Said he wants to be with me - and poof! disappeared!

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by GalOnTheCusp on Thursday, December 17, 2015 and has 22 replies.
It's been nine days. We've been talking on and off seven months. Last month he really contacted me a lot. Two weeks ago he calls me and we have an all-night convo. He said he trusts me, hasn't really been talking to any other girls (a few one-done dates), he knows he is very slow with these things, but he wants to be with me. We hung up all happy and making tentative plans for next week. He said he was happy we made so much progress.

Four days later we have another long convo but now he's kind of back-pedaling about all the stuff we said. I kept using his own words and actions in the past months to show him that he was wrong - I felt like he was freaking out. He kept saying negative stuff about himself. We end up on another great note and he's back to talking about us seeing each other and being together. He says, I just put you through a lot and you didn't hang up. That has to be a good sign. Says he'll talk to me tomorrow.

Nothing. I didn't think I would hear from him because it was a lot of emotional stuff. So I thought maybe five days or so. Now it's nine... feels long. I don't feel so great anymore.

I'm Pisces sun, Sag Moon, Rising Gem, Cap Venus
He's Cancer Sun, Virgo Moon, Rising Libra, Leo Venus
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lol'ing at both of you!!!

I know, I know... and amazingly I am still hanging in there. What's the phrase?? 'Glutton for punishment'...??
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Posted by GalOnTheCusp
lol'ing at both of you!!!

I know, I know... and amazingly I am still hanging in there. What's the phrase?? 'Glutton for punishment'...??


That's the one!
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Did the fact that he said, "I just put you through a lot and you didn't hang up on me... that must be a good sign?" mean that he was testing me, trying to push me away?
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Posted by GalOnTheCusp
Did the fact that he said, "I just put you through a lot and you didn't hang up on me... that must be a good sign?" mean that he was testing me, trying to push me away?


It is a good sign, if he does something for you (your relationship) now as well, in action....... if not, it is just words
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The fact that you didn't hang up on him and he sad that "has to be proof" seems like he's searching for something, just sounds like he's still uncertain.
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Posted by Goldigold
Posted by MissGemmi
You need to be veeeerrryyyy patient and peddle through the stormy and high waves. You might even have to withstand him dating others to be certain of his feelings for you. They go through a lot of self set up tests to see if their feelings for you are constant and deep enough. They need to know if they really can't live without you. If they disappear and come back again it's a good sign. Means they really miss you. They go through ups and downs. Don't question these mood and rollercoaster. Just be there being the loving and care less you.

Him questioning himself to be with you, means you need to back off a bit. If your still all over him after him saying negative things about himself he'll think you're desperate and weak. They don't like weak. So let him come to

Disagree....if he opened up to you emotionally he needs the reassurance you still like him. Do make a big deal out of calling to check on a friend.

Hey....I haven't heard from you in a while just checking on you to make sure your ok.

Pisces and Cancer are not a good match. Both are too emotional.


I agree and disagree. Pisces and Cancer can be an amazing match. But yes... I'm too emotional, and we both said we are too introspective and over-think things. That could screw things up and cause misunderstandings, no doubt. He thinks about things for a few days after with no contact,, and I go back and pick apart a conversation in my head after I'm alone. But I understand how he feels, and I'm okay with it. I would like more reassurance from him.
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**Update**

Sent him a message last night, something cute intended to make him laugh. He responded right away.

I think things will go a lot more smoothly once we finally see each other. Hoping, anyway.
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Posted by Arielle83
Posted by GalOnTheCusp
Did the fact that he said, "I just put you through a lot and you didn't hang up on me... that must be a good sign?" mean that he was testing me, trying to push me away?


No it means he knows he's a douche and thinks you have staying power.


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@Arielle83

He was definitely acting like a douche. It was like a bait-and-switch in the beginning.

Then he was back to 'let's do this' at the end.

Not trying to be dense here but are you saying he changed his mind that quick and was trying to end 'it'? (Quotes because there's no 'it' to end)
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That's the thing Cancer Men don't want to end things once they have you or once you have been intimate. He will be very reserved not I think those are the ones that are thinking about you but something is holding them back...like you are a forbidden fruit or something
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Posted by Arielle83
Posted by GalOnTheCusp
Posted by Arielle83
Posted by GalOnTheCusp
Did the fact that he said, "I just put you through a lot and you didn't hang up on me... that must be a good sign?" mean that he was testing me, trying to push me away?


No it means he knows he's a douche and thinks you have staying power.




@Arielle83

He was definitely acting like a douche. It was like a bait-and-switch in the beginning.

Then he was back to 'let's do this' at the end.

Not trying to be dense here but are you saying he changed his mind that quick and was trying to end 'it'? (Quotes because there's no 'it' to end)



I think he's compared you to others. Like he's been like this to chicks in the past, but they've lost interest. He thinks you haven't.

It's like you past some test. He might think you don't mind him acting this way because you're still here. So maybe he thinks he can get away with it.

And I don't know if he wanted to end it. He just finds you resilient.
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Mmm, thanks. I thought of this. I remember thinking a few months back, well it's no wonder you haven't had a relationship in four years if this is how you are... no woman with a dot of insecurity would be able to handle the constant disappearing act.

