Understanding Cancer Woman

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by MuchLovetoGive on Wednesday, March 6, 2013 and has 21 replies.
I have a "friend" in my life who I love very much and we had a moment in February where we danced and ended up making out for quite a while. We went about 10 days without sorting through the whole thing and then agreed to make an attempt to be more than friends. Since she doesn't express her feelings verbally much, I didn't realize how serious that was and two days into it, I was slightly impatient in a situation and she called it off.
We spend a ton of time together, a ton, and my feelings haven't gone away. I don't want it to be over, but she isn't considering the possibility of trying again. She still goes places with me and says things that I think show our feelings match up. I don't know how I can go back to being friends when I have so much love to give her. I don't care if she's moody. I don't care if she needs to run away sometimes. I only care that it's okay for us to kiss and hold each other and that I'm the only person doing that with her and she's the only one doing it with me.
I hug her almost every time we leave each other and she never pulls away or cuts it short unless it's lasted a long time and she has to go. I think, sometimes, when she pulls away it's because she wants to fight the feelings. Anyway, does anyone have insight as to where I should go from here? I'm basically wondering if there's any chance of winning her over eventually or if I just have to deal with the severe hurt of knowing we'll never explore the possibilities of love.
details
Charts in the meanwhile plz
details
Posted by KurtAngle2
Charts in the meanwhile plz


Added chart stuff, I think.
details
This COULD be the situation :
You're like madly infatuated with her and you want her so bad, but shes made it clear shes not interested but she just wants to be friends. So these feeling you have for her, you're like over thinking and misreading signals. I dunno I just had a sutation like this happen too me very recently. And he would tell me that he thought that I meant that I was giving him signals, when I WASN'T.. And he would claim that the words I said had a hidden meaning and meant something else, when they very well didn't. I just use different words when Idk what too say and im pulling myself out of an awkward situation... Sooo She doesn't express her emotions for you because she has none and doesn't want too hurt your feelings but doesn't want too loose your friendship (?) Because usually when someone is not interested the other one goes away and stops talking and she probably doesn't want that ? So shes just letting it go along ?
I dunno that's just how I work personally in situations like you have right there.
details
Those two situations sound very different actually.
details
She doesn't want to lose my friendship, that's true, but it is incredibly difficult for me to believe that she's not still feeling it when she still holds my hand sometimes and talks about how the world disappears if we get too close to each other. I haven't attempted to hold her or kiss her the way I did before she said she couldn't do it and wanted me to be her friend, but when we hug, I feel chemistry and I think she would push me away if she didn't enjoy them.
I'm just trying to figure out if and when I should give her space, if that would help or would make her think I moved on. I don't want to look for someone else when there's someone I get along with so well. I don't know if a cancer's mind would never change in a situation like this, or if being patient would bring her back to me.
P.S. I've tried to add an avatar and it isn't working.
details
Posted by MuchLovetoGive
She doesn't want to lose my friendship, that's true, but it is incredibly difficult for me to believe that she's not still feeling it when she still holds my hand sometimes and talks about how the world disappears if we get too close to each other. I haven't attempted to hold her or kiss her the way I did before she said she couldn't do it and wanted me to be her friend, but when we hug, I feel chemistry and I think she would push me away if she didn't enjoy them.
I'm just trying to figure out if and when I should give her space, if that would help or would make her think I moved on. I don't want to look for someone else when there's someone I get along with so well. I don't know if a cancer's mind would never change in a situation like this, or if being patient would bring her back to me.
P.S. I've tried to add an avatar and it isn't working.


I would say distance yourself a little to make her realize what she's missing smileI had a guy do this to me and it worked.
details
It's sort of hard to not communicate with her at all, because we have activities that are mutual and we would have to quit to not be around each other anymore. So one thing that's been happening is I will say something nice and she won't respond at all. I'll offer to do something for her via message and she just won't ever say anything about it. Do any Cancers have insight on that or any of the other things that I've posted?
details
I guess I should clarify that she'll basically "disappear" in those situations. I will say (on IM) that I want to make things okay because she's not feeling well and she'll respond with a type of smiley immediately go offline, or she will skip over the topic if she does stay online.
details
Posted by MuchLovetoGive
I guess I should clarify that she'll basically "disappear" in those situations. I will say (on IM) that I want to make things okay because she's not feeling well and she'll respond with a type of smiley immediately go offline, or she will skip over the topic if she does stay online.


