when they totally disappear during life's crisis..
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by gia on Thursday, July 23, 2015 and has 23 replies.
So my ex cancerian bf(now we are just good friends) is going through his life's lows right now. He is in finance major and his degree results came out exactly a week ago and he failed after his 5th attempt. It's a competitive national exam where only 35% students pass each year. The thing is,not to boast,he knows I have always been an academically bright student in school and as an undergrad being the valedictorian throughout and have had a good professional record so far. So during our relationship(we broke up 3.5 months ago),he used to express his insecurities saying things like "I at times wonder how did i end up getting such an amazing girl and what did you see in me that made you choose me.Sometimes I feel scared with the thought of what if I fail to provide you the future you deserve" . I was there when he failed the 3rd and the 4th time last year and this year in jan consecutively but I have always been very supportive and motivating.I always stood by him.He used to instead feel special and grateful having me. And after our break up he many times said "you probably dont realize this now but later in future you'd realize our break up was for good.I am a poor guy. I am not as academically smart as you and I don't know if I'd be able to match up to you financially.Also,I am not sure where I'd settle. Life is very uncertain.You deserve a better guy than me." I have always expressed my anger and disappointment each time he'd talk like that because all I care about is his success in his own terms and I love the human being he is. I have said this to him every time.
Anyway,so when I gotto know that the degree results were declared on the 17th of July,I realized he failed because he didn't mention anything. I was surprised because he didn't tell me when his results were getting declared because we would talk every single day and he doesn't hide things from me but this time he did. I wouldn't have come to know unless I read the fb posts of some of my friends who passed the exam. So when I mentioned him that I juts gotto know the results were declared,that's when he said "yeah,it's a sad state again this time". Now as a good friend and a well wisher I just told him that he shouldn't let this demotivate him and needs to look into things carefully to prepare for the exam which is held again in december.
Anyway,so when I gotto know that the degree results were declared on the 17th of July,I realized he failed because he didn't mention anything. I was surprised because he didn't tell me when his results were getting declared because we would talk every single day and he doesn't hide things from me but this time he did. I wouldn't have come to know unless I read the fb posts of some of my friends who passed the exam. So when I mentioned him that I juts gotto know the results were declared,that's when he said "yeah,it's a sad state again this time". Now as a good friend and a well wisher I just told him that he shouldn't let this demotivate him and needs to look into things carefully to prepare for the exam which is held again in december.
*CONT*
I told him that there's certainly something with his study pattern which is happening incorrectly and he can't expect a different result if he keeps repeating the same incorrect things. He just kept replying "yeah". Then few minutes later he said "i wont be available to much to talk. I want to take care of few things. Need to see what I can do next" . I told him I'm totally fine and he needs space and time so I told him he can reach me whenever he feels like talking. He replied back "It's not about whether feeling like or not. It's just that I need some alone time to reflect on everything and device a strategy.I am not running away from you or getting rid of you". I told him I understand and am happy to give him his space. However, I NEVER thought it would a week's long thing. I honestly thought he would just stew alone for couple of hours and think things through but He TOTALLY vanished. Not even the usual goodmornings. We have never had the no-talk-day even during our worst of worst hours.Not even during our break up. Dang we were even cracking jokes during the breakup to keep each other from feeling emotionally crippled. So this really surprised me a lot. He checks back on chat and fb though and there have been times when we have been online together at the same time but he won't say anything at all. After 4 days of total silence,I reluctantly messaged him "hey,dont have to talk but just wanted to check up if all okay with you". He replied back saying "hi.Sorry,have been away.Yea all okay with me. What about you?" , I said i am okay too,he read and no reply. That was it and this was 2 days ago. I wont message him of my own because I don't want to appear clingy and besides I told him I respect his needs but it's just that it kinda pricks given the fact that we never ever had the absolute disappearance act in our worst of times.Yes there have been days when we have not spoken so there would be just the usual goodmornings ,have a great day but this is a total vanish.
Do you think there's a reason for me to feel concerned? will he come back? I know its unwise to speculate but still.
