Sweeping me off my feet.....

I think I'm finally penetrating that shell. I've noticed that if you don't give in to their pouting they begin to set it to the side.

My Cancer hasn't been able to sleep very well for a long time. The only time he sleeps is when he is at my house. Well I called Friday because we had plans but his friends were in town. He was grumpy on the phone for lack of sleep. He was rude also and I remained nice and calm. Well he canceled our plans and said he was canceling his plans with his friends as well to try and get some sleep. I understood and he got off the phone with me. After I cursed to myself about him acting like a dick on the phone...I got a call from him saying that he was so sorry for being a dick and telling me how much I mean to him. He said he got in the shower and realized that he was going to loose a good thing and a beautiful woman if he kept the dickness up. I accepted his apology and told him how much I loved him.
Well I called that night and he didn't answer. I called and his phone picked up but he wasn't on it and I could hear guys in the background and it sounded like he was at the store. Well I called him back and he answered ( I was a little pissed cause we made plans and he canceled saying he was going to get some sleep, but he was out with his boys) well I didn't say anything I just told him to call me when he was done. He felt bad and I hung up
He called twice and I didn't answer cause I was tending to my children and he left two messages. I called him back without checking the messages and he kept sending me to voicemail. I finally checked the messages and the first one said for me to call him back...and the second said "I've only been gone from the house for 25 min.s I went to the store with my boy and I'm back at the house now. Call me when you aren't upset........as a matter of fact don't call at all. I though about it and just have a good life and let's just not talk anymore" so I was like WHAT? I had called him over and over and he kept sending me to VM and so I left a message (pissed by now and tired) I told him "I don't know why you said what you said but I can live with that decision you made for us. I don't want to be with anyone who asks for my forgiveness and I graciously forgive you but when I need it you withhold it from me and play the "send you to VM" game. I love you with all my heart and I will have a great life and I'll always be praying for you"

The next day after I got my hair done he called and.....

acted like nothing ever happened... all cheery and shit. I was beside myself on the phone with him. He asked if i got my hair done and said he was on his way over. Well he came over and called himself making up....oh and did he make up? YES HE DID....

This weekend he over did his self. He picked me up and had a dozen red roses on the passenger seat when I got into the car and took me out to a nice elegant dinner and we road the Farris wheel and the train that goes through an underground aquarium. He when to the prize booth and played basketball and won prize for each one of my children. He took me out for drinks and then topped the night off with a romantic carriage ride through downtown.... man... it was Perfect, I couldn't have asked for more!!

I think this man may be finally coming out of the shell...at least for now. He sees that those hissy fits just aren't going to cut the cake. I have to work on myself as well...I will never doubt him or assume I know what's going on. cause I was wrong for jumping to conclusions thinking he was out with his boys and thinking he ditched me. But we never brought it back up...I guess we both knew that we both played our part in being wrong. So we said sorry by having a great night and making love....wwoooooaahhh....man... MY CANCER MAN!!!! I love him so much and I can see that we just might make it.

So is this what's beneath that shell— I'd protect something this good too..

Maybe I gave in too soon.... but i don't like games. I just want us to place all the games to the side and forget about how we used to love in our past relationships...and really begin to love each other the way GOD intended. I have to fix things about me and the same for him, but I want to fight for it all.

"So is this what's beneath that shell— I'd protect something this good too."

DAMN RIGHT!!! Thank you for saying that for me... I can't be boastful and say that about myself.

tears of joy crabluvr.....tears of joy....aaahhhhhh lol



Broken-shell.....nice pic....too cute!!!

Capywife... That story sounds a little off... He went to the store with his boy whom earlier he canceled plans with to get some sleep?? I so wish you the best!! These are the same kind of games my X played with me and you sound like me 4 years ago! He planned on makin up with you to begin with! Mind games is what I will call it! And it is typical for them to take you out wine you and dine you and have the best sex ever right after doin sumthin they know they was wrong for! Like it will be ok I will make it up to her later... And you will stay together as long as you are willing to put up with it all! But I could be wrong and you will have a happy happy ending! I wish you the best though! And good luck!

HG, he just moved in his place last weekend so he has been getting things for the house. He has insomnia and he has to take pills to go to sleep at night...they just diagnosed him last week. I hope for the best until God shows me the worst then I'm out of there. I think he went off the handle when he called himself breaking up with me (but we are not together so that's strange) anyway, I think when he saw that I wasn't going to chase him down about it he began to see his wrong and instead of giving him a chance to sulk and act like the victim, he saw that it wasn't going to work. He straightened up. In the past I would have kept calling and pleading with him but not anymore. He wasn't making up for going to the store...he was making up for going off on a limb and over exaggerating the circumstances...basically throwing a hissy fit when it was inappropriate. I'm trying to teach him forgiveness by showing him that you can forgive. Now how would that work if I treated him like he was treating me...making me pay for my mistakes by blocking me out and ignoring me (like most crabs do)...I saw this as improvement for him, because normally he would still be sulking.

