Virgo needing advice over cancer mans mood

Hello, I have just joined this forum and would really appreciate some advice. I was in a long term relationship with a virgo male however it fizzled out because I started getting feelings for this cancer man. We had this instant chemistry and at first it really was like living in a fairytale romance. We have been going out for 9 months now and im starting to really notice our differences. I can talk about anything to him but he really struggles to communicate with me and it feels as though he is stuck in his 'shell'. He explains to me he has always been like this and im genuinely the person he opens up to the most which is completely fine up until we end up bickering and he completely shuts down on me. I am his first girlfriend as he does not trust girls. When we argue and he is definetely in the wrong (caught out lying to me) he acts as if I am to fault then blames it on his emotions saying he 'felt ashamed' so didnt want to talk about it and is too stubborn to say sorry!! I just need advice on how to handle this stubborn cold side of my crabby man and the mood swings!!! I just feel he gets so selfish and emotional he just doesnt realise that I am trying so hard to make things good for us and that I really am so sensitive and easily hurt as well I just dont go in day long moods coz I want to sort thingd out and be happy again!! Please please please give me some advice because I know I have listed all the negatives but the positives make it worth staying in the relationship if I can get over the selfish childish stubborn mood swing hurdles he occasionally flings in my direction. He is a fantastic man and only has eyes for me and it really is like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde so I want to just learn how to deal with it and perhaps helpful tactics from you lovely lot 🙂 x Ive never met a man who has put me on such an emotional rollercoaster and I just need advice on how to survive the ride cause I feel like im struggling just hanging on at times and other times its better than winning millions like true film love.

"Please please please give me some advice because I know I have listed all the negatives but the positives make it worth staying in the relationship if I can get over the selfish childish stubborn mood swing hurdles he occasionally flings in my direction."

Get used to those, especially if he's young.
You mentioned you are his first girlfriend. He's probably working out those feelings, since he has never "been around the block".
The lying thing bothers me, perhaps it would even more if it is about something serious.
Have you ever thought about just telling him about the times when you do feel hurt?
Also, don't let him get away with copping out by blaming his emotions, especially if you have had the same thing happen twice. Call him on it and tell him you aren't going to settle for that kind of behavior.

Posted by KammiiKazzi
....at first it really was like living in a fairytale romance....but he really struggles to communicate with me ....He explains to me he has always been like this ..... we end up bickering and he completely shuts down on me..... he does not trust girls. When we argue and he is definetely in the wrong (caught out lying to me) he acts as if I am to fault then blames it on his emotions.... and is too stubborn to say sorry!!.... this stubborn cold side .... so selfish .... selfish childish stubborn ....it really is like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde .... a man who has put me on such an emotional rollercoaster and I just need advice on how to survive the ride cause I feel like im struggling just hanging on at times

This doesn't sound like a Cancer man problem. This sounds like a narcissist problem. You've used phrases and terms I've used to describe being married to my ex, a Taurus, and an emotionally abusive narc.

Posted by MoonArtist

Posted by KammiiKazzi
....at first it really was like living in a fairytale romance....but he really struggles to communicate with me ....He explains to me he has always been like this ..... we end up bickering and he completely shuts down on me..... he does not trust girls. When we argue and he is definetely in the wrong (caught out lying to me) he acts as if I am to fault then blames it on his emotions.... and is too stubborn to say sorry!!.... this stubborn cold side .... so selfish .... selfish childish stubborn ....it really is like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde .... a man who has put me on such an emotional rollercoaster and I just need advice on how to survive the ride cause I feel like im struggling just hanging on at times

This doesn't sound like a Cancer man problem. This sounds like a narcissist problem. You've used phrases and terms I've used to describe being married to my ex, a Taurus, and an emotionally abusive narc.

click to expand

Reading it in a new frame, that could be right. I would need more details to really know.

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by MoonArtist

Posted by KammiiKazzi
....at first it really was like living in a fairytale romance....but he really struggles to communicate with me ....He explains to me he has always been like this ..... we end up bickering and he completely shuts down on me..... he does not trust girls. When we argue and he is definetely in the wrong (caught out lying to me) he acts as if I am to fault then blames it on his emotions.... and is too stubborn to say sorry!!.... this stubborn cold side .... so selfish .... selfish childish stubborn ....it really is like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde .... a man who has put me on such an emotional rollercoaster and I just need advice on how to survive the ride cause I feel like im struggling just hanging on at times

This doesn't sound like a Cancer man problem. This sounds like a narcissist problem. You've used phrases and terms I've used to describe being married to my ex, a Taurus, and an emotionally abusive narc.

Reading it in a new frame, that could be right. I would need more details to really know.

click to expand

Ditto. I cut out the fluff and left the red flags. They seem....eerily familiar.

Hello there. I've been with cancer man for a year. I hope I can help from what I've learnt. Basically, if I were u. When he is in the bad mood. Just stay silent untill he comes out again. Do nothing else, when he come again u listen what he said. I know it takes time, but trust me the more u push him the more he gets angry and it ends up worse.

