confused, they act wishy washy to figure it out. Usually not a good sign for the other person.


Right now he’s avoiding the uncomfortable conversation. He might not ever come back to talk about it. Maybe something else. But not that.


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Posted by pinkbird03
Posted by teerytotsx
i've also forgotten to mention that, he would usually tell me on his own accord that he's coming to my city but this time i had to ask him.. maybe im overanalyzing, idk.


ugh he's the only person i met in life that im most aggravated and confused about! lol.
I think cancers will be straightforward when they know exactly what they want. But when they are confused, they act wishy washy to figure it out. Usually not a good sign for the other person.


Right now he’s avoiding the uncomfortable conversation. He might not ever come back to talk about it. Maybe something else. But not that.


click to expand
So now, I’m way more confused lol but definitely a sign to take things slow. After he said he’s coming to my city for the weekend again, I apologize for my previous text for expressing my emotions and that it was definitely wrong of me to drop all that on him, and I invited him to hang with me and my friends when he get in. Though he didn’t say anything about it we ended up discussing about him joining me.


Long story short, he texted me the next day that he couldn’t come to my city because of last minute work, and I told him I understand and he sent a smiley emoji. So we exchanged a few more words after. And his texting style seem to have changed, it’s a tad warmer now.


I was so sure I scared him away, yet after I apologized for my outburst of emotions he seemed to be a little different, like he’s slowly opening up again, as a matter of fact a very much little better than before. I’m also starting to write to him like how I would write to a friend and I’m no longer expecting to look forward to anything.


Did anyone experience something similar? Or have any insight about this? Lol I feel like he’s just so confusing.
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Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by pinkbird03
Posted by teerytotsx
i've also forgotten to mention that, he would usually tell me on his own accord that he's coming to my city but this time i had to ask him.. maybe im overanalyzing, idk.


ugh he's the only person i met in life that im most aggravated and confused about! lol.
I think cancers will be straightforward when they know exactly what they want. But when they are confused, they act wishy washy to figure it out. Usually not a good sign for the other person.


Right now he’s avoiding the uncomfortable conversation. He might not ever come back to talk about it. Maybe something else. But not that.


So now, I’m way more confused lol but definitely a sign to take things slow. After he said he’s coming to my city for the weekend again, I apologize for my previous text for expressing my emotions and that it was definitely wrong of me to drop all that on him, and I invited him to hang with me and my friends when he get in. Though he didn’t say anything about it we ended up discussing about him joining me.


Long story short, he texted me the next day that he couldn’t come to my city because of last minute work, and I told him I understand and he sent a smiley emoji. So we exchanged a few more words after. And his texting style seem to have changed, it’s a tad warmer now.


I was so sure I scared him away, yet after I apologized for my outburst of emotions he seemed to be a little different, like he’s slowly opening up again, as a matter of fact a very much little better than before. I’m also starting to write to him like how I would write to a friend and I’m no longer expecting to look forward to anything.


Did anyone experience something similar? Or have any insight about this? Lol I feel like he’s just so confusing.
click to expand
I personally get close to someone and then it freaks me out so I pull away. Then eventually I get close again. Then pull away. Usually because I’m afraid.

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Posted by pinkbird03
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by pinkbird03
Posted by teerytotsx
i've also forgotten to mention that, he would usually tell me on his own accord that he's coming to my city but this time i had to ask him.. maybe im overanalyzing, idk.


ugh he's the only person i met in life that im most aggravated and confused about! lol.
I think cancers will be straightforward when they know exactly what they want. But when they are confused, they act wishy washy to figure it out. Usually not a good sign for the other person.


Right now he’s avoiding the uncomfortable conversation. He might not ever come back to talk about it. Maybe something else. But not that.


So now, I’m way more confused lol but definitely a sign to take things slow. After he said he’s coming to my city for the weekend again, I apologize for my previous text for expressing my emotions and that it was definitely wrong of me to drop all that on him, and I invited him to hang with me and my friends when he get in. Though he didn’t say anything about it we ended up discussing about him joining me.


Long story short, he texted me the next day that he couldn’t come to my city because of last minute work, and I told him I understand and he sent a smiley emoji. So we exchanged a few more words after. And his texting style seem to have changed, it’s a tad warmer now.


I was so sure I scared him away, yet after I apologized for my outburst of emotions he seemed to be a little different, like he’s slowly opening up again, as a matter of fact a very much little better than before. I’m also starting to write to him like how I would write to a friend and I’m no longer expecting to look forward to anything.


