Posted by Koniucha
But in your post you say compassionate care or kick him to the curb??
Posted by boxcarmirntaOmg what an absolute fraud. Leave and leave him now! Like Kodak said and I'm sorry to say it too he will most probably eventually leave anyways. Men usually like what they can't have so pining for this long lost love and feeling as though you're some obstacle in the way amongst other things will drive him back in to her arms. He also won't value you if you stay after knowing this. I know it's so hard believe me investing as much as we do and putting ourselves on the line only to be burned and have the plans and efforts thrown back in our face is a very deep cut. I understand your pain. But I promise if you leave one of two things will happen either you'll happily move on and find someone who actually deserves you and SHOWS you what a treasure you are making you completely forget about this asshole or he will gravely regret his shit. The best chance you have at getting him back in any kind of way (if that's what you still REALLY want) is to leave him completely alone. Tell him you won't stick around for ANY man who plays two women like that and uses you. LET him try the alternative and experience the sad demise of this thing with this other woman and then it's regret city for him. If the other girl has an ounce of decency she won't even take him back knowing he's been with you and is now bringing his sorry ass back to her going back and fourth. He will remember all you've done for him these past 7 months. Believe me. It will eat him up.
..he's STILL in love with his ex I've recently been informed...even tho he's still talking of moving in with me..7mos of him.being here then going, getting scared coming back you know the drill..me being compassionate as f*ck!! Facepalm....I don't think I can live with someone who still pines for his ex....so..compassionate care or kick his ass to the curb? I kinda already know the answer but might as well weigh in anyway and have my ass handed to me. Cheers y'all..
Posted by ScenicYes agreed one last conversation to completely gauge what he is really and truly feeling but from my experience trying to force feelings for another person when still hung up on someone else hardly ever works. But what could work is you disppearing and him having a chance to actually realise what he truly feels.
It's nice that he was honest, but now it's time for him to face the reality of the situation. Sounds like maybe he thinks you're convenient for him or a stabilizer in his life? But once he finds someone who really ignites his feelings, I bet he'd end up leaving anyway. Not to say he doesn't actually care for you, but it's likely not an intense feeling for him. If you like him enough, I would hold off on anyone moving but ask to try to work on 'us'. Maybe he'll eventually fall hard for you. Or not. That gamble is up to you. Butttt, if he's not actively trying to move on from his ex and is instead sitting there wallowing in sadness and feelings, then he won't be changing any time soon and I would definitely drop him. Might want to have a serious conversation about all of your thoughts and feelings regarding this and depending on his responses and reactions, you'll have a better idea of what to do, imo.
Posted by boxcarmirntaThat had to be sarcasm. And yes if he does have those feelings then he will only appreciate and respect you more if you leave him right now. It could really be a break through and something beneficial for you because he will realise there are consequences to his actions and that you won't put up with all his shit whenever he gets an itch for it.
Selling dreams, I like that!! Ksam, dont you think it'll bite me in the ass??
Posted by boxcarmirntaNo I meant what Ksam said was sarcastic. I think you should say goodbye but say it so that it is completely clear that you will never be second to someone else in any mans life. That you have given him some of your best but he no longer deserves it. That you will not be played. Just a few short and powerful words should do it. Do NOT get emotional. Show him you are confident in what you bring to the table and have to offer as a woman and that he won't break you. Be strong
Sarcasm? No...I agree he was selling dreams, building castles in the sky only to shoot em down basically..feeding me bullshit. @libwman..i agree, do you think I should just go cold turkey? Or say some final goodbye crap..
Posted by Vixen2That's a trait I feel I share with Pisces. Being there and having so much hope that they will change. Giving so much of your time and energy making all the efforts and pulling out all the stops. That's something beautiful within you and don't ever change that but only give that part of yourself to someone worthy and like vixen said not 'confused'. There is definitely A man out there who will cherish that side of you as well as everything else you have to give.Posted by boxcarmirntaGirl...your a Pisces, like myself. Don't fall for the wounded broken guy routine that is hurt and confused. Sure, that all may be true...and it is in your nature to see the good in people, want to care & nurture a confused soul all while hoping he will, change or that he WILL love you more...etc.
Thanks you guys for all your input! I am a Pisces. He has actually on many occasions said he has strong feelings for me even loved me. And it is nice he is honest about it. I dont think hes using me. I know he is very confused. He has brought her up before and i thought he WAS making progress, I thought we were past it..but I was wrong! His strong feelings for me scare him, hes said many times. Hes clearly confused as fuck. I agree he prolly won't respect me if I still do it after hes said this..best to let him be and maybe he'll realize what he's done. Def a fuck boy move. I know he cares about me deeply this he has expressed many times...SIGH!!
