Update -Ex Cancer calls after 2 yrs. of no contact

This topic was created in the No Contact forum by libra22 on Thursday, April 25, 2013 and has 42 replies.
This is an update story to the original one named "Ex Cancer called after two years of no contact at all", and you can find it in the Cancer section.
So, last night I was the first one to write to him as I saw him online over facebook. He was nice to me, but always giving me critiques of the type that I dont know how to keep a real man. I told him that is not true because first of all he is nothing to me to be kept next to me. After sometime of random talk, he confessed that he doesnt feel like loosing me, that I have the key of his heart, he loves me, he sees me as his other half as his soulmate, I am everything he is not, and that he sees me as his future wife... Dammit!!!
He is so desperate into meeting me in Ayia Napa, and he elaborated me his plans with me. So, he wants me to go in August in Ayia Napa, and then be together again, in relationship. How would this relationship function? - He said we will meet on the special occasions, and after two years we can completely move in together to .... lets say a place where I never thought of. He wants me to be his sexy caring wife, and If i can do only those two (sexy and caring) he would do anything for me. It is sweet and lovely to hear that from a great guy that looks like Christian Gray from the book "Fifty Shades of Gray", but the problem is that he is too spontanious and he scares the s^^t out of me with his ideas...
The more he talks to me, the more I want to be with him! ! !
He called me future wifey last night...
Either I dont know what I want, either my inner intuition is confused.
Girls fight to be with him, whereas I have him in my hand, and I think he is serious... Firstly I was doubting that he is telling the truth but as days go by, I think he is telling the truth... He never lied to me tho!!!
p.s I was reading again my natal chart last night, and figured out that in VIIth house i have Cancer! I gave him my natal chart, he couldnt believe it...
~Libra
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He's trying it on to see if u fall for him... I don't think he is being realistic with his fairy ideas
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Posted by SamCancerGirl
He's trying it on to see if u fall for him... I don't think he is being realistic with his fairy ideas


Hes not a 20 year old immature guy. He has better things to do rather than test if i fall for him, which in fact it is not, and if i say you are not right, i am absolutely sure in that.
Thanks for your contribution.
~Libra
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Posted by geminicandle
Libra22,
What would your parents say if you married him?
Personally, I think you should marry him and be with him. It sounds like that's what both of you want.



Geminicandle,
you didnt delete ure profile, did u?! I am glad to see you again here.

My father----He doesnt like him. Theres no specific reason, or well there is... Hes Jewish, and he wants me to marry either Catholic either Christian guy! To me this doesnt matter, but he thinks religion can become a problem!
My mother-----She thinks I should be with someone as rich as he is, lol... She thinks I should find a guy whos a middle class, and make him successful one!
What it comes to me, both of my parents thoughts are irrational. Why? - Because religion doesnt pay importance, his parents are maybe practicing their religion, but he is defenitely not. Plus, theres nothing wrong in being Jewish. Hes a great guy. What it comes to my moms thought, rich or poor doesnt matter... He is the way he is...
Umm... we talked about the married life too. He thinks we will be happy together and we will have happy kids with us too. He just doesnt want me to be CEO of a Bank, but he wants me to be his sexy and caring wife, or lets say, he wants me to be his housewife.
I wanted him to come to my city, as I dont feel comfortable at all going to Ayia Napa to see him, but he said no... Lets do the beach and party thing... Huh!!!
What would u do if u were in my shoes?! Would you go to meet him?!
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Posted by sugaries
If I know one thing, I know that Cancer men love to talk about the future, especially marriage. It's like foreplay for them. He may very well have good intentions, but he can't predict your future together.
Have the 2 of you ever been in a relationship?


Yes. We have been in a relationship!
He never confessed feelings... he is always scared of that, but last night... I dont know what happened to him. He looks like someone who cant get a hold of him from the outside, but from the inside hes this sweet and good hearted guy that wants care and attention, and someone that loves him for who he is, not for what he has.
If fact, he was the one turning me on saying to me "my wife".
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Posted by libra22
Posted by SamCancerGirl
He's trying it on to see if u fall for him... I don't think he is being realistic with his fairy ideas


