What to do when a Cancer BF retreats
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by littlemuffin on Monday, April 22, 2013 and has 17 replies.
I'm a Virgo and he is a Cancer. We have known each other for over 22 years but did not really become close until a little over a year ago. During this time he has retreated twice. Both times about lack of time to be together. We have told each other that we love each other and made plans for trips etc. But now he is mad at my complaining about lack of contact because he has been extremely busy. I know that was stupid but I did it. He isn't responding to me at all. He won't reply to texts or emails.
My question is do I send him sweet texts, apologize or just wait?
I've got to learn how to handle this if we have any hopes of a future together.
Thanks
Leave
Leave him alone or leave the situation?
Yes. Well he was until this started.
RUN DA FUCK AWAY
Leave him alone for now...he'll come back around most likely.
I've date four cancer men. They crowded me. I was always relieved when they retreated.
haha!
haha!
Reality. Wait. And see what happens. If he's into you, he will find you. If he's not then he won't. Worse case scenario, you'll know whether he likes you or not.
Everyone here seems to be in agreement. Because he has deserted you, I would suggest that you go about your business and enjoy your life. Don't feel pressured to wait around for him to return.
When he suddenly re-emerges, don't rush right over to him. Make him work on getting you back into his life slowly.
When he suddenly re-emerges, don't rush right over to him. Make him work on getting you back into his life slowly.
This will be like the fourth time he has come back - if he does.
I guess it just hurts more this time because our relationship had seemed more long term. It also worries me because I guess I wrongly assumed he wouldn't do this if we were in a more committed relationship.
Just bugs the heck out of me too. I wish I was more patient.
I guess it just hurts more this time because our relationship had seemed more long term. It also worries me because I guess I wrongly assumed he wouldn't do this if we were in a more committed relationship.
Just bugs the heck out of me too. I wish I was more patient.
Uhmmm....for me, after the second time, his chances would be over.
Truecap- I think you might be right. I'm guessing this is why at 43 he hasn't been married.
I really do love him but can't imagine getting even more involved and this happening. I mean it would have been so much easier if he would have just said I can't stand it when you do ..... and we're done. I guess the effect is the same but geez!!!
I really hate to just drop it. I'm a Virgo and regardless, I need some final closure on this situation. Like I said in my OP, we have been attracted to each other and flirting for over 22 years. Some of that time he lived out of state and I was married but I'm just flabbergasted.
I really do love him but can't imagine getting even more involved and this happening. I mean it would have been so much easier if he would have just said I can't stand it when you do ..... and we're done. I guess the effect is the same but geez!!!
I really hate to just drop it. I'm a Virgo and regardless, I need some final closure on this situation. Like I said in my OP, we have been attracted to each other and flirting for over 22 years. Some of that time he lived out of state and I was married but I'm just flabbergasted.
Thanks for your interest and questions.
I think we know each other pretty well. We have really good talks but the differences arise because he comes from a very big family and I come from a small family. During the work week we live about 45 minutes apart and 2 - 3 times a week we either meet someplace in the middle or he comes to my house and I cook. On the weekends, he goes to his dad's house which is about 2 1/2 hours away from where I live. But I understand that commitment to his family and it is not an issue.
The problem I think arises when we can't see each other which can happen on either end, I'm a single mom who works 50 - 60 hours a week, and then he just doesn't text or call. Yes I sent a naggy(In no way mean or mad) text which he never replied to. When, two days later, I ask him why I hadn't heard from him, he said because he didn't know how to respond when I got upset about him having things to do. Well, I got mad and just told him that it wasn't the things to do but the act of making me feel like a nuisance that really makes me upset. That was 1 1/2 weeks ago. I have texted 7 more times and sent 1 email. All apologetic or missing you types of correspondence. I have heard nothing at all. So I guess I will just wait and see if he ever responds at all. He totally cut me off once before but we were just casually seeing each other at that point not in a relationship. Another time we both quit communicating and then about three months later I reached out and he responded. This time it really hurts.
I know where he was born but have no idea what time of day.
I think we know each other pretty well. We have really good talks but the differences arise because he comes from a very big family and I come from a small family. During the work week we live about 45 minutes apart and 2 - 3 times a week we either meet someplace in the middle or he comes to my house and I cook. On the weekends, he goes to his dad's house which is about 2 1/2 hours away from where I live. But I understand that commitment to his family and it is not an issue.
The problem I think arises when we can't see each other which can happen on either end, I'm a single mom who works 50 - 60 hours a week, and then he just doesn't text or call. Yes I sent a naggy(In no way mean or mad) text which he never replied to. When, two days later, I ask him why I hadn't heard from him, he said because he didn't know how to respond when I got upset about him having things to do. Well, I got mad and just told him that it wasn't the things to do but the act of making me feel like a nuisance that really makes me upset. That was 1 1/2 weeks ago. I have texted 7 more times and sent 1 email. All apologetic or missing you types of correspondence. I have heard nothing at all. So I guess I will just wait and see if he ever responds at all. He totally cut me off once before but we were just casually seeing each other at that point not in a relationship. Another time we both quit communicating and then about three months later I reached out and he responded. This time it really hurts.
I know where he was born but have no idea what time of day.