I'm sorry to say this but it sounds like she's not interested in you romantically, stop offering to do things for her and stop sending messages unless she initiates contact. Treat her as a friend and nothing more and start dating other people to get over her.
details
The truth is I didn't really know how to respond to your forum post, because I didn't want to give you false hope but then again I didn't want to destroy your hope for something that is really there. Also, since any posted experience on here is filtered the poster, I can't give you a 100% accurate interpretation of her actions, but here it goes. I have considered that she might have been toying with you until I've read that you and she have been friends for quite a while. And the things is Cancers usually do not toy with their friends, because well we take friendship, love, and family pretty darn seriously. However, you also said that some of your actions that expressed love are not reciprocated by her, which could also suggest that she is not interested in you as a lover but is afraid to lose you as friend or it can also suggest that she may be a bit too shy to express her true feelings. But to be honest, I would probably act loving back to a friend that I was not interested in as a lover so their feelings wouldn't be hurt. Maybe the best thing is to confess to her and ask her if she feels the same? The forwardness of your actions may shock her, but it's better to know the truth. And you never know. She might feel the same way too. Best of luck!! smile
details
Yeah, she's a quiet one when it comes to this. I'm probably going to have to convince her to speak, again. She's so open except about this situation, I have to hint or ask to get her to reveal anything. I know she felt the same before, it seems that the complications of dating are what turns her off.
details
Posted by MissyCancerXD
The truth is I didn't really know how to respond to your forum post, because I didn't want to give you false hope but then again I didn't want to destroy your hope for something that is really there. Also, since any posted experience on here is filtered the poster, I can't give you a 100% accurate interpretation of her actions, but here it goes. I have considered that she might have been toying with you until I've read that you and she have been friends for quite a while. And the things is Cancers usually do not toy with their friends, because well we take friendship, love, and family pretty darn seriously. However, you also said that some of your actions that expressed love are not reciprocated by her, which could also suggest that she is not interested in you as a lover but is afraid to lose you as friend or it can also suggest that she may be a bit too shy to express her true feelings. But to be honest, I would probably act loving back to a friend that I was not interested in as a lover so their feelings wouldn't be hurt. Maybe the best thing is to confess to her and ask her if she feels the same? The forwardness of your actions may shock her, but it's better to know the truth. And you never know. She might feel the same way too. Best of luck!! smile


+1
details
Here it is over a month later and I still don't know how to deal. Ugh. Sometimes she wants to run and sometimes she comes and let's me hug her, but I don't think she'd ever, ever come to me for a hug, it would have to be me showing her that I will hug her before she approached. Then, when she does come in for a hug they're long, I think we end them because we notice everyone else noticing. They're also super, super close, every part of our body touching. There also was a time when we were out with the entire group we're both involved in and we danced together, it was also body to body and when I tried to hold her hands while we danced, she held mine back, didn't avoid me. I also noticed her staring at me the other day at our group. We were taking a group picture and there was one person between she and I, that person turned toward me and she stared until I noticed and kept staring.
We went, just the two of us - no other friends, to do something together yesterday and she messaged me afterward about going to do that again more frequently. Because I noticed she was being a little more open, I asked her why she keeps me at arm's length. She didn't really give detail, but told me that I'm not the only one she's been spending less time with - I think that was about her friends. She said she's been hiding a lot and tired a lot. I told her that I understood and I didn't want to be part of the problem, but I made sure to let her know to text me if she needed to talk.
There was an event we both went to a couple weeks ago and I did my best to let her do her thing completely and only talked to her when she approached me, even walking away if her attention got redirected to something else, I noticed her staring that night too and, even though we didn't hang out together like we normally would, at the end of the night she gave me a very close, very long hug.
That was sort of scattery, but I hope it gives some more insight. I basically don't ask her too much because I don't want to push her further into her shell.
details
I'm sorry to say I think this is a one sided love affair. Cancer women can act contradictory in the beginning. It can come from fear of getting hurt BUT when you get strong signals from the man you like that they like you, things flow alot more smoothly. Cancers are many things but we're not afraid of commitment. I know that's how it's been with me in my romantic relationships. If I liked the man, I never felt crowded if he wanted to spend all his time with me because I dug him. With men I didn't like romantically, I don't want to hurt his feelings or lose his friendship and so if I can get away with delivering that message passively, I'll take that path. Besides, how many dudes really want a woman telling them, "I think you're a great guy but I don't have those feelings." If I'm asked point blank, I'll answer honestly but otherwise I'll cool off the contact and hope they realize I'm just not that into them.
You're waiting in the wings. And I'm sorry to say, you're waiting in vain, as most men who wait in the wings find out they do. You're best bet is to cool things off. Cut off all contact and see if she misses you. If it helps any, I've been sorely disappointed in love myself. And what I remind myself at those times is that, regardless of their feelings or lack of them, that I deserve someone who will love me and put me first. If you gotta read between the tea leaves to find out if the person you like likes you back, that's generally a bad sign. Relationships that are right and good for you, flow more easily because you're both on the same page.
I asked a man whose been married 50 years what the secret to a good marriage/relationship is and he said (the obvious): pick the right person. The right person is, among other things, the person whose hot to trot for you and wants what you want. No matter how good a person looks on paper, if they're not hot to trot for you, they won't make you happy in the long run. Pick the woman who digs you, in other words, and say good bye to the "one that got away."
details
She's definitely afraid of commitment, without a doubt, and that's not just coming from this situation.
I can see what you're saying, but I also don't understand why the staring and close hugs and dancing holding hands would occur if she didn't reciprocate feelings.
details
She's definitely sending mixed messages and that ain't good. I'm not in this so I can only speculate. What it sounds like to me is that she really really cares for you as a friend. She prolly got drunk and started making out but then realized she had crossed a boundary and pulled back b/c she can't be your girl and she doesn't want to hurt you.
details
There've been multiple occasions where we've kissed and danced and where she's gotten close to me, drinking was only involved the first night.
I'm trying to sort through this here because she is not forthcoming with her feelings and mine aren't going away. I'm considering breaking off any non-required contact so that I can somehow get rid of what I feel. sigh
details
Posted by MuchLovetoGive
There've been multiple occasions where we've kissed and danced and where she's gotten close to me, drinking was only involved the first night.
I'm trying to sort through this here because she is not forthcoming with her feelings and mine aren't going away. I'm considering breaking off any non-required contact so that I can somehow get rid of what I feel. sigh

