Should I confess to my cancer boyfriend??
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by danish on Thursday, September 13, 2007 and has 25 replies.
Okay, my cancer boyfriend and I were out one night and had a blazing row. He tld me it was over, that I was wasting my time. I was gutted, and the for the next few days he never answered my calls or emails so I thought that it really was over...so I went out got hammered and I slept with a guy, purley rebound sex. But a few days later my boyfriend got in contact and wanted to make a go of things again and asked if I had been with someone else. I said no and the guilt is tearing me apart. My friends say I have nothing to feel bad about but I really do. I'm just wondering is this considered cheating to a cancerian man and if I tell him the truth will he ever forgive me?
even if you didnt "cheat" according to your friends you did lie. It might not make things go the way you want them, but I think you should always tell the truth. but Im neither a cancer or a guy so you dont have to take my work for it
HELL NO don't TELL him. If you do, he will not trust you and he will always be on the hunt for someone else. ALWAYS. You don't owe him an answer to why you were with someone else, are you two MARRIED? If not HELL NO don't tell him. Are you nuts? If you cheat on him do it in his face so that he will NO you are a cheater before hand, and let him decide if he wants to enter your life while you are a cheater. A Cancer man, a true on, he is not about to be your second fiddle. You can forget that, he wants 100% or nothing.
I am a cancer woman and to be honest, if you two were broken up during the rebound sex I feel there is no need to explain yourself because I do not consider that cheating. However, he did ask you a question that you answered with a lie. Since we have a tendency to be emotional and overly sensitive about issues like this one, my recommendation would be to NOT TELL him the truth after the fact.
Doing so will only cause him to become overly suspicious about you and your intent if you re-enter the relationship and it will become a problem for you. He will not trust you and will put his guard back up as if you two have first met. He will question how committed you were to the relationship and your feelings for him to begin with if only after a few days of being broken up you would sleep with someone else.
I know you feel bad right now, but I think you will feel much worse if you tell him the truth and he either doesn't want to try again or continues the relationship and holds the your truth over your head. Just my thoughts, good luck though.
Doing so will only cause him to become overly suspicious about you and your intent if you re-enter the relationship and it will become a problem for you. He will not trust you and will put his guard back up as if you two have first met. He will question how committed you were to the relationship and your feelings for him to begin with if only after a few days of being broken up you would sleep with someone else.
I know you feel bad right now, but I think you will feel much worse if you tell him the truth and he either doesn't want to try again or continues the relationship and holds the your truth over your head. Just my thoughts, good luck though.
well, let's just hope that she used protection...or else karma might just bite her in the ass one day when she finds out she is pregnant or has a STD, etc.
I agree V. Im frankly disgusted with the suggestions to lie. Im not judging the people that are saying to do it because I see that the intentions are good...but lying is never cool...yall are making me doubt the goodness of mankind...are people really that inconsiderate and self serving that they would deny someone an opportunity to chose the situation they want to be in by lying about the circumstances of the situation at hand? If you really care about this guy you wouldn't want to lie to him and you would respect him enough not to.
In my opinion, unless you are married to him and you are in a married committed relationship. You don't OWE him anything. Not telling him is not a lie, it means that you are not an open book and he does not need to know your life history. It is none of his business. You two were broke up, it is not your responsibility to sit around waiting on him like you are two are married. But, I hope you did use protection, I feel you on that note. LOL!
Krobe she said he asked if she was with anyone and she said no...that was the lie. If he didnt ask I would say its ok not to tell unless she felt compelled, but he asked and she lied
I was placed in a similar situation recently by my ex Aqua. We haven't been together for months and just recently saw each other in passing. He decides to call me a few days after seeing me and starts asking me questions about who I am dating, what he does, if my mother has met him and so forth and so on. Granted I am not getting back with the Aqua, but even if I were it really is none of his business, unless I choose to tell him.
The whole premise of breaking up is to go your separate ways and unless you both have agreed to take a break with terms/conditions, I think what you do during that time is each person's business.
I think the decision to get back together and work on the relationship that you had should not be contingent upon what you did while being split up, since that was not the reason for the break-up to begin with.
The responses above were just specific to the proposed question about being honest after the fact with her cancer --- ?I'm just wondering is this considered cheating to a cancerian man and if I tell him the truth will he ever forgive me??
Sweetest & Vanessa - I understand both of your POV and I agree that you should be open and honest up front. I do not condone lying/cheating at all.
Krobe & moonchild ? I agree 1000% on the protection thing, very important.
The whole premise of breaking up is to go your separate ways and unless you both have agreed to take a break with terms/conditions, I think what you do during that time is each person's business.