Hes not a 20 year old immature guy. He has better things to do rather than test if i fall for him, which in fact it is not, and if i say you are not right, i am absolutely sure in that.
Thanks for your contribution.
~Libra
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If he was serious he wouldn't ask you to go to Ayia napa..There's always two sides to every story.
Let's see how this pans out. Good luck it's lovely to be young and carefree but be careful
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I think it would be good to spend time together and see where it goes but also words about the future should be taken with a grain of salt even though he is an older guy. My own Cancer would get caught up in his emotions and it would all come out of his mouth but following through was a whole other thing. I even broke it off with him at one point because he was driving me crazy. We've been back together for a long time and it's been good so I still think your guy should have a chance but with you keeping in mind it's about actions not words.
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All I've heard is he wants this and he wants that and he wants this...
What do you want?
I bet it doesn't count, because it is all about what he wants and what you want is not important and if in future you decide that you actually want something...you won't get it or you will be tossed aside for not being the "sexy, caring...you forgot OBEDIENT wife"
I'd listen to your mother...I'm sure she has a lot more input into this but is holding back!
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Yes well that all depends if you are wiling to be a doormat for love..if you are happy with being that type of person
Go for it!
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@GeminiCandle,
Gem... Basically, you regret for listening to ure parents, right?
Believe me, I am scared too... If I knew what to do, I wasnt going to post this on this forum, thats one thing for sure.
Once one wise lady told me this, she said, "dont marry the one that you love, marry the one who loves you, thats how you will be happy" ~ I think she was trying to say that if you are with someone he loves you, he will do everything to please you and make sure you are alright with him, and by having him doing that, he will become dear and valuable to you... I agree with her. I need someone to look after me, to care about me, to show affect and love towards me. Cancer guy is emotional guy. He has that... in fact, he doesnt rely on words...but on actions...
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Posted by geminicandle
Posted by sweethearts
All I've heard is he wants this and he wants that and he wants this...
What do you want?
I bet it doesn't count, because it is all about what he wants and what you want is not important and if in future you decide that you actually want something...you won't get it or you will be tossed aside for not being the "sexy, caring...you forgot OBEDIENT wife"
I'd listen to your mother...I'm sure she has a lot more input into this but is holding back!


You know, I learned the hard way that there is nothing wrong with being obedient to a man. Not being abused by him, but being his little sexy and caring wife. Feed a man, sex him, don't talk back and you got yourself a happy man (words of my Scorpio ex).
Maybe more women would be happy and we would have less of these depressing forums, if we understood this simple concept of how male mind works.
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I dont have problems with being obedient to man either... One has to be man, you cant have both main heads in the house. I am thought that man should be the head of the family, no matter where the woman comes from, or how much she earns, etc etc etc.. In fact, I like being obedient by him... He knows how to do it the right way.
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Posted by geminicandle
Posted by sweethearts
Yes well that all depends if you are wiling to be a doormat for love..if you are happy with being that type of person
Go for it!


No, not a doormat. But a woman who wants to be in control too much is set to lose. Unless you want some weak guy who you can boss around.
There is a reason why older generation got it right and were happier...like maybe talk to your grandma and get some tips from her. I mean not you, but all of us.
I tried both ways, and every time I tried to control a man, I lost tremendously. I say just let it be.
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Sweethearts, you maybe are a sweetheart but let me tell you this...
He wants to be with me bc I am highly educated, he knows i will make good mom and wife, he knows I will be great with his relatives and family, he knows i will support him in everything he does, he knows i will be his everything -> which is what my mother has been teaching me until now!!! He has always thought me to be the best at these things... Like we say here, Be a Lady infront of his parents, friends, relatives, but Be a bitch when your in bed with him! I am that way sweetheart... And that is why none of my ex boyfriends has ever said any bad word about me... but when we break up, they all greet me and honor me for being a 'great girl'.
You gotta be an American chick, Winking
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@GeminiCandle,
Theres a huuuge difference in the way the Balkan girls and the Western girls think....
A professor i had at the iniversity married a woman from Serbia... when he was lecturing me he told me this, "no matter what nationality your husband will be, you should give your Balkan mentality to your kids"
I think I am proud of being from one of the Balkan countries... Winking
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Posted by geminicandle
Posted by libra22
@GeminiCandle,
Theres a huuuge difference in the way the Balkan girls and the Western girls think....
A professor i had at the iniversity married a woman from Serbia... when he was lecturing me he told me this, "no matter what nationality your husband will be, you should give your Balkan mentality to your kids"
I think I am proud of being from one of the Balkan countries... Winking