There's the answer that you are looking for... though I know it is not what you wanted to find.
Nothing has changed for you in almost 3 months ! You know... when you are not getting something that you want in life... you've got to change something that you are doing ! You are repeating everything in the same way day after day, week after week... thinking something is going to magically change. So... stop 'considering' breaking it off and just do it. You cannot lose what you don't have.
I've known a lot of Cancers in my day... including my own Mother. I cannot say that the touchy-feely thing means nothing... they tend to be shy with this too.
Go back to your 10-day makeout session... I think that you will find that you were a bit different than you are showing yourself to be today. Is this true ? Did you make the first move before ? Go back to THAT guy now... yes... break it off, but only to go back to THAT guy. Treat her how THAT guy treated her... THAT was the guy that she liked being with. You can still be her friend... just not all of this huggy, hand-holdy, body to body stuff that you are doing now... thinking that she will make the first move as a result... because she won't.
In time... she will start pointing out that you are ignoring her... or that you didn't say 'hi'... little sideways steps such as these... at least she will be out of her shell. Be nice about it all... I am sure you will... care from afar. Do what THAT guy did... THAT guy had her attention !
Best of luck !
details
Well, she's started not showing as much affection to me recently -- I don't know if it's because she's feeling overwhelmed by the world or if she's successfully squelching her feelings. Anyway, a couple nights ago I told her I needed to move on and not be friends anymore. She didn't say anything back and told me that she hadn't found the words yet. Two nights later she came to me and we talked. She seemed sort of angry that I told her I wouldn't be talking to her anymore, that I wouldn't be hanging out with her anymore. We talked a long while and it was wonderful, but when I woke up this morning I realized that us being friends is me caving to her wants and needs and ignoring mine.
So I spent most of the day writing a letter to her telling her what I thought about her and me giving in to her wants. I told her how I felt and why I thought it was silly to have feelings for someone and avoid them (because it ends up she did have feelings too). I went over everything I could think of to, hopefully, convey my feelings once and for all. Then, at the end, I told her I was going to take a short break and I'd talk to her on a certain day about the next thing we were going to do together -- because that thing was important to her.
This is all difficult and I know she deserves love, but I can't make her receive it.
details
you didn't seal the deal when you had the chance...you missed your moment. I think it's tough to recreate it and she is sure as hell not spending so much time thinking about you.
details

Leave Your Feedback

We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.

Home Astrology Comments Forums Search

©1997-2025 dxpnet.com. All Rights Reserved.
Advertising Contact Terms of Use Privacy Policy