Did anyone experience something similar? Or have any insight about this? Lol I feel like he’s just so confusing.
I personally get close to someone and then it freaks me out so I pull away. Then eventually I get close again. Then pull away. Usually because I’m afraid.

click to expand
Wow then I have absolutely no clue how to move forward with him then. It would just be throwing me all over the place. And I just don’t understand


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Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by pinkbird03
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by pinkbird03
Posted by teerytotsx
i've also forgotten to mention that, he would usually tell me on his own accord that he's coming to my city but this time i had to ask him.. maybe im overanalyzing, idk.


ugh he's the only person i met in life that im most aggravated and confused about! lol.
I think cancers will be straightforward when they know exactly what they want. But when they are confused, they act wishy washy to figure it out. Usually not a good sign for the other person.


Right now he’s avoiding the uncomfortable conversation. He might not ever come back to talk about it. Maybe something else. But not that.


So now, I’m way more confused lol but definitely a sign to take things slow. After he said he’s coming to my city for the weekend again, I apologize for my previous text for expressing my emotions and that it was definitely wrong of me to drop all that on him, and I invited him to hang with me and my friends when he get in. Though he didn’t say anything about it we ended up discussing about him joining me.


Long story short, he texted me the next day that he couldn’t come to my city because of last minute work, and I told him I understand and he sent a smiley emoji. So we exchanged a few more words after. And his texting style seem to have changed, it’s a tad warmer now.


I was so sure I scared him away, yet after I apologized for my outburst of emotions he seemed to be a little different, like he’s slowly opening up again, as a matter of fact a very much little better than before. I’m also starting to write to him like how I would write to a friend and I’m no longer expecting to look forward to anything.


Did anyone experience something similar? Or have any insight about this? Lol I feel like he’s just so confusing.
I personally get close to someone and then it freaks me out so I pull away. Then eventually I get close again. Then pull away. Usually because I’m afraid.

Wow then I have absolutely no clue how to move forward with him then. It would just be throwing me all over the place. And I just don’t understand


click to expand
Have you ever asked him how he feels about you?
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Posted by pinkbird03
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by pinkbird03
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by pinkbird03
Posted by teerytotsx
i've also forgotten to mention that, he would usually tell me on his own accord that he's coming to my city but this time i had to ask him.. maybe im overanalyzing, idk.


ugh he's the only person i met in life that im most aggravated and confused about! lol.
I think cancers will be straightforward when they know exactly what they want. But when they are confused, they act wishy washy to figure it out. Usually not a good sign for the other person.


Right now he’s avoiding the uncomfortable conversation. He might not ever come back to talk about it. Maybe something else. But not that.


So now, I’m way more confused lol but definitely a sign to take things slow. After he said he’s coming to my city for the weekend again, I apologize for my previous text for expressing my emotions and that it was definitely wrong of me to drop all that on him, and I invited him to hang with me and my friends when he get in. Though he didn’t say anything about it we ended up discussing about him joining me.


Long story short, he texted me the next day that he couldn’t come to my city because of last minute work, and I told him I understand and he sent a smiley emoji. So we exchanged a few more words after. And his texting style seem to have changed, it’s a tad warmer now.


I was so sure I scared him away, yet after I apologized for my outburst of emotions he seemed to be a little different, like he’s slowly opening up again, as a matter of fact a very much little better than before. I’m also starting to write to him like how I would write to a friend and I’m no longer expecting to look forward to anything.


Did anyone experience something similar? Or have any insight about this? Lol I feel like he’s just so confusing.
I personally get close to someone and then it freaks me out so I pull away. Then eventually I get close again. Then pull away. Usually because I’m afraid.

Wow then I have absolutely no clue how to move forward with him then. It would just be throwing me all over the place. And I just don’t understand


Have you ever asked him how he feels about you?
click to expand
I did. In that message when I expressed my emotions.

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Posted by FknNerd
I think by now I probably would have texted him, "I guess its time for me to find somebody else" LOL. But dont do that unless you mean it.
HAHAHAHA I was thinking about it!
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Actually to give a better insight, he has a daughter and still sees his daughter at his bm’s home. The odd thing is, neither of them will ever put up photos of each other. Even in the past. It’s either he and the child, or her with the child. But the photos of him and his child was obviously taken by her. And, only she never shows her child’s face, it’s like she’s not allowed to. Seems like they could’ve gone somewhere in life together but ended up had a clean break last year.