Yes, for sure.Alwaysssss remember your heritage and ancestry. I messed up in my life, because I was raised in the West, mainly America. I don't even watch American movies or read the books anymore, they pollute my brain. Now, I am reading Slavic books.
I have a feeling you will come a long way in your life, and I am glad we met on here.
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Gemini,
Do you maybe want me to send you some good love stories on Serbian?! My mom gave them to me to read them when i was 18... I read some, but she has a looot from them. All good stories.
Let me know, It wont be a problem to send you some good one!
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Posted by geminicandle
Posted by libra22
Posted by geminicandle
Posted by libra22
@GeminiCandle,
Theres a huuuge difference in the way the Balkan girls and the Western girls think....
A professor i had at the iniversity married a woman from Serbia... when he was lecturing me he told me this, "no matter what nationality your husband will be, you should give your Balkan mentality to your kids"
I think I am proud of being from one of the Balkan countries... Winking


Yes, for sure.Alwaysssss remember your heritage and ancestry. I messed up in my life, because I was raised in the West, mainly America. I don't even watch American movies or read the books anymore, they pollute my brain. Now, I am reading Slavic books.
I have a feeling you will come a long way in your life, and I am glad we met on here.



Gemini,
Do you maybe want me to send you some good love stories on Serbian?! My mom gave them to me to read them when i was 18... I read some, but she has a looot from them. All good stories.
Let me know, It wont be a problem to send you some good one!


Yes, please dosmile
I really would enjoy that and appreciate it so much. Hvala ti punoWinking
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I will look at them tomorrow since they are in the basement, some of them, and will PM you. Nema na cemu, Big Grin
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Yes I have a western upbringing but an asian background and I have seen both sides. And particularly where you devote your whole life to being the obedient caring faithful wife and mother while he is the head who eventually strays because of his boredom of you.
Either way, whatever you choose, it's your bed you lie in it however what I pick up here is your head thinking...not reading anything you feel in your heart.
Love starts in the heart..
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You don't owe this guy anything. Make him come to you, in your city, in your comfort zone, on your terms. He's the one that broke up with you, he needs to prove to you that he's more than just words. No excuses!
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Posted by FieryBullette
You don't owe this guy anything. Make him come to you, in your city, in your comfort zone, on your terms. He's the one that broke up with you, he needs to prove to you that he's more than just words. No excuses!


I told him what if he comes to my city and spend time together...instead of Ayia Napa... he went mad... he said i can set those rules with any guy, but not with him...He wished me good night and said probably there is no hope in us...
what in this world?
I seriously need some cancer guys in here to tell me whether they are nuts as that guy is!!!
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Posted by FieryBullette
You don't owe this guy anything. Make him come to you, in your city, in your comfort zone, on your terms. He's the one that broke up with you, he needs to prove to you that he's more than just words. No excuses!


Smart girl
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You are proving you have a mind of your own and even if you were to bow down now and conform...eventually you will tire of it and start wanting to do your own thing and that will cause trouble. As much as you are sold on what he can offer you in security, I think you want really love.
Your mamma is right!
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He wants you to be his "sexy and caring" wife, and that's all he wants from you? Wow, sounds like true love. I bet he'll eventually make you into his mistress and marry some mother-figure down the road...
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Posted by libra22
. He just doesnt want me to be CEO of a Bank, but he wants me to be his sexy and caring wife, or lets say, he wants me to be his housewife. ?!


This is so wrong. You have your own ambitions, you are already on your own proffessional path. Don't settle for his image of you.
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I agree with sweethearts. As for you yugo-chicks with your yugo-values,... being a Stepford wife is ok if you don't have much more going on up-stairs, or if you have a physical threat hanging over you. Old times are past, as much as I like to romanticise our grandparents' generation the truth is that the women were push-overs and took beating well. And as for the men... well, they were simply not even worth it. It's quite sad really.
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Posted by aurora


He did a really good job, obviously, because after 2 years of no contact, some "sweet" words are enough for you to think about the idea of being his wife. I see that you are young, but you are not that young to buy this crap. And him, he really thinks he something if he dared to come back with this story, or he is desperate for whatever reason. The fact that he reacted that way about Napa tells me that something is very wrong in his life or/and with him. Idk, maybe I'm wrong, but I have a strong feeling you should just stay away from this guy.


