What the hell?!
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by bloobaz on Monday, August 31, 2015 and has 26 replies.
I honestly don't understand anything anymore regarding my lover.
He's going through a rough phase once again because of money, lack of sales, family (his father is getting old) and he's been retreating to his shell more and more. I saw that and I understood. I let him be and just be there for him while minding my own business in the meanwhile.
Everything was perfect until this weekend when he once again turned my world upside down.
Friday was a bit of a let down. He told me he wanted me to sleep over because during the weekend he will be going home to spend some time with his father who apparently feels a bit lonely (his mother called and asked him this). I also suspect he wanted a break from the city life.
When we met after work he said he wanted to "recharge" me emotionally since he admits into kind of ignoring me lately although he loves me. I was thrilled!
We got to his place and smoked some weed to relax and release all the tension from a work day then something happened. He began feeling panicked and anxious, couldn't stand still. I tried singing something to calm him down but this also scared him.
He told me he suddenly felt scared by everything I mentioned in the beginning and he didn't feel so scared in a long time. I realized I won't be getting my share of love so I decided to be there for him and take care of him. I hugged him saying that everything is alright, that nothing will happen while I'm there.
He tried sleeping and asked me to hold him ("Protect me"). He was woken up by a call from his father at 11pm which totally freaked him out even more. The call was trivial but the hour was curious and I would too be a bit panicked. After he woke up he couldn't stay in one place, he asked me to go with him to smoke a cigarette so he wouldn't be alone in the dark. He was behaving like a scared little child. I sat with him, hugged him and reassured him a lot that everything is fine.
Fast forward to yesterday when he came home. I told him in the morning that I want to see him when he returns. When he did return he told me that we should see each other tomorrow because he's not feeling very well/stable and he doesn't want to get his bad mood off at me. I said okay and if he needs someone to talk to, he can call anytime. That's when it started....
He's going through a rough phase once again because of money, lack of sales, family (his father is getting old) and he's been retreating to his shell more and more. I saw that and I understood. I let him be and just be there for him while minding my own business in the meanwhile.
Everything was perfect until this weekend when he once again turned my world upside down.
Friday was a bit of a let down. He told me he wanted me to sleep over because during the weekend he will be going home to spend some time with his father who apparently feels a bit lonely (his mother called and asked him this). I also suspect he wanted a break from the city life.
When we met after work he said he wanted to "recharge" me emotionally since he admits into kind of ignoring me lately although he loves me. I was thrilled!
We got to his place and smoked some weed to relax and release all the tension from a work day then something happened. He began feeling panicked and anxious, couldn't stand still. I tried singing something to calm him down but this also scared him.
He told me he suddenly felt scared by everything I mentioned in the beginning and he didn't feel so scared in a long time. I realized I won't be getting my share of love so I decided to be there for him and take care of him. I hugged him saying that everything is alright, that nothing will happen while I'm there.
He tried sleeping and asked me to hold him ("Protect me"). He was woken up by a call from his father at 11pm which totally freaked him out even more. The call was trivial but the hour was curious and I would too be a bit panicked. After he woke up he couldn't stay in one place, he asked me to go with him to smoke a cigarette so he wouldn't be alone in the dark. He was behaving like a scared little child. I sat with him, hugged him and reassured him a lot that everything is fine.
Fast forward to yesterday when he came home. I told him in the morning that I want to see him when he returns. When he did return he told me that we should see each other tomorrow because he's not feeling very well/stable and he doesn't want to get his bad mood off at me. I said okay and if he needs someone to talk to, he can call anytime. That's when it started....
He began saying ONCE AGAIN that he feels really guilty of being moody/grumpy/absent and feeling like he holds me from being truly happy, that I'm such a wonderful person and I deserve so much more than this.
I told him calmly (somehow I knew this is just another bad phase/mood) that he's just going through a mood and that he should think about this very well in order not to throw all of it away just because of a bad moment. I told him about how I feel and what I really love about him and then I told him I'm going out and we should talk when I come back.
