Scorpio woman turned down by cancer man, what do I do now to make it less awkward?

So I finally did it. I shot my shot with a cancer and I got an offer for friendship. I was hurt but totally understand but because I was so insecure and slightly embarrassed, I couldn't hug him and I think that bothered him. I am worried now about how to make things normal. I won't see him for these two weeks while on a project but what should I do next - do I text him and apologize for possibly making him uncomfortable? Do I ignore him for a while? What is normal protocol?

Long-winded version:

I am pretty inexperienced in relationships and my social skills are lacking so I don’t recognize a lot of the subtleties and the unspoken things that sort of underline romantic interaction.

I met him about a year ago, he is 36 (m/cancer) and he thinks I’m 28 (f/scorpio), and for the last 6 months we were pretty close - we work on separate projects, so our schedules rarely line up. But he would often ask if I wanted to grab a drink or go to the movies - but because I’m a moron I would usually turn these down out of anxiety. I am a huge fan of him as a person so I would hype him up constantly to mutual friends - to the point other people realized I had feelings before I understood that I did.

Once I realized I liked him I decided to tell him and it took me a while to build up the courage. Last Saturday I had a potluck with friends and the two of us stayed afterwards alone and talked for 5 hours, about our families, our exes, our goals.

I told him I liked hanging out with him and he said he liked hanging out with me. I said we should hang out more, ‘lets go to the movies.’ He clapped his hands and said ‘YES let’s! we will do that just text me.’ I said I didn’t have his number (I usually use chat with him). He said ‘you do, because I have yours.’ And then texted me from his phone right then and there.

I, suddenly feeling courageous, tumbled out a long ramble of embarrassment where I mentioned I ‘stare at him with like hearts in my eyes’ (cringe) and was like ‘yeah, I don’t think I could make eye contact’ and he said ‘what? I’m confused?’ And I, being an idiot, was like ‘because you know I was so *did loopy gesture with my hands*’. He is now sitting on the edge of his chair and is like “I have no clue what you are talking about.”

Granted, I don’t think I knew either, but I Stupidly. Boldly. Rush ahead and was like “I have had a crush on you for months. I mean I said I stare at you with like hearts in my eyes.”. He leans back and is like ‘Oh yeah, I heard that.” There is a brief pause. He extends his hands and says “We can be friends right?” And I, the dumbest woman in the world, was like ‘yeah, yeah of course. Your friendship means a lot to me.” And for some reason I decided to just add more cringe to this and I stared at him and said “I think you are amazing.” He said “I think you are amazing too.” And because I was feeling petty and insecure, I immediately replied “Yes. I am.”

We continued to talked for like two more hours. I never brought this up again, I told him I was flying out for a project Tuesday and would be gone for a few weeks. We got up to leave and my jacket was next to him on the couch and I reached over and I think he thought I was going to hug him, but I was worried about creeping him out, so I pretended I didn’t notice that. We walked together to the elevators, me on the left and him on the right, and he hit downstairs button while I mashed the top, and the right elevator opened to go up and the left to go down so we had to crisscross and I think he was going in for a hug again but didn’t full commit and I am afraid if I did it - it would be a pity hug, so I just said “Hey man, I will see you in a few weeks” in a sad attempt to play it cool before I collapsed into a sobbing mess once the doors closed.

My point is, what should I do next so I don’t creep him out? I was thinking about just avoiding him, but I’m worried that wouldn’t be fair to him since he was so mature and comfortable as I rambled my crush like a lunatic. We are friends and I know friendship is important to him. I also know he is shy and tends to be guarded, but completely down to earth and self aware - so just ghosting him would be such a dick move on my end just because the results didn’t turn out like I dreamed. I’m also not pretty and my personality could clearly use work, so it’s not like I will entertain any hope that he will ‘miss me in the future’. I am just trying to figure out how to navigate this weird grey area between uncomfortable and friendship. Should I text him and apologize? Should I just keep my distance since I will be gone starting tomorrow for a few weeks so I won’t run into him anyway. Then when I see him again resume hanging out? What is normal protocol?

Just relax.

I don't necessarily see him closing the door there forever. He wants to hang out with you. He thinks of you as a friend and thinks your amazing. Maybe he's one of those people who prefers to be friends first and grow close before admitting romantic feelings. Or maybe your solidly in the friend zone cause he doesn't want to destroy a work relationship by dating. Thats pretty much up to him.

Either way, continue on as his friend. Go to the movies, coffee, whatever as usual. He knows where you stand and balls in his court. If he feels like making a move he will.

If you avoid him you will make the whole situation way more cringe and awkward.

Thank you guys so much! Truly appreciate it. I was so worried I ruined the chance at being friends when I didn't hug him and I made the childish retort of "I am" and now that I am apart from him for two weeks I am kind of spinning my wheels.

I only found out he thought that because he mentioned something about me being specifically 28. I started to correct him but he mentioned some other stuff that he clearly found online and I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable or weird about it.

Again, thank you guys for this. Relationships confuse me so much.

Nah, I am 31, but I just think it's hilarious he thinks I am exactly a specific age.

As far as researching me online, I don't think that is that uncommon. A lot of guys do that to me given my career field.

But he did find and then add my inactive instagram account(which has not a single picture) to his instagram which gave me a glimmer of hope. But I just think that is how Cancer's are - so sweet and nice to all and leaving people like me swooning in their wake.

Don’t ever ask men out!!

Let them chase you.

I think Cancer men always start with friendship. The always want to be friends and then work their claws into you when they find out they like you. I don't think all is lost, just continue to be his friend, act very nonchalant and let him come closer to you if he likes what he sees.

Posted by dilettante

Posted by LunarMaiden

Posted by dilettante

Posted by LunarMaiden

Don’t ever ask men out!!

Let them chase you.

i dunno why i got a notification for this post.

however, i do not agree with you. i think it’s fine, & can be fun, to chase. it’s also totally normal for a woman to ask a man out. it’s 2019 for fucks sake.

it’s only when 1 person is doing ALL the work, that problems from imbalance arise.

Just because something is “normal “ doesn’t mean it’s the right decision to make. When a woman does the obvious chasing be prepared to do all the work. Men are made to hunt. Let him pursue you. I’m not saying a woman doesn’t pursue but it’s best to make it seem like it was his idea to pursue. If you understand what I mean. A more subtle chase, not so obvious.

i find most cancer placement women have these archaic dating theories.

not all but most. it’s strange.

click to expand

That’s because we are very feminine women and understand the nature of men than most women.

It’s human nature that is the issue vs feminist dating mindset that has people very confused and angry with the opposite sex because they simply don’t understand men.

Let’s just say you are making a choice between the blue pill vs the red pill. And no I’m not talking about birth control.

Posted by Black-Mamba

he friend zoned you cause you're thirsty

i didn' read your post or thread, i am just going to throw that out there, cause that's the usual case with most women and cancer men

I always love your blunt responses. ❤️

@mooninluv - You're fine. Most cancers want to be bestfriends with their partner. Just do what you two were doing before. Don't think about it. They move slower than molasses. He knows you have a crush, probably has for awhile. Probably is intrigued himself. He's just gauging who you are long term wise.

Posted by LunarMaiden

Don’t ever ask men out!!

Let them chase you.

I read that Cancer men never make the first move so I thought I had too.

I also misunderstood signs and assumed I had a somewhat of a chance - as I indicated before, I'm not the most sophisticated at this. I appreciate reading the advice though - it's very helpful