Should I wait for him, or let it go?
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by confusedleoo on Wednesday, January 4, 2012 and has 16 replies.
So, I met my Cancer man through a common friend about five months ago. I had just got out of a really bad breakup, and he'd just come back after his masters. It started casually, there was a bit of flirting, and conversations. We've met twice, but it's been long distance from the start. We got really close, starting talking everyday, every night, he told me he likes me, we became exclusive, and officially use the BF/GF label, and are in a relationship.
I started becoming emotional, and he always responded. Wrote poems for me, would send me loving texts, told me how much of a spell he is under.
Few weeks ago, one night when we were talking, it got really sentimental, and i told him that I think i'm falling in love with him. He said he really likes me, but since it's long distance, he's not sure, and he needs time to figure things out. I suggested we take a couple of weeks off, and he said it's a good idea. I felt really hurt inside. I then sent him a text saying, I'll be fine, he can figure things out, and asked him to call me when he misses me. He called me the very next night, told me he missed me so much and that taking time away from each other wasn't a good idea etc.
Then since last one week he started acting moody again, and disappeared. I called him once and he rudely hung up on me. He kept acting weird all week. I finally spoke to him on NYE, and said let's have a fresh start, and he said that seems like a good idea, we should put everything behind us. And that he missed me etc.
Then he again disappeared for two days. So finally day before, I sent him a text saying, it seems like he's over me, and is just trying to spare my feelings by not saying it. He didn't reply. So I sent him another text saying, he's free to go, and I won't bother him again. Yesterday morning he sent a msg saying, do I think he'll let go of me that easily. So I called him and asked him what's going on. After alot of dilly dallying he says, he's feeling restricted, and he doesn't wanna be in a relationship. He said he's confused, and I'm way too understanding, which makes things even more difficult. One part says, don't let go of her, whereas other says, get out of this. He said he needs a week to figure things out. I told him I'm totally okay, and I'll wait for him. He can have his space, and we joked ard a little and ended the call.
Is he coming back? He's a Cancer with Venus in Gemini, m' a Leo, with Venus in Libra.
I started becoming emotional, and he always responded. Wrote poems for me, would send me loving texts, told me how much of a spell he is under.
Few weeks ago, one night when we were talking, it got really sentimental, and i told him that I think i'm falling in love with him. He said he really likes me, but since it's long distance, he's not sure, and he needs time to figure things out. I suggested we take a couple of weeks off, and he said it's a good idea. I felt really hurt inside. I then sent him a text saying, I'll be fine, he can figure things out, and asked him to call me when he misses me. He called me the very next night, told me he missed me so much and that taking time away from each other wasn't a good idea etc.
Then since last one week he started acting moody again, and disappeared. I called him once and he rudely hung up on me. He kept acting weird all week. I finally spoke to him on NYE, and said let's have a fresh start, and he said that seems like a good idea, we should put everything behind us. And that he missed me etc.
Then he again disappeared for two days. So finally day before, I sent him a text saying, it seems like he's over me, and is just trying to spare my feelings by not saying it. He didn't reply. So I sent him another text saying, he's free to go, and I won't bother him again. Yesterday morning he sent a msg saying, do I think he'll let go of me that easily. So I called him and asked him what's going on. After alot of dilly dallying he says, he's feeling restricted, and he doesn't wanna be in a relationship. He said he's confused, and I'm way too understanding, which makes things even more difficult. One part says, don't let go of her, whereas other says, get out of this. He said he needs a week to figure things out. I told him I'm totally okay, and I'll wait for him. He can have his space, and we joked ard a little and ended the call.
Is he coming back? He's a Cancer with Venus in Gemini, m' a Leo, with Venus in Libra.
I think other Cancers can help you when they come along, but boy does he sound like the typical cancer. When things get too intimate and he shows his feelings, Poof! off they go. GIven he has that gemini in his chart,,man o man...wishy washy to the max. You are being sweet but dont be a doormat. Stop being Miss "Oh everythings ok" and be Miss "I love you and want you but I wont wait forever". Thats just my two cents. Wait for other replies soon and goo dluck.
PS Im a Leo too, with venus in Cancer. Im all about showing the love to my man, and beng understanding....but sometimes to a fault, where he will perceive me as a door mat. I do have a backbone and have shown it many times. Thats usually what they respect. Not anger, just confidence and self assuredness that I value myself.
btw..my ven in cancer makes me love people for a longggg time...hence the broken heart Im currently feeling over a damn ass water baby scorpio. eech!
btw..my ven in cancer makes me love people for a longggg time...hence the broken heart Im currently feeling over a damn ass water baby scorpio. eech!