But, when the bad mood come when u guys meeting each other for example u say something wrong that drive his bad mood on. Just simply put your arms around his shoulders, rub his back. He's angry but dont be afraid. It will make him calmer.And remember stay silent. Just stay beside him always

I understand how u feel, it's always drive me crazy and yes being with cancer man is like riding roller coaster. But I guess that's make them different from others and make them charming as well:p

Just needs patient, u should be alright. I have Virgo moon. I hope we think the sAme thing.
Remember this,show rather than tell and You are the Price. Good luck 😄

Cancers don't like to be told they're wrong. Even more, cancers don't like to be told they're wrong and actually be wrong. Am I right cancers? So if this is true, I think you should be as gentle as possible when putting their wrongful doing in cancers face but you also shouldn't let a cancer get away with being wrong (because this just enables their bad behavior). Don't make them feel shame or like you're judging them, don't pry in their private corners too much or else you will get their worst type of reaction (they may even hit you for this...or go into their shell for a long time and cut you off). You should first start with the good (you see in them or with the situation) and then discuss the bad. Do it slowly with time for them to process statement by statement (or else too many emotions come flooding in at once and therefore they get confused about their feelings and your just left there...well confused). Keep your tone of voice down and don't give off a threatening vibe, or else they will see you as a challenge and concoct ways to take you down). Crabs are fighters! Do have your facts straight and orderly and please make sense (don't come with assumptions either because cancers are very private and what you see on the outside may not be reflective of what's on the inside or what's fact). And cancers hate to be told they're wrong by someone who doesn't have their facts straight. Now. Tell cancers how it makes you feel when you're hurt and what specific (VERY specific) things you want cancer to do in order to fix the problem. Also, don't try to hold any type of deep conversation with cancer if cancer is in the middle of some emotional or financial crisis of some sort. They will lash out on you, rationally or irrationally. Do make them comfortable with their specific comforts (food, home, person to person bonding). Do put some responsibility in their hands, if this cancer is immature, give them more responsibility that means a lot to you and let them show you how much you can shine. They like to make the people they love or care about happy and they love it even more when the person asks cancer to do things for them.

Oh. And it sounds like your cancer is not being honest with you about something. Or cancer is omitting something. Cancers like the one you describe are usually hiding something, not because they want to hurt someone, but they are protecting you or someone else from feeling hurt by something cancer said or did or protecting their public image(and is therefore trying to hide the truth and bites you back whenever you try to uncover it) or cancer is feeling shame or something like that from something they said or did and don't want to be reminded of it or they are currently doing or saying something they shouldn't be but keep doing it (and don't want to be stopped or forced to see themselves in the mirror). Cancers hate when other people psychologically pry into the minds and hearts of others, they hate when other people do what they do to others.

They are too much. Booooooy I tell ya! But they're worth ever minute of having to deal with the moods. Cancers are highly sought out after and versatile enough to make great lovers, friends, sex partners, coparents, etc, all in one. Cancers are like the one of the trophy signs in the zodiac. The thing with cancers is that they're awful in the beginning stages. But once that wall is down and they're open to you, the love is never ending. They will always be in service to you, in every possible way. Yes, kamikazi, experiencing the brunt of their love is like being in a fairytale.

I promise its not an abusive relationship 🙂 I can be a vicious lil madam when I feel like an animal backed into the corner and my lovely sensitive cancer man barely raises his voice to me and respects my freedom 🙂 its the silent treatment im struggling with when he is in the wrong. I said to him yes thats fine when ive hurt him but if he hurts me why do I get this silent treatment as it feels horrible at the time. He says it is because he hurts so much when he can see that he has hurt my feelings that he feels ashamed etc. He has grew up all his life telling lies because he used to smoke cannabis constantly and lied to his whole family about it so that can be his default reaction however he promises he is going to try his hardest to not lie again because getting caught out and seeing how angry and hurt it made me was 'really scary'. Starmooney I think youve hit the nail on the head. Its just the transitional period where I am trying to learn how to best deal with the argument or moodswing from a cancer point of view as a virgo I think I go in with the view to just reaching a conclusion and sorting things out... oh and im very good at being critical of myself and him which ive totally tried to tone down as he is really quite sensitive and reacts badly to me 'worrying'. So I have tried to talk about 'how nice things could be..' rather than 'This is what is wrong with right now'. I swear I dont think its an abusive relationship I was probably being overly dramatic or something cause I was still HURTING from the 2 day mood and minimal apology from him and needed to find out ways on how to get these 'huffs' to last less time. I think the general advise seems to be just to give him space which I am really going to have to work on as I genuinely do just like to sort out issues asap so we can go back to being happy and I get my nice crab back 😄 x x

Positives about my crab man:
Loyal, apart from a few long standing issues he is trustworthy, handsome, ENDEARING, sensitive, hard working, generous, good sense of humour, MYSTERIOUS, romantic, polite, protective...and he shows me this side of him that the whole world doesnt get to see just me 😄 He can make me feel like the only woman in the room like no other man could. I just wanted to balance out all the negatives ive just spouted as I swear apart from the almost childish temper tantrums and stubborn STUBBORN STUBBORN mood swings its awesome 😄 He doesnt trust females because he grew up in a pub and watched a

Oh...that. Those damn stubborn, icey silent treatments. :/ Your message got cut off, but I think I get what's going on here. He's so sensitive to your feelings of being worried about him that he doesn't want his issues to affect you, so he shuts down on you. That and he's probably overwhelmed during your...animalistic moments. Cancers hate confrontation. But in your case, he probably is emotionally connected so he'll keep coming back for me after periods of shell time. He may also be dealing with the things I previously mentioned with some added moments of him sorting himself out. Just be easier on him lady! He sounds like he's got a lot of potential, keep working on him. And the fact that cancer allowed you to give him the business and didn't say much back either means he listened to your every word and considered it or he doesn't give a shit enough about you to waste his breath arguing. I definitely think it's the former case.

Sorry about all of the typos, I'm on my iPad and it keeps autocorrected crap