So he is officially your man then?? You did throw making love in the mix, yeah—

CapyWife

Well as long as you know whats going on... That is all that really matters!! The behavior sounded similar to my X. He would treat me like that and then we would both pretend like nothing was wrong until I wouldn't put up with it anymore. Like how he twisted it back on you because you jumped to conclusions. He didn't have to throw a fit because you got upset. All you needed at the time was a little reassurance. It's called understanding. Everyone these days thinks that a relationship is supposed to be some perfect romance out of a story book. Relationships are a lot of work!!! So I'm glad that you are the understanding type. Those are the kind of people that Cancers need in their life.

Amen HG,

I have found that a lot of people do think that relationships should be out of a story book..no one wants to work hard for anything nowdays. It's really sad. That's the problem I have found with most of the people I meet. They expect for you to never make a mistake and for there to be no misunderstandings. I am very aware of the fact that we are all just human and we are not perfect, but it seems I've failed time and time again when trying to find a mate who thinks the same way.

MeMe....

Hell no this man is so slow.... I'm bout ready to give up. This Leo guy at my church is back trying to talk to me again. I've been trying to just place him to the side for now and concentrate on my Cancer man but he is so here and there. His emotions are all over the place. It seems like one minute he is all over me and the next he is out in space somewhere. He shows me a lot of love and then draws back. I'm tired of the games. I thought Caps were extremely cautious but the Cancer has us beat.

If I'm at the bay and the water is fine I'm jumping in to go for a swim....but him...he's "just sitting on the dock of the bay....watching the tide roll away...sitten on the dock of the bay... WAISTING TIME!!!" LOL///

Maybe he's not so much wasting time but I don't want to invest in this if he isn't investing in it...or maybe he is? Enlighten me...

He has been great lately but I just know that it's only a matter of time before he disappears again into his shell.

But that Leo....oooohhhh mmyyyyy.... He is tooooo fine. 6'1" about 245 nice thick arms and legs...like a bear. A great smile and pretty teeth...Just fine. Cancer has to know I care for him cause if I didn't me and Mr. Lion would be in our den by now....eeeerrrrr!!!! lol

But I'm under control and my eye is on my prize....My cancer!

that's the same with my Cancer... he is so scared..

No disrespect but there are so many RED FLAGS in this post its not even funny, I would listen to honeygirl a bit more closely and date that leo, shift total focus off the cancer and circular date meaning flirt and date other men (no sex) until cancer man MAN's UP and act accordingly, you will forever struggle with him if he's the ONLY man you choose to date and right now he's not worth investing in 100% , relationships aren't hard work, they are only hard when 2 people are not on the same page and instead of waiting for him to catch up with you which is taking the hard route I might add, you shift your attention over to leo and let him give you what your missing with cancer man, you are going to wear yourself out if you ride that roller coaster ride with cancer too many times and then you set yourself up for this toxic relationship which is hard to get out of.

Ladies NEVER EVER EVER invest ALL your time with a man that isn't measuring up..IT'S FUTILE and its not in your best interest to behave this way, you will always feel like your battling satan or treading up a steep hill with a 2 ton heave boulder with RESISTENT men....if you sense he's resisting in any way then give him space and find another until he can get it right...you can't fix him by doing too much talking, too much calling, too much ignoring, too much of anything which is too much investing and you will always feel hurt, confused and resentful in the end...

There is a process from courting to dating to commitment with a man, the women who know don't ever STRUGGLE with men and I find most women don't know what that process looks like FOR A MAN and most of us end up with toxic situations, making futile mistakes along the way

TIKI... you got it! that was so true!

Capywife you are smart, I know because you give out great info on this board and you deserve a good man, maybe this cancer isn't fully ready and instead of feeling like your chasing your own tail and playing games, the best thing you can do is flirt and date other men when the opportunity presents itself, therefore you won't be sending this I need you vibe and it will keep your cancer man close because he will sense that he doesn't have all of you and work to have you which is what he should be doing in the first place

I know I sound foreign to some women but I really want women to have great relationships with great men and I know if we women waste too much time on one particular man that is RESISTANT to having a great relationship then it BREAKS us down, it makes us feel less than desirable and it simply is not true it just feels true when we struggle with RESISTANT men.

Reistant men are men who are in HIGH DEMAND meaning he's got his shit together, loads of charm, good looking, money, good job and he's being approached all the time by women, so when you meet that great guy the best thing you can do is TREAT him like he's any other guy and DON'T EVER SHOW PREFERENCE AND FAVORITISM, he is instantly turned off by women who oooooh and aaaaah over him, he instantly starts to misbehave when you show you WANT a piece of him and his asshole radar kicks in because you are pretending to not be upset etc and he will become highly resistant and label you as clingy even if your not the clingy type, he's weeding you out from the rest so he's testing and playing games all the time.

Just know if he's high status, meaning if he's IN DEMAND he's going to play games as to not waste time on clingly needy low status women, they are way too much work for a man of that caliber so you better know the dating rules and have your own dating play book or you will get LUMPED into the boring predictable box and thats futile...he's testing you day one to see if your like the rest if you are he will become HIGHLY RESISTANT to any of your gestures and begin to reject you in some way.

