Should I reach back out? Or let him come to me?

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by Snickerdoodle_kookie on Thursday, October 24, 2019 and has 53 replies.
You are on page out of 2 | Reverse Order
Hey guys, I need your advice. I’m a Gemini women 29 and My cancer man is 32. We met online and live in different states. My cancer man just starting ignoring me about a week ago. We’ve been talking for about 4 months. Long distance. So we haven’t met each other just yet. He’s the one who reached out to me and found me twice. He’s expressed that he was interested serval times and definitely finds me attractive. We planned on us meeting so a couple of weeks ago but my flight got cancelled 3 times bc of the weather. So we have been trying to reschedule. Communication is important to me as I am a Gemini. We text and call each other mostly text ever day short conversation. He sends me good morning texts. We call each other from time to time. But I seem to carry the conversation. He’s definitely guarded. I give him compliments all the time. Sometimes I feel as though he’s attracted to me but not interested based off his lack of asking me questions to get to know me.

Recently I wanted to do something nice for him so I invited him on a weekend vacation to Mexico. He said he was down so I being to plan. He said call before you book so I called him that night. And we were planning and looking through flights. Then 20 mins in I felt a little change in his voice. So I said that I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable and at any time if he feels as though he’s not comfortable then he can let me know. So he goes on to say that he’s antennae’s are going off since he’s never met me and that we’re going to another country. But either way we’re both taking a risk in my eyes. Especially since we both live in different states. I said okay and if he wanted to reschedule just me coming to him again to just let me know and told him I was going to bed and ended the call. I sent a voice text a couple minutes later just to apologize if I made him feel uncomfortable for suggesting that and to let him know that I’m just spontaneously and like to have fun and do things out of the box and I maybe a little different from the girls he may have dated. And said i hope he didn’t feel any type of way or if he did and doesn’t want to talk to me anymore he could let me know. Then I said he can simmer on it.

I finally got tired of waiting for a reply so I kindly texted him 3 days later to see how he was feeling. I told him I wanted to give him space but I didn’t like being ignored And being a Gemini the worst thing you can do is ignore us. He replied that,” He thinks I’m an amazing women, but he’s not ready to date!” When he first reached out to me I made it clear that I wanted a friendship with him. So I don’t know where he got the dating part from. I was just trying to get to know him. He said he would love to be friends. I liked the message and haven’t text him back since. He’s been watching my every story on IG. And I really want to get to know him. So should I wait him out or initiate a call or text to ask him how he’s feeling and if he wants to continue a friendship with me???
Here is the contradiction....

You stated that you just wanted a friendship....

But offered to do something nice for him....like a trip to Mexico.

Why did you want to do something so extravagant for him?
I’ll go with you to Mexico without meeting you 😬
Posted by emeraldgem

Lol @ saggurl88 - we off to Me-he-co!! Cabo Wabo
Lmao. Let’s roll! 😂😂😂
Why go to another country? Go to a city in the states that have nice beaches or meet him halfway in a destination that he is familiar with. Or flat out travel to see him, since you’re willing to travel.

He’s getting cold feet for a reason and may not want to be stuck with you if things go bad.
🤦 🙄🤦

There is nothing else to say.
🤦🏽‍♀️Thank you guys for replying! I’m such an overthinker some times. Thinking back and hearing all of your perspectives really puts things into focus. I really shouldn’t have offered that or rushed him into replying back to me. I see that now lol Lawddd! So background and update which will answer most of y’all questions.

We meet online hit it off from the start. I think he’s amazing. Like the man of my dreams type of amazing. He fits everything thing that I want. Plus we connected so well. So I’m like fuck it. You won’t know until you know. I was originally supposed to fly to him. Which he offered to pay and I declined. However my flight got cancelled because of the weather(Chicago). So instead of rescheduling to fly back out to him. Which we would of had to reschedule multiple times because the weather in Chicago is freaking weird. I decided we should go somewhere nice instead. He’s always doing things for students (He’s and educator)and everyone else and when we were talking he said he was in need of a vacation. So with those reason plus me thinking. Well what’s the different between me coming going to him or him coming to me or we traveling somewhere else. We would still have to meet. We had a connection so I didn’t foresee anything going wrong. So that’s the premise behind asking him to go to another country.

He’s definitely taking his time! Like snail mode 😂. We text And talk on the phone a lot but it’s not like it used to be. I don’t get any good morning beautiful text anymore. Lol I do reach out every here and there to see how he’s doing. He’s hasn’t really text me first in a while. Im debating on not reaching out to him at all and see if he ever reaches out but who knows. He loves viewing my stories tho. I can only blame myself. Haha where were all of you when I needed you 😂😩.