Thanks and sorry about the long read xD
I told him that there's certainly something with his study pattern which is happening incorrectly and he can't expect a different result if he keeps repeating the same incorrect things. He just kept replying "yeah". Then few minutes later he said "i wont be available to much to talk. I want to take care of few things. Need to see what I can do next" . I told him I'm totally fine and he needs space and time so I told him he can reach me whenever he feels like talking. He replied back "It's not about whether feeling like or not. It's just that I need some alone time to reflect on everything and device a strategy.I am not running away from you or getting rid of you". I told him I understand and am happy to give him his space. However, I NEVER thought it would a week's long thing. I honestly thought he would just stew alone for couple of hours and think things through but He TOTALLY vanished. Not even the usual goodmornings. We have never had the no-talk-day even during our worst of worst hours.Not even during our break up. Dang we were even cracking jokes during the breakup to keep each other from feeling emotionally crippled. So this really surprised me a lot. He checks back on chat and fb though and there have been times when we have been online together at the same time but he won't say anything at all. After 4 days of total silence,I reluctantly messaged him "hey,dont have to talk but just wanted to check up if all okay with you". He replied back saying "hi.Sorry,have been away.Yea all okay with me. What about you?" , I said i am okay too,he read and no reply. That was it and this was 2 days ago. I wont message him of my own because I don't want to appear clingy and besides I told him I respect his needs but it's just that it kinda pricks given the fact that we never ever had the absolute disappearance act in our worst of times.Yes there have been days when we have not spoken so there would be just the usual goodmornings ,have a great day but this is a total vanish.
Do you think there's a reason for me to feel concerned? will he come back? I know its unwise to speculate but still.
Thanks and sorry about the long read xD
He will 100% come back.
haha..I am a pisces so trust me, I can imagine the depths if emotional despair 
And it's very true that we are no longer in an emotional relationship right now. We had an intense emotional attachment prior to our breakup.However,we started having frequent fights and that was damaging our current relation of whatever we have (we are friends but not just friends either) so we decided to not talk about things which could provoke a fight/argument and since then he has built up an emotional wall between the two of us and the quality and frequency of our talks had greatly come down even prior to our exam results. He even stopped calling me and its been more than weeks (although now he needs space so its different anyway). It was his birthday on the 13th and I called him at midnight to wish him first and I sent him a surprise gift which he loved and thankful for BUT I could literally sense how badly he was trying to suppress his feelings,emotions and affection for me by being kinda formal.
Also,I must mention that he doesnt have a job right now so I am more than sure he's mentally occupied working out on hunting for a job and I know it won't be too easy to get one without the degree he's working for.
And it's very true that we are no longer in an emotional relationship right now. We had an intense emotional attachment prior to our breakup.However,we started having frequent fights and that was damaging our current relation of whatever we have (we are friends but not just friends either) so we decided to not talk about things which could provoke a fight/argument and since then he has built up an emotional wall between the two of us and the quality and frequency of our talks had greatly come down even prior to our exam results. He even stopped calling me and its been more than weeks (although now he needs space so its different anyway). It was his birthday on the 13th and I called him at midnight to wish him first and I sent him a surprise gift which he loved and thankful for BUT I could literally sense how badly he was trying to suppress his feelings,emotions and affection for me by being kinda formal.
Also,I must mention that he doesnt have a job right now so I am more than sure he's mentally occupied working out on hunting for a job and I know it won't be too easy to get one without the degree he's working for.
*depths of emotional despair. Damnn!! Wish they had the edit post facility because typos are bad -.-
~~~Hello so an update ~~~
So it's been 3 weeks in total now since he vanished. It was friendship day here a week ago ago(not sure if it is celebrated globally). I woke up to a surprise - it was his message. He sent me a goodmorning,wished me happy friendship day,thanked me for being a wonderful friend throughout and jokingly teased about how my "too nice" behavior gets him annoyed many a times. He also said "whether i talk to you or not,always know that i remember you. I will always remember you,come what may"
i replied him back,
wished him and said that even i have missed him but i hold myself back from reaching out to him because i respect his needs.
then later at night,he replied saying "i appreciate that" and asked what am i upto.
I told him that i reunited with some of my old schoolmates and am chatting with them.I asked if i had done something unintentionally that disappointed or hurt him.He said I didn't.