I think the decision to get back together and work on the relationship that you had should not be contingent upon what you did while being split up, since that was not the reason for the break-up to begin with.
The responses above were just specific to the proposed question about being honest after the fact with her cancer --- ?I'm just wondering is this considered cheating to a cancerian man and if I tell him the truth will he ever forgive me??
Sweetest & Vanessa - I understand both of your POV and I agree that you should be open and honest up front. I do not condone lying/cheating at all.
Krobe & moonchild ? I agree 1000% on the protection thing, very important.
i'm on the fence with this one...
I think the decision to get back together and work on the relationship that you had should not be contingent upon what you did while being split up, since that was not the reason for the break-up to begin with.
I agree with you Hotgal78, she did not SAY that they were going to agree to split up and remain faithful to one another. If he asked her did she slept with someone else, I would have asked him the same question, did you sleep with someone else? I would have also said, something like we were not together and I don't disclose my personal life with people who are not in it at that time. So, that is not lying, just not being an open book disclosing my business. YOU DON'T OWE him an explanation if you two weren't together.
I agree with you Hotgal78, she did not SAY that they were going to agree to split up and remain faithful to one another. If he asked her did she slept with someone else, I would have asked him the same question, did you sleep with someone else? I would have also said, something like we were not together and I don't disclose my personal life with people who are not in it at that time. So, that is not lying, just not being an open book disclosing my business. YOU DON'T OWE him an explanation if you two weren't together.
that wouldnt have been lying krobe, but she didnt say that, she said no and that was a lie and I think he deserves to know he was lied to
Yeah, I know however, I guess relationships are not perfect, and I remember when I had issues with my man being honest with me about a certain woman he was dealing with. He finally told me ten years later and guess what? Yeap, so I will tell him in ten years. If he asks me why? I will say what about your mistress you had ten years ago!
Don't tell! You betta take that one to the grave hun. He will never forgive or forget. Things are already on the rocks!
Well for you young naive ladies who think that you should be totally honest in your relationships. I have lost ALOT of good men being to dayum honest and I am not taking about telling them I was cheating on them either, you have to remain a closed book. Sorry, he will take that to the grave.
lol Krobe age and naivete have nothing to do with being open and honest in a relationship, its about being honest and having integrity. If you think that its a bad thing to be honest and have integrity then you will always run into people who lie to you, use you and are less than honorable towards you you because you don't deserve anything better. I deserve someone who is honest and open and therefore I must be honest and open. It seems to me like you're working with unforgiveness and bitterness yourself about what that man did to you 10 years ago so in spite you're withholding from him and being vengeful with your actions towards him, though that may not be a sign of naivete is clear sign of immaturity. I might be young, naive, and gulliable, but Im not so impressionable that I will let someone else's behavior be my justification for doing wrong. If you dont feel like LYING is wrong then of course you don't feel the need to be justified, but me, I'm above lying because I have self control and when I don't do anything I don't mind telling people I've done then I can be an open book....if you dont like what's written in the pages of your book then change the plot. Sealing the book only HIDES who you are, it doesn't make you a better person. I do understand that you dont have to always volunteer information, but lying or half answering a direct question is devious, disrespectful, and inconsiderate.
I almost agree Leo. I mean...I think she should take responsibility for what she did and accept the consequences. Funny how people think getting drunk is an excuse to do anything they please and that "I was drunk" will get them off. Honestly, even if she doesn't tell him it will 1.haunt her and 2.eventually come to light. "Everything in darkness will come to the light". I was thinking that with him straight out asking he might already know or he knows her and figures she would be with someone else...he might have even been testing her to see if she would. You can't say he won't forgive, forget what the Cancer profiles say, but he should at least be respected enough to know the truth to decide whether he wants to forgive her or not.
Leo she's not wrong for being with someone else, she's wrong for lying when he asked her if she was with someone else in my opinion. You might think that it was ok for her to be with someone else while they were broken up and she might say she doesn't think it was wrong to be with someone while they were broke up, but the fact that she lied about it tells a completely different story. If she said "I dont think we should discuss that" or "is that really important" or something like "let's just focus on what's happening now" then at least it wouldnt be lying. But he was wronged and she shouldnt ignore it.
I look at it like this, if I knew someone was lying to the man that I care for deeply I would tell him that he is being lied to and taken for a fool. Why should my lies be any different? If I see someone wronging the man that I care for deeply behind his back I would tell him that someone is wronging him. Why should my wrong towards him be any different?
I look at it like this, if I knew someone was lying to the man that I care for deeply I would tell him that he is being lied to and taken for a fool. Why should my lies be any different? If I see someone wronging the man that I care for deeply behind his back I would tell him that someone is wronging him. Why should my wrong towards him be any different?
then she needs to drop him anyway, unless she likes being lied to...