@Arille83

Too many compliments. I didn’t know it was such a thing? I mean he deserves everyone tho lol
@emeraldgem and @saggurl88 After this I might just need a trip to Mexico lawd have mercy! 😂💃🏽
@GC08 Lol yes it may not be safe but we’re both taking a risk where I go to him or he comes to me. But I understand. My over thinking definitely had me doing the most! 😩
@sweetpea2977 Say somethinggggg😩🤦🏽‍♀️😂
Woman what’s wrong with you? You’re doing nearly all the initiations and also end up being the one apologizing. It doesn’t matter what sign that guy is, any guy would take all that as a red flag. It comes off needy and desperate. I understand that mofo finds it difficult to reply back within a standard time frame but that should just signal to you his dwindling interest. I get all the feminist ish that’s going on but honestly it’s always better when they’re chasing than the other way around because at least then you wouldn’t be left in the dark about how he possibly feels about you. Also keep in mind I’m very cute and fluffy and would make a fine companion to Mexico (◕ᴗ◕✿)
Posted by GC08

You are doing the most.

Just take a deep breath and 10,000 steps back, that’s probably what he is doing right now.

Crabs are very protective of them selves & going to Mexico with a stranger is not exactly safe. 😂
This! Completely.
Posted by Snickerdoodle_kookie

@sweetpea2977 Say somethinggggg😩🤦🏽‍♀️😂
This is a sad situation; You're making a fool of yourself. Do better. Stop chasing this dude and find some integrity.

Satisfied?
Posted by Snickerdoodle_kookie

Well what’s the different between me coming going to him or him coming to me or we traveling somewhere else. We would still have to meet. We had a connection so I didn’t foresee anything going wrong. So that’s the premise behind asking him to go to another country.


There is a difference, in the amount of privacy you two would be getting! If you visit someone, usually you get your own room, and most likely space to do your own thing. One could play host and show you places, feed you, book venues...there are plenty of people who enjoy being a host....

Going on a holiday together is a bit more claustrophobic and risky. How many rooms were you planning to book before it fell apart? You seem to have an open, excitable and adventurous personality. Good for you, but how about him? He could be calm, cautious, and cranky in unfamiliar situations.

Also, you are NOT thinking of him as a friend, when you describe him as "the man of my dreams type of amazing". I hope you didn't tell him that, lol. Whatever you did to overwhelm him, let it cool down. Try again later.

These being said, I'll take the first plane to Mexico to meet you, girls smile!!!!!!!!!
So when are you going to message him again?

You know u wanna
Posted by SassyKiwi

Woman what’s wrong with you? You’re doing nearly all the initiations and also end up being the one apologizing. It doesn’t matter what sign that guy is, any guy would take all that as a red flag. It comes off needy and desperate. I understand that mofo finds it difficult to reply back within a standard time frame but that should just signal to you his dwindling interest. I get all the feminist ish that’s going on but honestly it’s always better when they’re chasing than the other way around because at least then you wouldn’t be left in the dark about how he possibly feels about you. Also keep in mind I’m very cute and fluffy and would make a fine companion to Mexico (◕ᴗ◕✿)
Why you trying to steal my new girlfriend!!!Laughing
Posted by Snickerdoodle_kookie

@emeraldgem and @saggurl88 After this I might just need a trip to Mexico lawd have mercy! 😂💃🏽
Now you actually have me looking at Mexico! Crying I could use a quick vacation.

Cabo is only a 2-1/2 flight from me and like $ 300 for a plane ticket.
This shit is weird to me.

For one, you were like "whoa who says anything about dating? I said friendship" when he says he isn't ready to date. But then follow up with "he's my dream guy!"

Haven't met, and want to go out of the country. Ehhhhhhhhhh

I would be sketched the hell out.

Posted by emeraldgem

@saggurl88 - I know! As an ex-Californian of course when we needed a quick vaycay we would head down there. Cheap and easy......just like me! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
User Submitted Image
Posted by Arielle83
Posted by Snickerdoodle_kookie

@Arille83

Too many compliments. I didn’t know it was such a thing? I mean he deserves everyone tho lol


Cancers find it insincere. Like how many other ppl have you said these things to.

Plus online relationships are just idealistic projections. They aren’t based in reality
click to expand


This is spot on...I know for me if im not ready to be responsible for someone elses feelings, and they beging spreading it on thick, I freak out and will def run away! I recently had a Gem Friend tell me she had a dream I was her wife.....Few days after telling me get over my Taurus because she isnt for me.... -_- VERY uncomfortable and Gross because I didnt look at her like that...
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by SassyKiwi

Woman what’s wrong with you? You’re doing nearly all the initiations and also end up being the one apologizing. It doesn’t matter what sign that guy is, any guy would take all that as a red flag. It comes off needy and desperate. I understand that mofo finds it difficult to reply back within a standard time frame but that should just signal to you his dwindling interest. I get all the feminist ish that’s going on but honestly it’s always better when they’re chasing than the other way around because at least then you wouldn’t be left in the dark about how he possibly feels about you. Also keep in mind I’m very cute and fluffy and would make a fine companion to Mexico (◕ᴗ◕✿)


Why you trying to steal my new girlfriend!!!Laughing
click to expand


Bitch I will cut you 🗡⊂(≖ ‸ ≖ ✿)
Posted by Black-Mamba
Posted by nikkistar

This shit is weird to me.