Our conversation then got dull and ended abruptly without any goodbyes
Then 3 days ago i came across a joke based on something he loves a lot so i sent it to him.He commented on it and laughed. We then had a little chat. I casually told him "did you ever think we'd be able to remain away from each other like this for so long?"
he said "there were many things i didnt think of but they just happen(most likely hinted me for the breakup - i broke his trust).There's always a first time i guess".He told me about this stupid dream he had couple of nights ago where he dreamed that i shot him dead on his forehead. I got pissed and he said i shouldnt overthink this much as it was just an irrational dream. Then he asked me to turn on the tv and switch to a news channel.He said a news reporter looks just like me.I missed out on that so he sent me the link to her twitter account.I never belittle people or have been disrespectful but i felt offended,to be honest. I know i am not some gorgeous looking person but i know i definitely look better than her. I am not as fat or grumpy looking.I expressed it and he just laughed about it.Then I sent him another joke that night,he laughed and commented and that was it.
It just feels so weird you know.Very empty. There have been times when we were online together at the same time yet he didn't buzz me to check up on me. I am now paranoid if he'll come back and if we'd still have the same bond. The more the number of days,the more worried i am feeling.
So it's been 3 weeks in total now since he vanished. It was friendship day here a week ago ago(not sure if it is celebrated globally). I woke up to a surprise - it was his message. He sent me a goodmorning,wished me happy friendship day,thanked me for being a wonderful friend throughout and jokingly teased about how my "too nice" behavior gets him annoyed many a times. He also said "whether i talk to you or not,always know that i remember you. I will always remember you,come what may"
i replied him back,
wished him and said that even i have missed him but i hold myself back from reaching out to him because i respect his needs.
then later at night,he replied saying "i appreciate that" and asked what am i upto.
I told him that i reunited with some of my old schoolmates and am chatting with them.I asked if i had done something unintentionally that disappointed or hurt him.He said I didn't.
Our conversation then got dull and ended abruptly without any goodbyes
Then 3 days ago i came across a joke based on something he loves a lot so i sent it to him.He commented on it and laughed. We then had a little chat. I casually told him "did you ever think we'd be able to remain away from each other like this for so long?"
he said "there were many things i didnt think of but they just happen(most likely hinted me for the breakup - i broke his trust).There's always a first time i guess".He told me about this stupid dream he had couple of nights ago where he dreamed that i shot him dead on his forehead. I got pissed and he said i shouldnt overthink this much as it was just an irrational dream. Then he asked me to turn on the tv and switch to a news channel.He said a news reporter looks just like me.I missed out on that so he sent me the link to her twitter account.I never belittle people or have been disrespectful but i felt offended,to be honest. I know i am not some gorgeous looking person but i know i definitely look better than her. I am not as fat or grumpy looking.I expressed it and he just laughed about it.Then I sent him another joke that night,he laughed and commented and that was it.
It just feels so weird you know.Very empty. There have been times when we were online together at the same time yet he didn't buzz me to check up on me. I am now paranoid if he'll come back and if we'd still have the same bond. The more the number of days,the more worried i am feeling.
Posted by libraqueen
1. I know you guys dated, but once it's over, don't expect a relationship. I'm talking about emotionally. He may still love you but he just doesn't feel "responsible" for you anymore. He doesn't feel the need to message you good morning, or talk to you for hours anymore. It may hurt but once you realize no communication doesn't mean he doesn't care anymore it won't mean much to you. This is a very Cancer thing btw.
I feel this is also my case sometimes and I'm still struggling a bit to accept that since it gives me a sense of us drifting apart from one another. THere was a short pause from our relationship but we reconciled and everything is fine now. The thing that changed is exactly this, the number of texting/talking has dropped significantly. I know he loves me as he still tells me from time to time this but I don't seem to get my head around this and not mind it.
Not to mention he is extremely occupied with work all the time (this I don't mind, i understand how important is for him).
gia, in your first post I read he is your ex. but became good friends. So what is that you are expecting? I don't get it really.
