Still need help :(
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by CancervsHeart on Sunday, April 12, 2009 and has 6 replies.
I posted this on the aquarius board, and I hope I get some more help here since I know its alot to read :/
So, I've been dating this aquarius for almost 3 years, we have had our share of problems and recently I decided to tell him that I wasnt feeling the relationship was going anywhere and that I was feeling like we were both slowly winding down. He had been distant lately and so had I, and that was my fault for breaking up with him before because of those same feelings. I love him deeply, but yesterday I felt trapped and felt like his being distant would never have stopped. I talked to him about it and he had admitted he had been feeling frustrated because he felt I handled things badly and it took a toll on him but that he still loved me and just need time to unwind, and he said that if I could just refrain from breaking up with him it would help alot. I did just the opposite and broke up with him, feeling that I just didnt think I could deal with his aloofness and mine and he tried to talk me out of it, he even hid my keys. But in the end, I left and I was so sure of myself...until I got to my house and couldnt stop crying until 2am were then promptly the dinner he had bought me came up. I texted and called him, saying I was sorry and that I sincerely regretting doing that. He said he just felt that I would do it again and that he didnt like hurting me and that he himself was very hurt. I completely understand that, but now his only request was for me to let him unwind and just be there with him.
Thats not hard for me to let him do, but he didnt want to see me today, and he said "lets see if we do anything friday?" so...I was very...astonished. I dont know if this is normal, I think I would react the same way. When I confronted him with it I said that he shouldnt shut me out and that he should be open to me, but I understand his unease and he said he understood but today he would just relax and play some games.
I told him I understood, but I seem to just feel so, left aside.
Its been slowly getting better I guess, I got a text at work yesterday saying he had broke his cup that I gave him for valentines and that he was sad he had broken it (NEVER has he EVER said he was sad about anything) and a few cuss words and sad faces, so I was blown over an found it extremely cute so I bought him another and planned to give it to him alone but once I got out of work it was 1am (retail) and our friends were already at his house waiting to hang out.
So, I've been dating this aquarius for almost 3 years, we have had our share of problems and recently I decided to tell him that I wasnt feeling the relationship was going anywhere and that I was feeling like we were both slowly winding down. He had been distant lately and so had I, and that was my fault for breaking up with him before because of those same feelings. I love him deeply, but yesterday I felt trapped and felt like his being distant would never have stopped. I talked to him about it and he had admitted he had been feeling frustrated because he felt I handled things badly and it took a toll on him but that he still loved me and just need time to unwind, and he said that if I could just refrain from breaking up with him it would help alot. I did just the opposite and broke up with him, feeling that I just didnt think I could deal with his aloofness and mine and he tried to talk me out of it, he even hid my keys. But in the end, I left and I was so sure of myself...until I got to my house and couldnt stop crying until 2am were then promptly the dinner he had bought me came up. I texted and called him, saying I was sorry and that I sincerely regretting doing that. He said he just felt that I would do it again and that he didnt like hurting me and that he himself was very hurt. I completely understand that, but now his only request was for me to let him unwind and just be there with him.
Thats not hard for me to let him do, but he didnt want to see me today, and he said "lets see if we do anything friday?" so...I was very...astonished. I dont know if this is normal, I think I would react the same way. When I confronted him with it I said that he shouldnt shut me out and that he should be open to me, but I understand his unease and he said he understood but today he would just relax and play some games.
I told him I understood, but I seem to just feel so, left aside.
Its been slowly getting better I guess, I got a text at work yesterday saying he had broke his cup that I gave him for valentines and that he was sad he had broken it (NEVER has he EVER said he was sad about anything) and a few cuss words and sad faces, so I was blown over an found it extremely cute so I bought him another and planned to give it to him alone but once I got out of work it was 1am (retail) and our friends were already at his house waiting to hang out.
The rest of the night he held my hand, and he took care of all the snuggly bits and asked me to come over his grandma's for easter (idk honestly if it was due to the eh, smoke) so...today he texted happy easter, and then nothing. He asked for me again around 2 since I hadnt answered, I asked him about the fact he said he wanted me over after he had gone to church, and all I get is this dry response how he hadnt done anything so he didnt tell me. So I said "oh ok, thats fine" and I dont see any signs of him asking me to come over 
I dont know if to leave it or...ugh.
All he asks is what I'm doing! And not the type of what are you doing that prompts you to say something and then he asks you to come over
I dont know if to leave it or...ugh. All he asks is what I'm doing! And not the type of what are you doing that prompts you to say something and then he asks you to come over
so in other words...you can act any way you want to act, when you wish to do so, but when he decides to call the shots...you get mad.
step back and look at your own brand of selfish and you will see why he is stepping back from you.
step back and look at your own brand of selfish and you will see why he is stepping back from you.
