While we both try to be single...

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by VirgowithalittleLibra on Thursday, February 22, 2007 and has 9 replies.
Well,
I'm new in this side of the forum, I think the only person that may know me here is moonchild, if she is around.
I'm a virgo guy who just ended a relationship w an aqua and before that with a libra girl...yet before both of them i had two relationships with cancer girls...that is pretty much all the relationships i had that were serious. Each one of a little over a year, but the last one of close to 2.
Anyhow, I decided that for the sake of my heart I needed to be single for a while...and I want that very much. I'm done with going from one relationship to another without healing and stopping to process things out...
It's awesome to be single right now, I miss the company yes, but I'm applying all this time to re-connect with God and find more things about myself...lots of reading and activties that are good for my soul.
ANYHOW, well, I met this one girl, who is a friend of mine...who used to date a friend of mine. They broke up over a month ago...about the same time me and my aqua did.
The reason why she and I (she being a cancer) connected is because we are both seeking to go to church again...and just wanted to be single for a while and since most of our common friends are either in relationships or getting married...well, we found each other at very similar spots in our lives...so it's cool because we both want to be single too and focus in other stuff.
So, phew, well, I have no problem with the friendship, because I really see her for the awesome person she is and don't have any other eyes that go beyond that, not because she isn't attractive (because she so is) but because I am and SHE is, wanting to be totally single right now.
The problem is...last night we hang out for the first time alone at her place for more than few minutes and it turned into hours of an awesome conversation...and I left early since I didn't wanna bother, but two things happened that make me come here to question something:
1 - She told me a guy had asked her out tonight and wanted to know what I thought, and when I said "maybe it is a bit too soon for you", she said "I don't want to go" called the guy in front of me and cancelled things out...and today she e-mailed me to see if we could hang out this weekend again...
2 - When I hugged her last night, I felt this weird ackward feeling in my stomach...maybe becaus I didn't eat too much, I don't know, but whenver we connected last night...the hug felt so warmth.
Continued...
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The question is...
Should I worry about the kind of behavior we are both displaying...or just chill and see where things go?
Since I dated an aqua in the past for so long, I am able to be friends with girls and have this platonic friendships...because I understand it is okay to do that..and for many other people this means nothing...and I dated cancer girls in the past, but never started as friends...so I don't know how you guys are...I'm assuming you aren't like the aqua girls I know...or libras...
I just want to make sure I don't hurt this awesome honest and pure friendship we are both building by being ignorant of her expectations...nor do I want to like her like that.
I don't know what is the best way to go with this.
She wanted to be single before she and I hung out, so is not like she is making that up, and I genuinely want to be single as well...we are just good for each other right now because we have similar goals about things we want at this point in our lives, and have very little friends who are where we are...we are trying to meet people, but of course it takes time...
Maybe I'm thinking about this way to much...yeah we virgos can analyze things a bit like that smile sorry!
VLL
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I guess aquas can be so good at this opposite-sex friendships...my ex could...and for me...I've either hung out with girl exclusively in friendly basis (which meand just ocasionally) and/or dated girls that became my girlfriends and of course spent a lot of time with them...
So this platonic friendship thing with a cancer who I bonded, I don't know how to take it, deal with, or think about that.
I just don't to mess things up.
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you know what...i just think i'm scared to like someone again...that's it, but i may be right in not doing that because is way too soon.
luckily i have the feeling that my friendship with this cancer girl will be ok.
just needed a place to vent i guess.
vll
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vll...i think it is way too soon for you to get involved. and you keep saying that you like being single, and that you want to be single...but, i do not think that is the case. i think that you are longing for a companion in a bad way!!! and that's fine...but don't jump for the first oppurtunity that presents itself.
i think you should get to know this cancer girl for a while on a friend level...
as a cancer, i prefer to be friends with someone for a little while first. in fact my aqua is the first guy that i wasn't friends with first...and well, all my exes are my exes...so, maybe being friends first doesn't work for me...anyway, i don't know.
i think you need to be single for a while and get to know youself better and find out what it is you really want out of life right now...you are young still...have fun!!!
and, you need to stop trying so hard to get a girl...it seems that every girl you come across is another prospect for you...