Idk what happened between to the both of them but I’m starting to think if he was so clammed up bc of this. I never ask about it either.
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Posted by Arielle83
But you're both passive aggressive. That's why this whole situation is annoying.


Please don't fall for a guy after he comes quick.


It isn't endearing


You need more than that.
That makes sense. I don’t think I fell for him, just catching some feelings and wanted to set the record straight.


Sounds like it’s even way worse now lol. If I don’t react to his small advances, he pulls away. If I do, I feel like I’m scaring him away. So what do I do!? Lol. This is so tiring.
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Also, why won’t he just meet someone else from tinder whenever he comes to my city? I’m sure he’s talking to some other chicks too but why only want to see me? This is the biggest point that baffles me till now.


And to bring it back a little - while we were talking about meeting up when he gets in (though as I mentioned the plan is canceled cos of last min work), he actually for once indirectly asked me out. He was like, “you can hit me after you’re done hanging out with your friends. Or we can grab lunch or something next day”. He NEVER says that. This is all after I expressed emotions, and apologized for my outburst.


*slams forehead
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Posted by Arielle83
Posted by teerytotsx
Posted by Arielle83
But you're both passive aggressive. That's why this whole situation is annoying.


Please don't fall for a guy after he comes quick.


It isn't endearing


You need more than that.
That makes sense. I don’t think I fell for him, just catching some feelings and wanted to set the record straight.


Sounds like it’s even way worse now lol. If I don’t react to his small advances, he pulls away. If I do, I feel like I’m scaring him away. So what do I do!? Lol. This is so tiring.
Be honest. Do you actually like him?

Or do u like the push and pull?

Some ppl like the game to see if they can win the person.


He feels rejected. He wants u to meet his advances as well. He wants the passion but he's scared to approach in case he makes it awkward.


If you come at him too fast, he will retreat because you've changed suddenly. It needs a balance.


But are u sure you actually like him?


It just seems like a headfuck to me.


How he acts kinda turned me off.


"I'll find someone else". Bs. I'd be like ok run along then. But that's just me.
click to expand
Yes I do. I like him, but not to the point like I fell for him. And, I really want to know what’s with the advances.


That’s what I first teased him about - “oh you mean you haven’t found someone else”? Lol. Feels like a kid throwing a tantrum

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I wouldn’t be able to help you to assess his agenda & motive unless you have more information, that is to say, how serious he is about you. What I can say is that, you will really need a lot of patience to deal with Cancer and being able to put yourself out there to prove yourself to him. Cancer will not be ruffled by your frustrations and will insist to follow his own pace, this is their cardinal quality. If you want this to work, you will have to be consistent with him for him to recognise that you have a safe pattern and if he is interested, he will eventually resonates to that. Cancer takes in feedback and responses and reacts accordingly, maybe not in the obvious showy way but if he is serious, he will show it and will expect you to be sensitive enough to identify that. But if you remain inconsistent, he will feel insecure and discouraged and there will not be much progress for both of you. Other placements of his charts will give a clearer picture of his behaviours.
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Posted by taupixie
I wouldn’t be able to help you to assess his agenda & motive unless you have more information, that is to say, how serious he is about you. What I can say is that, you will really need a lot of patience to deal with Cancer and being able to put yourself out there to prove yourself to him. Cancer will not be ruffled by your frustrations and will insist to follow his own pace, this is their cardinal quality. If you want this to work, you will have to be consistent with him for him to recognise that you have a safe pattern and if he is interested, he will eventually resonates to that. Cancer takes in feedback and responses and reacts accordingly, maybe not in the obvious showy way but if he is serious, he will show it and will expect you to be sensitive enough to identify that. But if you remain inconsistent, he will feel insecure and discouraged and there will not be much progress for both of you. Other placements of his charts will give a clearer picture of his behaviours.
I tried to stay consistent which I used to reach out to him every two days or so and we will exchange no more than 3 sentences, but that seemed to push him off? And I was told that’s a bad idea? I eventually revealed my emotions he doesn’t say anything but when I apologize for my outburst, he communicates a little better, I mean I’m not counting on it to go somewhere but it was definitely a little more delightful. And if I just don’t hit him up at all, that will be unlike of me and that will make him insecure? So which is which? Lol omg.