I am with you Leokitten 100% if she tells him, he is going to dump her ass. He will not forgive her and he will always be out on the hunt, until he finds someone else that is not a cheater. I would not tell him anything. It is none of his business. Yes, he asked her a direct question, but they are not married, she does not OWE him a open, direct, honest answer. They were broken up, and keeping secrets to yourself is not hiding who you are, that is not true.
I don't know, I guess some of the women on the boards will see that being an open, honest book with a man will get you left behind and crying. The truth will make you a free woman. I guess I know this from experience. Never be an open book, your life is your life.
I don't know, I guess some of the women on the boards will see that being an open, honest book with a man will get you left behind and crying. The truth will make you a free woman. I guess I know this from experience. Never be an open book, your life is your life.
I don't know, I guess some of the women on the boards will see that being an open, honest book with a man will get you left behind and crying. The truth will make you a free woman. I guess I know this from experience. Never be an open book, your life is your life.
Krobe, first off how can you say in the same paragraph that being open and honest will leave you along and the truth will make you a free woman? You cant be truthful without being honest. Being and open honest book with a man will not get you left behind and crying if he is an open honest man. Now of course if you are open and honest and doing him wrong you will most likely get left either way so maybe you should be open and honest without the wrongdoing on either parts. I understand how you will trust your experience first and foremost, but my experience with open honesty has be much different. I was open and honest with my ex when I felt like I messed up and he forgave me and gave me another chance, he was the one that got left because he wasn't open, honest, or faithful. I'd rather be alone, crying and trustworthy than alone, crying and lying. There will always be people that will try to take advantage of you when you are open and honest in the same way there will always be thiefs, just like thiefs dont stop you from buying new things neither should schemers keep you from being open and honest.
Krobe, first off how can you say in the same paragraph that being open and honest will leave you along and the truth will make you a free woman? You cant be truthful without being honest. Being and open honest book with a man will not get you left behind and crying if he is an open honest man. Now of course if you are open and honest and doing him wrong you will most likely get left either way so maybe you should be open and honest without the wrongdoing on either parts. I understand how you will trust your experience first and foremost, but my experience with open honesty has be much different. I was open and honest with my ex when I felt like I messed up and he forgave me and gave me another chance, he was the one that got left because he wasn't open, honest, or faithful. I'd rather be alone, crying and trustworthy than alone, crying and lying. There will always be people that will try to take advantage of you when you are open and honest in the same way there will always be thiefs, just like thiefs dont stop you from buying new things neither should schemers keep you from being open and honest.
I was open and honest with my ex when I felt like I messed up and he forgave me and gave me another chance, he was the one that got left because he wasn't open, honest, or faithful.
This is EXACTLY what I am taking about, he forgave you but he didn't FORGET that you messed up that is why he messed up so that you could leave him behind. He forgave you and stuck with you so that you could feel that hurt and pain of him messing up. Plus, didn't you say he was a Scorp? They LIVE and thrive off revenge. SO, I say, if you like being open and honest Ok, I am not saying you are wrong. I am a very trustworthy person, I didn't go out finding other men on my man, but I am not married either so if I chose to seek, then I chose to do that without feeling obligated.
So, back to the question, should she tell him. NO!
This is EXACTLY what I am taking about, he forgave you but he didn't FORGET that you messed up that is why he messed up so that you could leave him behind. He forgave you and stuck with you so that you could feel that hurt and pain of him messing up. Plus, didn't you say he was a Scorp? They LIVE and thrive off revenge. SO, I say, if you like being open and honest Ok, I am not saying you are wrong. I am a very trustworthy person, I didn't go out finding other men on my man, but I am not married either so if I chose to seek, then I chose to do that without feeling obligated.
So, back to the question, should she tell him. NO!
Hi Cancerbuddy,
Yeah, I agree, don't tell him you were broken up!
Yeah, I agree, don't tell him you were broken up!
Krobe he messed up before I did...so please dont try to put his messing up on my error and his not forgetting lol he wasnt faithful before I messed up so I hardly consider his unfaithfulness a result of my indiscretion unless he felt immature enough to try to use that for justification to do something he had no business doing in the first place.
CancerBuddy, if you had asked him and he told you that he wasnt with anyone, then later you found out he was how would you feel then?
CancerBuddy, if you had asked him and he told you that he wasnt with anyone, then later you found out he was how would you feel then?
Thank you for your take on it CB. I was thinking myself that for her man to ask he had some kind of idea that it happened and when/if they spend time together he's probably going to be able to read it...a lose/lose situation. Im not trying to be mean,but in a situation like this when you are going to lose you might as well be honest and have some integrity in the fall.
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