ABSOLUTELY. That is some manipulative BS going on right there! Paint all these pretty pictures in your head about being the sexy and caring wife, but won't come to you? And threatens to take it all away when you even suggest it? COME ON! A guy that wants you bad enough to talk babies and forever WANTS to come to you because he HAS to have you. This guy is just a piece of work.
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To everyone,

ended up that FieryBullette, Aurora, Sweethearts, and some points of Enfant were right.
He messaged me two days ago asking me whether I already booked for Napa. I replied him saying I dont like the pressure he gives me and if he continues that way I dont know if I want to go there. He asked again, will you book, yes or no, and i said no. Since then, he got mad at me and he doesnt talk to me anymore. He said he sees no hope in us because i am not doing a damn for him. I told him hes the man and he should be the one coming to my city, and he said thats just a BS traditional way of thinking... We stopped talking...
I think he has a bad temper and If i live with that man, id have to settle down for what he says, instead of what we both think.
I am not going to meet him in Napa.
I just cant get him...
and on top of all, He is the one mad at me... Instead of me being mad at him for his childish behavior.
Another thing that I didnt like when we spoke that day was he said he is tired of how ambitious i am. Wtf, its not like i am him to be tired of that?! I told him i cant understand him and his weirdness is creeping me out.
I think he has some psychological disorder. And I am serious!!!
I dont think its normal to behave that way at age 27, or the different culture its making its own!
~Libra
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Good for you, don't settle in love. Money doesn't make you happy and as your mother said go find a man and together build your universe.
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Posted by enfant_terrible
I bet he'll eventually make you into his mistress and marry some mother-figure down the road...



WHAT?!
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Posted by sweethearts
Money doesn't make you happy and as your mother said go find a man and together build your universe.



50/50. Have seen it the other way around too... Didnt end up well either. The secret is a combination of love, sacrifice, mutual understanding, and financial stability!
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Posted by libra22
To everyone,

ended up that FieryBullette, Aurora, Sweethearts, and some points of Enfant were right.
He messaged me two days ago asking me whether I already booked for Napa. I replied him saying I dont like the pressure he gives me and if he continues that way I dont know if I want to go there. He asked again, will you book, yes or no, and i said no. Since then, he got mad at me and he doesnt talk to me anymore. He said he sees no hope in us because i am not doing a damn for him. I told him hes the man and he should be the one coming to my city, and he said thats just a BS traditional way of thinking... We stopped talking...
I think he has a bad temper and If i live with that man, id have to settle down for what he says, instead of what we both think.
I am not going to meet him in Napa.
I just cant get him...
and on top of all, He is the one mad at me... Instead of me being mad at him for his childish behavior.



Smart girl for seeing right through him...that is nothing but pure manipulation. "To thine own self be true..."
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Good call libra22, there were just far too many red flags and one should never ever cannibalize oneself for the sake of another, martyrdom does not save the day, it only kills. True love should never exist in those circumstances either, we take care of ourselves, if a potential relationship/marriage, put 'you', your body, mind or spirit at risk then it means it was not meant to be, never worth it either.
Anyhow, glad you saw through all the bullcrap that was thrown at you, good luck with everything else, career and all smile
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Posted by FieryBullette
Posted by libra22
To everyone,

ended up that FieryBullette, Aurora, Sweethearts, and some points of Enfant were right.
He messaged me two days ago asking me whether I already booked for Napa. I replied him saying I dont like the pressure he gives me and if he continues that way I dont know if I want to go there. He asked again, will you book, yes or no, and i said no. Since then, he got mad at me and he doesnt talk to me anymore. He said he sees no hope in us because i am not doing a damn for him. I told him hes the man and he should be the one coming to my city, and he said thats just a BS traditional way of thinking... We stopped talking...
I think he has a bad temper and If i live with that man, id have to settle down for what he says, instead of what we both think.
I am not going to meet him in Napa.
I just cant get him...
and on top of all, He is the one mad at me... Instead of me being mad at him for his childish behavior.



