Selfish? Really?

Okay, I have been seeing sooo many posts describing Cancers as "selfish". I too have a friend (she's a Virgo) that claims I am selfish. Here's my take on the matter.

I will give you my last if you're in need. conversely, I expect the same consideration from others if I am in need. I tend to get perturbed if this doesn't happen. I just don't understand the lack of reciprocity.

I have found that Virgos in particular (only b/c these are the primary people in my life) will "bring up" favors that they have done for you in order to get something out of you, or to persuade you into a favor for them. This bugs me. I would never say "I lent you 100 bucks, so you shouldn't have a problem lending me 5 bucks." I just wouldn't. I feel this is in poor taste. When I do a favor, I never bring it up in the future as a matter of principal. This leaves me vulnerable at times when a friend calls me "selfish" but I fail to remind them that I do as much for them as they do for me.

So in the end I am stuck with the selfish title. Do you as a Cancer feel that you can be selfish? Am I missing something here? Cancers are nurturers, and givers. Is it wrong to expect a bit of compassion in return? I'm so over mankind.

i used to RAGE about my generosity to close friends being unreciprocated.
i would ponder and ponder WHY they obviously didn't care about me as much as I did them.
If they did care, they would show it thru their actions like me, right? WRONG!

i then realized that me putting my expectations of friendship on them wasn't fair to anyone... especially me!

so... i axed all the friends who didn't do for me like i did for them. Now that's SELFISH!!!

but now the people i'm close to have the same ideals as me, so it's all copacetic. 🙂

i find pisces and cancer can bring each other out of their moods quickly.

it's like:

Pisces: "bitch, bitch, bitch.. blah, blah"

Cancer: "ahh baby... i understand. bitch, bitch... blah"

Pisces: "right"

Cancer: "hey! watch me do this stupid thing!"

Pisces/Cancer: "hahahahahah!"

@ Shellshocker. That made me laugh out loud! Hee-larious!

I feel with my cancer male friend, that he is selfish on an emotional level - as in he expects (and has said this more than once) for people to read his mind. When they can't, and obviously they can't, he gets upset and feels disappointed that he's not getting what he needs, and so uses emotionally-heavy tactics as a "pay back" of sorts.

He'll also sulk for weeks on end, yet never discussing whatever it is that he feels upset by.

As far as being generous if I need help or I need something done like labour, or a trip to the dump with some rubbish in his trailer, he's as generous as anyone I know. He loves to help out in that way, thrives on sharing knowledge in regard to things he knows about.

Emotionally selfish is more the experience i have with him. "Give me what i need, give me attention on an emotional level else I'll make you suffer...but I won't ask you for this, I'll expect you to just KNOW I need it".

I do love him to bits though, he's intelligent, creative, absolutely hilarious, a talented writer, skilled in so many areas and to see the look on his face when he talks about his kids is just lovely.

Posted by NZAqua
I feel with my cancer male friend, that he is selfish on an emotional level - as in he expects (and has said this more than once) for people to read his mind. When they can't, and obviously they can't, he gets upset and feels disappointed that he's not getting what he needs, and so uses emotionally-heavy tactics as a "pay back" of sorts.

He'll also sulk for weeks on end, yet never discussing whatever it is that he feels upset by.

As far as being generous if I need help or I need something done like labour, or a trip to the dump with some rubbish in his trailer, he's as generous as anyone I know. He loves to help out in that way, thrives on sharing knowledge in regard to things he knows about.

Emotionally selfish is more the experience i have with him. "Give me what i need, give me attention on an emotional level else I'll make you suffer...but I won't ask you for this, I'll expect you to just KNOW I need it".

I do love him to bits though, he's intelligent, creative, absolutely hilarious, a talented writer, skilled in so many areas and to see the look on his face when he talks about his kids is just lovely.

This is exactly how I feel about my own Crab, he is emotionally selfish and cautious but otherwise is not!
He is uptight with money though haha but will do anything I ask him to , and offers to run errands or to pay for my gym fee or whatever. But emotionally is the problem...very indirect!
But we understand each other pretty well and I am getting to read between the lines most of the time now...but when I dont...whoooffff I have to get ready for a flip!

hold up... what's wrong with this statement?: "I lent you 100 bucks, so you shouldn't have a problem lending me 5 bucks." why is that in poor taste again?

yes. i would consider it selfish if i lent my friend a copious amount of money and, when the time came that i was hard up, i had to beg and persuade them out of 5. that would probably piss me off actually. there is give and take in any relationship and there's no way around the fact that we all "use" each other on occasion.

i don't have much experience with cancers but the ones i have known i was close with and i am very close with one now. only my first cancer bf was emotionally selfish. my old cancer female friend was anything but. she was generous to a fault. my current cancer bf isn't selfish but has moments of being thoughtless. the only times i've seen evidence of it is when it comes to food.

Posted by treefrogger

Posted by shellshocker
i find pisces and cancer can bring each other out of their moods quickly.

it's like:

Pisces: "bitch, bitch, bitch.. blah, blah"

Cancer: "ahh baby... i understand. bitch, bitch... blah"

Pisces: "right"

Cancer: "hey! watch me do this stupid thing!"

Pisces/Cancer: "hahahahahah!"

LOL, i just that kind of a talk with the fish i know! almost like that!

fishies are great! 😄

speaking of other people, what's the update with yours? (lol, yeah... i'm curious..) ^_^

click to expand

haha! treefrogger, the waters are warmer with the 'other'! i hate to admit it but it was MY insecurities and jealousy poking thru. I realized this when we were watching a show with a really hot girl in it and I started getting squirmy in my seat.

I stopped and said, "shellshocker... you have got to be kidding!"

since i've faced it and labeled it, it's been much easier to let it go and I've actually opened up about my past relationship. just enough to give him some information about what i'm looking for but not enough to kill his 'dream' of us. keep the unimportant realities mirky, I say... and play out the love story.

seems we both enjoy a good mystery. 😉

Posted by ninjamu
hold up... what's wrong with this statement?: "I lent you 100 bucks, so you shouldn't have a problem lending me 5 bucks." why is that in poor taste again?

yes. i would consider it selfish if i lent my friend a copious amount of money and, when the time came that i was hard up, i had to beg and persuade them out of 5. that would probably piss me off actually. there is give and take in any relationship and there's no way around the fact that we all "use" each other on occasion.

my current cancer bf isn't selfish but has moments of being thoughtless. the only times i've seen evidence of it is when it comes to food.

My point exactly it isn't selfish to expect the favor to be paid forward. It is in poor taste to bring up that you did a favor for them b/c it means you are banking favors. Which I do not. I just feel that when I look out for friends, they should have my back as well. It doesn't always work out that way. It does piss me off, and I still get stuck being called selfish b/c I don't bring up all the crap I do for people while they are listing the favors they've done for me. I just let it go b/c I do things out of love not for future favors.

And on the subject of food......All is fair in food and war! lol!

^^ nicely said! All of it

Puh-Leassssssssssse... If i were anymore giving i would be past doormat. I have taken food out of my own damn mouth to help others out. I go out of my way 99.999% of the time. And i NEVER complain to you about it, or bring it up.. although in my head i have killed you 5x for overly asking me for something! LOL

I think self preservation can be mistaken for selfishness. In my case, I've went on a limb so many times for people and gotten burnt that I've learned quite a valuable lesson. I don't go out of my way for anyone unless they've done it for me, I just don't trust most people nowadays. When I find a trustworthy person or friend in my life, I will do anything for them though.