If I could tell my younger me the same thing and make myself listen, I would. If he is still in love with someone else after being with you for 7 months....then he isn't the one. But you will not listen because you will have to learn for yourself, but just know you have the power to save yourself a shit load of heartache. At your age...he isn't even worth an hour more of the time you have given him. You have already wasted 7 months of your life that could of been spent doing a thousand other things, or people that aren't "confused". Cliche...but there is too many fish in the sea and I bet quite a few that waiting to give you themselves whole. Life is too short! Swim fishy!click to expand
Posted by thinktoomuchWhat I said wouldn't be playing a game. It's basically what you have just said worded differently. Telling him she won't be the other woman in anyone's life and that she's not taking his crap anymore is just that. I'm sure he knows she's pretty hurt and I'm assuming something she would've made known anyways. She has a right to be upset and to express it in a calm demeanour but express it nonetheless she was about to move in with this man not only is that a huge shift emotionally but there's also the financial aspect to it and a lot of things she had to consider. It's trusting someone with a hell of a lot.
Why not be honest with him instead of trying to game? SAy you can´t be with him and/or move in with him, and that it doesn´t feel good, to find out he has been in love with another person the whole time, while he was building dreams with you.
Or; that´s how I would feel. Just be honest and tell him, what you feel and then goodbye.
Posted by boxcarmirntaYou're like his safety net and he already knows you're the better option but you shouldn't just be an option period. I'm not denying he has feelings for you because he probably does but I just worry that if you stayed and he did eventually leave it would become a situation that was either non repairable or you'd be really really hurt because you've said yourself that what's happened so far has hurt you quite a bit. Gain control of those emotions by creating distance too don't leave yourself open to anymore pain. As I said what you do now is make or break if you still want things to work out eventually and you need to have the strength.
It stil confuses the crap.outta why he'd wanna live with me if hes so confused/scared etc. I know he doesn't have ill intentions, hes not trying to be a prick. He is very sensitive sweet and compassionate. And he takes cues from me a lot, in order to determine how to proceed.. Hes really insecure I guess.
Posted by boxcarmirntaNo fucking way. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
..he's STILL in love with his ex I've recently been informed...even tho he's still talking of moving in with me..7mos of him.being here then going, getting scared coming back you know the drill..me being compassionate as f*ck!! Facepalm....I don't think I can live with someone who still pines for his ex....so..compassionate care or kick his ass to the curb? I kinda already know the answer but might as well weigh in anyway and have my ass handed to me. Cheers y'all..
Posted by boxcarmirntaOh he's a Cancer? I'll see my previous no fucking way and raise it a no fucking way in hell.
I know cancers have a hard time.letting go of the past..and I have no fucking clue why he'd wanna live with me...all he talked about was how scared he was to do so cuz he's afraid of getting hurt. But hmmm think I'm the one getting hurt here..
Posted by boxcarmirntaScared of what? What's all this me me me with him? Honestly it's so pathetic that all he thinks of is his own feelings. YOURE the one being dragged through the dirt and have to now pick up the pieces after his latest revelation. Like goligold emotional cheating is just the same and in my opinion just as bad
No..hes not talking to her, or making attempts to be with her..he just harbors these feelings that wont go away he says. He just tells me. Hes not cheating or anything..he just cant let go of the past and move on with me..hes scared shitless and clings to her memory.
Posted by Honeybunniie
I'm sorry you are going through this. The logical thing to do is break free and move on. Sounds easy right—
I say follow your gut. We all go through phrase in life and we certainly encounter ppl not by chance. We all play a role in ppl lives. You may be in his life to help him grow and move forward or to teach him what real love is. Only time and patience will tell. Follow your intuition and pray.
Posted by boxcarmirntaYea my optimistic Aqua moon gets me into a lot of trouble lol. I'm not a Cancer but he remind me of my now ex Cancer. He couldn't let go of an event that happen with his ex fiancé. He was all lovey Dovey with me but I guess I reminded him of the feelings he had when he was in love with, he freaked out on me. He recently today told me that he wants us Cut contact each other. He says it's better that way so it wouldn't hurt so bad. I think they block themselves of real happiness. Hopefully your Cancer will not be so extreme and learn to accept the fact that he deserved to be happy and that u can provide that to himPosted by Honeybunniie
I'm sorry you are going through this. The logical thing to do is break free and move on. Sounds easy right—
I say follow your gut. We all go through phrase in life and we certainly encounter ppl not by chance. We all play a role in ppl lives. You may be in his life to help him grow and move forward or to teach him what real love is. Only time and patience will tell. Follow your intuition and pray.