Your best weapon is NO...they love it LOL! Sorry but its true, they love NO, say it as much as you like, he will work to have you on his team...don't fall into the good woman, good girlfriend trap...yawn boring

No sorry but I'm busy, or I would love to see you again but I am fiercely busy these days, thanks for the invite, I'm free Wednesday (pick a day) or be so busy that he has to lock down a date in advance, this is what he wants, he wants to chase you and feel like a man.

High status in demand women, women that men are lining up to date don't spend huge amounts of time with one particular guy unless he can fulfill ALL of her needs willingly and happily, so until you meet that one guy BE HARD TO GET, meaning your calendar is full, dating to feeding the cat to PTA meetings, he has to seriously beg for a date and this is what he wants, this is one of the ways you build attraction with high status men, just know when a guy is acting like a jerk, acting like an asshole its because the woman is DOING AND BEHAVING in such a way that is killing attraction, example like being to accomodating, meeting him, going half, chasing him by calling him just to call, answering the phone on the first ring, calling back when he doesn't ask you to call back, emailing and texting too much, acting happy when she's angry, all these things KILL ATTRACTION...learn how to build attraction with a man and the biggest attraction builder is UNAVAILIBILITY.

tiki your on it today huh? you just taught me a load a stuff.. thanks a bunch and from reading your post i see how i have been too availible... Those days are over.

I'm sure he's a great guy but if you find yourself struggling like I sense you have then it would be in your best interest that you not struggle by dating other guys, you want your cancer to have happy experiences with you and if your struggling it means he's associating you with negativity, which equals slow burnig death of attraction and soon the whole relationship, which is so not good,

expend your energy in others areas so when he shows up your so relaxed and happy he can't help but wanna be around you all the time but what I see and I have done this also is that women are 100% focused on that one man and she tries to give him her all, THIS IS NOT WHAT HE NEEDS NOR WANTS and from that point on he's acting like a total jerk because its way too much energy being given to one man and unfortunately its a turn off. If women would date again not sex but date other men, lunch, dancing, dinner, long talks and walks this would give a woman an alluring, mysterious, relaxed vibe and men are attracted to that vibe and will give you WHAT YOU WANT just to have you around making his life feel good and this is what he needs and wants this is one of the SECRETS to capturing his heart, when he's with you he always FEELS good around you, he FEELS good about himself when he's with you and FEELS good being with you, he doesn't care so much about all that other stuff women deem important when dating, his #1 deal maker is how he FEELS when he's with you and he will chase you down to get a piece of your time.

This means that you may not spend huge amounts of time together but every time you do spend is measured with feeling good and the more he feels good the more he will give to the relationship if he's ready and willing and if he's not measuring up you will become bored and move on to another man that isn't so resistant.

and just an fyi if a man is acting and behaving like a jerk this is a huge sign to step back because you are killing attraction in some way, step back and look at how YOU may be behaving, are you giving all the time, washing his clothes, picking up his dog, walking his dog, giving him money, giving him endless sex and attention, this is just some of the things we do to kill attraction and causes him to lose attraction.

Yes but you must realize that high status men have a way of making women LOWER THERE STATUS, part of this way is his ability to CREATE INTENSE attraction with EVERY WOMAN he comes across which automatically makes most women put there gaurds down and sling themselves into the relationship before it has even been established, she's conquered and he's bored which is recipe for JERK he instantly becomes a bored asshole, this is why its important to be mindful and stay conscious during the dating process, never let him have all of you until he's earned it and made it clear that its an exclusive relationship and it has to come out of his mouth, it can't be assumed EVER.

but wont me going out with other people make him feel like i'm not interested in him and like he can't trust me...cause that's how i would feel but then again im a woman.. that's the only reason why i haven't done it yet. I wonder if it will make him feel like "forget her she isn't even interested in me cause she is seeing other guys".... is this true? what do you think Tiki??

and one more thing, ugh I'm talking to much, sorry

don't fall into the good girlfriend trap, if he ask you to be his girlfriend, before you accept his request, don't just FALL into it, be conscious and mindful about the choices you make, please ask him what he believes a girlfriend is for him, every man has different ideas and definitions what they think is a great girlfriend/relationship and stick with that, don't deviate from that because this is what makes him feel comfortable and this is one of the reasons why women struggle, she is trying to give him what she THINKS he wants instead of knowing what he wants, if you know in the beginning it makes it easier for you, oh and for the men that don't love there moms and are always at odds with his mom he's RESISTENT, you will never have a great relationship with this man, sorry but its true, unless he's sought out professional help and/or come to a place of peace with it then he's always going to be a difficult resistant man to be with.

yes...tiki... this has been a breath of fresh air for me... i feel like a new woman like you've helped me break some kind of code or something. look at my previous post above and let me know what yu think.

but wont me going out with other people make him feel like i'm not interested in him and like he can't trust me...cause that's how i would feel but then again im a woman.. that's the only reason why i haven't done it yet. I wonder if it will make him feel like "forget her she isn't even interested in me cause she is seeing other guys".... is this true? what do you think Tiki??