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vanessa and moonchild,
dang it, you guys are right!
first of all, i'm single and that is way awesome in many ways.
i think the companionship part with a girl can be replaced with the friendship i can have with many people now.
i know this is hard to explain but the reason why i value my friendship with this cancer girl so much is...because i'm living the type of life i used to have behind...the bar/club scene...partying hard...and so is she.
we both are trying to fix our eyes in God right now...and so...is hard to hang out with my old friends as much lately...they are all still into the same old things i'm trying to leave behind.
when i met the x-aqua, moonchild, i met her in a club and pretty much while we were both pretty tipsy...and something grew out of that and became a relationship...but in all honesty that wasn't me to begin with...that's why, although i may have loved her, she and i had a blast together but were so different when it came to values and things like that. she dislikes church...i grew up in it and value it so much...i drifted apart from it at that point in my life when i met her.
i felt like i compromised a bit to make our relationship work at the time...that's why when she and i broke things off was so hard, because i felt like i placed to much hope in our relationship that second time around...thinking...it will be all worthwhile, but now all i have with me are memories...and many new lessons.
this cancer girl is also stepping out of a relationship that was fun but yet not as edifying either...so she heard i was trying to get back to church stuff she called and we've going to places like that ever since...as friends...
so, since all my friends want to get drunk and go out still, and i don't want that anymore so much...i feel like i need to make new friends...and she was my first and only one (cancer girl) so maybe that's why i felt the connection.
BUT so true ladies...i need to stop worrying about that and just let our friendship be...what it has been...and set the boundaries that will be good for us to keep on growing.
last night she sent me a note, saying how greatful she was to have me in her life and how we would both seek for God's will from here on no matter what that may be...and i reponded her with a text saying..."may we do what his will and not ours"...to which she said "that's right!" lol...so we are still in a good track smile
hppe this explains a bit better.
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oh and moonchild...i never befriended girls i dated in the past first either...so that's why now i'm learning to do that in a good and pure way.
is hard! but i think it is feasible as long as both people want that and only that.
how are things with the aqua boy?
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actually, things have been really good between my aqua and i lately!!! we are both really happy with where we are at in the relationship, and it shows...
we don't even argue anymore, which is good but kind of weird b/c for a while we argued a lot and now it has been 3 months with no arguements at all!!! it is really nice.
i feel like we have finally gotten to a point where everything is good with our relationship. maybe b/c we are both really growing up at this point in our lives.
we went through a lot of ups and downs and it is so nice to finally be at a stand still where everything is smooth sailing!
he will be moving in May for work though...and it could up to 1 year...he is not sure how long yet...so, that is going to be the real test for us. it will either make us or break us, and i hope it is not the latter...
we have never been long distance for more than 2 months and we live so close to each other, that i know it is going to be a struggle for both of us. but, i am trying not to think too much about it now. i want to cherish the moments i have with him and not worry about what may happen in the future...
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moonchild,
i'm so glad to hear that things are smooth right now...that is good! smile
yeah, the distance will be hard, but you know many things can change until may...you know how aquas can be unpredictable, but is hard i know...
aquas, just so you know, seem to work well in long-distance relationships...the question will be...can you? and can you both overtime?
but you know...if both of you make an effort...and he does not go to the bad extreme aqua habits and your of your own...we both know...it will be ok.
i think distance affected my relationship with my ex aqua for sure...but add to that misstrust that came from little lies she made early not...not a good combination. trust is crucial for LDR moonchild, don't forget that, otherwise it becomes a torture...even now that my trust has been broken, i don't regret things...because i feel that i did what i could within the parameters of my integrity...and although i did failed with trusting completely at times, it was due to our different sets of values and expectations...and notions of commitment and such.
seems to me, that your aqua has been growing, and that is great, because you deserve nothing but the very best.
i haven't contacted back any of my exes for a while now...i've been hanging out with friends and my family a whole lot...and just doing different activities that have been good for me.
for sure the friendship of this cancer girl has blessed me, but cherish it as such, and i do also value other people who are coming in my life now little by little.
when i feel like i'm weak and try to think about being with someone again, which could be very easy right now, i remember what i went through and know that my heart needs some rest. so in a way, i do lose my focus sometimes, but i go right back up to where my eyes should be centered...is as if i'm applying my energy and time to new things right now...that is the only way for me.
my little libra side in venus is being tested right now, lol, but i'm making it through!
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