For one, you were like "whoa who says anything about dating? I said friendship" when he says he isn't ready to date. But then follow up with "he's my dream guy!"

Haven't met, and want to go out of the country. Ehhhhhhhhhh

I would be sketched the hell out.


Crab men will use up all your time and your emotions and then use words like "Not ready to date" not to take responsibility for the situation

They are nasty pieces of shit when it comes to this
click to expand
So many men play that card.

That's why I tell women to give them nothing.

They give 50, you give 50

Meet them where they are at.
@blvckphvse i said the same thing to myself and him jokingly. I guess so! I just didnt want to talk no for an answer...
@SassyKiwi Sheeshhh DESPERATE AND NEEDY Whoa! Smh i hope i didnt come across that way to him. Plus we did play the cat and mouse game in the beginning and he did text me every morning. But i understand a man should always chase. But im more of the type that goes for what they want. Im not the type to sit around and wait for it to come to me.

Cute and Fluffy you dont say! I think we could use a cute teddy bear on this trip girls lol
@sweetpea2977 hahaa Integrity huh...... Yea okay..Thanks

@Undine I understand the risk perspective completely. I dont mind risk but your right he is the opposite. And just because i describe him of the man of my dreams doesn't mean i don't view him as a friend. No i DID NOT tell him that. Just my own personal assessment. lol.

Oh girls we got another one...... Hope on the Cancunnn trainnnnnnnn lol
@Sailor_Mars FINALLY Someone level headed LMAO thank you!!!!!
@DMV LMAOOO i sooo want to and i did!! It was something lite. Something short and sweet. He asked for my help with a couple ideas. We chatted for a little bit. Wished him good luck and didnt text him back after. *-*
@frozenintime Completely like cold turkey completely? That's going to be hard. So the way my personality is set up im not sure if i can do that. I'm a go getter. Plus usual if i think about someone i would reach out to them and let them know. Ughhh but i will try. Plus he's all over my social media so that doesnt make it any easier. ughhhh
@emeraldgem No he is in Chicago. I'm on the east coast in Philadelphia. I understand about the whole long distance thing. I just wanted to establish a friendship first and over the years once we grow close and we both were in agreement that we wanted to take it to the level then we would talk about the moving situation. He was open to moving and so am i. Not to Chicago though for me wayyyyyy to cold. He was open however to moving to the east coast.
@saggurl88 Mexico is dirt cheap I've been 3 times! LOL
@nikkistar So just because you describe a man as the man of your dreams he can't be your friend? You guys do know that there's levels to this shit right? Friendship turns into a relationship that turns into something more. I say he's the man of my dreams based off looks and his persona.

We were going to have to meet anyway!!!

Maybe a little sketchy to people that arent spontaneous. I get it.....*shoulder shrug*
@emeraldgem I've neverrrr been to CALI! Cheap and easy huhhhh Well im sure we can do a couple of cheap things that probably wont be easyyyy LMAO
@Arille83 Every compliment i gave this guy was uniquely tailored to him. If he thinks there were insincere he would def be mistaken. Any so called "Ships" can be projections whether on the internet or real life. It takes the parties involve to make it an reality..
@Black-Mamba EXACTLY!! I like you. You get me.....
@Black-Mamba I will take your advice on the crab dick! lol and i will fall back and wait and see!! Im not good at this game though fair warning......
@SassyKiwi and @Saggurl88 watch out its always the ones with the cute puppy in their profile pics that has the machete hidden under there pillow LOL
When people ignore you the answer is always move on with your life. Just for the simple facts that unless you know them well and something could be potentially wrong then they are not Investing in the relationship.
@ladylibra21 libras always balance me out so well! *big sigh* My biggest pet peeve is someone ignoring me! I hate it. Some people can just be like, “Hey there ignoring me let me just move on”! Me on the other hand I want to know why your ignoring me!” I’m all about good communication.
Posted by Snickerdoodle_kookie

@sweetpea2977 hahaa Integrity huh...... Yea okay..Thanks
@snickerdoodle_kookie You're welcome!
Posted by Snickerdoodle_kookie

@nikkistar So just because you describe a man as the man of your dreams he can't be your friend? You guys do know that there's levels to this shit right? Friendship turns into a relationship that turns into something more. I say he's the man of my dreams based off looks and his persona.