The funny thing is that Women are assuming. Ask. if it just a friend. then let it be .If it is lover - demand time. Time is very important - communication involve.
3 weeks as a lover? I consider it as *no* and I have to move on. My cancer man vanished for 6 days - 6 days I sent him a break up message. sort of kind but sure it broke him down... He said I don't have to try to hurt him in my message. I was really shocked.. I lost the power of wisdom asking myself to where I hurt him in my message - lol. It's the act of leaving regardless the kindness of message. lol
M143 - i know what i want - a reconciliation,but i am in no hurry because i understand a person has to be in the correct state of mind which is surely not the case with him as of now.The breakup was because of me (i betrayed his trust,horribly) and it has hurt him really bad and i think he's still hurting even though it's been 4 months since we brokeup.That combined with his repeated failure and joblessness,is definitely emotionally and mentally wrecking. He had the complete option to breakup and leave me out but he didnt because he said he values me and the relationship we had. He said he wants us to remain good friends now and let things happen naturally over the course of time. And at the same time he repeatedly begged me to not keep any positive hopes as those feelings may never return back again. He says i am still the nicest girl he has ever met in life and i am sure he knows i still love him.Let's see how and if things unfold someday.
@libraqueen - thanks a lot for your input. That did kinda enlighten me of his actions. I have been taking care of myself. There's a wedding to attend this friday and he is invited too. I just gotto know from the bride that he wont be attending the wedding because he's not in the mood. I plan to groom myself well so he at least gets to see the best of me through tagged fb pics from the wedding lol.
But it's all so weird and contradictory. They say they remember you as you rightly said "He may still love you but he just doesn't feel "responsible" for you anymore". How is this love then,really? Even he messaged me last week saying that he remembers me despite of us not talking now. I dont understand this dramatic thingy. You remember the person ,then why can't you just say a "hey" at least when you see them online the same time as you?
@libraqueen - thanks a lot for your input. That did kinda enlighten me of his actions. I have been taking care of myself. There's a wedding to attend this friday and he is invited too. I just gotto know from the bride that he wont be attending the wedding because he's not in the mood. I plan to groom myself well so he at least gets to see the best of me through tagged fb pics from the wedding lol.
But it's all so weird and contradictory. They say they remember you as you rightly said "He may still love you but he just doesn't feel "responsible" for you anymore". How is this love then,really? Even he messaged me last week saying that he remembers me despite of us not talking now. I dont understand this dramatic thingy. You remember the person ,then why can't you just say a "hey" at least when you see them online the same time as you?
gia, this dude cancer I am dating... he had ex kept begging for forgiveness. She cheated. He loves her and give everything.
But He kept on telling me no turning back and I should help him. At first I get rid of him because I can sense he is not ready yet.
He is very depressed and now he had trust issues with women and even the crew of coffee shop who took a photo of me and my friends he said he is jealous... because player are good in communicating. I struggled with him. But I kept re assuring him that he is alone and I wait for him when he is ready and I will not ruin his trust because of my temporary stupidity.
In your story... he said do not keep any positive hopes as those feelings may never return back again - this is a redflag for me.
Fine if you are the nicest girl he ever met but not his future to be with.
I am not into your ex shoes.. but In my opinion. Maybe you're still hoping because you realized he is the good catch.
well, this is life. We learn a lesson everyday.
There's this thing
Although i am trying my best to move on without him,doing my own thing but at times i feel what if I message him (only when we both are online at the same time) "Hey,i know you said you aren't running away but since its been almost a month now, is it that you are shutting me out of your life completely? Just got a feeling and thought I deserve to know "
Is it wise to message him that? or should i just not ?
Although i am trying my best to move on without him,doing my own thing but at times i feel what if I message him (only when we both are online at the same time) "Hey,i know you said you aren't running away but since its been almost a month now, is it that you are shutting me out of your life completely? Just got a feeling and thought I deserve to know
" Is it wise to message him that? or should i just not ?
damnnn!! It's late night past 1 am right now and I am the only person he used to chat with through this entire 1.5 yrs even after we brokeup 4 months ago.