No your still giving him your time and attention, he's just not getting ALL of it, once he begins to act like a real boyfriend that know what being a good boyfriend is then you can begin the process of being exclusive, right now his behavior is saying I'm not ready and the more you struggle with him, trying to sort him out, the LESS ATTRACTIVE you become, who wants to tongue his mom...get it? And the jerk asshole cycle never ends, you end it by allowing other men to give you what he clearly lacks and on top of that you may find that he's not worth it, you may find a GREAT man instead of a resistant man, your heart is not exclusive to ONE man because he's DONE NOTHING to have your heart exclusively, right now your dating...makes no sense to give more by expecting more because it doesn't work like that.

Thats your FEAR that he will leave, HE WON'T leave you and if he does then he was going to do it anyway LOL! If he don't like it then he will give you what you need and want or he will step back and figure it all out for himself or date you knowing that its not exclusive, you can have sex with him exclusively but the rest of your love life is yours to do with what you choose.

Alpha males could care less about you dating other men because he know the game and he know he's going to date and look for an Alpha female to date too while he's thinking about you as a potential partner. Dating and flirting is your option of course, if you don't want to date then you better have a full calendar and strong self control as you go through this process with your cancer.

"And the jerk asshole cycle never ends, you end it by allowing other men to give you what he clearly lacks and on top of that you may find that he's not worth it, you may find a GREAT man instead of a resistant man, your heart is not exclusive to ONE man because he's DONE NOTHING to have your heart exclusively, right now your dating...makes no sense to give more by expecting more because it doesn't work like that."

Lemme clarify on this, you can't change a man, you can't fix him and you can't make him less afraid, all you can do is live your life and invite him in to join you by being happy with your life, if you find that a man is resistant then he's resistant and there is nothing you can say that will make it change but what you can do is flirt and play and date other men while your man figures it all out for himself, every man is GREAT if he CHOOSES to be great and if he's not choosing then don't DO anything or say anything to HELP HIM CHOOSE IT, he's a grown man if he's not able nor willing to give you what you clearly deserve then he's not worth ivesting in which means he has to RESPECT you as a woman and if for some reason he can't then you have to go

He will not respect you if you TAKE HIS CRUMBS OF LOVE AND AFFECTION, crumbs are just that, crumbs and you will always feel thirsty and wanting more if your only dating the crumb giver d: date other men so you can add on to his crumbs and you may find that the crumb giver will begin giving more of himself the less he feels you need and want him.

I have been feeling pretty neglected and when i spoke with the Leo the other night it was so refreshing for me. I felt like a load was lifted off me...and i recall when i spoke with my cancer the next day it was simple and short and i didnt care that he was busy i just told him i'd call him later. Almost like tht conversation with the Leo made me remember just how desirable i am and how if he doesn't want to give me his time then maybe he doesn't even deserve it in the first place. I want to be in a relationship with him and I think i've been trying to trick myself by saying that I don't but I do, however the question remains...is he the right person for me? i know i have to figure that out first. I just didn't want him to be hurt over me talking to other men, but maybe he needs to see that he isn't the only fish trying to get the bait and if you want it then u have to fight for it. I hate games but I hate feeling like I care the most too.

i know i have to figure that out first. I just didn't want him to be hurt over me talking to other men, but maybe he needs to see that he isn't the only fish trying to get the bait and if you want it then u have to fight for it. I hate games but I hate feeling like I care the most too.

Just an FYI men love games, example, football, basketball, rugby, tennis, fishing, iron man, they love them so theres a direct conflict with you not liking them and him playing them...as long as you are true to yourself, as long as you sleep with whom you choose to sleep with exclusively or non-exclusively and your safe then its fine, you set the rules of how your life is going to be played out, NOT HIM, he's not running your life, you are and if there is something he finds offensive then he will sort it out with you or leave

Again you can WAIT (which is toxic in and of itself) for him to be the good boyfriend which is excruciating in every sense of the word for a woman, talk about self esteem killer, waiting on a man to get it right or you can go on and do your thing until he can muster up the heart to give you more of himself, you not focusing on him exclusively puts him at ease, if a man even sense you want exclusivity he's going to FIGHT and RESIST you all the way thus this is why you are getting the jerk asshole treatment but if you date, flirt and play with other men he will never get that vibe because you will be filled up with love and attention and this will INSPIRE him to give more himself to you, his love will come naturally to you without any effort on your part.

YOURE THE BEST TIKI THANKS

sounds like and I could be off on this Capywife but it seems he's still in the dating zone and your one step ahead of him by acting like a girlfriend...total conflict here, step back and date him, meaning no pressure, no incessive calling, no long talks about nothing and everything, no attitude if he breaks a date and no hiding your feelings in an attempt to make him like you more and when he's not acting a way that makes you feel good, instead of ACTING like its okay just step back even more which is the STRONGEST MOST EFFECTIVE MESSAGE to give a man, instead of using anger, nagging and whining which is the lease effective way to be with a man, she naturally understands the most effective message is to go cold on him, just stop TRYING to be with him, lean all the way back, no initiating affection, no asking for sex and kisses, no calling, no texting no nothing and he will feel compelled to come to you and you will ONLY be responding to him, meaning you will never initiate anything with him, you will only respond and be a good receiver of his time and attention, so if he gives you an hour make that the best hour of his life, which builds attraction and makes him give more of himself, it takes practice but you will see a huge difference in how he behaves with you.