Cancer men get upset when anyone calls them all their b.s, WHEN they dish it. Sorry girl. I??m surrounded by them and they all act the same in this area. They don??t like criticism of any kind, much too sensitive for it. My dad will try to justify himself when he??s wrong, and if??_ (and this is a BIG ???IF??), if he decides to recognize that he??s wrong he will try his hardest to dig up something you did to cause him to do it. ???Justifying?? his own actions, so he can deal with being called out. Smh.
Regardless, cancer or not he??s a man. And if you don??t tap them on their hand and call them out when they are acting up, they will think it??s allowed. Which you can??t blame them for thinking this way, if you don??t tell him. My cancer whom I??m dating right now, hates to be called out. He will try baby talking me, being sweet, justifying it, until he down right becomes offensive even if he??s wrong! But you know what, I don??t care. I still let him no straight up, nigga you WRONG! Flat out. Get it together or step. And guess what, he will go into his shell, won??t speak to me or whatever. It upsets me, but I wont let him know it because I know I??m right. Besides, I always say if a man really wants you in his life, you cant scare him off, unless you??re a psycho. He will chase, and he will seek you out. Don??t fret. One thing that turns ALL men off, is a weak woman. Be strong. Stand by what you want. One thing that stands solely under a cancer, is they don??t like to be called out. AT ALL. But someone has to do it, shoot.
Regardless, cancer or not he??s a man. And if you don??t tap them on their hand and call them out when they are acting up, they will think it??s allowed. Which you can??t blame them for thinking this way, if you don??t tell him. My cancer whom I??m dating right now, hates to be called out. He will try baby talking me, being sweet, justifying it, until he down right becomes offensive even if he??s wrong! But you know what, I don??t care. I still let him no straight up, nigga you WRONG! Flat out. Get it together or step. And guess what, he will go into his shell, won??t speak to me or whatever. It upsets me, but I wont let him know it because I know I??m right. Besides, I always say if a man really wants you in his life, you cant scare him off, unless you??re a psycho. He will chase, and he will seek you out. Don??t fret. One thing that turns ALL men off, is a weak woman. Be strong. Stand by what you want. One thing that stands solely under a cancer, is they don??t like to be called out. AT ALL. But someone has to do it, shoot.
Thanks so much for the new insights.
I think regardless my main problem is that I hesitate to discuss the things that bother me and if I'm not comfortable discussing either his b.s. or the obstacles to our relationship growing, this is a no go situation.
I do think it is very sad that the world has "evolved" to a place where it is so hard to develop lasting relationships considering that in the end that is all that matters.
Thanks again for everyone's time and logic.
I think regardless my main problem is that I hesitate to discuss the things that bother me and if I'm not comfortable discussing either his b.s. or the obstacles to our relationship growing, this is a no go situation.
I do think it is very sad that the world has "evolved" to a place where it is so hard to develop lasting relationships considering that in the end that is all that matters.
Thanks again for everyone's time and logic.
As a Cancer we need our space, and time to get our thoughts together. I would say just give it time continue to live life as normal, if he's disappeared for an extended time then move on because most Cancers don't do disappearing acts of that sort.
Idk about that ^^ mines has disappeared for 2 months before (We weren't exclusive or anything) but he still dipped and came back. ALWAYS. I would agree about not sweating it, if he likes you he will be back. If not then, umm yup just hang it up. It happens.
Related Topics
where is dofacc? Just need a reminder that it would be really totally uncool and unRnap-like of me to go on a date
@ReallyNiceAriesPerson
Joined: Sep 10, 2010 · Topics: 51 · Posts: 4684
i MET AN AQUA MALE WHO HAS CAP MOON; USUALLY HE IS REAL AFFECTIONATE BUT DOES SEEM TO BE HOLDING BACK MUCH. HE SAYS THAT
@24capgal18
Joined: Aug 29, 2011 · Topics: 41 · Posts: 505
Aries Bastard Let???s get one thing straight from the get go. The Aries Bastard is the manliest of men, the beastlie
@aishid
Joined: May 07, 2012 · Topics: 26 · Posts: 110
SUN IN CANCER, MOON IN ARIES You are passionately emotional and often temperamental. It???s nearly impossible for you t
@LunarMaiden
Joined: Mar 10, 2012 · Topics: 154 · Posts: 9227
(Mind games involved with tumultuous relationships)
@evermour
Joined: Apr 11, 2013 · Topics: 14 · Posts: 82
(And if you feel like giving me your opinion, you're more than welcome) I'm a Capricorn. When I care, I care a lot. Asc
@AnnaPhototaker
Joined: Nov 11, 2012 · Topics: 68 · Posts: 181
My virgo and i have been heaps better, i dont over analyze things as much and I know when to back off and give him space
@scorpio24
Joined: Feb 14, 2013 · Topics: 87 · Posts: 531
Does anyone think their Venus sign dictates if they're gonna stray OR take the relationship serious? I'm a Scorpio Venu
@ScorpioChica
Joined: Jan 23, 2012 · Topics: 12 · Posts: 326
So... what are you wearing ?
@David13
Joined: Aug 17, 2012 · Topics: 7 · Posts: 677
It's a chart of the man that i like..he told me that he liked me but then ignores me...He made 26 in april 1st and I gav
@Gemini772
Joined: Apr 04, 2013 · Topics: 14 · Posts: 118