We are online right now since the past 20 min and he has not said even a word. It's just so disturbing me emotionally and mentally. At times my majority self feels he will be back given the strong bond and connection we share but now my insecure paranoid side is eating me up with thoughts like what if he found someone else to replace me and/or what if this prolonged break is making him feel that he's better off without me.
Oh this is so breaking me bad right now. x_x
or am i just overthinking too much? :
and yes,the message post that i posted above xxx
We are online right now since the past 20 min and he has not said even a word. It's just so disturbing me emotionally and mentally. At times my majority self feels he will be back given the strong bond and connection we share but now my insecure paranoid side is eating me up with thoughts like what if he found someone else to replace me and/or what if this prolonged break is making him feel that he's better off without me.
Oh this is so breaking me bad right now. x_x
or am i just overthinking too much? :
and yes,the message post that i posted above xxx
~~again another update~~
THIS GUY IS GETTING WEIRDER TO ME
So surprisingly he messaged me today (the last we spoke was a week ago amidst his vanish act since 17th July)
He just messaged asking "so what else?"
i thought its a weird conversation starter to message someone after a week so i just messaged him a simple hey asking how has he been
he said good and asked me back,i said i have been good too and then I asked what is he upto
i said i was around a famous area in the city this past saturday
He said he was there too. I asked him exactly where,he said "it's history.saturday is gone"
I was like "whoaa,okay thats weird" (didnt tell him that.Just mentally to myself). I mean,i just asked where was he exactly in the area and he behaved like he just didnt want to give out that info. It was damn damn damn absurd. So i just said "okay.If you dont wanna say it then its fine too" and he was like (y) *the thumpsup sign*
I didnt reply anymore (really,what was there more to reply or how could i have continued a conversation with a sulky crab who just doesnt know how to talk ?)
he kept checking if i am messaging or not.Minutes later he again messaged asking "so ssup?" I said i was doing some reading and listening to music and asked what was he upto.He said he was doing something. I didnt ask him what because it may have been personal else he would have told me what the "something" was. Then i sent him a joke i found online just to lighten up his mood and the environment. He just replied "haha" and that was it.
It was SO freaking weird. He vanishes,and then a message out of the blue and then behaves like he's actually not in the mood to talk. I mean WTH !!!
Then why even message in the first place if you aren't in the mood to talk? I have been dying for us to talk again but not like this. I was sweet to him with my responses but he was behaving like an aggressive cold moody person. WHAT IS WITH THE GUY ..OHHHHH
THIS GUY IS GETTING WEIRDER TO ME
So surprisingly he messaged me today (the last we spoke was a week ago amidst his vanish act since 17th July)
He just messaged asking "so what else?"
i thought its a weird conversation starter to message someone after a week so i just messaged him a simple hey asking how has he been
he said good and asked me back,i said i have been good too and then I asked what is he upto
i said i was around a famous area in the city this past saturday
He said he was there too. I asked him exactly where,he said "it's history.saturday is gone"
I was like "whoaa,okay thats weird" (didnt tell him that.Just mentally to myself). I mean,i just asked where was he exactly in the area and he behaved like he just didnt want to give out that info. It was damn damn damn absurd. So i just said "okay.If you dont wanna say it then its fine too
" and he was like (y) *the thumpsup sign* I didnt reply anymore (really,what was there more to reply or how could i have continued a conversation with a sulky crab who just doesnt know how to talk ?)
he kept checking if i am messaging or not.Minutes later he again messaged asking "so ssup?" I said i was doing some reading and listening to music and asked what was he upto.He said he was doing something. I didnt ask him what because it may have been personal else he would have told me what the "something" was. Then i sent him a joke i found online just to lighten up his mood and the environment. He just replied "haha" and that was it.
It was SO freaking weird. He vanishes,and then a message out of the blue and then behaves like he's actually not in the mood to talk. I mean WTH !!!
Then why even message in the first place if you aren't in the mood to talk? I have been dying for us to talk again but not like this. I was sweet to him with my responses but he was behaving like an aggressive cold moody person. WHAT IS WITH THE GUY ..OHHHHH
oh he messaged again and I think I now figured out the reason behind his grumpy behavior .We both have always been long distant.We live kinda far off (7hrs drive)
The area i visited on saturday is nearby for him (1.5hrs drive) and we used to always plan to meet whenever any possibility arises.