Bottom line is this, a man either feels it or he don't for a woman, if he's being a jerk then he's not really feeling it, which is a womans que to build up attraction so he can feel it but it won't be built by convincing him she's the better choice, by convincing him that she's the one, attraction is built up by how she's behaving in certain situations, a man has to be inspired to go forward with a woman and LOGIC isn't a part of that process so no amount of talking, giving and convincing is going to make him feel more than he's ready to feel.

"Just an FYI men love games, example, football, basketball, rugby, tennis, fishing, iron man, they love them so theres a direct conflict with you not liking them and him playing them..."

i don't necessarily agree with that statement. i think cancer men (like myself) hate games. girls who jerk our emotions around might be able to get us, but they most DEFINITELY won't be able to keep us. when we look back at all the drama and damaged caused to us by these "games", it's almost impossible for us to look at you the same way again.

if you're playing for keeps, lay off the games. just be yourself, be honest and sincere. he will come to you if it's meant to be. if he's not yours to begin with because you two are incompatible, no amount of games will help be able to help you in that area...

Well I began to distance myself yesterday I think it had a backward effect. He noticed immediately and he was extremely upset about it. He couldn't figure out why I wasn't asking him questions when he wanted to get off the phone and why when I was busy I told him that I was going to have to call him back later cause usually I'll put him on my bluetooth and still talk. He noticed how I wasn't bothered by him needing to call me back and when he called back I wasn't questioning him or unhappy. He was pissed. He hinted that he felt like I was giving someone else my time and attention and that if I really loved him I wouldn't do that. If I really loved him I wouldn't mess up a good thing. He said don't "go that way" meaning don't go the opposite direction of him..away from him.

I explained to him exactly how I felt and that I loved him with all of my heart but I wanted more then he was willing to give me. I told him that I was tired of always being on the giving end and feeling like I want things more then he does. He was furious and that's when he said that if I really loved him the way that I say I do, then I wouldn't dedicate my time to someone else (I never told him I was doing that he was just assuming). He asked me if there was someone else and I told him that as of that moment there wasn't. He got pissed and hung up on me. I haven't talked to him since.

As soon as I began to pull away he got angry... this is what I was afraid of.

I'm confused. Did I mess up? He was assuming all kinds of things and was angry. I'm not sure what to do now... Give him time? I don't know..... Tiki—

CapyWife,
I have been reading some of your posts! He is confused, you are confused and you BOTH are confused because you BOTH keep telling each other that you don't want anything more than the "just dating" deal.

You are actually both hiding your feelings because neither one of you wants to "hurt" each other. Right now, he is manipulating you. Recognize it. He wants you to feel guilty yet you are unsatisfied within this "dating deal" relationship that you both have with each other.

If you cannot accept him the way that he is right now, leave him alone! You either accept or love him the way he is or YOU cannot deal with nor have the patience to deal with the back and forth behavior. You HAVE to practice being true to yourself and honest with what YOU are feeling. It really doesn't matter about his feelings because at the end of the day, YOU have to know what YOU want.

Just flat out tell him what YOU want out of this and that you are not A GIRLFRIEND, A FRIEND or a FRIEND with benefits. AND DON'T ACT LIKE YOU ARE! You are the prize here and you value you, your self and your time. Let him know that your heart is valuable to you and that you not willing to give your heart away to BS! He either is aware of what he wants with you or he can take a hike. If the timing is not right for him, you don't want to get tagged along with him doing the minimum he has to do to keep you. You will NOT ALLOW it.

I have read where you stated that you are not a stepping stone, doormat and DON'T BE ONE! Period! Right now, there are a lot of red flags from him but if he is WILLING to move the relationship forward, DON'T KNOCK him or dismiss him because he is trying.

You have to be willing to be open, warm, inviting to him and let him in your heart. You have to be willing to give him chances because he is only human just like you. YOU yourself have to have patience with him if you really want this to work out with him.

Cancer men pull away! They have sensitive emotions. Are you willing to accept this behavior? NOOOO then let him know that you are not interested in him PULLING AWAY from you. You need a man who is more emotionally mature with his feelings and right now, this is not want YOU want in your life. He will either pick up or sulk but you have to be open to sharing your feelings esp. with a Cancer man.

Stop all the reassurance, running around meeting him places, calling, EVERYTHING until he is sure that he wants you and ONLY you in his life.

bad. very bad. run now.

Well yes, I can agree to him wanting you to cater to his ego. I guess Leokitten some women have no problems with catering to a man's ego. They have no problems with constantly reasuring the man who they WANT.

Is it a good idea? Maybe to those women it is a good idea to chase after a man and constantly reassure him that they have undenying true intense love for him. It is nothing wrong with that concept until the man has CONQUERED them. Then he is off to someone else who has more self respect for herself other than revolve herself around being a preztel for him.

I don't know maybe women nowadays just don't know their worth. They don't understand that they are the prize! And you should be treated as ONE!

mis-constantly reassuring the man who they WANT.