I do feel I'm being a little too understanding to the point of being taken beyond granted. I'm just fed up of playing games. He literally begged me to give him a week. I told him nothing will change. And he said, just give me one week to sort my confusions out, and I'll come back to you, maybe sooner.
It's just every single moment is like an eternity. And what if he comes back to say, he's made up his mind to not be with me? Or worse, what if he never comes back?
It's just every single moment is like an eternity. And what if he comes back to say, he's made up his mind to not be with me? Or worse, what if he never comes back?
He'll be back....trust me. Very typical behavior. What's up with the leo and cancer relationships. One thing for sure, they'll teach us patience. LOL
What if....? You say it like your have control over it? If you say no to the week seperation, does tht mean he will stay with you...no. If you say yes to it, does that mean he will stay with you...no. So...you have no control over HIM, just yourself.
If he doesnt want to be with you, wouldnt you rather know it now, than months down the line when he says "I couldnt break up wth you in January because you were too needy, vlingy..whatever? Love is given freely, not becaue we do or say just the right thing. I just got "iced out" by a scorpio, another water sign also very sensitive, fearful and insecure because I had the balls to confront his inconsistent telephone habits. Making promises, only to call a day late and a dollar short. o instead of having a convo about the issue, he freezes the fuck outta me, treating me with cold indifference. It hurts like fuck, but if this is how he handles stress between us, yes, Id rather know now.
Let go....and if he is meant to be, he will. If he is not, you will hurt, grow and heal.
If he doesnt want to be with you, wouldnt you rather know it now, than months down the line when he says "I couldnt break up wth you in January because you were too needy, vlingy..whatever? Love is given freely, not becaue we do or say just the right thing. I just got "iced out" by a scorpio, another water sign also very sensitive, fearful and insecure because I had the balls to confront his inconsistent telephone habits. Making promises, only to call a day late and a dollar short. o instead of having a convo about the issue, he freezes the fuck outta me, treating me with cold indifference. It hurts like fuck, but if this is how he handles stress between us, yes, Id rather know now.
Let go....and if he is meant to be, he will. If he is not, you will hurt, grow and heal.
It's the third day. Ordinarily I wouldn't have cared. But I haven't not spoken to him for this long since months. It's painful, offending, and leaves me confused. I'm with friends all day, busy with work, but a part of me is just lost.
Sigh. Sorry for being such a emotional child, I just don't know where to vent. None of my friends can understand why I'm waiting for him. And I've just stopped talking to them about it.
What if at the end of the week, he doesn't call?
Sigh. Sorry for being such a emotional child, I just don't know where to vent. None of my friends can understand why I'm waiting for him. And I've just stopped talking to them about it.
What if at the end of the week, he doesn't call?
My advice....draw a line in the sand and dont cross it. I cant understand why so many females on here tolerate this wretched behavior simply because the guy is a "cancer". Astrology should not determine your self worth or level of respect and integrity. A mature adult who cant communicate should not be excused based on their date of birth. Unless this is your very first relationship I suggest you think about your past dealings with guys and remember the ones who were emotionally mature enough to pursue you, talk to you and made you feel wanted and appreciated by their actions. Even if the relationship ended badly never lose sight of how a man who wants you, is able to affectively show you and dont let his sign dictate what you should put up with.
Well, I guess this is my take. I'm a Cancer with Gem Venus, and when I'm feeling restricted I'm like a caged cat. Seriously. No one (nor no one thing) can confine me without me saying or agreeing on my own. If anyone does, I feel trapped. That doesnt mean that the other person realizes they are doing it, they may not even be doing anything but what the norm may be, like a call everyday or wanting to go out on a weekly basis, etc. On the other side of this, when I'm not sure about something or someone I do the same as what this guy is doing. I would say that is the Cancerian trait.
As a woman, I can tell you I went through the same thing with a Leo (ironic lol). My first gut, initial reaction was to end it with him. I should have, but instead I did what you were doing and became too understanding and gave him the benefit of the doubt. I can't predict what this man will do, every situation is different. But generally, and in my case too, when am man is questioning his certainity about a woman like this, it's not a good sign. It doesn't mean that makes you a bad person, or woman it just means men don't question things, especially if they do or don't want to be in a relationship. To me, this is where he is setting up his Ima have my cake and eat it too, and lets do this but take it slow baaabbeeeee. There would be another red flag.
My suggestion to you would not give him the week, and end it for yourself. I don't see a good outcome in this, and I see it causing you more headaches down the line than any good. Or just expect nothing from this if you want to wait and see what he says. If and when he gets his poop in a group? Then think about it. But for now? I'd be doing the thinking for myself, and protect thyself at all costs. You don't need his permission to do that, I don't think he'll be asking for yours when determining what HE is going to do.