I went out with a girlfriend and while we were eating, he called me. He sounded really calm, he told me about several things he did around the house (washing the dishes, etc), that he was happy I went out. He also said something like "i'll see you these days, things aren't going to stay like this". WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
I'm 100% sure this was just a mood and he'll swing back (since a few days ago he told me I'm his balance &quiet point) but stuff like this are very psychically tiring. One can take so much.
I told him calmly (somehow I knew this is just another bad phase/mood) that he's just going through a mood and that he should think about this very well in order not to throw all of it away just because of a bad moment. I told him about how I feel and what I really love about him and then I told him I'm going out and we should talk when I come back.
I went out with a girlfriend and while we were eating, he called me. He sounded really calm, he told me about several things he did around the house (washing the dishes, etc), that he was happy I went out. He also said something like "i'll see you these days, things aren't going to stay like this". WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
I'm 100% sure this was just a mood and he'll swing back (since a few days ago he told me I'm his balance &quiet point) but stuff like this are very psychically tiring. One can take so much.
I think this too. He really consumes himself inside when he's sad/moody about something and there's nothing i can help him with. I can only be
He hasn't said a word to me today just yet but we'll see.
I have the patience and I really love him very much and I know he will cme back after he sorts himself out but I really hope he does for his own sake and peace of mind.
Not to mention his anxiety transferred to me the next day. I had to calm myself down with pills.
He hasn't said a word to me today just yet but we'll see.
I have the patience and I really love him very much and I know he will cme back after he sorts himself out but I really hope he does for his own sake and peace of mind.
Not to mention his anxiety transferred to me the next day. I had to calm myself down with pills.
No..
So your husband just leaves you alone until you sort yourself out?
I think I'm going to do the same. Luckily we don't live together so he'll have plenty of space.
Not going to contact him in any way until he gets his stuff settled or at least get his thoughts a bit more in order..
I'm trying not to overthink what he said with "things aren't going to stay like this"
I have faith..
THank you for your kind advice Arielle
Not going to contact him in any way until he gets his stuff settled or at least get his thoughts a bit more in order..
I'm trying not to overthink what he said with "things aren't going to stay like this"
I have faith..
THank you for your kind advice Arielle
Not to mention because he didn't said that things between us are over. We have a saying here in Romania. Translated it would be something like
"things got stuck in the tree and the tree got stuck in mid air" lol
"things got stuck in the tree and the tree got stuck in mid air" lol
The thing is this NEVER happened before while smoking. 99% of the time it's all good and we really have a good time together when we're high.
But no more weed for now...
But no more weed for now...
Oh and he has moon in Virgo, same as I do
I NEVER saw him like this, it's a new face of his I never knew until now.
(not being able to edit my posts sucks lol)
(not being able to edit my posts sucks lol)
No, wrong topic maybe? haha
I never said I had moon in Libra.
I am Leo/Virgo
He is Cancer/Virgo
I am Leo/Virgo
He is Cancer/Virgo
Oh my God I'm sooo sorry renutzu. Somehow I can't find your messages and I have been living with the impression it was Virgo and not Libra.
I have re-calculated and yes indeed, libra it is.
I have re-calculated and yes indeed, libra it is.
Yes I am going to take her advice. It makes a lot of sense and I think this is the best thing I can do for him right now. *sights into eternity*
Sorry again Renutzu
Sorry again Renutzu
It must be the fact I have a Taurus moon and I'm not technically a Gemini cusper and my rising is Aquarius I'm not overly emotional I don't ever suffer from anxiety. I used to be under grinding stress for quite a few years from the job I was in, after work I needed to have space every day just to zone out if I didn't get that I would bite somebodies head off.
He was basically upset because he wasnt making you happy (fulfilling his duty) So he meant things will get better. Whats there not to understand? Just look at the context
He's having a rough time and you're making this about you.
First of all, some of you just need to calm down, yes I'm looking at you Yourfavoritedxpmember an kissmygrits. I came here not to make this about me but attempt to aid my lover which I KNOW he's going through a rough time even if it means to just back off and let him be for a while. You know, that's what you do for people you care about...try to help 
At this point I'm way over "I'm not getting any attention" just because his condition worries me not only as a lover but as a friend as well.