I had updated my status update on fb saying that i was shopping there. My friends were commenting so on one of my comments i wrote that a guy friend was visiting me from XYZ (the place where my guy friend and my ex live) and how he (my guy friend) decided to tour me the city.
My ex read that (i came to know from the tone of his talk).
So he again messaged an hr ago asking where am I. I said i am back home. I then told him that i did plan to message him on saturday when i visited the area but i held myself back because i wasn't expecting he would come meet me.He then replied "you have this horrible habit of assuming and concluding yourself.But its fine,your choice. I hold no grudges." I giggled when i read the last line because he is oh so holding grudges.Also,it kinda made it clear as to why he was behaving in a grumpy manner. I then told him "i didnt message you because we werent talking.Moreover, you asked for space.I have only been respecting that. I didnt want you to feel pressured or anything.Hence i didnt msg to let you know i came and then ask you to meet me."
He just replied "hmm" and thats it.
It's so funny with this guy. He vanishes. We are 'just friends' now .He asks for alone-time yet he gets angry when i dont message him when i am in his town.
Lalalalalala
The area i visited on saturday is nearby for him (1.5hrs drive) and we used to always plan to meet whenever any possibility arises.
I had updated my status update on fb saying that i was shopping there. My friends were commenting so on one of my comments i wrote that a guy friend was visiting me from XYZ (the place where my guy friend and my ex live) and how he (my guy friend) decided to tour me the city.
My ex read that (i came to know from the tone of his talk).
So he again messaged an hr ago asking where am I. I said i am back home. I then told him that i did plan to message him on saturday when i visited the area but i held myself back because i wasn't expecting he would come meet me.He then replied "you have this horrible habit of assuming and concluding yourself.But its fine,your choice. I hold no grudges." I giggled when i read the last line because he is oh so holding grudges.Also,it kinda made it clear as to why he was behaving in a grumpy manner. I then told him "i didnt message you because we werent talking.Moreover, you asked for space.I have only been respecting that. I didnt want you to feel pressured or anything.Hence i didnt msg to let you know i came and then ask you to meet me."
He just replied "hmm" and thats it.
It's so funny with this guy. He vanishes. We are 'just friends' now .He asks for alone-time yet he gets angry when i dont message him when i am in his town.
Lalalalalala
Hahaha that weird keeping in touch thing whilst never holding a proper conversation and the jealousy at not meeting them when you're around their area happened to me the exact same way with "my" cancer sun/moon guy. I'd keep trying to talk to him only to have one worded answers. And he always gets annoyed when I mention a guy friend. We've become long distance this year and it's so hard to connect with him but when he's in the mood he gets upset that I'm not wrapped around his finger anymore.
I haven't found the fix for it yet but the only way I could deal without over thinking and unnecessarily hurting was to just remove myself from this entire situation since communication was becoming non-existent.
It's funny that Cancers say that we shouldn't assume shit but when we go by their word we're the ones assuming things apparently.
I haven't found the fix for it yet but the only way I could deal without over thinking and unnecessarily hurting was to just remove myself from this entire situation since communication was becoming non-existent.
It's funny that Cancers say that we shouldn't assume shit but when we go by their word we're the ones assuming things apparently.
Also when I mentioned that I didn't contact him because I thought he was busy it was my fault for not planning the meeting weeks ahead but the last time I actually planned something for my birthday he completely bailed...
Friendship with him didn't use to be as hard, lol. But yes, I'd like to know what is happening on the other side.
Friendship with him didn't use to be as hard, lol. But yes, I'd like to know what is happening on the other side.
Hello all again
So the lesson I have learnt is that the lesser you expect and hope,the better you feel when something happens.He messaged me on Saturday checking up on me. I casually asked "are we ever going to talk again like before or this is how its forever going to be?". He got annoyed and cold and said "This question doesnt make sense.Can we not get in all this?". I replied him 12 hrs later saying "okay,fine. No force". Since that day (from this monday onward),he has been messaging me every alternate day. He was checking up on me once in every week but now it has been every alternate day so I guess it's progressing.