Tbh I have no clue about chart placements and what not. I can only tell you birthdates? I’m aug 29, he’s jul 8
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Posted by teerytotsx
I tried to stay consistent which I used to reach out to him every two days or so and we will exchange no more than 3 sentences, but that seemed to push him off? And I was told that’s a bad idea? I eventually revealed my emotions he doesn’t say anything but when I apologize for my outburst, he communicates a little better, I mean I’m not counting on it to go somewhere but it was definitely a little more delightful. And if I just don’t hit him up at all, that will be unlike of me and that will make him insecure? So which is which? Lol omg.


Tbh I have no clue about chart placements and what not. I can only tell you birthdates? I’m aug 29, he’s jul 8


It seems very typical of Cancer men to pull away when the other party comes on too strong or too aggressive. This is the general picture I’ve seen from the many experiences shared by posters here on DXPnet. I myself can’t explain why they do it, but for my own Cancer man, I’ve slowly came to understand him more from his chart placements. But I bear in mind that your Cancer and my Cancer are different so I cannot tell you the reason your Cancer is doing this. We can only infer that he is not totally comfortable with your approach hence he is pulling away. I were once you doing everything you did a looong time ago with my Cancer man, trying desperately to gain control of his attention and love but met with a lot of pushing away and silent treatments on his end and 2-3 years later, I’ve only made very small progress, albeit pretty good progress and at this stage now I can confidently say I’m no longer too fazed by his lack of communication & sometimes seemingly ‘mixed messages’ because I now understand him better and how he expresses himself and I’m comfortable with the level of respect we give to each other. So perhaps my case here can give you a picture of the kind of patience it will take you to deal with a Cancer, if only you believe this to be worth your effort.
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It might be in your favour in terms of time and space because you meet regularly in contrast to my case where intimacy and development are hindered by long distance.
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Posted by taupixie
It might be in your favour in terms of time and space because you meet regularly in contrast to my case where intimacy and development are hindered by long distance.
Right, cos I was also catching mixed signals. I really thought he was just a f***boy initially considering we met on tinder so I was extremely guarded and after our first small argument, we cleared the air when I realized he’s a tad interested in me otherwise he wouldn’t only see me when he’s here and say all those things, and so I decided maybe I’ll start making the moves since everyone’s also saying you have to initiate convos or anything with cancer men.


And I get it that me expressing my emotions have made him extremely uncomfortable so he’s now coming forth again after I apologized and I decided to let this simmer. Lol why can’t two people just be straightforward with one another if they like each other? I don’t have this problem with any other guys despite their signs. I did also asked him in my outburst of emotions text if I should forget about our hookup and just treat us as friends so I won’t embarrass myself in the future - why won’t he say anything about this? Wasn’t like I’m putting him in an awkward situation.


We actually don’t get to meet regularly - only 24 hrs over the weekend lol. He gets in like Saturday night, we meet and we meet again on Sunday morning and he leaves by Sunday afternoon.


I’m glad to see you’re happy with your cancer man now after all that! And I guess you’re right, it really depends on my patience. But I don’t think I’ll invest that kind of time and feelings for him, I’m afraid of being hurt again - just going to let the nature take its course and I’ll treat us as friends who just likes each other and enjoy each other’s companionship and nothing more than that.
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Posted by CanerJason
Cancer man here - I have been talking to a Virgo at work. Just to share my frustrations with her - I feel like she is often unintentionally cold, by over intellectualizing things. Cancers are often moody, and my Virgo doesn't seem to have any patience if my mood doesn't fit what she expects. If I feel isolated, then I am in trouble for not acknowledging her attention. Yeah, we are defensive, we like sex, but as far as a relationship goes, we want to see that the other person makes attempts to understand us, and well, for me, make me feel "safe" in the relationship. It is hard to make changes. =P
Dealing with a hot and cold cancer man myself! We met about a month ago and he is very confusing. Very affectionate when we're together (especially when drinking), opened up to me in a big way! Even told me he was so happy I came over because he's been a wreck and confessed he tried to make me not like him for a few days (after he already made me like him of course, so I just ended up confused). Lots of hugs and handholding and cuddles when I visited last week. Then back to me having to initiate texting ALL THE TIME! I didn't text him all day today and plan to do the same tomorrow because he's giving me such mixed signals I don't know what to think. If he doesn't text at all tomorrow, I'm likely going to talk to him about it the next morning. Basically, "so what exactly are we doing here? Are you interested in seeing where this goes or not? Because I can't be the only one putting in effort."