Doesn't bother me. I've been saying 'game on' most of the time. But, I am a Pisces... sometimes I waver, get impatient. And if I didn't still feel some crazy weird connection to him I would have thrown this fish back in the water at beginning of the summer.
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Sounds like he's aware of his damage and scared. And cares for you. I am/was in a similar situation, sometimes we build so much bs internally that it comes out unexpectedly. Which was certainly the case with me.

We can associate with people on multiple levels of intimacy which is probably very confusing. But when a person touches the core, then we suddenly freak out.

If you like the guy and his damage is not too bad, just hang out with him. If he tries to get physically intimate, walk away asap as his demon would be in place.
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Yeah maybe I'm going through stuff right now so might not have proper perspective. But really depends where and how much the damage is.
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Posted by MellowOrange
Sounds like he's aware of his damage and scared. And cares for you. I am/was in a similar situation, sometimes we build so much bs internally that it comes out unexpectedly. Which was certainly the case with me.

We can associate with people on multiple levels of intimacy which is probably very confusing. But when a person touches the core, then we suddenly freak out.

If you like the guy and his damage is not too bad, just hang out with him. If he tries to get physically intimate, walk away asap as his demon would be in place.


Thank you for this. I am still having issues with my prior relationship... I think this is the main issue.
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Posted by Impulsv
Please save urself from damage from being with damaged man. It is difficult to repair self after trying to be the savior. Don't do it
When they say the have issues believe them they will take u down with u. Don't put urself in that position
A man is never worth it no matter how much you love them. One lesson I've experienced
Save urself some unnecessary pain n damage.
A healthy man will not need to put u through the ringer n hurt you because it is pain for them hurting you.
His shadows is his daemon to fight
Protect ur soul


THIS!

I was madly in love (kind of still am) with this crabbie who dumped me. He came around after a while and was depressed as hell because of no job, no money and I, being the all time good girl, said "hey I'll be here supporting you". He began texting me more often, being sweet and loving, even when we met (lots of hugs and sweet words). During christmas I was supposed to spend the night at his place, we drank quite a bit. I saw he was talking to other chicks on facebook but then again I tried to keep it cool. He talked about how emotionally unstable he is and how "today I may want you but tomorrow I may not. I've always been like this. I'm really afraid to hurt you." (deal breaker no.1). When we were in bed watching a movie (nothing sexual) I saw he was AGAIN talking to 2 chicks on facebook (deal breaker no.2). I got up, got home and said I don't want to be a part of this charade anymore. He didn't have ANY reaction. He basically "seen" my messages.

Stop with the selective hearing. It hurts me now but I know I took the right decision. Don't let them drag you down. Their personal issues are NOT your responsibility.
If someone wants, you will SEE it, no mixed signals sh*t.
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Posted by GalOnTheCusp

I'm Pisces sun, Sag Moon, Rising Gem, Cap Venus
He's Cancer Sun, Virgo Moon, Rising Libra, Leo Venus


Can anyone tell me about our signs and whether they're compatible or not, or if I left out any important ones?
After I read too much my head gets jumbled about who is what planet/sign etc. and the compatibilities.
It's like learning a new language.
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Posted by MellowOrange
Sounds like he's aware of his damage and scared. And cares for you. I am/was in a similar situation, sometimes we build so much bs internally that it comes out unexpectedly. Which was certainly the case with me.

We can associate with people on multiple levels of intimacy which is probably very confusing. But when a person touches the core, then we suddenly freak out.

If you like the guy and his damage is not too bad, just hang out with him. If he tries to get physically intimate, walk away asap as his demon would be in place.


Thank you for this. He has told me more than once he can't stop thinking about me. He tried.

And so did I.

There is a lot about our situation that isn't ideal.

I want to be physically intimate with him! Dying to be. After all this talking the last thing I want is more talking... but maybe we'll end up just friends.
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Posted by GalOnTheCusp
Posted by GalOnTheCusp

I'm Pisces sun, Sag Moon, Rising Gem, Cap Venus
He's Cancer Sun, Virgo Moon, Rising Libra, Leo Venus


Can anyone tell me about our signs and whether they're compatible or not, or if I left out any important ones?
After I read too much my head gets jumbled about who is what planet/sign etc. and the compatibilities.
It's like learning a new language.
click to expand


I'm no expert but I'll give a go! He seems very charming, however reserved/guarded and yet he can demonstrate 'big, showy love by just feeling it in the moment. Looking at the chart I would say not very compatible...you have an independent/aloof/playful moon and his is reserved. Your love style is reserved and his is playful haha so I see lots of misunderstandings. What are your Mars and Mercury?
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Posted by Moonbutter
Posted by GalOnTheCusp
Posted by GalOnTheCusp

I'm Pisces sun, Sag Moon, Rising Gem, Cap Venus
He's Cancer Sun, Virgo Moon, Rising Libra, Leo Venus


Can anyone tell me about our signs and whether they're compatible or not, or if I left out any important ones?
After I read too much my head gets jumbled about who is what planet/sign etc. and the compatibilities.
It's like learning a new language.