Smart girl for seeing right through him...that is nothing but pure manipulation. "To thine own self be true..."

click to expand


Thank you Bullette... I deleted him off from facebook and told him theres no reason why we should talk anymore. if hes a man about if, hed come to my country and meet me where i am at. He said hes not like every guy to do that, BS, what is he? A king? Ha... not with me.
Thanks for your help. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! :*
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Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Good call libra22, there were just far too many red flags and one should never ever cannibalize oneself for the sake of another, martyrdom does not save the day, it only kills. True love should never exist in those circumstances either, we take care of ourselves, if a potential relationship/marriage, put 'you', your body, mind or spirit at risk then it means it was not meant to be, never worth it either.
Anyhow, glad you saw through all the bullcrap that was thrown at you, good luck with everything else, career and all smile


Scorpio,
Its over. smile Thank you for your help too. I think guys are more complicated than we are.
Im always here if you need an advice, smile
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its just a growth cycle ... its a year of learning our lessons...so he ll learn just like i did. i can understand him...
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Posted by krebbsmann
its just a growth cycle ... its a year of learning our lessons...so he ll learn just like i did. i can understand him...


what can you understand? That hes a pure joke?
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You poor libra gal. You are much too sweet, sociable, and ambitious for this type of guy. In my opinion Libra girls and Cancer men work out better as friends first. I mean really close good friends with no expectations on either part. The signs are toooo different on all levels. The friendship will help them take their time to understand one another, and won??t be afraid to let the other one in, because for some reason friendship seems much more innocent and less pressuring than a relationship. I??ve been best friends with one for years. I??ve never felt closer to a man, than I do with him. I trust him 100% with everything, all my secretes everything, because we were and still are the best of friends.
Now this other Cancer??_smh. Damn shame. He??s just like the one you described in your post. Very demanding, cocky, mean, and pushy. Pretty much everything a sweet libra girl hates. He even has the nerve to disappear and try to come back and blame me! Thank goodness, I??ve caught on to his game and I call him out on it without backing down which sends him crawling back into his shell. Frankly he was pressuring me for sex claiming he wanted me as his girlfriend for 2 yrs straight. I??d ignore his antics and he??d get pissed just like yours, and disappear. Finally I saw him one night, and I decided I wanted to go ahead and make that step, it was nice but I did it on MY TERMS, not his. So now, that he??s up to his old tricks, I could really carelss about us or him. I think he senses it and it pisses him off. But who cares. Lol. Game recognize Game hunny!!
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its his ego thats coming in between.... maybe he is used to the old ways between you both when everything was fine....now you say no to him his ego has been hurt...we value our pride a lot.nothing else matters.
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as i said its the learning cycle...
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Posted by krebbsmann
its his ego thats coming in between.... maybe he is used to the old ways between you both when everything was fine....now you say no to him his ego has been hurt...we value our pride a lot.nothing else matters.


So Crabs cannot see others as an individual as compared to an extension of self?
Are Crabs unable to see beyond themselves, so much so, the only way is in, inside, a retreat into their own shell?
Used to the old ways, is that an in ability to move on from past emotions as people change and circumstances change, 'feelings' included? Therefore clinging unto, past memories and people, afraid to cut the strings permanently?
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Guys,
Its over. No more discussion about him.
why my mother has always to be right?!
*-* huh...
Thank you everyone.
All your comments were helpful.
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Posted by libra22
This is an update story to the original one named "Ex Cancer called after two years of no contact at all", and you can find it in the Cancer section.
So, he wants me to go in August in Ayia Napa, and then be together again, in relationship. How would this relationship function? - He said we will meet on the special occasions, and after two years we can completely move in together to ....
~Libra


Hon, This is a fantasy you're both playing out and you don't move your life around to be with someone on the off chance it might just materialize. In the beginning, it's all fantasy island and you never know if it's going to work out. Time will tell. You gotta take thing slow but you also gotta be geographically accessible. And it doesn't sound like he is. And I don't think you should move to be with a man you only know except as a fantasy of what it could be like. Sweet talk is just that.
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@starlover early twenties yes... but i m evolving at a faster rate than i thought...
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Posted by geminicandle
Posted by libra22
Guys,
Its over. No more discussion about him.
why my mother has always to be right?!
*-* huh...
Thank you everyone.
All your comments were helpful.


Libra,
I am sorrySad
I wanted it work between you guys and I was hoping it might. I hope you are doing well. I have no doubt some better guy will come along in the future, and make you very happysmile
xoxo
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Gem,
I am not saying he doesnt have feelings for me, if he didnt he wouldnt have contacted me again several days ago. He again told me he believes in us, and he thinks it will work out. He was very emotional, but i cant settle down with him if I must go to Napa. He is the man, he should do everything in his power to have me again.
He sent me an email with a ticket from my city to Napa, i told him he wasted his money for nothing, I aint going. He said he will wait for me there. I deleted the email with the ticket information and I AINT GOING.
I dont know what to think any longer.
Thank you again. :*
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