Our talk isnt as good as it used to be but i guess he's slowly coming around although he doesnt seem too enthusiastic with his responses even though he's the one who initiates the talks (and this gets me fumed although i never lambaste him).He also said "I have never stopped anyone from talking to me first.You dont have to wait for my hi.You can message me of your own too". Today he told me he got a job in a good company and he'd be working from monday. I congratulated him. Now we are talking in bits and pieces.
I want to know how can I open him up to me,emotionally. He seems closed off. I can clearly sense this hugeee emotional wall between us. I would have talked about this to him but he seems to get annoyed with talks which stir up emotions and feelings. What can I do to have us emotionally connect again?
So the lesson I have learnt is that the lesser you expect and hope,the better you feel when something happens.He messaged me on Saturday checking up on me. I casually asked "are we ever going to talk again like before or this is how its forever going to be?". He got annoyed and cold and said "This question doesnt make sense.Can we not get in all this?". I replied him 12 hrs later saying "okay,fine. No force". Since that day (from this monday onward),he has been messaging me every alternate day. He was checking up on me once in every week but now it has been every alternate day so I guess it's progressing.
Our talk isnt as good as it used to be but i guess he's slowly coming around although he doesnt seem too enthusiastic with his responses even though he's the one who initiates the talks (and this gets me fumed although i never lambaste him).He also said "I have never stopped anyone from talking to me first.You dont have to wait for my hi.You can message me of your own too". Today he told me he got a job in a good company and he'd be working from monday. I congratulated him. Now we are talking in bits and pieces.
I want to know how can I open him up to me,emotionally. He seems closed off. I can clearly sense this hugeee emotional wall between us. I would have talked about this to him but he seems to get annoyed with talks which stir up emotions and feelings. What can I do to have us emotionally connect again?
and now he indirectly ended up saying that he has been doing things he used to do before he met me.
so ladies be prepared.. I know cancer men are emotional however the only woman can do with that disappearing act is to do the same thing.
drop a message one time a day. If 2 days he didn't reply. Well, three days is over.. let him know it's over. If he respond and fight. good. If not, then leave with heavy heart and try to get back the life you had alone. It is better be alone than having someone else feeling you lonely.
drop a message one time a day. If 2 days he didn't reply. Well, three days is over.. let him know it's over. If he respond and fight. good. If not, then leave with heavy heart and try to get back the life you had alone. It is better be alone than having someone else feeling you lonely.
thank you all for your response.
It's really weird you know. His work started yesterday and I was hopeful that things would now slowly get better.He messaged me good morning at 5:30 AM while he was getting ready for work. He messaged me once he got out of work too. Just how he used to before. He told me his older sister got a baby girl and i congratulated everyone. I thought he'd be in a very good mood and he did sound so initially. Then later after 4-5 more messages i realized he was being pricky again. Showing no interest to talk. Then an hour later i asked what was he upto,he just said he's tired and going to sleep and wished me goodnight. I wished him too. No good morning from him today even though it showed him online 3 hrs ago.
It's as if there's this devil inside him keeping him so distant. It feels everything is close to normal when we talk properly and then the devil appears and tells him "You are getting close to her again.Move back" and he distances once again. This is how its starting to appear.
Last night I was remembering the times we spent together and how surreal and serene our relationship was. How different he was from the guy I know now. I cried like a fool again last night. Even months after our breakup he was all good. Daily good mornings and goodnights and constant talks in between,phone calls lasting for more than an hour. He didnt tell anyone about our breakup and if his friends asked "how is your soulmate doing?", he would say "she's great". He would tell me about it. But we would have cold arguments at times whenever i asked him questions related to us or what he feels about me. He got physically intimate twice in june. I asked him in agitation if he considers us to be friends with benefits now because that's totally unacceptable to me. He flipped out and said "This is not at all the case.Couples who shared intense intimacy before can rediscover the same. We still have feelings and emotions. It just means that the bond and affection is still not tarnished.If you feel this was wrong,then i apologize and assure it would never happen again." I told him I dont regret it but its just the fact that there are no more "I love you" during our intimacies. I told him that i still love him and he said "I'd be lying if i say i dont feel anything for you.I still have something special for you,even now."