"I'm confused. Did I mess up? He was assuming all kinds of things and was angry. I'm not sure what to do now... Give him time? I don't know..... Tiki—"

No you didn't mess up, you stayed true to yourself, he is the one that desires ALL the control in the relationship, he wants you to be the one on the begging end of the relationship which means he's never going to be able to FEEL and RESPECT you nor begin to understand were your coming from which means he will never be consistently giving back to you, you will be EXHAUSTED with this kind of behavior, emotionally and mentally and that is NOT love, he has DONE NOTHING to deserve exclusivity, he can't even stop behaving like an erratic insecure man none the less give you the secure feeling you need to be with him.

I totally agree with Krobe on this one, you are not a doormat woman and as long as you allow him to behave the way he is towards you thats the message your sending him, yes he may leave but from what it seems he's the leaving type anyway, if he pulls away then this is a sure sign of him attempting to CONTROL you on all levels by doing minimal work to keep you it keeps you in this begging, whining, low status position, this I can't get a man and your the ONLY man that wants me kind of position so I will put up with it..STOP IT! You don't want him to feel that way about you, making him feel you NEED him will not be in YOUR best interest...let him go until he can equally complement the love,energy, time you give to him...as for you seeing other men and him freaking out, it means nothing for the exception of his EGO can't stand that another man will GIVE YOU what he can't and instead of him DOING something about it he opted to make you feel bad about taking control of your own love life...wtf??

You stepping back allowed you to see him for whom he really is and now you have to decide do you want to be in a relationship with him this way and if not just move on to someone else, stop being scared that your losing a good thing, if you had a good thing you wouldn't be going through all this frustration with one man, he would be doing and giving and you would be fiercely happy right now, don't love him on his potential, love him on how he's making you feel and right now you feel crappy and confused, DING DING DING, RED FLAG that he's not pulling his weight and giving you what you need which should be enough info to base your decision on

"Is it a good idea? Maybe to those women it is a good idea to chase after a man and constantly reassure him that they have undenying true intense love for him. It is nothing wrong with that concept until the man has CONQUERED them. Then he is off to someone else who has more self respect for herself other than revolve herself around being a preztel for him.

I don't know maybe women nowadays just don't know their worth. They don't understand that they are the prize! And you should be treated as ONE!"

Very true, the thing capywife that I really want you to grasp ok, if you SETTLE for this treatment NO AMOUNT OF TALKING will be in your favor, you can't use logic to convince a man to stop behaving poorly towards you...IT DOESN'T WORK, your actions have to speak to him first, you have to be strong inside and soft outside this means, STOP EVERYTHING your doing RIGHT NOW, stop reassuring him, stop saying I love you if your saying it, stop making him feel safe by staying on the phone for hours at a time, stop going to him, stop calling him just to call, STOP CHASING him as if your the man, the reason why he's treating you bad is because your energy is masculine meaning your DOING what he should be DOING, he's matching your masculine energy by FIGHTING with you, which means he aint FEELING you right now, he's attracted to you but your energy is turning him off, he can't fall in love with masculine behavior, right now he is feeling buddy, friend not romantic partner, pull back and be FEMININE energy and feminine energy leans back, she receives love not go out of her way and chase love, she's a goddess, she's the feeling part of the relationship, she says how she feels...DON'T ALLOW him to throw you under the masculine man energy bus, he wants to be the girl in the relationship, THESE KIND OF MEN ARE EXHAUSTING, don't do it!! These men want to feel all the time, never GIVES anything, they are takers, so you have to lean back so hard that he has to either step up and be a man or LEAVE.

Don't let him wear you out ok, lean back meaning don't DO anything, stick to how you feel, I feel, it makes me feel like messages, you will find that he may be incapable of giving you anything, he's a resistant man, resistant to any and everything because he simply doesn't want to FEEL and GIVE back, exhausting men

you are the prize, ACT LIKE IT, if he's not giving you what you need then stall him out and give other men that aren't so emotionally exhausting a chance to court

feminine and masculine energy is an exchange, you complement one another not compete with one another, its not a tit for tat thing either, meaning he gives with love and you reciprocate and receive with love, meaning he initiates and you respond, if you initiate with a man you can never ever chase him, I'm not saying you can't call a man but more than one call in a day is chasing, I'm not saying you can't text and email a man but too much of anything kills attraction for a man, you have to have some mystery about yourself, you can't just say here I'm conquered now lets get married, yawn boring, stop it,

let him work to have you so he can respect and appreciate you....this guy is trying to buy gold with 5 $ dollar bill meaning he's attempting to do as little as possible to get the prize, which means he's going to neglect you, the roses and great dates is what I call FOG system, he fogs up your mind to keep you from questioning his bad behavior, he acts bad towards you but he know that all that good stuff will prevail over the bad thus he has you trapped and stuck on him because women tend to forget the bad and hold onto the good, he does just enough to keep you in that space...stop it, say so what, I can do better, I want what I want and if he is incapable then I will take care of me and give me what I need so I won't become this woman that I don't like, this woman that is at the mercy of a man all the time...uh hello!