Yes, exactly, I am very very emotional selfish. The problem is now, I don't know how to be with him to help him if thats understandable.
I brought it up to him just now that I would like to see him, but that I saw he didnt but that he had sounded excited yesterday but that I understood and I'm sure he would be fine doing whatever he was going to do. I mean, he told me about his mothers dinner and said nothing about inviting me, so, I'm standing still here.
He responded to that and said I could come over but that he was just playing games "if thats ok :-X"
Im trying to decide whether to go to his house, I feel I pretty much forced him to tell me to come over, so Im debating whether to just go to my friends house and leave him alone.
Leokitten, you sound honest, what would you do?
I brought it up to him just now that I would like to see him, but that I saw he didnt but that he had sounded excited yesterday but that I understood and I'm sure he would be fine doing whatever he was going to do. I mean, he told me about his mothers dinner and said nothing about inviting me, so, I'm standing still here.
He responded to that and said I could come over but that he was just playing games "if thats ok :-X"
Im trying to decide whether to go to his house, I feel I pretty much forced him to tell me to come over, so Im debating whether to just go to my friends house and leave him alone.
Leokitten, you sound honest, what would you do?
i think you are selfish.
i think a person should want to spend time with you..not feel guilted into it.
you messed up. the consequences are what they are why the hell should you be calling him and twexting and asking to see him...YOU MESSED UP.
listen, it really sounds like you are not compatible. if he took you back, it would not be long before you pulled this shit again. i mean think about it...the man said out loud "it would help if you stopped breaking up with me"...so YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM.
i mean...seriously? so what he takes you back and the next time you do the same thing. you are a person who "punishes" to get your way. well, you got it. you are broken up.
why are you spending your easter waiting around? don't you have any other life than this guy>? if no..get one.
i think a person should want to spend time with you..not feel guilted into it.
you messed up. the consequences are what they are why the hell should you be calling him and twexting and asking to see him...YOU MESSED UP.
listen, it really sounds like you are not compatible. if he took you back, it would not be long before you pulled this shit again. i mean think about it...the man said out loud "it would help if you stopped breaking up with me"...so YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM.
i mean...seriously? so what he takes you back and the next time you do the same thing. you are a person who "punishes" to get your way. well, you got it. you are broken up.
why are you spending your easter waiting around? don't you have any other life than this guy>? if no..get one.
Well, I would say ask your self what do you want from this man. List three things in YOUR HEART that you feel NECESSARY to carry on any further dealings with this man. Ask yourself some questions.
1). Is he consistent with his actions or does he constantly disappoint you?
2). Is he reliable or unpredictable?-does he honor his word or does he tell you things and don't follow through!
3). Does he share his feelings with you or does he ignore you and act like you or your feelings don't exist?
4). Does he call when he says he will or does he tell you he is going to call and he doesn't call at all?
You get the message. I know personally, just like your man is stating to you, he DOES NOT LIKE YOU PUSHING AND PULLING from him. He doesn't WANT you doing it but instead of you listening to him, you are doing things he is expressing to you that bothers him. He doesn't want you being ambivalent-playing games with him to get your way. He doesn't want to be PUNISHED for his faults. He wants you to accept him the way he is and quit IDEALIZING him to be a man that he is not capable of being for you. Just think of THREE things that YOU need from HIM to make you feel safe. Anything more are things that YOU need to work on and make yourself happy. Relying to much on one person to make you happy and relying on another person to constantly reassure you of YOUR baggage is going to cause him to distance from you.
You want a MAN, not a puppet.
1). Is he consistent with his actions or does he constantly disappoint you?
2). Is he reliable or unpredictable?-does he honor his word or does he tell you things and don't follow through!
3). Does he share his feelings with you or does he ignore you and act like you or your feelings don't exist?
4). Does he call when he says he will or does he tell you he is going to call and he doesn't call at all?
You get the message. I know personally, just like your man is stating to you, he DOES NOT LIKE YOU PUSHING AND PULLING from him. He doesn't WANT you doing it but instead of you listening to him, you are doing things he is expressing to you that bothers him. He doesn't want you being ambivalent-playing games with him to get your way. He doesn't want to be PUNISHED for his faults. He wants you to accept him the way he is and quit IDEALIZING him to be a man that he is not capable of being for you. Just think of THREE things that YOU need from HIM to make you feel safe. Anything more are things that YOU need to work on and make yourself happy. Relying to much on one person to make you happy and relying on another person to constantly reassure you of YOUR baggage is going to cause him to distance from you.
You want a MAN, not a puppet.
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