What do you make of this?? Please help me!
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Posted by TauRisser
Posted by CanerJason
Cancer man here - I have been talking to a Virgo at work. Just to share my frustrations with her - I feel like she is often unintentionally cold, by over intellectualizing things. Cancers are often moody, and my Virgo doesn't seem to have any patience if my mood doesn't fit what she expects. If I feel isolated, then I am in trouble for not acknowledging her attention. Yeah, we are defensive, we like sex, but as far as a relationship goes, we want to see that the other person makes attempts to understand us, and well, for me, make me feel "safe" in the relationship. It is hard to make changes. =P
Dealing with a hot and cold cancer man myself! We met about a month ago and he is very confusing. Very affectionate when we're together (especially when drinking), opened up to me in a big way! Even told me he was so happy I came over because he's been a wreck and confessed he tried to make me not like him for a few days (after he already made me like him of course, so I just ended up confused). Lots of hugs and handholding and cuddles when I visited last week. Then back to me having to initiate texting ALL THE TIME! I didn't text him all day today and plan to do the same tomorrow because he's giving me such mixed signals I don't know what to think. If he doesn't text at all tomorrow, I'm likely going to talk to him about it the next morning. Basically, "so what exactly are we doing here? Are you interested in seeing where this goes or not? Because I can't be the only one putting in effort."


What do you make of this?? Please help me!
click to expand
Lol sounds like the situation I’m in. But after I expressed my emotions, he obviously didn’t reply and we didn’t talk about it after but this cancer man did change his ways of communicating. I still have to initiate till now but something did change a little. Not better and not worse. I asked the question too where do we go from here after knowing each other for a month - no luck lol.


I agree with what everyone says - need TONS of patience, do not put in too much expectations, wean off cancer men a bit and you’ll see some sort of result.

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So I have a question for everyone - I pretty much know where I’m at with this cancer man, we’re basically friends with benefits at this point.


I slept with this cancer man again just the day before and this time it was just straight to sex. There wasn’t much kissing this time, he was still taking awhile to initiate sex and still a little nervous too which I don’t know why. He came fast, again, lol, but this time he said “this is why we don’t get enough of each other”, and then told me to give him awhile and go for round two. Said it twice too. It didn’t happen ofc, it was late night and we got to be up early the next morning.


I just want to know, those words “this is why we don’t get enough of each other”, what was this - that we are not sleeping together enough bc we see each other only once a week, or sometimes once every two weeks, or it’s basically that I’m the only sex partner at this point? I mean, I’m not about him sleeping with someone else and with me. I’m whatever with him talking to other chicks bc we are not official or dating each other exclusively at the end of the day. It’s just a strange excuse for coming too soon lol.
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I think you explained well what he might have meant with this sentence. Maybe it will take time and grow into something more from this FWB if you have enough patience to deal with him not communicating etc...


I had something similar with a cancer. I think cancer men are not made for FWB and I suspect that yours has something going on with another woman behind your back (maybe with his child's mother).


I met mine on a trip, we live in neighbouring countries. He poured his heart out the first night we had drinks (saying that he lives in a horrible sexless marriage for the sake of his child, but recently they opened the marriage and she has a lover and they get on much better). So he was also free to explore...

He came on strong, even stalked me a bit, and sent nice messages when we left (nothing happened on the trip other than walks).


We got closer by messages and he apparently told his wife about me and she even liked me (she is apparently polyamorous haha, so its all a big mess, I should have seen it as a warning sign). In short, I travelled to see him and we were together some days. We were very drawn to each other and got along great, plus very strong chemistry (never had it with anyone to that degree, so it was also a factor).


I was already sad when we parted ways, but he continued messaging me, then ofc it got harder to communicate with him, he seemed to avoid chats, didnt initiate much. Still he talked about what we would do when we meet and that we had to meet (said sweet things and made plans).


I understand that he is a very sensitive man (he had performance anxiety) and has difficulties finding a suitable (sex) partner where he lives (he never told me that but he hinted he lived years without sex and felt very hurt; seemed kind of demisexual). So I think a cancer man needs a stable a traditional relationship to feel (sexually) secure. I think he felt secure with me.


Basically it all fell apart, although we had plans to meet and he spoke very recently about meeting. The problem is ofc that he has a family already. He didnt reply to my last message and I honestly cant do this any more.


Is not a real relationship, but sucks me in. Just to illustrate how they are...

But yes, I still very drawn to him and he also told me he thinks a lot about me (but doesnt communicate).


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I dont see why you should be in contact with him, if he doesnt even initiate and you are single. We can both do much bettersmile. Let him be stuck in his existing relationship... is his choice.
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