It's really weird you know. His work started yesterday and I was hopeful that things would now slowly get better.He messaged me good morning at 5:30 AM while he was getting ready for work. He messaged me once he got out of work too. Just how he used to before. He told me his older sister got a baby girl and i congratulated everyone. I thought he'd be in a very good mood and he did sound so initially. Then later after 4-5 more messages i realized he was being pricky again. Showing no interest to talk. Then an hour later i asked what was he upto,he just said he's tired and going to sleep and wished me goodnight. I wished him too. No good morning from him today even though it showed him online 3 hrs ago.
It's as if there's this devil inside him keeping him so distant. It feels everything is close to normal when we talk properly and then the devil appears and tells him "You are getting close to her again.Move back" and he distances once again. This is how its starting to appear.
Last night I was remembering the times we spent together and how surreal and serene our relationship was. How different he was from the guy I know now. I cried like a fool again last night. Even months after our breakup he was all good. Daily good mornings and goodnights and constant talks in between,phone calls lasting for more than an hour. He didnt tell anyone about our breakup and if his friends asked "how is your soulmate doing?", he would say "she's great". He would tell me about it. But we would have cold arguments at times whenever i asked him questions related to us or what he feels about me. He got physically intimate twice in june. I asked him in agitation if he considers us to be friends with benefits now because that's totally unacceptable to me. He flipped out and said "This is not at all the case.Couples who shared intense intimacy before can rediscover the same. We still have feelings and emotions. It just means that the bond and affection is still not tarnished.If you feel this was wrong,then i apologize and assure it would never happen again." I told him I dont regret it but its just the fact that there are no more "I love you" during our intimacies. I told him that i still love him and he said "I'd be lying if i say i dont feel anything for you.I still have something special for you,even now."
We had a cold fight a week later on june end when i casually asked him if he likes me (not even love),he said "I honestly dont know." I confronted him that just a week ago he said he still has feelings for me and now he doesnt even know if he likes me? He got angry and said "Feeling something doesnt mean the intention to get into a relationship. I told you before as well. I dont understand why is the same topic brought out everyday.You don't go in a relationship with everyone whom you feel good about". I told him few things too. Next morning we realized these frequent fights are damaging the current relation we have so we decided to not talk about things which stir emotions and feelings. Since then he built this hugee emotional wall between us.Stopped the phone calls.Quality and quantity of talks went down. We would still talk everyday though. And when I called him once in mid june asking why is he being distant and why dont we spend as much time together anymore,he said "We have been very clingy. Throughout our relationship we were 24*7 hooked. From telling each other what we are eating,when i am taking a shower,what i am reading,where am i going,what am i buying,what am i watching..every single thing. We were literally glued. It was bit too much. Now I am focusing on only myself. Doing productive things. I spend my time with news,markets and at night (when we talk the most) i watch free online lectures of some course.I do keep talking to you throughout the day though. It's just that its no more as much as it used to be until 2 weeks ago". And just the next week his exam results came out to make things worse with him vanishing.
I dont know if he's a hypocrite. When we fought,he'd say "Given my current state of mind,I dont see "we" being a possibility".
And otherwise he would say "Lets remain friends and continue our life. We became "us" out of no where so that's how it has to be if it happens again.Let things unfold naturally without any force. I told you I dont mind a second chance. I wont persuade myself to feel aything nor dissuade myself from feeling anything for you. I wont hold myself back,I wont push myself forward. Let it happen naturally with time and see if we can feel the same again". But the way he is now, it's just so contradictory.
I dont know if he's a hypocrite. When we fought,he'd say "Given my current state of mind,I dont see "we" being a possibility".
And otherwise he would say "Lets remain friends and continue our life. We became "us" out of no where so that's how it has to be if it happens again.Let things unfold naturally without any force. I told you I dont mind a second chance. I wont persuade myself to feel aything nor dissuade myself from feeling anything for you. I wont hold myself back,I wont push myself forward. Let it happen naturally with time and see if we can feel the same again". But the way he is now, it's just so contradictory.
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