If this man thought you were worth flowers and great dates, there is a better man that feels the same way, a more emotionally availabel mature man...if you stick around this man knowing he's selling you short then you are saying this is all I deserve to have and you will get what you feel you deserve, a crumb giving, egotistical, whining, emotionally immature man and it won't be anyones fault but yours...you and only you know your worth and if he's what you feel your worth then love it and do the best you can with it

Ok tiki I'm speechless.... you are like HEAVEN SENT

You have got to be THE most motivating right now. EVERY word that you just said has been taken and digested. I feel so strong right now and you're right EVERYTHING that I have been doing previously has to stop!!

"as for you seeing other men and him freaking out, it means nothing for the exception of his EGO can't stand that another man will GIVE YOU what he can't and instead of him DOING something about it he opted to make you feel bad about taking control of your own love life...wtf??"

So true. but I'm still taking control of it because it's very obvious to me now that it was out of control. It's crazy how when love blinds you you're incapable of seeing all the RED RED FLAGS....all the STOP signs, and WRONG WAY signs. I love him but you're so right, if he was a great man (not saying he isn't) I don't believe I'd feel so neglected and confused about everything. One minute he's calling me his girl and the next he is drawing the line saying "ok don't go pass this line". He's been treating me like his girlfriend when it's convenient for him and then his friend when it's convenient for him. I've been so stupid that I've been allowing him to decide which category I'll be in from day to day.

I feel stupid.. but your posts have made me feel a new strength. Sometime we have to be reminded of how priceless a good woman is.

What's up Tikki? Will hit you shortly!

Oh, yeah CappyWife quit telling him YOU love him with ALL your heart! LOL! It is not funny but what do you love? Be truthful to yourself! Do you love the way he hangs up the phone in your face? Do you love the fact that he whines you over to have sex with you then pull away? Do you love how he manipulates you because he CAN?

Hey girl I am not trying to put you down! One of my BEST friends she is a Cap and she just dumped her Cancer man for doing her the SAME EXACT way. Once you get tired, you get tired. Her CANCER man even gave her a ring after only six months of dating and after he "got" her, he did NOTHING else. I mean NOTHING! He just laid down in the relationship and she was soooooo unhappy.

We have deep talks and she asked me what should she do? I said, it really is up to YOU and what you want. If you like or enjoy being the man in the relationship, keep him. If you want a man who adores you, loves you for being a WOMAN and you are not going to settle, then let's go out. LOL! No but I understand how you feel, this is frustrating. You shouldn't be frustrated but you are and it is only because you are TRYING to hard to please him. STOP! STOP doing EVERYTHING. I have constantly stated on these posts YOU my dear, you were born a woman.

ONLY a WOMAN can give a MAN who acts like a MAN what he needs. Not unless he is interested in other men, you cannot fulfill him unless you play YOUR ROLE as a woman. If you want him to respect you and love YOU for who you are, just share your feelings and be yourself. Two men, in a man-woman relationship will not work. YOU are beautiful, you are blessed and YOU are the prize.

Your man seems to love the POWER he has over you!

Yeah, and Capywife YOU are def RIGHT! You are his girl when it is convenient for him. YOU have also fell into his trap of "just dating" which gives him the option to call the shots. He told you upfront no relationship and he is aware you want more. Now, he is feeding and tagging you along with MININIMUM. Come on girlfriend YOU are WORTH more than that you are beautiful!

So you disagree LK? Enlighten me.... I'm all ears

No Tikki is telling YOU the truth!

Me and Tikki's both have eyes wide open to the dumb things we do as women to please men and they just don't work! I quit that BS a LONG time ago my dear! I don't do ANYTHING anymore to try and please ANYONE but myself. I am true to myself and my feelings of what I have to do to make ME happy.

Trust ME CAPYWIFE, YOU will clearly open up and find out the most attractive things to do and say to and with a man is "NO". NO I am not accompanying you, I am not picking you up, I am not meeting you anywhere, I am not paying for dinner. NO, I AM NOT A MAN AND I WILL NOT ACT LIKE ONE!

You would be suprized how men will jump over a mountain to be with you. Now No more secrets. LOL!

Krobe,

Thank you so much you are so right.

"If you want a man who adores you, loves you for being a WOMAN and you are not going to settle, then let's go out. LOL!"

hahaha... i like that!!

"Now, he is feeding and tagging you along with MININIMUM. "

(sigh) this is the exhausting part...in the very least. No woman deserves that treatment!!

A guy friend of mine told me last night that a man will do all he can to keep you "just satisfied" until you wake up and realize that you're not satisfied at all. He said if a man really feels like you are priceless and worth everything then he will do right by you and stop all games and focus his attention on you. Men only do right for a woman THEY find worth in. He said this is the reason why it's important that women don't give in too soon cause to a man you're only worth it if they have to work hard for you. they want to feel like the man.

Men only do right for a woman THEY find worth in. He said this is the reason why it's important that women don't give in too soon cause to a man you're only worth it if they have to work hard for you. they want to feel like the man.

I have been saying this for MONTHS! But some women feel that this is a man "buying you" or you selling yourself. Men like to buy you! Only YOU have to make him desire to spend his life savings on you. AND A MAN WILL SPEND HIS LIFE SAVINGS ON YOU! HE WILL IF HE THINKS OR FEELS YOU ARE WORTH IT! I promise you he will.