As a woman, I can tell you I went through the same thing with a Leo (ironic lol). My first gut, initial reaction was to end it with him. I should have, but instead I did what you were doing and became too understanding and gave him the benefit of the doubt. I can't predict what this man will do, every situation is different. But generally, and in my case too, when am man is questioning his certainity about a woman like this, it's not a good sign. It doesn't mean that makes you a bad person, or woman it just means men don't question things, especially if they do or don't want to be in a relationship. To me, this is where he is setting up his Ima have my cake and eat it too, and lets do this but take it slow baaabbeeeee. There would be another red flag.
My suggestion to you would not give him the week, and end it for yourself. I don't see a good outcome in this, and I see it causing you more headaches down the line than any good. Or just expect nothing from this if you want to wait and see what he says. If and when he gets his poop in a group? Then think about it. But for now? I'd be doing the thinking for myself, and protect thyself at all costs. You don't need his permission to do that, I don't think he'll be asking for yours when determining what HE is going to do.
From my experience, let go and live your life. If he's interested, he'll begin to initiate contact with you.
It's almost a week. No sign of him. He hasn't been online (something he is all the time, I checked since I have his password, and he doesn't have me blocked).
It's amazing how someone who was on the verge of moving cities for you, and was apartment hunting with you, decides to just disappear like that and decide he doesn't want a relationship.
I am getting over it. And I'll be fine, more than fine rather. It just saddens me, cause we were really good together, and it's amazing how he's so lost to realize what he has and is losing.
It's amazing how someone who was on the verge of moving cities for you, and was apartment hunting with you, decides to just disappear like that and decide he doesn't want a relationship.
I am getting over it. And I'll be fine, more than fine rather. It just saddens me, cause we were really good together, and it's amazing how he's so lost to realize what he has and is losing.
You'll hear from him if he's serious about you. So keep moving on, and do your thing 
SN: never assume that because you don't hear from us, or we're not online, etc. for any amount of an extended time that it means anything 'bad' per se.... I tend to hibernate, and no one hears from me, sees me, and am in stealth mode for any undetermined amount of time. I go into my shell. This is to rejuvenate, reflect, brood, cry, wallow, be pissed..all of it....and for whatever it is that has me needing alone time. Sometimes it's just the feeling of needing to self reflect, soul search, find the new me. In fact, that is what I am doing right now. I'm very limited to whom I am talking to right now, and some I'm not talking to. Depends on the person.
And when I say alone, I mean alone. Anyone comes in trying to get me out of my shell before Im ready, better take me serious when I say I need time alone. Dont push me, and dont keep bugging me or then I'll get pissy, irritated, lash out, clam up, and feel like you must not understand me enough to understand I HAVE to have this time.
SN: never assume that because you don't hear from us, or we're not online, etc. for any amount of an extended time that it means anything 'bad' per se.... I tend to hibernate, and no one hears from me, sees me, and am in stealth mode for any undetermined amount of time. I go into my shell. This is to rejuvenate, reflect, brood, cry, wallow, be pissed..all of it....and for whatever it is that has me needing alone time. Sometimes it's just the feeling of needing to self reflect, soul search, find the new me. In fact, that is what I am doing right now. I'm very limited to whom I am talking to right now, and some I'm not talking to. Depends on the person.
And when I say alone, I mean alone. Anyone comes in trying to get me out of my shell before Im ready, better take me serious when I say I need time alone. Dont push me, and dont keep bugging me or then I'll get pissy, irritated, lash out, clam up, and feel like you must not understand me enough to understand I HAVE to have this time.
I am writing this because I think you need to hear it as painful as it may be.
A man who likes you will not pull that sort of thing with you. Bounce back and forth like a rope to see where you will break. If he needs time he will take it and not msg you that he misses you then disappears. Here is what I think... he may have met someone and is trying to see where that is going, and at the same time keeping you on some weird leash just in case it does not work out. I do hope that I am wrong, but time and time again this is the same thing with men. Cancer or no cancer it does not matter, it is just a male thing. It sounds cruel, and it is to experience that, but if you are prepared for the worst it will only lessen the painful disappointment.
I am not sure how old you are, or how many people you have dated, but be weary of people's behaviors and intentions. Do not open yourself up so much no matter what. Yes it is hard, and yes it will drive you insane, and yes anything good or bad will tear at your strings. You have to be strong and think of what can happen, especially what kick life can give you. Do not send him any more texts. Let him do his own thing. If he needs to be in his cancer cave let him have his time. If you do like him, and if he likes you with the same magnitude he will come around. But if you continue to text him you will not only drive him away but you will also make yourself look desperate and without any self strength. If things turn for the better please update this thread. I do hope that things go better than what is happening now.