We were going to have to meet anyway!!!

Maybe a little sketchy to people that arent spontaneous. I get it.....*shoulder shrug*
You just jumped over a whole lot of assumptions.

No, I think it is disingenuous for a woman to tell a man that says he does not want to date anyone, and tell him that she is only seeking that herself, when she has ulterior motives from the start without being 100% transparent. In no where, did I say you should or shouldn't be a friend with your partner.

Posted by Snickerdoodle_kookie

@saggurl88 Mexico is dirt cheap I've been 3 times! LOL
I agree. I've been there a lot. I love Caribbean turquoise waters, so I love hitting Mexico beaches. $ 1 Coronas and .50¢ tacos are always on the menu!Laughing
Posted by SassyKiwi
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by SassyKiwi

Woman what’s wrong with you? You’re doing nearly all the initiations and also end up being the one apologizing. It doesn’t matter what sign that guy is, any guy would take all that as a red flag. It comes off needy and desperate. I understand that mofo finds it difficult to reply back within a standard time frame but that should just signal to you his dwindling interest. I get all the feminist ish that’s going on but honestly it’s always better when they’re chasing than the other way around because at least then you wouldn’t be left in the dark about how he possibly feels about you. Also keep in mind I’m very cute and fluffy and would make a fine companion to Mexico (◕ᴗ◕✿)


Why you trying to steal my new girlfriend!!!Laughing


Bitch I will cut you 🗡⊂(≖ ‸ ≖ ✿)
click to expand
User Submitted Image

Posted by saggurl88
Posted by emeraldgem

Lol @ saggurl88 - we off to Me-he-co!! Cabo Wabo


Lmao. Let’s roll! 😂😂😂
click to expand
make room for my big ass cause Ima comin too lol

I love Cabo Wabo

lmfao
Posted by notreally
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by emeraldgem

Lol @ saggurl88 - we off to Me-he-co!! Cabo Wabo


Lmao. Let’s roll! 😂😂😂


make room for my big ass cause Ima comin too lol

I love Cabo Wabo

lmfao
click to expand
GIRLS TRIP!!!!

User Submitted Image
Posted by Snickerdoodle_kookie

@ladylibra21 libras always balance me out so well! *big sigh* My biggest pet peeve is someone ignoring me! I hate it. Some people can just be like, “Hey there ignoring me let me just move on”! Me on the other hand I want to know why your ignoring me!” I’m all about good communication.
Oh don’t get me wrong I want to know to it’s very hard I have cancer moon so I totally get it but I finally had to learn how to give myself closure because it was just too painful to sit up at night wondering about what’s going on and waking up and wondering what’s going on at least if I gave myself an answer even if it’s temporary it helped some
Posted by Snickerdoodle_kookie

@ladylibra21 libras always balance me out so well! *big sigh* My biggest pet peeve is someone ignoring me! I hate it. Some people can just be like, “Hey there ignoring me let me just move on”! Me on the other hand I want to know why your ignoring me!” I’m all about good communication.
Oh don’t get me wrong I want to know to it’s very hard I have cancer moon so I totally get it but I finally had to learn how to give myself closure because it was just too painful to sit up at night wondering about what’s going on and waking up and wondering what’s going on at least if I gave myself an answer even if it’s temporary it helped some
Posted by DMV
Posted by Black-Mamba
Posted by nikkistar

This shit is weird to me.

For one, you were like "whoa who says anything about dating? I said friendship" when he says he isn't ready to date. But then follow up with "he's my dream guy!"

Haven't met, and want to go out of the country. Ehhhhhhhhhh

I would be sketched the hell out.


Crab men will use up all your time and your emotions and then use words like "Not ready to date" not to take responsibility for the situation

They are nasty pieces of shit when it comes to this


So many men play that card.

That's why I tell women to give them nothing.

They give 50, you give 50

Meet them where they are at.
click to expand
Why would you even want someone whom you give nothing or 50/50 if deserved?

What kind of rship is that?

Are you starting dating being hostile already?

Like...ok sucker! I’ll meet you for coffee but it’ll be place between us so we travel same amount of time and I’ll pay for mine you pay for yours and when we have sex - it’s only 69 so we both have half of it...I am not sure if you let his dick half way into you...just BECAUSE! 👿

Is this a loving rship you are describing? Seem not worth anything to me...🤷‍♀️
Posted by Arielle83

Okay ya you are kookie.

So you’re pretending to be his friend only to convince him to be your boyfriend?

Talk about insincerity
How else can you rule man in? 🤷‍♀️

First
Previous
Next
Last