What is wrong with me?

I came here because I need to speak with cancers nd people on my wavelength. I'm nearly 25 and I'm tumbling down the rabbit hole. I don't feel much anymore but also am a very helpful understanding 'loving' person. I type loving in quotation marks because I don't believe in the word. Us cancers can be selfish. We tend to help people so we feel we've accomplished something. I help too many people but am stubborn to receive it. I'm going down a dark path atm and might be seeing my doctor as I think I am depressed or even bipolar. All I want is someone I can talk to who knows my thoughts and feelings. I've gotta make this a topic I suppose so I'll use it as a help me and I help u. Hopefully I can create some bonds with people

Hi thanks for ur reply. I've read on another website cancers love helping people to fill their own needs. I reflected on that for some time as I didn't agree at first but then it made sense. We are apparently the wimps nd feel unworthy but when helping someone it makes us feel great. I do love listening to people and trying to help its like an addiction. Love is a madeup word by people. Humans need companionship to survive. Love is not an emotion or feeling it's as they say fiction. It's love stories. My interpretation tho is it's an experience. Yes it does send chemicals to our brains but I feel that is mostly lust. I don't wanna go on about my opinion though cuz it will hurt other peoples reading it. I suppose there's not much I would change everyone has regrets it's about changing my future but I'm so indecisive and can't think of ideas its daunting.

Thanks for ur kind words dude. I don't have many friends but the ones I do have I can't trust through things I've heard. I have an amazing girlfriend who is always supportive nd so understanding but her herself can be dragged into a downward spiral of self hate because of her weight although she's lost so much. I actually broke up with her because of my negativity, I didn't want her being round me if I'm like this I didn't want her to be bought down to my level so I said I needed space. Didn't last long though lol I love her too much to be without her. But I live with two negative people everyday. My parents. I can't move out as I'm studying nd couldn't afford a place nd I wouldn't burden my girlfriend. My mom can be very demeaning to my dad always having a go it's like he's treading on eggshells all the time he has a hard time at work grafting nd he's 61 he said the other day he could hang himself and that hit me hard. My mom's been through cancer (ironic) I know. There's so much to the story but I hate to babble on. I'm just happy already there are two people interested and have took time to answer me nd be nice. Obviously if I can help anyone too I will.

Veggeta again another cool being. Yeah I never expect any help back from people just want to spread my wisdom and kindness. And there's other times I just really cba because I help that much I can be very cold the next but that's when people can take liberty of a cancer.

Thing is dude my rents have verged on divorce a few times my mom doesn't sleep with my dad because he snores she loves him but u can tell she's not in love it's just a relationship of content atm. My dad doesn't have many teeth nd he's a little overweight but when my mom actually makes remarks about his image no matter how tough my dad is its gonna hurt. He doesn't really eat because he probably thinks she will comment on it. He adores her tho, completely in love but I feel it's all one sided sometimes. My mom isn't the snow queen though she does have a heart but just being in that environment can rub off on me nd I really couldn't have a relationship as dead as my parents.
You are the kind of person I feel I should be around because u see the positive side of things. I see people like u nd realise there's still hope in the world _—
The comment about my mom thankyou for that. She still worries it will come back tho always stressing. She is a worry person.
But thanks mate I appreciate it.

Yeah I know I think they will stay together till death but I really gotta get out. Try nd decide on a career get my own place nd my own life but it feels so far away right now and a lot of pressure. I think things through too much nd the things I want are dreams in which to get there I need to know people but a lot of things you want to start requires money and in these times and depending on area can be pretty tough unless u get a chitty job and feel depressed in that cuz u hate it. Money is evil but can also bring security. I often wonder why things have a price just like research for cures. Why do the experiments and equipment cost money? They're trying to cure disease but let's not get onto that subject because that goes down and dirty in the depths of politics and this cruel world.

That's so caring dude I think us guys just tend to have a soft spot for our mom's like I haven't much money but I was shopping the other day and impulsively bought this night light for my mom to use in the garden and she never really said thankyou but u could tell it made her happy.

Hi nice read and thankyou for taking the time. I know I'm good without being too big headed because there are so many selfish horrible people out there but to honestly better myself I have to get rid of this self hatred which is extremely hard because I am my own shrink I always think words cannot rid pain that is imprinted on the mind so what good is a shrink but I'm gonna say no to my stubbornness and maybe go see one. Thoughts of suicide is not good it's stupid but it shouldn't enter my head. Lots of people have my thoughts people like us are scared of this world it's become too big nd complicated you just are happy now u don't wanna grow up u don't want ur parents dying I'm nearly 25 and I feel I lived here all my life it's my home and for a cancer it's very hard to let home go. I completely respect ur opinion of love but I will probably never grasp it. I've loved before but was that neediness or jealousy or caring or missing or making it in the bedroom or sharing a glance across the room....as I said love to me is an accumulation of feelings and thoughts. Love is an experience.
Think of it...what would u do if u were the only person on earth. No animals no other living thing. We as humans need each other we crave to be with something to care for something and to be cared for the word love was created to wrap this feeling up. I could talk more but I'm gonna bore the pants off people.

No so long ago I felt like you... I still working my process to get off the ditch....Im not cancer, but pisces with we share similar traits, in those moments someone share this with me, and I've hear it every night ever since... I feel like you could use this... trust me it really helps


May I ask you something—?, I'm trying to avoid assumption of judgement... and if I sound otherwise I apologize is not intentional... but why did you made the decision to push your gf away? I understand you have been trying to save her from your least glamorous moment in your life and from being hurt by a moment of weakness> in your life (yeah, you hear me is a moment and it shall pass) I don't know if you communicate with her your real reasons, from reading I couldn't tell... but if you didn't why won't you made that decision for her? relationships become stronger in tough moments... she should've been the one deciding that.... so maybe she wanted to be your support, maybe making her aware of the tough moment you going through could help you to make your burden lighter... I've learn that the hard way... we sometimes problems and negative thoughts take us to a downward spiral but having people to rely on and only know that help ups to overcome those wave of negative better and faster....

Hi there full water. No offence was taken I understand. My girlfriend of 3 years knows my problems I have gone through everything with her, as I said it only took me a day to say I didn't wanna break up just some space to let me find out what's wrong with me and right then I hated myself I wanted to punish myself. I didn't deserve someone as good as her she's so lighthearted and I'm like evil or cold. I don't know if it's with all cancers but I find it hard being without someone so what I was trying to do was hurt myself by saying bye and that I wanted to feel the pain of being alone and get through it nd come out the other side as I've never really been alone I've never had a cool down period after losing someone I love I just have to move on by finding someone new to love. But still as I said I lasted a day and told her I made a mistake. We are ok now but I feel I'm going through a depression and she is always there for support but I know I gotta do this on my own. _??

Oh and btw guys I have this Facebook page called lost love. Been working on it over a year now. It's just a small project but if u like reading short stories mostly about love then you should totally join me on the journey. By no way this is me advertising lol it's just one way of saying if you look it up you will see the moderator which is me and we can all talk easier through Facebook.

There's nothing more I want than to have my own place but when money is involved it's hopeless I have to finish college first then ponder on what career path I need to take. I don't think I could house share I'd be doing that with the girlfriend anyway when I finally move out. I don't shut the lady out at all though I actually share a lot with her she is my rock I just had a slip up with my thoughts recently leading me to want some air to breathe and just time to myself. I'm a cancer and she is a Leo but she must have another sign in hers as she's no ordinary Leo. Her bday is 25th of July so she may have cancer traits.

Thanks for the warning dude but it's a private page if any shit happens I know what to do. Just trying to give people a lil enjoyment on what I do is all.