A man who likes you will not pull that sort of thing with you. Bounce back and forth like a rope to see where you will break. If he needs time he will take it and not msg you that he misses you then disappears. Here is what I think... he may have met someone and is trying to see where that is going, and at the same time keeping you on some weird leash just in case it does not work out. I do hope that I am wrong, but time and time again this is the same thing with men. Cancer or no cancer it does not matter, it is just a male thing. It sounds cruel, and it is to experience that, but if you are prepared for the worst it will only lessen the painful disappointment.
I am not sure how old you are, or how many people you have dated, but be weary of people's behaviors and intentions. Do not open yourself up so much no matter what. Yes it is hard, and yes it will drive you insane, and yes anything good or bad will tear at your strings. You have to be strong and think of what can happen, especially what kick life can give you. Do not send him any more texts. Let him do his own thing. If he needs to be in his cancer cave let him have his time. If you do like him, and if he likes you with the same magnitude he will come around. But if you continue to text him you will not only drive him away but you will also make yourself look desperate and without any self strength. If things turn for the better please update this thread. I do hope that things go better than what is happening now.
Okay, so thank you ladies for all that advice. You are all phenomenal. The words helped me stay cautious, and get my guard up to be able to handle the relationship.
So he didn't call in a week, I was VERY hurt. Inside I was an emotional wreck the whole time he was away from me. I didn't contact him, AT ALL. Disappeared from his life, just the way he disappeared from mine. Finally he resurfaced. He pinged me online saying he wants to call me. I told him it'd be better if he doesn't and I want nothing to do with him anymore. He said he obviously deserves this, but he'll call me next day, and it's upto me to do what I wish.
He called next night, I was out. I called him back once home. We had a long long talk. I was furious with him, but we kept humor in the convo. He told me he has made up his mind, and he wants to be with me. That's his decision. And it's all in my hands ((I don't know whether he actually did want to, or because he was losing me his feelings got confused))
I told him I'm not sure, I'd like us to continue talking, but for the 10 days of torture he put me through by leaving me alone, I'm gonna put him on ten days probation. I'll give him my decision on 23rd.
However, last night we were both out with our friends, and were texting each other throughout. And then he called me around three am drunk, and he was like he loves me, and that what would he do without me, and I shouldn't let him get away again, clip his wings. I told him he means alot to me, but I'm not gonna do that. I want him to have his freedom, as long as he comes back to me, I'm good.
He called a while ago too, and we joked about things. And he'll call back in half an hour.
Sigh. I love him. I hope things don't fuck up again. I'm just scared of him flipping again, VERY VERY!
He's definitely being a good boy on probation though And I've learned to back off, and let him have his space and freedom if he needs it. Any tips?
So he didn't call in a week, I was VERY hurt. Inside I was an emotional wreck the whole time he was away from me. I didn't contact him, AT ALL. Disappeared from his life, just the way he disappeared from mine. Finally he resurfaced. He pinged me online saying he wants to call me. I told him it'd be better if he doesn't and I want nothing to do with him anymore. He said he obviously deserves this, but he'll call me next day, and it's upto me to do what I wish.
He called next night, I was out. I called him back once home. We had a long long talk. I was furious with him, but we kept humor in the convo. He told me he has made up his mind, and he wants to be with me. That's his decision. And it's all in my hands ((I don't know whether he actually did want to, or because he was losing me his feelings got confused))
I told him I'm not sure, I'd like us to continue talking, but for the 10 days of torture he put me through by leaving me alone, I'm gonna put him on ten days probation. I'll give him my decision on 23rd.
However, last night we were both out with our friends, and were texting each other throughout. And then he called me around three am drunk, and he was like he loves me, and that what would he do without me, and I shouldn't let him get away again, clip his wings. I told him he means alot to me, but I'm not gonna do that. I want him to have his freedom, as long as he comes back to me, I'm good.
He called a while ago too, and we joked about things. And he'll call back in half an hour.
Sigh. I love him. I hope things don't fuck up again. I'm just scared of him flipping again, VERY VERY!
He's definitely being a good boy on probation though
And I've learned to back off, and let him have his space and freedom if he needs it. Any tips? tips? Im no one to give good tips when someone does the push pull..other than to read what he DOES, not what he SAYS.
Good luck, keep us updated and lastly, remember YOUR value, my fellow leo
Good luck, keep us updated and lastly, remember YOUR value, my fellow leo
Yeah, I'm kinda the notice what "he does" not "says" kinda gal too.
He wants me to come to his city for valentines, and is suggesting we take his bike and go to this pretty island two hours away, for the valentines long weekend. Let's see. For all I know, he'll flip before then
He wants me to come to his city for valentines, and is suggesting we take his bike and go to this pretty island two hours away, for the valentines long weekend. Let's see. For all I know, he'll flip before then
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