Capywife, I am just saying STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING! You are not a man. You are a prize possession, you my dear you are a woman.

That means, no calling, no planning, no pursuing, no initiating, no accompanying, no meeting him at his place, no EXTRA energy if he is not doing WAY more for you. Trust, it works.

AND CANCER men don't like to be chased and pursued either. Not unless he has some def low self esteem issues. He wants you to give him space to come back to YOU IF he chooses to do so. You have to have a BACKBONE and not let him manipulate YOU. No man wants YOU to help him be a man.

Despite all the things I have read on these posts about men, not just Cancer men, you will do better off letting the man pursue you and not giving in to sex right away.

I got you Krobe... We were friends first for 3 years so the sex came later but I completely understand. And I agree!!

I got you Krobe... We were friends first for 3 years so the sex came later but I completely understand. And I agree!!

Yeah, and right now you are still in friends zone! Why? Because you have ALLOWED him to tell you that he doesn't want a relationship with you and he wants to move slow. A TOXIC MAN TRAP! A TRAP INDEED! You are meeting him, calling him, talking to him on the phone for hours, letting him come over on his terms. YOU ARE BEING A GOOD WOMAN! A DOORMAT and that is the reason why he is doing the min to keep you. YOU ARE ALLOWING IT!

I would let him deal with his own insecure issues and QUIT being a friend. If you love this man, quit being his friend. That means STOP doing masculine "manly" things and be the woman in the relationship and do what YOU need to do for YOU!

Krobe,

Yeah you're right. After all those years and now we are still just friends. Spending all this time together and stuff. How can someone get a kick out of manipulating feelings...it's crazy. I see it all so clearly now. If it was meant to be it will be and I'm backing off to see the forest minus the trees. If he cares things will become more consistent. How can I know so little about all of this...like i was raised in the bush somewhere? eeeerrrrrrrr

Leokitten, I stated if you like playing the masculine role, then that is fine! If you like initiating, planning and doing alot of work to keep things going in the relationship and you are happy and content with doing instead of being, then you will have NO problems because you like being the masculine partner. I have a problem with it. I like being in the feminine. I would prefer my man do his job.

Hey Krobe will hit you in a minute d:

" If he cares things will become more consistent. How can I know so little about all of this...like i was raised in the bush somewhere? eeeerrrrrrrr"

Don't feel bad, I used to live amongst the trees ok, I had a card board house, I was bathing and soaking in ignorance amongst the trees, I was stuck and yes LK and I was always bumping heads because I was the infamous doormat kind of girl, and she called me out as I call out so many today, I was the infamous just a friend on his terms kind of girl and I could draw in a girlyman (the emotionaly unavailable always taking kind of) toxic man in a minute, oh and lets not talk about the giving I was doing, shame on me, so don't feel bad, just pick up fast not becuase its a bad thing but its something that will help you make better choices in your love life, don't waste time on a man that DON'T GET IT, I remember I met this fine ass man ok, I mean charm, looks, money and he told me flat out, I don't want to fix a woman, I don't want to teach her how to be, I don't want to show her how to date and how to carry herself, thats way too much work for me and you my dear are working too hard, this man is stringing you along, not because he's that kind of man in general but because you have allowed him to do it.

Drop that bomb on him and do as LK did and set some strong strong boundaries, meaning you tell him what you want and don't want and you allow him the decision to stay or go and when he crosses the boundaries you simply cut him off, meaning you don't nag and talk about how he's crossing boundaries and dogging you out, you just go COLD on him, become totally unavailable until you figure out how you want to deal with it.

You have more power than you think but the key is being fearless, willing to lose him, women who feel they need a man will put up with all kinds of toxic behavior and the only person that loses is the woman that felt she wasn't good enough to speak up for herself, the woman that feels she deserves bad treatment...

the thing about masculine/feminine energy it has to be a balance and both partners have to respect those roles, meaning you 2 complement one another, so a woman can very well be the masculine energy in the relationship but he has to respect your role and vice versa

I find that most men like the one capywife and the one I dealt with in the past is that he switches from masculine to feminine when he feels like it and it causes total confusion in the woman, so the woman can very well choose to be masculine but as soon as she does or says something he doesn't like and its an inconvienance for him, he steps up becomes a man again, takes over being masculine energy and then when she falls into the feminine energy role and he senses he has to do way more work than he's willing then he falls back and says oh man this is way too much work and jumps back into that feminine energy on HIS TERMS, so he's constantly leaning forward and leaning back on his TERMS which causes a woman to doubt her ability to be a great girlfriend because NOTHING ever matches up, he's always pulling rank when he feels like it, I don't care for these kind of men and I will check out on his ass in a minute.

LK you 2 found your way of being with one another and I'm sure things remain mostly consistent but with men like Capywife has they are totally exhausting and as you said going to a carnival once is fine but living in the carnival thats hell LOL! Sorry but it is.

I'm masculine and I know that's a Cap's trait... Like the father rather then the mother. Now that i sit and think about it i can see how a man can feel less of a man when a woman is calling him and making plans. Wow I can see how just my behavior may have messed up a lot of potentially good relationships. OH WELL