I really love your optimism! And I do feel like I'm in his life for a reason and maybe he in mine too..and I do wanna let him.know what real love is, he was betrayed by her and it really messed him.up. But I dont wanna give love at the expense of my own well being.click to expand
Posted by Infinite8Completely agree.Posted by boxcarmirntaIt will help him clarify what he wants once you are no longer there. Take care of you and help him make a decision by you leaving the scene. Tough love is good sometimes.
Thanks you guys for all your input! I am a Pisces. He has actually on many occasions said he has strong feelings for me even loved me. And it is nice he is honest about it. I dont think hes using me. I know he is very confused. He has brought her up before and i thought he WAS making progress, I thought we were past it..but I was wrong! His strong feelings for me scare him, hes said many times. Hes clearly confused as fuck. I agree he prolly won't respect me if I still do it after hes said this..best to let him be and maybe he'll realize what he's done. Def a fuck boy move. I know he cares about me deeply this he has expressed many times...SIGH!!click to expand
Posted by MissGemmiIt's true. If you become an ex or disappear on him he will definitely have to revisit those feelings he has for you and will know what he truly feels. As a previous poster said tough love is needed right now. He needs to crave you to really understand just how strong his feelings for you are and you never know he could really surprise you.Posted by boxcarmirntaI don't want to offend crabs, but I really believe this 'ex' thing is a disorder with them. I feel bad for some. They cling on those who treat them like **** it's as if they can not comprehend some logic things in Relationships emotionally. In stead of the bad memory triggers them to want something better, yet they glamourize the evilness of those who hurt them. It's like they get so excited about the punishment. It's emotional bdsm what some of them crave for. If you become an ex he will crave for you too and mourn for your loss. Thing is, it's like seeing water in the desert and when you come closer you'll see it's not there. The feelings they harbor are not feelings of love, but feelings of loss. The dysfunctional ones can't distinguish between the two....Posted by Honeybunniie
I'm sorry you are going through this. The logical thing to do is break free and move on. Sounds easy right—
I say follow your gut. We all go through phrase in life and we certainly encounter ppl not by chance. We all play a role in ppl lives. You may be in his life to help him grow and move forward or to teach him what real love is. Only time and patience will tell. Follow your intuition and pray.
I really love your optimism! And I do feel like I'm in his life for a reason and maybe he in mine too..and I do wanna let him.know what real love is, he was betrayed by her and it really messed him.up. But I dont wanna give love at the expense of my own well being.click to expand
Posted by Dyxpnetuser424
What's love got to do with it? He said he is stil in love with his ex? What does he want to do with those feelings? What does she want? Is she involved or does she have the same feelings? I will always be in love my ex Nikki Carter. I will love her until the day I die but I won't marry or ever commit to her again.
Posted by MissGemmiThis! Couldn't have worded it better myself. You need to be able to have the upper hand and be ready to walk. I just think it will be so much harder if it's later on down the line. I completely understand what you're going through though op as you've seen on my own post it's hard and utterly confusing but you need to really reflect and be honest with yourself and say how much can I actually take? Like someone said previously what about when he's alone or who will his thoughts be of just before going to sleep at night? Who will he be thinking about? You can't be there with him 24/7 so those moments are inevitable and if you know in the back of your head it's her he's thinking about how long will YOU yourself be able to put up with it? Instead leave now and make an impact which could flip the situation on its head. He will be forced to think of you and miss you because 7 months is still 7 months and he's obviously got a tendency to yearn for or want what he can't have.Posted by Dyxpnetuser424That is your logical way of thinking! Of course it's true. This rationalism won't come across their minds. So they ' d rather loose everything around them, romanticizing a none existing relationship for the benefit of feeding the emotional depression or maybe you can call it high. If the ex was too available they wouldn't be eager to go back. Honestly sane people shouldnt be involved with these type of people. Love isn't the answer for all our problems. If you choose to stay you need to keep the upperhand to the whole situation and your emotions and be ready to walk out the door in any questionable situation.
What's love got to do with it? He said he is stil in love with his ex? What does he want to do with those feelings? What does she want? Is she involved or does she have the same feelings? I will always be in love my ex Nikki Carter. I will love her until the day I die but I won't marry or ever commit to her again.click to expand
Posted by boxcarmirntaPosted by Dyxpnetuser424
What's love got to do with it? He said he is stil in love with his ex? What does he want to do with those feelings? What does she want? Is she involved or does she have the same feelings? I will always be in love my ex Nikki Carter. I will love her until the day I die but I won't marry or ever commit to her again.
good points! She is not involved and does not want to be with him. I have exes like that too.click to expand
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