I came here to ask for maybe a little insight of how he might feel about the whole situation, getting an outside opinion and at least try to understand his behavior.
As I said before, this never happened before. I have never seen him so anxious and panicked and locked away, especially from me (someone who he would talk about anything)
I'm not sure if I should suggest a therapist just yet. I'll see how things go. He will surely think I'm crazy to suggest this and for now he hasn't talked to me all day. Weed is deff off the table anyways.
I really care for the "homeboy" and I'm here for him but I do know that I can't do anything to help him if he doesn't want my help.
At this point I'm way over "I'm not getting any attention" just because his condition worries me not only as a lover but as a friend as well.
I came here to ask for maybe a little insight of how he might feel about the whole situation, getting an outside opinion and at least try to understand his behavior.
As I said before, this never happened before. I have never seen him so anxious and panicked and locked away, especially from me (someone who he would talk about anything)
I'm not sure if I should suggest a therapist just yet. I'll see how things go. He will surely think I'm crazy to suggest this and for now he hasn't talked to me all day. Weed is deff off the table anyways.
I really care for the "homeboy" and I'm here for him but I do know that I can't do anything to help him if he doesn't want my help.
You are complaining about this guy for a long time on different threads and nothing changes between you two.This guy is not stable,he has emotional problems and he needs professional help.You are not his savior and for sure you are not helping him.You should stop him from smoking weed,that creates huge damage to brain and makes you an emotional mess.It seems like he has a lot going on in his life and you are worried you don't get enough attention.You are addicted to the way he makes you feel when he is in a good mood and that makes you insecure.Stop beating this dead horse.This is not love or a healthy relationship.It's not all about you.If you care set him free so he can get help and become stable.You too need to deal with your issues.You bring him down and you bring yourself down.This is the way you want your life to be?Let him be and you work on yourself or this crap will never end,unless he gets tired of you and ignore you completely.You are not helping,only aggravating.
Bingo. And I'm calm. Just pointing out what nobody is talking about.
Ok we've broken up. He said he's no good at the moment and isn't ready for what I have to offer emotionally.
Maybe it's for the best, he can finally rest.
Now we can all go to sleep...
I'm sorry for all those I may have offended.
Maybe it's for the best, he can finally rest.
Now we can all go to sleep...
I'm sorry for all those I may have offended.
Honestly now I just want to give myself time to heal and get it together first of all. He isn't the first and isn't the last. I know he'll be back, he always is. But this time I need time for myself to outgrow and get past this situation.
We'll see how things turn out.
Thank you all for your kind advice.
We'll see how things turn out.
Thank you all for your kind advice.
Posted by KsamCancer
Im cancer/virgo and I cant do weed as well, everything used to be fine before for a while. But then suddenly one time something happened in my mind and I had a panic attack. I thought i was dying the entire night, im surprised im still alive today. Ever since ive been much happier going on 4+ years
Snap. Cancer/Virgo over here too. Thought yours would be aqua or something
Lol at the comments saying he needs to see a doctor / therapist. Just because you need people to sort your own problems, dosen't mean that others are not capable of doing it by themselves. As if they had the cure for anything anyways.
Posted by KoniuchaPosted by notafollower
Lol at the comments saying he needs to see a doctor / therapist. Just because you need people to sort your own problems, dosen't mean that others are not capable of doing it by themselves. As if they had the cure for anything anyways.
Sometimes seeing a therapist does help, especially if things are too hard for someone.click to expand
Yh, but these are normal life situations. Honestly, I've been through WAYYYY worse, dealt with it myself and I've grown stronger and independent.
Relaying on someone to solve your own problems isn't the best option
Posted by notafollower
Yh, but these are normal life situations. Honestly, I've been through WAYYYY worse, dealt with it myself and I've grown stronger and independent.
Relaying on someone to solve your own problems isn't the best option
I agree. There's a fine lining to it though, I will admit, you never know a person's breaking point.
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