I'm no expert but I'll give a go! He seems very charming, however reserved/guarded and yet he can demonstrate 'big, showy love by just feeling it in the moment. Looking at the chart I would say not very compatible...you have an independent/aloof/playful moon and his is reserved. Your love style is reserved and his is playful haha so I see lots of misunderstandings. What are your Mars and Mercury?
click to expand


Thank you!! What you said about him has been what I know of him so far. But my love style is very playful - not reserved at all, I feel. Oy vey. Yes, lots of misunderstandings.

Me:
Zodiac : Tropical
Sun Pisces 0°24'
Moon Sagittarius 14°36'
* Mercury Aquarius 18°39'
Venus Capricorn 15°45'
* Mars Sagittarius 17°18'
Jupiter Sagittarius 4°55'
Saturn Taurus 16°43'
Uranus Libra 13°05' R
Neptune Sagittarius 3°01'
Pluto Virgo 29°06' R
Lilith Virgo 18°51'
Asc node Aquarius 23°37'

His:
Zodiac : Tropical
Sun Cancer 19°04'
Moon Virgo 10°09'
* Mercury Leo 6°18' R
Venus Leo 29°59'
* Mars Capricorn 17°15' R
Jupiter Pisces 22°52'
Saturn Sagittarius 3°37' R
Uranus Sagittarius 19°13' R
Neptune Capricorn 4°02' R
Pluto Scorpio 4°33' R
Lilith Gemini 15°03'
Asc node Aries 26°01'
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Posted by Arielle83
Posted by GalOnTheCusp
Did the fact that he said, "I just put you through a lot and you didn't hang up on me... that must be a good sign?" mean that he was testing me, trying to push me away?


No it means he knows he's a douche and thinks you have staying power.


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I agree with airelle83 on this one.
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Posted by GalOnTheCusp
Posted by Moonbutter
Posted by GalOnTheCusp
Posted by GalOnTheCusp

I'm Pisces sun, Sag Moon, Rising Gem, Cap Venus
He's Cancer Sun, Virgo Moon, Rising Libra, Leo Venus


Can anyone tell me about our signs and whether they're compatible or not, or if I left out any important ones?
After I read too much my head gets jumbled about who is what planet/sign etc. and the compatibilities.
It's like learning a new language.


I'm no expert but I'll give a go! He seems very charming, however reserved/guarded and yet he can demonstrate 'big, showy love by just feeling it in the moment. Looking at the chart I would say not very compatible...you have an independent/aloof/playful moon and his is reserved. Your love style is reserved and his is playful haha so I see lots of misunderstandings. What are your Mars and Mercury?


Thank you!! What you said about him has been what I know of him so far. But my love style is very playful - not reserved at all, I feel. Oy vey. Yes, lots of misunderstandings.

Me:
Zodiac : Tropical
Sun Pisces 0°24'
Moon Sagittarius 14°36'
* Mercury Aquarius 18°39'
Venus Capricorn 15°45'
* Mars Sagittarius 17°18'
Jupiter Sagittarius 4°55'
Saturn Taurus 16°43'
Uranus Libra 13°05' R
Neptune Sagittarius 3°01'
Pluto Virgo 29°06' R
Lilith Virgo 18°51'
Asc node Aquarius 23°37'

His:
Zodiac : Tropical
Sun Cancer 19°04'
Moon Virgo 10°09'
* Mercury Leo 6°18' R
Venus Leo 29°59'
* Mars Capricorn 17°15' R
Jupiter Pisces 22°52'
Saturn Sagittarius 3°37' R
Uranus Sagittarius 19°13' R
Neptune Capricorn 4°02' R
Pluto Scorpio 4°33' R
Lilith Gemini 15°03'
Asc node Aries 26°01'

click to expand


Oh yes, I can see how your Sag Moon and Mars could override your Cap Venus smile
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I guess in my experience there's no way to really know why someone disappears. I think people either disappear because they're no longer interested or they can't handle how strong they feel. I had to really bring up the strength to force myself to disappear and cut off a connection with someone because I loved her so much, but it was the wrong timing. I still love her, but the communication is limited. So, I'm really not sure why he has disappeared it could be either extreme. But I get the feeling he is afraid of getting hurt...did he have his heart broken really bad in the past? He may have trust issues. I don't think he would have been showing so much interest if he didn't feel it. If I were you I would try to find a middle way between keeping your independence and also giving him support letting him know you care about him at least as a friend. Make it known you care and he can come to you. It sounds like you two have a really good connection and make eachother feel good. I know how painful it is to not have closure. I'd much rather be rejected or told what's going on than to have someone just disappear...but I think most of us are pretty guilty of that at certain times. It gets complex when we don't know exactly how the other person feels. Being open and honest creates vulnerability, but at least it doesn't create this not-knowing pain that can eat at us for too much time. Ultimately though, even though you obviously really care about him, do not lose yourself in him. If I were you, I would try to not focus on the relationship too much and I'd try to focus on myself and enjoying the other loving people you have in your life.
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